


Citrus and Wine

by markblckthorne



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: AND RICH BITCH VINEYARD BOY ETHAN NAKAMURA, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Estranged childhood friends, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jes made me do it, Multi, ORANGE FARMER JASON GRACE, Welcome to my started out as a joke ended up becoming deeply invested in ship/fic, fake engagement, rich kids au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 90,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24817108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markblckthorne/pseuds/markblckthorne
Summary: Last night, the new rising star on the stock market and “California’s Best” list Nakamura Vineyards founder and CEO, Kentaro Nakamura made an announcement of his company’s plans to partner with the well established Grace Farming Co. in hopes to extend their reach. What the world didn't expect to come with this multimillion deal is the apparent engagement of Nakamura Vineyards' heir, Ethan, to become quickly engaged to Thalia Grace, heiress to Grace Farming and drummer of popular indie band "The Hunters." Ethan Nakamura may have just expected it the least. Stuck in a relationship for the public opinion of his father's company he ends up growing close to Thalia's equally annoyingly entitled brother, Jason. Not that she minds considering she has her own secret with Senate intern, Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano, not that the world needs to know that. Possibly the only thing keeping Ethan sane through the chaos is his rekindled friendship with Michael Yew, a friend from before his father's vineyards blew up and his life was turned upside down. Now if only Jason could stop twisting everything up even more.
Relationships: Jason Grace/Ethan Nakamura, Michael Yew and Ethan Nakamura, Piper McLean/Leo Valdez, Thalia Grace/Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano
Comments: 24
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as Jes and I just bullying each other with the worst possible, out of character versions of our favorites and now it's kind of a full AU so enjoy it and understand this was meant to be a joke but got real way too fast. 
> 
> Shout out to [Jes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystallines/pseuds/crystallines), my bully and beta reader!

** CHAPTER ONE **

**_NAKAMURA VINEYARDS TO PARTNER WITH WIDELY KNOWN GRACE FARMING CO. FOR INTERNATIONAL DISTRIBUTION AND JOINT GROWTH PLOTS_ **

**Last night, the new rising star on the stock market and “California’s Best” list _Nakamura_ _Vineyards_ founder and CEO, Kentaro Nakamura made an announcement of his company’s plans to partner with the well established Grace Farming Co. in hopes to extend their reach. Until recently Nakamura Vineyards was a California exclusive brand many A-listers raved for and the massive property was a top vacation spot for the wealthy, but with this new deal, they hope to expand their market so even the everyday man may enjoy their wine.**

**Grace Farming Co. is best known for its organic juices grown right at their picturesque orange farm in southern California. Rumor has it the deal also involves a partnership to expand into other fermented juice products along with the promised joint farms. The deal is still waiting to be approved by the FTC, but if all goes as planned…”**

Ethan didn’t bother turning the page on the morning paper. He knew the deal in and out. After all, it was all his father had been able to talk about for _weeks_. It was what would finally take his dream from a local favorite to an empire. It only took two generations and the better part of Ethan’s life to do it, but about ten years ago the business blew up. His dad had finished restoring the massive old and dilapidated mansion on the property and begun running it as a bed-and-breakfast for the rich and famous, and next thing Ethan knew they themselves were among the rich and were vaguely famous. 

Now with this new deal, there would be no escaping the spotlight. While most of the world couldn’t care less about some seemingly new vineyard, they did know all about the Grace family and now the Nakamuras were connected to them. The perfect Old Money family from southern California with their hands in nearly every politician’s pocket and even with their founder and ex-CEO Zeus Grace in Congress.

As if that weren’t enough, their current CEO Jupiter Grace had been married to 80s movie star Beryl Maslanka and spawned two more beautiful, perfect, and rich kids in the forms of Thalia and Jason Grace. Thanks to their mom’s stardom and their dad’s wealth, they had been part of the A-list crowds since they were in their designer diapers. The connections even helped Thalia start _The Hunters,_ an indie-rock band she was the drummer for, and had Jason dating the most eligible Hollywood heiress, Piper McLean. They truly were the epitome of Trust Fund Kids™, and now Ethan was associated with them through his dad. Disgusting.

 _Just so long as I never have to interact with them after the closing dinner,_ he thought to himself while tossing the paper in the trash (no need to read about his own life after all). The closing dinner was tonight, and while his dad didn’t normally make him attend business dealings because he absolutely hated them and understood absolutely nothing about how vineyards worked, he had bribed Ethan to be there. They had gone round and round in circles for the past year, but his dad had finally caved and agreed to Ethan taking a year off before grad school. He still hadn’t decided between continuing in law or social work, so the extra time was welcomed.

The agreement was solely for optics, of course. You couldn’t look like the next generational success story if it became obvious how little your son cared about the industry. Especially when your new partners are five generations deep in fruit-themed corruption.

Still, Ethan would take it. He could use the extra time and both programs had already approved his deferral by the time his dad agreed to it so it was happening either way. But it was nice to have his support. He couldn’t remember a time that Kentaro hadn’t immediately trusted and supported Ethan. He may have disagreed with the choice and would make sure to let Ethan see his side of the story, but he never outright stopped him from doing anything. He had seemed adamant Ethan stay on track with school despite graduating with honors from USC with ease. Even with NYU and Brown both eager to have him whether it was now or a decade later a gap year seemed entirely out of the picture.

So one night of pain to make sure his dad was happy was worth it. Not that he wasn’t going to complain right up to the event.

“Ethan!” his dad’s voice echoed up the stairs, bouncing off the cold stone the house was made of. “Get down here or I will have to send Argus to buy your suit on his own!” A threat. Argus, Ethan’s personal driver (long story) had terrible taste and would buy Ethan the _worst_ suit imaginable for tonight. While his dad wanted Ethan there and presentable, he wouldn’t turn down embarrassing his son for a laugh.

“Coming!” Ethan hollered back, and made his way to the kitchen.

It was just like any other morning despite the lingering anticipation in the air. Kentaro was in the kitchen, possibly the only part of the house that wasn’t stone and sharp lines to extenuate just how modern it was, despite being on a hundred-year-old vineyard. Instead, it was rich wood cabinets and a countertop of clutter. It was warm in a way the rest of the house wasn’t. Not that Ethan didn’t love it here. Few houses had a back wall of windows looking out over a mountainside and down into a valley of wine grapes, but the kitchen reminded Ethan of the smaller house he and his father had lived in before the settlement money allowed them to expand the business to the sudden empire it was today.

In the midst of the clutter, Ethan’s father was managing to cook. Another thing that Ethan loved. Through it all, the two of them took care of themselves. No servants, no cooks, no maids, just them. Well, and Argus, but that was different. Ethan couldn’t drive on account of his eye and Kentaro was too busy to be driving him everywhere, so there was Argus.

“Is it too late to ask for an omelet?” Ethan asked, sneaking a chunk of ham from the pile his father had finished dicing.

“If you eat all the fillings, it will be.” Kentaro smacked his hand back with a laugh. “Don’t worry. I made sure to prep for the both of us. I know you’re lousy with eggs.”

Ethan rolled his one good eye. You catch a skillet on fire and have to replace a dorm mattress one time and you never hear the end of it. His dad slid the first omelet onto a plate and passed it over the counter to him. He hadn’t even fully sat down in his stool before shoveling it into his mouth.

“You better not eat like that tonight,” his dad said, threatening him with a spatula. “I’m not sure the Graces would appreciate finding out they partnered with a bunch of cavemen.”

“Cavemen would be more fun than those Sonoma Stick in the Muds,” Ethan replied, egg flying everywhere.

“Don’t be so rude. Those boring Sonoma Sticks are going to more than pay for your school.” He paused. “Though yes, Jupiter could do with a smile every once and a while.”

Ethan choked on his eggs with laughter.

“Wow, Dad, tell me how you really feel.”

“I feel like maybe you need to look at my manners PowerPoint again,” he said, cleaning the splattered food off the counter. “That reminds me, make sure you’re home before the dinner. I want to talk to you about some things.”

Ethan’s brow raised. “More PowerPoints on how to not offend the one percent?”

Oh yes, his dad had been serious about the manners one. He was quite the organized man, and whenever he hit a block when raising Ethan, he decided to put his Berkley Masters in Business to work and treat it like a pitch meeting. It was a weird habit he picked up when he first started single parenting after Ethan’s mom left when he was twelve, but it worked. It ended up becoming a bit of an inside joke. Ethan got a C- on a test? PowerPoint on why it wasn’t the end of the world. Tacos for dinner? PowerPoint. How not to ruin your dad’s entire business deal by calling the other company’s CEO a Corrupt Kumquat? PowerPoint.

“We are the one percent, Ethan.” For once he father didn’t look like he was kidding around. “Just be home on time. No detours.”

Before he could answer, the doorbell rang and the console on the wall lit up. Argus, a good looking thirty-something still with the haircut of a college-aged surfer, stood on their porch waiving into the bell camera. Ethan was late. Again.

“Sorry Dad,” Ethan grumbled through the last of his breakfast. “Got to go, don’t want an Argus Original for the suit.” He dropped his dishes into the sink on the other side of the breakfast bar and ran out the door.

*******

Ethan really _tried_ to be on time. Nay, he tried to be _early_ , but when you lived on a vineyard in the middle of nowhere small-town California, it took an hour to get anywhere that tailored suits. Yes, Ethan could have just gone to the Old Navy thirty minutes away and bought some khakis and a button-up, but his dad had asked him to wear a suit.They were practically in Los Angeles by the time he found a shop that both had one he could stand (crushed deep purple velvet with black accents so as not to clash too hard with his patch), and could get it fitted to his scrawny frame in the same day.

The suit was done and ready by three o’clock and he would have easily made it back if some idiot hadn’t decided to park sideways in the middle of the 101 and block traffic for two hours or more. By the time they even got back in town Ethan was already changing in the back of the Lincoln. Argus didn’t hassle him when he put the partition up, but the shake of his head let Ethan know it all. His dad was going to kill him.

They pulled up to the public entrance of the vineyard. Rather than the drive heading to the mountains and the Nakamurasprivate home, it wound its way through trees and wildflowers up to an old Spanish style mansion. Years ago it had actually looked as old as it was with missing tiles on the roof, holes in the floor and broken beams, but then Ethan lost sight in his left eye on a school trip. The settlement money from the district and the campsite alike more than paid for the renovations. It was those renovations that took this place from a local hottspot to the A-list vacation location of choice, so it wasn’t shocking that the closing dinner was taking place in the events hall.

The whole resort had been closed all week to prepare and it showed. Before you even set foot, the bushels of flowers from every fruit tree imaginable were enough to make your jaw drop, and the massive topiaries that had been brought in were cut into massive Ns and Gs to let you know exactly what you were headed into. Ethan himself may have even stopped and gawked at the blatant and annoying display of wealth if the festivities hadn’t started a half-hour ago. He was certain there would be a lecture on timeliness in the future.

But right now he just needed to get inside unnoticed. He had Argus drive him around back so he could sneak through the kitchens. He knew the main entrance was designed to allow the most full of themself people to be front and center when walking in and that was the last thing he wanted.

As he made his way through the maze of stoves and busboys he snatched himself a couple of hors d'oeuvres,since the last thing he ate was a burger before his fitting and made his way into the belly of the beast. Unfortunately, he didn’t sneak in nearly as well as he wanted.

“Ethan!” He was knocked back and lost about half his snacks when Silena collided with him on his blind side. “Where the hell have you been? Your dad won’t stop asking Charlie and me where you had gotten off to and will not believe that we have absolutely no clue!”

“Hello to you too then,” he said, brushing whatever weird-smelling spread the crackers had off his sleeve. Five seconds in and he was lucky if the suit wasn’t ruined.

“That isn’t an answer!” she said.

“Hey Ethan,” Charlie said over the top of her head.

“Wow,” Ethan teased. “I’m glad you’re at least dating someone with manners.”

Silena Beauregard and Charles Beckendorf (Charlie to Silena and Ethan _only_ ) were Ethan’s best and possibly only friends. They had met freshman year at USC and despite being glaringly different, they’d just clicked.

Silena’s mom was some couples counselor to the stars and her dad a pastry chef, so she wasn’t freaked out too much by Ethan’s begrudgingly opulent life. Silena was studying psychiatry, though was less interested in the couples therapy side of things and more on the effect those couples have on their kids. Ethan had expected to hate her, but she was surprisingly down to earth for a “love guru’s” daughter that could make just about anyone short circuit with a smile.

Charlie was some engineer’s kid who was there for astrophysics. He was wickedly smart and also happened to be the only black member of the crew team. Meaning he wasn’t just a dead handsome man, but could probably bench press a house on top of finding a way to build a machine that defined the meaning of life. When Ethan found out he was his freshman roommate he expected it to be the worst arrangement in the world, but it was possibly the only reason he passed calculus and definitely the only reason he ever spoke to anyone.

Ethan loved them like family, and Kentaro had practically adopted them despite their perfectly functional and living families in LA and Raleigh, respectively. Which is why he was fine with them at this party despite having no actual business role. They were family and the vineyard was a family business.

“I had to go a little further to get a suit than intended,” Ethan explained. “Besides, I’m sure I’m not the only one fashionably late.”

“Well… actually you and the old senator are the only ones who were late,” Charlie said.

“And that pile of wrinkled dust isn’t even coming,” Silena made sure to point out.

“Well, shit. Even the Trust Funds are here?” He was of course referring to the Grace siblings. Silena didn’t even answer, just pointed across the room.

Sure enough, there was his dad laughing and conversing with Thalia and Jason Grace. They looked even worse, meaning annoyingly perfect, in person.

Thalia wasn’t much taller than Ethan even in her heels, but her composure was flawless. Even with her offbeat style she looked elegant and could draw every eye in the room. She wore a pitch-black halter jumpsuit that was hemmed just below her ankles to show off her dazzling spiked heels. Her silver blazer was tailored perfectly to her emphasizing further perfections. Even her half-shaved head was the definition of high society with the carefully curated black curls hanging down to her jaw on one side and a silver circlet like the one she wore on stage delicately placed on top of it all as if to say _why yes, I am **that** Thalia Grace._

Then there was her brother. Jason Grace. The known heartthrob of high society. He supposedly had a heart of gold to win over the parents of every eligible heir and a wicked sense of humor that was enough to make even the crudest comedians blush. To Ethan he just looked like a douche. He was classically handsome, yes. What with being well over six foot, tanned, blonde, and with the same striking electric blue eyes of his sister, but past that?

Past that he was just another well off frat ass who never worked a day in his life. He was in line to inherit a Fortune 500 company at nearly twenty-one and he looked like he didn’t have a single care in the world. His hair was tousled so purposefully Ethan wanted to run his hands through it just to see if it would give the man a stroke. His suit was just as carefully disheveled. His satin navy blazer was left unbuttoned much like the top of his white shirt, exposing enough chest to remind everyone he thought he was perfect too. He was actually _worse_ in person.

Ethan glared in their direction, still unable to believe he was technically on their level now. As he sulked, his dad noticed him standing there with Silena and Charlie, and while the room was too loud to hear what Kentaro yelled, Ethan had a feeling it was along the lines of _Dammit Ethan!_

“Who wants drinks?” Ethan asked his friends and made a beeline for the bar. hoping his dad would lose him in the crowd. Unfortunately, he lost his friends instead and his dad seemed to know exactly where he had been heading in the first place.

“Ethan Nakamura, I told you _explicitly_ to be home early,” his father began. Ethan signaled to the attendant for a glass of champagne. Actually, make it two. 

“Relax, Dad.” Ethan said, trying to sound nonchalant and not nearly as guilty as he felt. “I made it and the big speech isn’t for another twenty minutes.” The bartender came back with his two flutes of champagne and he dropped a generous tip in the jar before knocking the first back like a shot. He was going to need it for tonight the way it was going so far.

“I don’t care if you’re here for the speech or not,” his father hissed under his breath. He seemed legitimately angry with his son for the first time in ages, but then he let out a deep breath and seemed… sad? But about what? This was the night of his dreams. “There are parts of this deal we needed to discuss. Parts that involved you. I didn’t want you finding out tonight.”

“Parts that involve me?” he questioned, wondering if the champagne hit that quickly by some miracle. “I’m not even a member of the board. I don’t know the first thing about the company.”

“Ethan, I really wanted to tell you in private, but— oh, Jason! I’m sorry I ended our conversation. I just had to speak to my son here for a second.”

Ethan had missed him in his blind spot, but sure enough, the walking Ken doll was standing next to him.

“Oh don’t even worry about it, Mr. Nakamura,” Jason assured him. He sounded about as convincing as all the campus baristas when they told Ethan to have a nice day. “I was just coming for a drink. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Oh no, it’s no worries. We weren’t discussing much.” Well, that lie was a blatant violation of rule sixteen on the manners powerpoint.

“Oh, well in that case maybe you won’t mind if I join you. I’ve been wanting to get to know this guy.” Jason slapped Ethan in the back, nearly knocking him over or the second time that night. “Gonna be family soon after all.”

Family? Jesus, how seriously did these pricks take the business? Ethan’s dad humored the big guy with a nervous laugh, but Ethan didn’t feel like it was worth the niceties. He was here to support his dad and the presentation said nothing about laughing at bad jokes. Jason and his dad struck up another conversation next to Ethan, who was too focused on draining his second glass to listen until the music cut and there was a tapping at the mic.

“Good evening to all your wonderful faces,” boomed the voice of Jupiter Grace. The room applauded him with the clinking of champagne flutes and wine glasses being toasted. Not unlike his children, the man was classically handsome, not unlike Clarke Gable if Ethan had to compare him to someone, just with the same electric eyes as his kids.

“Tonight is a very important night for many reasons,” he continued when the noise died down. “For one, it is the night that I can officially say my good friend Ken Nakamura,” Ethan saw his dad flinch at the nickname, but smile all the same, “is now my business partner as well.” 

Again cheers drowned him out. The rich and an open bar made for a noisy combination. Ethan’s dad tugged on his elbow to get his attention now that Ethan had turned his bad eye to him. 

“Ethan, we need to talk,” he whispered.

“Sorry, Dad, rule 10 for Closing Dinner Etiquette: No talking during speeches,” he said, hoping to delay whatever this conversation was for as long as possible.

“Forget the damn rules; you need to hear this from me,” Kentaro snapped, but his voice was lost in Jupiter Grace’s speech over the speakers.

“But it’s not just our businesses that will be joining each other,” he said, a rubber smile spreading just far enough that people would know it wasn’t a cringe of pain. “That’s right, tonight I am more than ecstatic to announce the engagement of my only daughter and Ken’s son. To Thalia and Ethan!” The room exploded and Ethan wasn’t sure if he was hearing the cheers of strangers or his own screams.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again shout out to [Jes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystallines) for editing!!!

** CHAPTER TWO **

Cool night air enveloped Ethan as he burst onto the front lawn. He barely noticed its harsh chill. He was too busy trying not to pass out. He couldn’t tell whether he was sobbing or dry heaving, but he was definitely on the verge of a panic attack. 

He wasn’t sure how he got outside, just that he was here now. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since the bomb had gone off. Ten seconds? Ten hours? It couldn’t be ten years at least. Otherwise, he’d be stuck married to—

His stomach churned and he threw up the little food and alcohol in his stomach onto the nearest topiary. Sliding to the ground once he was sure it was over, he played back the last however long in his head.

His dad insisting he come home early to talk, the fact he was apparently involved in the deal somehow, Grace’s weird comment about being family? All of it was starting to fall into place now that he found out he was apparently engaged. Engaged to some socialite princess who liked to pretend she was edgy.

“Ethan! Thank God, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Kentaro was kneeling next to his son and sounded genuinely worried for a man who set his son up in an arranged marriage without telling him. The contradiction was what steadied Ethan enough to snap out of self-pity and into anger.

He shoved his father off of him and stumbled to his feet. Without a response, he began marching down the massive drive and away from the mansion, away from the party, away from _all of it_.

“Ethan please!” his father called after him, jogging to catch up. He laid a tentative hand on his son’s shoulder. Ethan stiffened under his touch. “We need to talk about this.” 

“What is there to talk about?” For someone shaking with rage, his voice was surprisingly calm.

“You know what.” He said it so matter-of-factly. As if any of what had just occurred made sense. It was what finally broke Ethan. He whirled around to his father, knocking Kentaro’s hand off of him. Before he could even think, he shoved his father back as if starting some petty fight in high school.

“No, I don’t know what!” Ethan screamed. His throat still burned from the vomit and yelling didn’t help, but he didn’t care. “I don’t understand anything that just happened!”

“Let me explain. Please.” His father was begging him. Ethan could tell he was close to tears, but that only made the anger boil over further. He had no right to be the one upset by this.

“What is there to explain!?” His dad opened his mouth to answer, but Ethan cut him off. “No! You do not get to talk yet! You do not get to say _shit_! You aren’t the one in an arranged fucking marriage!

Tell me, what did you get out of selling your own son!? I hope it was worth it. How many goats is the half-blind son of an untrustworthy, greed-addled, traitor worth? I hope more than five. Otherwise, you got a real shit deal.”

“That isn’t fair and you know it,” Kentaro said. He was much more stern than pitiful. As if _Ethan_ was the bad guy here.

“What isn’t fair is being forced to marry someone I’ve never met and spent months begging you not to make a deal with!”

“I didn’t make a deal with Thalia Grace. I made it with her father.” He said it like it excused everything else.

“So then why don’t you two get married instead of me and some spoiled princess!?”

“You aren’t marrying anybody!” It had been ages since Kentaro had last raised his voice at Ethan, but in the span of thirty minutes, he had done it more than he had in ten years. Yet this time what he said calmed Ethan more than anything.

He wasn’t getting married. For a brief moment, he lived in bliss. It was a misunderstanding. He had misheard Jupiter Grace in the ballroom. He wasn’t engaged to one of the two people he disliked to the core of his being. Someone else was. So, willing to be told this was all a dream, he readied to apologize. He had overreacted, misunderstood. He wasn’t engaged.

But then his dad continued. “You’re not getting married,” he said. “Because the engagement is fake. It’s just there to drum up publicity for the partnership. Jupiter thinks it will help build trust between the companies and stock buyers.”

The nightmare was still a reality.

“You didn’t even ask me,” Ethan said, barely audible. His voice cracked and he felt tears rolling down his face no matter how hard he tried to keep them back.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Did he really think sorry would make up for this? “Not even Mom would have done this!”

Kentaro took a step back as if Ethan had shoved him again. A silence fell between the two with only the faint sound of the celebration and Ethan’s body-wracking sobs to be heard.

He had gone too far. He knew he had, but he meant it. His mother was a lot of things, but she had always been honest. She didn’t lie to his face before walking out and breaking his father’s heart. She had said point blank she was done, that she didn’t care, and just left. Ethan wished his dad would have done that. Pretending he cared about Ethan at all just made it hurt even more.

“Ethan, please just let me explain,” Kentaro pleaded, reaching out to hug him.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” he snapped and swatted him away. He hated that he felt guilty when his dad looked hurt. He deserved this. Right? Ethan wasn’t the one in the wrong here. So why did this feel so wrong?

Suddenly, despite everything else, a realization sunk in.

“The gap year? It was never meant for me, was it?” Ethan questioned, but he already knew the answer. The gap year was so he could stay home and be free to live in this personal hell while publicizing this sham engagement.

“I’m sorry,” was the only answer he got. It wasn’t worth a response.

“Hey, we’re about to line up for uh… family pictures, I guess. Oh, am I interrupting something again?” Perfect. Jason fucking Grace was on the mansion’s porch looking out at Ethan and his father. He looked confused enough; Ethan was sure he hadn’t heard anything, but that didn’t change the fact that he was one of the last people he wanted to see right now. Ethan quickly wiped the snot from his face before Jason could notice.

“No,” he answered, his voice hollow. “There’s nothing left to talk about.”

“Ethan, please,” his father begged one last time, but Ethan ignored him.

“Besides, I was just leaving,” he continued on. “Not feeling great.”

“The pictures won’t take long,” Jason assured him. “Dad just wants a few shots of you and Thalia for the press.” He was telling the truth, but he shouldn’t have. It just upset Ethan further.

“Sorry, I already got sick,” he said. “Check the planter there if you don’t believe me.”

Jason gave him a judgemental side eye, but looked down at the planter anyways. Once he saw Ethan wasn’t kidding, he immediately looked away, disgusted. “Alright, I’ll just let them know you’re preoccupied.” He headed back inside, leaving Ethan and his father alone once more. Not that it mattered. Ethan had meant what he said. He was done.

He turned and left, walking down the flowered and deserted drive. He didn’t know where he was going. Argus was still parked around back, but he didn’t care. He just had to get away from here. He heard Kentaro calling after him for the first few yards, but soon his voice faded into the night wind. He didn’t follow him. Ethan couldn’t decide if that made it hurt more or not.

After what felt like hours lost in a spiral and tears, he reached the road. He pulled up Uber and ordered a car, unsure of where he was going next. Certainly not home.

When the car finally arrived, he climbed in the back and glared out the window at the stars.

“Where we off to tonight?” the driver asked. Ethan was grateful he didn’t ask about the snot and tears and sweat he was drenched in despite the fact he was dressed like he was going to the Emmy’s.

“Just take me to the nearest bar.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always betaed by Jes (crystallines).

** CHAPTER THREE **

It wasn’t surprising when the Uber pulled up to a dive bar with half its neon out. The town was small. Not just in the lacking a tailor sense, but in the lacking pretty much everything else sense too. The selection for bars were in the Whole Foods (yes, in California you may lack a Burger King, but you will have Whole Foods), Applebees, and the diner that was definitely a front for the Russian mafia.

The only _real_ bar in town, outside of the wineries and other odd assortment was The Bacchanalia. Though, with the aforementioned dead neon, now it was simply called “The Bch.”

The parking lot was deserted, possibly because the bar was on the outskirts of town and possibly because of the fact that it looked like it was a haunted Route 66 style cesspit. Perfect. No one would bother Ethan here.

“Have a good night,” his driver called. Ethan gave a stiff nod and slammed the back door. He’d rate the driver five stars later. Though he deserved more for not asking why Ethan had been sobbing the whole ride here.

Ethan headed into the bar, and it was so quaint and stereotypical. He couldn’t help but wonder once more if this night was a vivid nightmare. The walls were a dusty and faded paneling, with trim hung around the perimeter in an attempt to class up the place. It didn’t work considering the unwashed green carpet hanging over the lower half of said wall. Crooked dart boards dangled across the back wall above a beaten up pool table, which was propped up on napkins and crushed Solo cups to keep it from wobbling. The booths were torn and leaking fluff like a wound, and the only other person aside from Ethan and the bartender was passed out in one of them, with their face in a bowl of crackers. Needless to say, it wasn’t a nice place.

But Ethan didn’t want to be nice. He wanted to be far away from _nice_. The nice places would care if he was the rich man’s son. They’d ask why he wasn’t at the party that was the talk of the town. They’d want to know about the elite that filled the resort right now. They’d want to know about everything Ethan wanted to forget. Here, though? The only person who would see him was the weasley looking bartender and, if he offered to tip pretty for silence, he would be left alone.

Ethan stripped off his jacket and tossed it onto the grimy barstool next to him. Staring up at the colorful array of bottles (one of the only pristine parts of the place), he wondered if drinking himself blind was validated for tonight and tonight alone. He pondered this until he simply slipped into a numb, mental silence. He could have sat like that forever if he hadn’t been interrupted by someone screaming his name.

“No fucking way! It’s Ethan Naka-Fucking-Mura! I’d know that eye patch anywhere!” Ethan snapped back to reality and focused on the bartender, who was now standing in front of him.

He was short. Not even five feet tall. He had a scattering of zits and freckles alike and the beginnings of stubble, but that wasn’t what was familiar. What gave him away were the sharp, wicked glint in his brown eyes, his wiry flyaway black hair, and the long, pointed nose set in his thin face. 

“Michael?” Ethan questioned. Just his luck. Michael Yew, of all people, was the bartender. The bar’s current name being BCH made a lot more sense now.

“The one and only,” he said with pride. “And before you ask, yes, I am still as amazing as ever.”

“I wasn’t going to ask.”

“So you haven’t changed much either.”

“Michael,” Ethan sighed. “I came here to drink in silence. Not to rehash whatever the fuck this is.” He motioned between them.

“For five hundred dollars, you can buy my silence,” Michael only half joked. While Ethan had originally planned to tip handsomely for silence, Michael was too… Michael. Paying him off would piss him off beyond belief, or make him talk more regardless of what he said.

“How about enough money for some straight vodka instead?” Ethan said.

Michael pondered this for a beat. “No, too depressing.”

“I didn’t come here for you to judge my life choices, Yew.”

“Unfortunate. My bar, my rules.” Michael said with a shrug and slid him a beer. 

Ethan looked around at the grubby place. It couldn’t have passed the health code, which was odd since Michael had always wanted to go into nursing. He supposed giving your customers staph infections let you treat more patients.

“You, uh… own a nice place, then.” Ethan said, trying to sound honest. Michael laughed.

“Own this dump? God, no. I just need a way to pay for tuition and hormones.” He jabbed a thumb towards the man passed out in the booth. “Mr. D over there owns the joint, but it’s rare that he’s awake to enjoy it, so it’s mine by default.”

He raised his arms and gestured to the whole of the rotting establishment, as if welcoming Ethan to a kingdom. “ _This_ is my own personal hell,” he said, and Ethan could detect a note of pride. “So tell me, what drags you into it?”

Ethan took a long swig of his beer. It tasted like piss, but it got the job done. Maybe if he drank enough he’d tell Michael about his own hell, but they weren’t close enough for him to do so sober. Not anymore, at least.

“C’mon, man,” Michael prodded, as if he knew why Ethan was staying so silent. “The past is the past. Move forward by filling me in on yours.”

“That makes no sense.” He might have been dodging the question, but it was better than answering. He had a strict rule of one betrayal a night. Even if it was just discussing another.

“You know what I mean,” Michael said, his voice quieter than Ethan had heard it tonight—or even in their thirteen years of friendship before Michael had abandoned him. 

Ethan slammed down his now finished beer. “And you know I don’t want to talk about it. Just get me another drink… please.”

“Yes, sir.” Michael was distant now. His voice terse and his shoulders stiff while he rifled out another beer for an old friend.

Maybe it was the fact that Ethan was a lightweight and already tipsy, or maybe it was that he just wanted someone, _anyone_ to tell him he was right to run. That he shouldn’t feel guilty for his fight with his father. But he suddenly felt that maybe he should tell Michael. He knew Ethan’s history. Even without speaking for almost a decade, he would understand.

MIchael passed him a cider, cap already off. “That’s a little stronger if you’re really going for piss drunk,” he said, and turned to the back wall, away from Ethan, accepting that the conversation was done.

With a deep breath and a gulp of the sugar-filled booze, Ethan relented.

“I’m engaged,” he said. His voice was raw, broken.

Michael must have sensed it because he stiffened and turned back to Ethan. “Engaged? Since when?”

“Tonight,” he answered. He chugged half his bottle before continuing. He needed the room to spin if he was going to continue. “That’s why I’m here, actually.”

“So that big party up at your place?”

“Apparently it’s more of an engagement party than a business deal,” he confirmed. His cider was gone at this point. “Can I get a shot?”

“Shouldn’t you be doing those with your fiance then?” Michael asked, but poured a line anyway. He handed Ethan a glass and took one for himself. He clinked their glasses before Ethan could knock his back. It was a small gesture, but it comforted him for some reason. They drank them together.

“Nope,” Ethan replied once the burn had gone. The room was finally tilting and he felt his tongue loosening as the warmth in his stomach grew. “I wanted to be alone.”

“Oh come on, I’m sure he’s a nice guy. Why else would you propose?”

“I didn’t propose,” Ethan slurred before taking the next shot of vodka. Rum? He didn’t know or really care, if he was being honest.

“What?”

“I didn’t propose. And it’s not a guy.”

Michael shook his head, confused. “I know it’s been a while, but I thought you were, y’know…” he trailed off. Maybe he didn’t want to say it, or maybe he was simply too busy sliding the shots away from Ethan.

Not that it mattered. Ethan finished for him.

“Gay? Yep! Yet here I am engaged to Mother-Fucking-Thalia-Grace.” His finger jabbed Michael with every syllable of her name. “I was sold like cattle to the Princess of the Sonoma Royal Family.”

Michael blinked. “You’re marrying Thalia Grace? Like _The_ Thalia Grace?”

“Wipe your drool up, Yew,” Ethan said and reached for another glass, only for Michael to shove them further down the bar.

“You’ve had enough.”

“I’m still awake.”

“Yeah, and it’s staying that way.” Michael pulled out his phone. “I’m calling your dad.”

Ethan turned bright red. “I open up to you and you’re going to tattle!?”

“We’re grown ass adults, Ethan. It’s not tattling,” Michael said while searching for his phone. “Besides, I’m calling the Vineyard. I don’t have your dad’s number.”

Ethan didn’t know what he was doing when it happened. All he knew was, the room was spinning and Michael was calling his dad. He didn’t want to see his dad. Or he didn’t want his dad seeing him like this. He wasn’t sure.

He lunged. He reached across the bar and slapped the phone from Michael’s hand with more force than he had anticipated. Too much force. The phone flew into the wall of bottles behind the bar, shattering half and drenching the now worthless brick.

“What the fuck!?” Michael yelled, fishing his phone out of the mess. “You better fucking pay for all that, Nakamura, or I’m going to get my ass kicked.”

Ethan, who was now draped across the counter, confused how he got there and as to why the room was now upside down, watched Michael desperately try and get his phone to turn on at all. The bartender might have angrily sworn something about Ethan owing him a phone too, but he wasn’t sure. Michael had been right; he _had_ had enough because the room began to mercifully fade to black. 


	4. Chapter Four

** CHAPTER FOUR **

Ethan’s head was throbbing. He cracked his eye open only to immediately shut it. Somehow he was back in his own room and _somehow_ his curtains were actually open, allowing the light into the room in the first place.

“I thought I glued those things shut,” he grumbled, rolling over into his pillow and hiding from the light.

“Why the hell would you ever keep these shut?” the most annoying and unfortunately familiar voice answered. “Your house is carved into a damn mountain; the view’s insane!” 

Ethan sat bolt upright, suddenly wide awake. “Michael!?”

Sure enough, Michael Yew was standing in front of the near invisible wall of glass overlooking the valley of grape vines and flowers below. While he was right, the view _was_ spectacular, Ethan couldn’t enjoy it. For one thing, if Michael were here, then last night was real. Second off, and possibly worse, it meant Michael was here.

“Good morning to you too.”

“What the hell are you doing in my room!?”

“Don’t sound too excited.” Michael smirked at Ethan over his shoulder. “Nothing happened between us.”

“That’s the only good news I’ve had in the last twenty four-hours.”

Michael put his hand on his heart like he’d been shot. “You wound me, Nakamura.”

“Then go out of my house and get some treatment.”

“I’m finishing up pre-med. My assessment says it’s minor.”

Ethan was ready to continue fighting, but was interrupted by his door opening, revealing the only person he wanted to see less than Michael. His father.

“What do you want?” Ethan asked, his voice cold.

“Ethan, please,” Kentaro pleaded. He sounded exhausted. “We can do this another time. Right now we have guests.”

“I don’t care what Michael thinks,” Ethan snapped. “I just care that you get the hell out!”

Kentaro dodged a pillow Ethan had thrown from his bed and let it fly into the hall. “I wasn’t referring to him.”

Ethan was ready to accuse him of having more business dealings in selling his son’s soul downstairs when Silena came in, perfectly put together despite the early hours and looking ready to fight.

“You got _engaged!?_ And you didn’t tell us!? _”_ She screeched the accusation as if it was the cruelest thing Ethan could do. 

By _us_ , she was clearly referring to her and Charlie, who followed her in, carrying the pillow Ethan had just launched out the door. “Not cool, man. Silena’s been having a fit,” he said by way of greeting.

“Rightfully so, I think,” she huffed.

Ethan was exhausted, hungover, and had been awake for fifteen minutes. He was already having a shit day. He didn’t have the energy to deal with this. He loved Silena dearly, but she could be exhausting, and if she truly believed he was engaged, this was going to be a long conversation.

“I’ll leave you all to talk,” Kentaro said, trying to sneak out before Ethan had another chance to attack.

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll tell them the truth?” Ethan glared at his father, hoping he knew his son wasn’t going to play along with this mess. He was going to tear it down and spend his gap year the way he wanted.

“I trust you to do what’s right,” was all his dad said before shutting the door.

A long and awkward silence followed. Ethan wasn’t sure what to say, and it was clear his friends were waiting for him to explain. He wasn’t engaged. It was so simple to say, but so difficult to explain because he still hadn’t accepted the situation himself.

Luckily, he didn’t have to be the one to break the silence. Unluckily, it was Michael who did.

He let out a low and long whistle. “So like, are all rich people super attractive? What happened with you then, Nakamura?”

“Who are you exactly?” Silena said, just taking notice of the other man in the room.

“Michael Yew,” he answered, and held out his hand. “Childhood best friend—”

“We are not friends,” Ethan cut in. Michael just ignored him.

“Future surgeon, and fantastic bartender if you ever need one for your high society parties.”

Silena just stared at him, but Charlie, incapable of being impolite, took his hand and shook it. “Charles Beckendorf,” he said with a smile. “And this is Silena. My girlfriend.”

“Well Charlie, I’m glad one of you three has some manners.”

“You don’t get to call me Charlie, yet.”

“Alright,” Michael conceded. “Beckendorf it is.”

Ethan rolled his eye. “What are you even still doing here, Yew? In fact, what are you doing here at all?”

“Pardon me for making sure you’re fine after blacking out last night,” Michael said.

Ethan saw the wash of anger and concern on his two friends’ faces. He motioned for Michael to shut the hell up, but was ignored. “Besides, you fucked my phone up pretty badly when you launched it into my liquor wall so you also owe me a pile of cash.”

“Jesus, do you ever shut up?” Ethan yelled.

“You asked!” Michael argued.

“You blacked out!?” Silena screamed.

“You didn’t invite me?” Charlie said, hurt.

“Can we not do this right now?” Ethan said, finally getting out of bed. “As Michael so _kindly_ pointed out, I drank quite a bit last night and so have a _raging_ headache and would like some breakfast before dealing with the fact I’m apparently engaged to Bourgeois Spawn.”

“Technically you’re also the Bourgeois,” Michael so unhelpfully pointed out.

Ethan ignored him and pulled on a shirt from the pile on the floor. (He didn’t want to know who got him out of the suit and into his pajama pants last night). Once dressed, he made for the door. Silena stepped in his path.

“You aren’t going anywhere until you explain what the hell happened last night.” Her arms were crossed and her face was stern. Silena wasn’t all that tall. Even Ethan had a head on her, but that didn’t mean he stood a chance of moving her when she put her foot down.

“Silena, please. I’m just not in the mood,” Ethan begged and tried to side step around her. She just followed. “Charlie, can you please get your girlfriend to move?”

Charlie shook his head. “Sorry man, she’s right. You disappeared last night. You owe us an explanation.”

“What is there to explain!?”

“The fact you’re ‘apparently’ engaged to Thalia Grace!” Silena retorted, putting air quotes around the word _apparently_. Clearly she didn’t like Ethan’s earlier choice of words. She was furious, glaring up at her friend. “You spend the whole of our last semester complaining about your father making a deal with her family and how much you hate her and her brother, and now you’re _marrying_ her!”

“Then you just ran out after it was announced,” Charlie continued for her. Though he wasn’t yelling. Rather, he sounded genuinely concerned. Though probably for Ethan’s mental state rather than his emotional state. He still thought his roommate had proposed to a girl he hated. Scratch that. He thought his roommate had proposed to a girl, period.

“We weren’t the only one confused by that by the way. Your father-in-law was pissed. We’re just worried.”

“Oh no, I’m pissed too,” Silena assured him. “Do you not trust us?”

“Of course I trust you.” Ethan was desperate. Everyone seemed to be mad at him, and he wasn’t the one to blame.

“Then why hide it?”

“Because I didn’t even know until last night!” His voice broke and his chest was heaving. He felt the same panic attack as last night trying to creep back up his throat. He tried holding it back. He just couldn’t fall apart again. He didn’t want to face the truth like that. It hurt too much.

The silence from earlier had returned. Only Ethan’s heavy breathing filled it. Even Michael seemed to understand to stay quiet this time, awkwardly watching the trio’s fight from his place at the window. Silena and Charlie both just stood there, stunned.

Then, in traditional Charlie fashion, Beckendorf cut through the tension with a joke as an attempt to comfort.

“So,” he sighed. “Should I say condolences or congratulations on the engagement then?”

Ethan didn’t answer.

“I don’t understand,” Silena stuttered. “You didn’t know you were getting married?”

“I don’t even know my fiancée,” Ethan said, the word bitter in his mouth. “We’ve never spoken. Last night was the first time we were in the same room.”

Charlie shook his head, just as confused as Silena, and honestly as Ethan. “If you’ve never even met her, why propose?”

“Are you two listening?” Michael jumped into the conversation, sounding surprisingly defensive. “He didn’t! His dad set him up. It’s an arranged marriage. A business deal.”

Ethan wasn’t quite sure when he told Michael the full extent of the situation, but there had to be a time he couldn’t recall last night between the bar and his room. He didn’t know how Michael knew, but he was glad Michael was the one to say it. Now that he was sober, Ethan could barely admit it to himself.

And so there it was. Out in the open. They knew.

But Silena didn’t seem to want to hear it. She turned to Michael, a fire in her eyes. “Who do you think you are?” she snapped, marching across the room to glare down her nose at him. “Who do you think you are to come in here and accuse his father of that? You don’t know him at all. Even Ethan says you’re not friends, so what gives you the _right_ —”

“Silena, stop!” Ethan shouted over her.

“You’re going to let him say that? About your dad!?”

“Yes, I am.”

“But it’s complete bull—”

“True,” Ethan finally admitted. “It’s completely true. My perfect father sold his own son’s soul.”

Silena stopped preparing to kill Michael for slander, and threw her hands to her mouth. He saw tears starting to prick her eyes as she shook her head. “Ethan,” she breathed. “I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine…”

“So condolences it is then,” Charlie said matter-of-factly. He patted Ethan on the shoulder before pulling him into a hug.

“Thanks,” Ethan mumbled into his shoulder. Though it certainly didn’t help much in reality. It was nice to know they were on his side. Even with how much they loved his father.

“What are you going to do?” Charlie asked, releasing Ethan from his bone crushing warmth.

“Isn’t that obvious?” Michael said. “He’s just not going to marry her.” No one answered. “Right?”

“It isn’t that simple,” Silena started.

“Yes it is. You don’t want to marry her, do you?” He quirked his brow, waiting for Ethan to respond.

“No, I don’t,” Ethan relented.

“There. Then it’s a done deal. You don’t want to marry her, so you don’t marry her.” He flopped back onto Ethan’s velvet armchair in victory. “Just get me her autograph before you end it, alright?” 

Ethan hesitated. “But I can’t just end it,” he admitted in defeat. “It could ruin the deal and my dad’s business.”

“So? Fuck that guy. He sold you out.” 

“Ethan, as much as I don’t like this rat, I think he’s got a point,” Silena said, resigned.

“That was unnecessary,” Michael mumbled. Silena ignored him.

“I said it’s not that simple because of the deal,” she further explained. “But if the press hasn’t caught wind of it, you could cut it off at the roots. No story, no problem.”

Ethan stood there thinking about it. They both made strong points, but he knew that it wouldn’t be nearly as easy to actually do. This deal had been made weeks ago, maybe months. There were legal ties certainly, possibly in the contracts themselves. Even if that weren’t the case, with an announcement like the one last night, there was no way the press hadn’t heard.

“Not to interrupt anything,” Charlie, who had stayed oddly silent and unhelpful during the debate, said. “But what on earth is he doing here?”

He was pointing at the console next to Ethan’s bedroom door. Much like the one in the kitchen, it showed off the front porch so he could see when Argus was ready to pick him up. Only right now it wasn’t his quiet, sullen driver, but someone else entirely.

While they were still blonde, they were much taller. Their tan wasn’t as deep, and Argus wasn’t the type to show up to work in a patterned button up, cuffed khakis, and two hundred dollar aviators. No, this wasn’t his driver. Jason Grace was standing on Ethan Nakamura’s porch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shut up Jes Ily and I'm giving you beta reader credit :p


	5. Chapter Five

** CHAPTER FIVE **

“What the hell is _he_ doing here!?” Ethan stormed into the entryway where his father was now welcoming Jason Grace inside. Into Ethan's sanctuary!

“Hey Ethan. You feeling any better?” Jason asked, shooting his award winning smile. Being Entertainment Weekly’s Hottest and Ethan Nakamura’s Most Hated really went hand in hand.

Ethan ignored him and continued to dig into Kentaro. “This is a safe space! No full-of-themselves asshats allowed!”

“Ethan, language.” Kentaro clearly was not in the mood for Ethan to have another outburst. Last night was one thing, but now it was time to be a good son and put up with all this for the sake of the business.

“Oh, you’re right, I shouldn’t call my own father that,” Ethan snapped. “He’s also a traitor.”

Jason stood between the two men, clearly wishing he hadn’t shown up. He took a step back towards the door. “Maybe it’s not the best day for breakfast,” he said. “I can come back another time.”

“No, I already made enough food for all of us,” Kentaro said. He was, of course, so much nicer to the perfect rich boy than he was to his own son.

“You invited him to breakfast!?”

““I thought it would be a nice way for you two to get to know each other before today’s trip,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if it wasn’t another secret he had kept from Ethan. “And if you want any pancakes, you’ll be eating with us.” His tone made it clear: the conversation was over.

Ethan was ready to say he didn’t care, and he wasn’t that hungry anyways, but his stomach growled loud enough that he caught Jason stifling a laugh.

“Fine,” Ethan conceded. “I’ll come to breakfast.”

Kentaro gave him a short nod and turned back to his guest. “Come on, Jason, I’ll give you a brief tour of the place while Ethan gets his friends.”

“That would be lovely, Mr. Nakamura.” Jason followed Kentaro towards the rest of the house. As he passed Ethan, he shot him another perfect smile. “Just as long as there isn’t anymore vomit filled planters.”

Ethan glared at the back of his pretty blonde head. What a smartass.

*******

Needless to say, breakfast was awkward. After all, the table included Kentaro, a traitor; Michael, someone Ethan would have been fine never seeing again; Silena and Charlie; who both clearly were more than uncomfortable; Jason, who Ethan absolutely hated; and of course Ethan himself, the boy who could not seem to catch a break.

“So, your sister, how into this marriage thing is she?” Michael, to no one’s surprise, was the only one seeming to enjoy this mess. “Like, enough that she’d give friends of the groom free concert tickets?”

“Well, I mean, she isn’t really going to be on tour this year, but I guess I can ask.” Jason seemed to be amused. Apparently Michael’s endless pestering was better than Ethan’s yelling.

“What, my betrothed wants to be a housewife?” Ethan pestered, picking at his now soggy pancakes. “I know the whole arranged marriage thing is a little _traditional_ , but I had really hoped to be the angry trophy husband.”

“No,” Jason said, curtly. “She just understands that this deal is important, and is willing to put the necessary effort into it.”

“My freedom is important to me,” Ethan retorted.

“I wouldn’t mind some concert tickets,” Charlie said.

“Charlie, shut it,” Ethan hissed down the table.

Jason perked up suddenly. “Charlie? Wait, are you Charles Beckendorf?”

“You know about me?”

“Yeah, Mr. Nakamura told me all about you last night.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? Call me Kentaro.”

To Ethan’s surprise, he did. “Right, sorry Mr— I mean Kentaro.” His pronunciation was rough, but he tried. Which was more than could be said for his own father.

“Anyways,” Jason continued, turning back to Charlie. “He told me all about his son’s genius friend, and I gotta say I’m impressed. I Googled some of your projects from school. You’re insane. My friend Leo would _love_ you.”

Charlie blushed worse than when Silena would start whispering in his ear in public. He and Jason continued to ramble on about sciency things that flew over Ethan’s head. The only thing he really picked up on was that Jason had majored in architectural design. Weird, considering he was supposed to be the next CEO of his stupid juice company.

Worst of all, Charlie seemed to be just as charmed by the idiot as everyone else. Even Silena ended up joining the conversation. Turned out that one of her mother’s earlier clients were none other than Jason’s parents. Ethan didn’t pay enough attention to know if her mom had actually helped them or not. He doubted it, considering Jupiter Grace’s ego. Not that it mattered; she seemed to like Jason just as much as Charlie. Ethan had had enough.

“Who’s side are you on anyways!?” he lashed out. His friends were shocked.

“Yours, obviously.” Charlie did not seem to understand how _not obvious_ it was.

“So when will you two start acting like it?”

“Just because we agree an arranged marriage is stupid,” Silena said, shooting a glare towards Kentaro, though it seemed to lack her usual level of anger. “Doesn’t mean we have to hate Jason. He didn’t sign the deal.”

Jason shifted in his seat, uncomfortable once more. “Look, I know that this isn’t the best arrangement, but I can promise I really didn’t have a part in this deal. I’m just—”

“Helping our dads screw me _and_ your sister over?” Ethan was fed up with his nice guy act.

Jason didn’t seem to take kindly to Ethan accusing him of screwing over his sister. “I’m _trying_ to make it more comfortable for the both of you.” He didn’t think it was possible, but Ethan was witnessing Jason Grace at less than perfect. It wasn’t by much, but he was scrunching his brows and that would give his flawless, doll like complexion wrinkles.

“How are you making me comfortable?”

“Ethan, please do not start fights at the table,” Kentaro ordered calmly from the head of the table. His white-knuckled grip on a fork was the only evidence of anger.

“I’m not starting a fight. I’m trying to get answers.”

“Jason is just helping with the trip today. His presence will help with optics, and I was hoping you two could get to know each other.” There it was again. The stupid trip no one had told Ethan about.

“What trip?” he demanded. “Last I checked, my plans involve staying inside all day and not speaking to you. I’m already talking to you, so I don’t see the point in spending time with that no good, affluenza poster child, absolute piece of—”

“Ethan, I have had enough of this!” Kentaro shouted over him. The entire table froze. Even Michael stopped still, his breakfast dropping back onto his plate from his gaping mouth.

“You are being a complete child! I understand that I was in the wrong! I _know_ I hurt you, but I am still your father!” For possibly the first time in his entire life, Ethan’s father was genuinely mad at him. Not upset, not disappointed, but truly furious. “I wanted to tell you sooner. I _tried_ to, but you were irresponsible. You were late. As always!”

“So, what, me being late makes it okay for you to shove me into a fake marriage?”

“That isn’t what I’m saying and you know that.”

“Do I? I don’t understand anything you’ve told me since Jupiter said I was _engaged._ To his _daughter!_ ” Ethan felt the annoying prickle of tears again.

“I don’t expect you to understand! I expect you to listen!” It would be hard for him not to listen. After all, he was shouting loud enough that everyone in the valley down below probably heard him. “Regardless of what I did, you can’t just run off like you did last night!”

“I wasn’t just going to sit around and play pretend all night!” Ethan was tired of being shouted at. He loved his father, but he had no right to ruin his life like this. “So I left! Who cares!”

“I care when that means you disappear, only for me to get a call from Michael, who I haven’t heard from in _years,_ saying you’re passed out at a seedy bar across town! I care when you’re drunk out of your mind to the point of destroying property! I care when my son puts himself in harm's way because of my own stupid descisions!” Kentaro’s voice cracked, and with it, so did Ethan’s resolve.

“Fine,’ Ethan resigned after a beat. “What’s this stupid trip then?” 

Not that it worked. No one answered. Kentaro covered his mouth as he tried to regain his composure, and everyone else was still in shock at what they had witnessed, so different from the Nakamuras they knew.

“We, um… We were going to go engagement ring shopping,” Jason said, clearing his throat. “It looks better if we seem friendly, and that you’re, y’know, involved in the whole deal.”

Ethan just about blew a gasket. “Engagement ring shopping!?” His father couldn’t actually expect him to put up with this, could he? But then he remembered the way his father’s voice had cracked, how terrified he must have been when Michael was the one to call him last night rather than Ethan. Ethan relaxed the best he could. “Fine, whatever, but you have to sit up front with Argus.”

“Actually, I’m driving.” Jason said. “So I hope you don’t mind convertibles.” 

Of _course_ that asshole would drive a convertible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short because writing Kentaro and Ethan fighting made me sad :(


	6. Chapter Six

** CHAPTER SIX **

****Ethan had to admit it. Convertibles weren’t all that bad. He’d grown so used to riding around in Argus’s Lincoln like it was the _Princess Diaries_ and figured having the hot California wind blasting your face would be miserable. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

It didn’t make the car less pretentious, though. Jason drove a convertible, yes, but he failed to mention it was a screaming red Tesla. It made complete sense for him to drive _the_ hot car, considering Jason’s general note of subtle opulence. What with his commonplace clothes and thousand dollar Rolex on his wrist. What _didn’t_ make sense was the fact that there wasn’t such a thing as convertible Teslas. 

Ethan was afraid to touch anything in the damn thing, and was trying his best to float in his seat so as to not ruin it either. This thing had to have cost a fortune, and no matter how rich he was, Ethan didn’t want to owe this guy a replacement.

“You can relax,” Jason said, shooting Ethan a glance from the corner of his eye as they merged into highway traffic. “It’s just a car.”

“Just a car?” Ethan said, slack jawed. “This thing doesn’t exist on the market. Not even custom order!”

Jason shrugged. “They’re coming out next year. I just saw this one on Top Gear and liked it.”

“You saw a car on every middle aged white man’s favorite show and just bought it?” Even for the Grace family that seemed insane, but also possibly the blandest story in history behind a car like this. “You have an exclusive car, and yet you’re still boring. I guess money really can’t buy everything. Being 6’4” with a cool car isn’t a personality ”

“Neither is being the bitter little goth kid, but here you are.” 

“Being bitter is a personality trait.”

“Ah, but still not a full personality.”

“At least I have a fraction of one, Grace,” Ethan huffed and leaned back in his seat. “More than can be said about you.”

That was the end of the discussion for miles. The radio played some odd mix of classic rock and disco as they drove. Which was a pleasant surprise; Ethan pegged Jason as the type of white boy to listen to Kanye. 

“I didn’t buy the car, you know,” Jason finally said.

“So it was a gift. Nepotism isn’t a trait either.” Ethan didn’t want to talk. Just because he was doing one favor for his dad after last night didn’t mean he had to play nice.

“Are you even going to give me a chance to talk?” Jason couldn’t take his eyes off traffic, but Ethan didn’t have to see him head on to know the same brow crinkle from breakfast was there, so delicately angry.

“Only if you’re interesting,” Ethan smirked.

“God, you’re a piece of work.” Jason was beyond exasperated. “I can’t believe we have to put up with you for a year.”

“Feeling’s mutual, Ken Doll.”

“I was trying to be friends with you!”

“I don’t want a friend who is fine with keeping me trapped in a lie.”

“You realize Thalia and I didn’t make this deal, right?” Jason sighed, sparing Ethan an annoyed glance before returning his focus to the road. “I don’t like it either.”

“Right, because you probably wish you were the one stuck in it,” Ethan jeered. “I am a catch, but I doubt your girlfriend would like it.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“That’s not a no, Grace.” Ethan closed his eye and laid back, ready to take a victory nap the rest of the way to LA. His good mood lasted about five seconds until the song changed and the familiar starting chords of another began to play.

Jason lit up as Ethan’s heart sank. “Finally,” he grinned and reached for the dial. To Ethan’s dismay, The Waterboys 1985 hit _The Whole of the Moon_ blasted through the speakers and mingled with the summer breeze as traffic broke and they were free to fly down the highway. “Even you can’t make this song depressing.” 

Ethan frowned. He didn’t _want_ to be a downer, but sometimes he couldn’t help it. Like right now. Jason was drumming on the wheel, humming along and even screaming along to blaring trumpets. He was genuinely smiling, despite being stuck with Ethan, and yet here he was about to ruin it.

“Can you please change the song?” he croaked.

Jason smiled over at him. He was happy, despite being with “a piece of work” like Ethan.

“I’m sorry, what?” he called over the music and wind.

“Can you change the song? Ethan had to yell to be heard. He hoped he didn’t sound too bitter. Jason already thought he was, and while he normally wouldn’t care, he wanted him to know this wasn’t out of spite. He didn’t want Jason to be miserable too, but he just couldn’t deal with this _one_ song.

It must have been written all over his face because Jason’s smile was wiped away. “You sure?” he asked. He was disappointed. Ethan knew it but nodded anyways.

Without further questions, Jason skipped the song and turned the volume back to normal. He slumped back into his seat, put out, and even though they had a clear shot, the car slowed back to the speed limit. 

“Sorry,” Ethan said. He partially hoped the wind swept his words away like it had the song. But no, he could never be so lucky.

“You’re fine,” Jason said, and he sounded surprisingly honest despite the joy Ethan had just ripped from him. “By the look on your face, that wasn’t just because you didn’t like the song.”

“Yeah…” Ethan trailed off. He wanted to leave it at that, but couldn’t. “Look, I really wish I could listen to it. It’s a good song.”

“But you hate it?”

“I just don’t really like listening to my parents’ wedding song,” Ethan explained with a shrug. He looked out his side of the car so he didn’t have to see the inevitable look of pity on Jason’s face. “Sorry, guess you’re right. I can make anything depressing.”

Everyone gave Ethan the same look when he mentioned his mom. _Oh poor baby Ethan,_ they always said behind his back, _abandoned by his mother and left with that anal father of his._ What they didn’t understand is that his mother was barely there to begin with. He didn’t hate the song because he missed having two parents. He hated it because it was all his father played for months on end after she left.

Whenever Kentaro thought Ethan wasn’t listening, he’d put the record on or watch the wedding tape, and he’d cry. So of course Ethan hated that song. The only reason his father stopped was because of Ethan’s injury. When his mom didn’t even bother coming back to see him then, Kentaro must have realized he hadn’t really lost much.

But pity wasn’t what came. To Ethan’s surprise, it was something else entirely.

“No, I get it,” he said. Ethan looked over at the other man. His jaw was set, his face serious, but there was an edge of forlornness in his eyes.“I can’t listen to _Have I Told You Lately_ for the same reason.” 

This wasn’t pity. It was sympathy.

Ethan sat up, taken off guard. He hadn’t expected honesty. “The Van Morrison song?”

Jason nodded. “The very one.”

“That’s so cheesy.”

“I think it’s sweet.”

“Yeah, well, you also just had three ABBA songs play so I don’t trust your taste.”

Jason laughed, and for a brief moment the joy from a minute ago returned to him. It made Ethan want to continue the conversation. He remembered his and Silena's conversation at breakfast. How her mom had counseled his parents.

“Your parents divorced too, then?” Ethan asked.

Jason clenched his jaw and his shoulders tensed. Ethan cursed himself for being so stupid. He’d overstepped. After all, he’d only known the guy for a morning. Just because he made peace with having a shit mom didn’t mean Jason had.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jason said, his voice suddenly choked. “They didn’t divorce, but they were in the process of it.”

“So… the counseling helped then?” 

Jason’s face softened. His air of sadness, returning. “No, not exactly,” he replied. Then, ever so quietly, so soft Ethan almost missed it: “Mom died.”

Suddenly it all came rushing back. The skimmed lectures on Grace family history and topics to avoid at the dinner. Ethan had been so convinced he was never going to have to speak to Jason and Thalia he didn’t bother remembering much. Like the fact their mother, Beryl Grace, had died in a car accident after years of drinking problems. Thalia had been twelve, and Jason only eight.

“Shit, I shouldn’t have asked. I’m s—”

“I swear to god, if you say you’re sorry I will drop you on the berm and leave you to the coyotes,” Jason threatened with a choke of laughter. He reached up to adjust his sunglasses, but Ethan could see that he was drying his eyes.

Ethan quickly adjusted to match Jason’s shift in mood. No need to make him feel worse. “I was going to say I’m shocked you feel emotions,” Ethan teased. “I thought you had to be made of plastic to be so damn perfect.”

“Well, I am perfect,” Jason assured him. “But the song played at her funeral. Even someone heartless would cry for me. I’ve lived a tragic life.”

“Talk to me when you’ve lost an eye and a mom.”

Jason shook his head. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You are insufferable, Ethan Nakamura.” Despite his scoff and eye roll, Ethan knew he was kidding. His half grin was showing in the rearview.

*******

“No, I’m not doing this. I’m putting my foot down. I am not buying a fucking _Cartier_ engagement ring!” Ethan stared up at the Beverly Hills storefront, gawking at the sparkling sign. “This is ridiculous even for you people.”

Jason clicked his keys and his car locked with a honk. He joined Ethan on the curb and shrugged, as if this were a normal weekend activity. “I mean, they’re a little too flashy for my taste, but my parents got their rings here. Thalia wore some of their earrings for the Met this year. She likes their stuff.”

“Stuff? They’re million dollar diamonds!” Ethan could not believe Jason was serious. “I can’t afford this!”

“You don’t have to.”

“I don’t think they’ll just let me walk out with a ring.”

“You’re really stupid for someone who got into half the Ivy League, you know?” Jason said with an exasperated shake of his head.

Ethan wanted to tell him that being book smart didn’t mean he could understand godly levels of money, but all he could get out was a few stutters and the word “Cartier.”

“Stop worrying,” Jason said and flashed a credit card. “My dad’s paying for it.” As if that made this more reasonable, he headed to the doors without a second thought.

He needn’t even bother to reach for the handles before the place’s private doormen (or security; who knew at a place like this) opened it for him. When Ethan didn’t follow, Jason rolled his eyes. He apologized to the man welcoming them and jogged back to grab Ethan, who had to be dragged into the building. Not because he was disgusted, but because his brain had short circuited. He knew the Grace family was rich, but _this?_ This was something else.

“Your dad has Cartier money to just throw away on a publicity stunt?” Ethan questioned, still in shock. “A literal princess had them make her engagement ring. Grace Kelly was a _Princess!”_

“Well, my name is Grace and so was hers,” Jason kidded. “So we’re good to go.”

“We are not ‘good to go,’” Ethan argued. “There’s no way on earth people will believe I would buy Cartier diamonds. Makes it harder to believe this whole thing is real.” He gestured with his hands, but it didn’t really get across what a shit show this was.

“That’s why I’m here,” Jason explained, continuing to act like this was normal as Ethan trailed behind him towards the counter, gawking at the heavily alarmed displays. “As Thalia’s brother and best friend, who better to help you find a ring that she’d like than me?”

“Shouldn’t the ring represent, I don’t know ‘us’ or whatever?”

“In a real engagement, I guess,” Jason said indifferently. “But Thalia’s keeping the thing, so might as well get what she wants.”

“Oh, so we _are_ shopping for a princess then. Just a spoiled one,” Ethan mumbled to himself and ran into Jason’s back. Jason had stopped at a counter and was now waving at a man crossing the store as if he knew him.

“Mr. Grace, we’ve been waiting for you and Mr. Nakamura.” Which apparently they did.

“Sorry we’re late, Jürgen,” Jason said, taking the smiling man’s hand in his. “Traffic into town was murder. I also forgot just how far my buddy Ethan lives from the city.” He clapped Ethan on the back, knocking him into the salesman.

Jürgen turned to Ethan with his rubber smile faltering. Guess he wasn’t happy to have waited for a shaggy haired college grad in old jeans and a T-shirt. _Well, if I knew I was coming here I’d have at least matched my patch and socks,_ thought Ethan. Hell, he may have even worn his fancy patterned one. Purple paisleys and all.

Jürgen managed to recover quite quickly, though. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Nakamura. I’ve stayed at your father’s vineyard. It’s absolutely _breathtaking_.” 

“Thanks,” Ethan said, feeling rather uncomfortable. He wasn’t all that used to smarmy middle aged men kissing his ass. “You’ve, um… got a nice place yourself I guess. Good jewelry.” He patted the nearest case and flinched, afraid the building would self-destruct as some weird form of protection.

The man laughed. Full, loud, forced belly laughs. “You didn’t tell me your friend was a comedian, Mr. Grace.”

“Didn’t know he was,” Jason replied, watching Ethan closely. It didn’t help his nerves to have his companion’s lightning blue gaze stuck on him. Bastard probably liked seeing Ethan out of his element and knocked down a peg, waiting for him to make a fool of himself. Rich people were the worst. Always acting like he was an invader.

“I find that shocking,” Jürgen said with his permanent fake grin. “He’s a crack up and we haven’t even begun.”

“Speaking of which,” Jason prodded, finally taking his eyes off of Ethan. “Did you pull the rings I asked about?”

“Of course, anything for a favorite client. Please, just a moment.” Jürgen stepped away from them to get behind the counter, and began to unlock a complex looking safe on the back wall.

Ethan took the moment of distraction to lean over and whisper to Jason.

“You shop here enough to be a _favorite client?_ ” he asked. Even knowing what Jason said outside about his family's history of buying here, that seemed absurd.

“What part of ‘they lent Thalia jewelry for the Met’ did you not understand?” Jason whispered back. “They don’t really let any old person rent their exclusives.”

“So you have an exclusive Tesla, your family is a favorite client of Cartier, and yet my father insists you people are normal,” Ethan scoffed. “Unbelievable.”

Jason couldn’t argue back because Jürgen had now returned his attention to them. He held a long, sleek black velvet box about six inches in length.

“I give you the best of our vintage sapphires,” he said, like he was revealing the cure for cancer. When he opened the box. Ethan couldn’t blame him.

Each ring probably cost about as much as the cure’s research would. There were five in total. Each with a massive square sapphire sparkling in the center. One had a classic gold band, but the rest were white gold or platinum. Some had ornate patterns carved into the metal, others had smaller gems encircling them. All made Ethan’s jaw hit the floor.

“Must be quite the special lady if you wanted to see this collection,” Jürgen said. “And lucky too. We don’t bring them out for just anyone.”

“No need to make us feel so good about ourselves, Jürgen,” Jason said. “We’re buying with or without the buttering up.” This, Ethan respected. Feeling anything besides contempt towards the Graces made his stomach churn, but he respected it all the same. If you had the money to throw away on vintage rings that only royalty seemed to wear, then you might as well spend it rather than put up with a salesman glad-handing you. 

Taken aback, Jürgen cleared his throat. “I apologize, Mr. Grace. What would you like to know.”

Ethan wanted to know the prices, but he doubted that was the right kind of question to ask in this kind of place. Instead he tried to play his part.

“So, uh, what kind of ring do you think she would like?” he asked hoarsely, not really thinking about who would answer.

A predatory smile replaced the false one that had been painted on Jürgen’s face. “I can’t be sure unless I know who the luck lady is. Is it Ms. McLean?”

For a fraction of a second Jason’s jaw clenched at the mention of his girlfriend, but then it was gone. His body language, however, shifted entirely. No longer was he relaxed and ready to joke around. He straightened to his full height and set his shoulders. Towering over him, Jason glared down at Jürgen.

“We aren’t going to be discussing who it’s for,” Jason said, sternly. “We don’t need you running off to tell the nearest tabloid who’s marrying who. All you need to care about is which ring we want.” For a guy who had mostly been overly polite with a few snide remarks, Jason Grace managed to be quite the intimidating figure. Even in his skinny, cuffed khakis. Then, with a flip of a switch he was back to his mellow self.

“Also she hates gold, so we can ignore that one,” he said, pointing at the gold ring with a cluster of sapphires forming a flower. “Little too feminine too. She likes them on the edgier side.”

“What about that one, then?” Ethan asked.

He pointed to the ring on the far left. From the top, it looked like nothing but a singular dark blue gem. It was set in a delicately thin silver band with a vine pattern pressed into it. The metal looked vaguely tarnished, like it was made from the same stuff as an antique spoon. “She likes dramatic stuff.” Of course Ethan couldn’t be sure of that since he had never met his fiancée, but she had worn a literal circlet to the closing dinner.

Jason pondered this choice. “Definitely in the right direction. She loves a statement piece.”

“That one’s a statement, alright,” Ethan said as Jason said, “Oh wait, _that’s_ the one.” Both were pointing at the same ring.

Like the rest, a massive sapphire sat at the center. But unlike the rest, a filigree of diamonds surrounded it, blocking the white gold band from sight. Rather than an engagement ring, it looked much more like a vintage cuff running from knuckle to palm. It was dramatic, vintage, and certainly a statement piece.

“Ah, our Vintage Art Deco Cocktail Ring. An excellent selection.” Jürgen said. Ethan had no idea what that meant, but he did agree that it was excellent. “Is that the ring for today then?”

Jason nodded. “Yeah, that’s the one. My sis— I mean she’d kill us if we didn’t go with that one.”

Ethan raised an eyebrow. What was Jason playing at? Five minutes ago he as good as told the guy to shove it when asked who the ring was for, and now he nearly admitted it was for Thalia? Wasn’t the whole point of this mess to make everyone think the two of them were engaged? Come to think of it, shouldn’t last night’s announcement already be public?

All of this flitted through Ethan’s head as he waited for Jason to pay and give Jürgen the ring size information. By the time they were climbing back into the Tesla (the roof of which the trusting idiot had left, down by the way), Ethan had only managed to think himself in circles.

“You’ve got smoke coming out your ears,” Jason said casually while checking his mirrors and pulling out into traffic. “What’s got you so confused? You did great in there.”

“I don’t care how I did,” Ethan said. “I just don’t get it. Why not tell Jürgen it’s for Thalia? Don’t people know after last night?”

Jason shook his head. “Nope, we’re trying to keep it under wraps with a few seeds here or there until the proposal. Hence my ‘slip up.’” He said it like this was clear as day. When Ethan still looked lost, he continued on. “Just a random announcement with no traceable history of any of us interacting? Easiest way to see through the lie.”

“Wait, so I could have just said no to coming and gotten out of this mess!?” Unbelievable. Ethan had played himself.

“Maybe, but then our PR team would have probably just leaked it, saying you two were just really private. Happens all the time with celebrity couples.”

“But I’m not a celebrity,” Ethan reminded him. All this talk of PR teams and lying for a leg up in the world reminded Ethan this wasn’t some fun field trip. He hated the Graces. He didn’t want to _be_ them. Even if it seemed like the rest of the world did. People shouldn’t be worshipped for hiding who they actually were.

Jason gave a short and bitter laugh. “Keep saying that while you can, Ethan. You’re going to be soon enough. People would kill to be you, and you may find that you like it.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up! We switch to Jasons PoV for this chapter

** CHAPTER SEVEN **

There were no more music related incidents between Cartier and the restaurant, for which Jason was grateful. He hadn’t expected a day with Ethan Nakamura to be about as successful as pulling teeth without novocaine. Considering Kentaro’s kind and welcoming air, Jason hadn’t expected his son to be so…, _jaded_ would be a polite way of putting it.

But it didn’t matter what Jason had expected because Ethan was what he was stuck with, so he had to make do. He hadn’t spent nearly twenty-two years having his father teaching him the ins and outs of schmoozing and relationship building to not get Ethan to at least tolerate him. But god, it was _hard_. Especially when Ethan was hard to put up with himself.

“I agreed to ring shopping, not lunch,” he complained from Jason’s passenger seat. He was lounged back with his eye closed beneath a borrowed pair of sunglasses.

Stopped at a red light, Jason was able to look over at Ethan. He was much more relaxed than he had been this morning when he seemed scared to breathe the same air as the car’s AC. Even his seemingly permanent scowl was wiped away. He actually looked his age, just a year older than Jason, for the first time since they had met last night. Jason had to admit, he looked good.

The car behind honked and snapped Jason back to reality. He continued down Ventura, speeding around the blind curve at the Marshall’s and down towards the reeking laundromat at the corner, hoping the lights there would stay green and allow him to speed past the stench.

“Unfortunately for you, lunch is a necessity,” Jason said, pressing the gas and bolting past the third Ralphs they’d seen in the past five minutes. “You and Thalia need to get to know each other a bit. And sit up straight. That isn’t safe.” Not waiting for him to move, Jason pulled the switch on his side of the car to force Ethan’s seat upright. He might have done it a little too fast judging by the whiplash Ethan had.

“Can’t we do that _after_ the stupid proposal?” he groaned as he rubbed his head where it had slammed into the rest behind him. “I’m still pretty tired from last night.”

“You’re not tired; you’re hungover.” A harsh statement given how much he wanted, no, _needed_ , Ethan to like him, but he wasn’t here to babysit. “Food helps with that. Besides, this lunch is to start planning the proposal. Aha!”

A car pulled out onto the street, leaving a spot for Jason to pull into right in front of the restaraunt. He swerved in hood first, barely bothering to straighten the car. The bumper wasn’t in the street.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how you park.”

“Says the guy who can’t drive.”

Ethan glared at him. “I’ve put up with a lot of shit today, but I draw the line at eye jokes.” He climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind him, leaving Jason sitting in the driver’s seat, engine still running, and cursing himself.

“Wait, Ethan,” Jason called after him. He didn’t bother opening a door before heading after him, gracefully vaulting over the passenger side of the car. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about your eye. That was stupid and I shouldn’t have said anything and I’m—”

“Rambling,” Ethan interrupted. “You’re rambling. Just drop it, okay? What is this place anyways?” He gestured up to the giant neon snail sign above the closed down restaurant.

“Oh, this is where we grab lunch.”

“You eat five star French cuisine for lunch?” Jason could hear the judgement dripping from Ethan’s voice. It was the same as when he talked about shopping at Cartier. “You’re sure you’re human?”

“Says the guy who used ‘cuisine’ in casual conversation,” he said, desperately trying to hide his displeasure. Did he really think that Jason wasn’t aware that his life was weird? Of course Jason knew. He’d had cameras shoved in his face and articles written on him since he was a baby. It was hard _not_ to know his life wasn’t normal when the whole world was constantly reminding him.

“That doesn’t change the fact I’m not eating snails.”

“That’s a stereotype. Besides, we're just going to eat inside. Thalia’s bringing the food.”

On cue, the blaring punk rock of Thalia’s choice could be heard muffled through the tinted windows of a night black 1969 Stingray parking behind Jason. The window rolled down and Thalia hung her head out, sipping her empty In-N-Out Cup.

“Sup nerds,” she said in way of greeting. She held up a grease stained paper bag and shot them her infamous wicked grin. “I brought burgers.”

Ethan’s mouth hung agape. Jason couldn’t help it. He let out a short laugh and gently knocked the guy’s chin back up. “You’re going to start catching flies if you keep getting shocked by something as small as a car.”

“Besides, you should replace it with a smile,” Thalia said with a taunting wink. “The paparazzi will like you better for it.”

“I don’t want them to like me,” Ethan argued. “I want them to leave me the hell alone.”

“Well, you’re going to learn that outlook is a bad one to have,” Thalia grunted, struggling to open her car door with all the food. “Those people will rip a throat out for a good pic, but at least they don’t sell shit stories if you at least give ’em a smile.” 

“Cut it out, Thals,” Jason teased. “You’re gonna scare the guy.” He hunched through the window and grabbed the bags and drink tray to help.

Thalia slid out without a problem once they were out of the way, ruffling the still bent over Jason’s hair as she went. “Thanks, bro.”

“I just didn’t want you stomping on my lunch again.”

“It was one time,” she complained, straightening to her full height a full foot shorter than her brother. Though her Doc Martins did add a nice few inches. She brushed out the wrinkles on her sparkling silver top and ripped jeans, the same color as her car, before pulling a distraught Ethan into a hug.

Jason could see Ethan had not expected this. The two of them hadn’t even had a lovely, terse exchange like Jason had had last night. Yet here he was being pulled down to Thalia’s height by her death grip hug.

“It’s so great to see you,” she said, swaying the two of them side to side.

Jason watched in amusement as Ethan awkwardly returned the hug, patting her back like she needed burping. To his credit, he was even trying to smile as per Thalia’s recommendation. Though it looked more pained and constipated than genuine. Which of course she pointed out when she pulled away.

“Maybe the guy needs to be scared,” she said to Jason out of the corner of the mouth. “People are going to think we’re holding him hostage.”

“Aren’t we?” he joked.

“Maybe a little.”

“It’s more than a little if you ask me.” Ethan stood next to them, arms crossed and a furious blush across his face.

Jason quirked his head to the side, feigning confusion. “Did you hear something, Thals?”

His sister mimicked his expression. “No, nothing important. Hostages can’t talk, can they?”

“Haha, you two are just the cutest little billionaires ever,” Ethan said flatly. “Can we just go inside already? It’s hot as hell out here.”

“You’re the one in all black.” Thalia’s gaze skimmed Ethan head to toe, unimpressed. She didn’t show it, but Jason knew her well enough to recognize the miffed look in her eyes.

“You’re in jeans and combat boots,” Ethan shot back. His glare was dangerous to have out in the open now, and Thalia wasn’t looking much better off. She could only fake a friendly smile for so long when the other person was being a royal pain.

Jason had to step between the two of them before it could escalate past saving. “Okay you two, enough flirting. I’m starving, and the restaurant opens in a couple hours.” Jason hadn’t thought much of it, but it must have been yet another personal offense to Ethan based on his sound of disgust and eye roll.

“We didn’t rent the place if that’s what you’re thinking,” Jason said, flipping through his keys to find the right one.

“So we’re breaking in?”

Jason let out a long and exasperated sigh. “No, our dad’s friend owns the place. She lets us eat here for privacy sometimes.”

“Which is great because we have some logistics about our little ‘relationship’ to go over.” Thalia’s niceties were fading and fading fast. 

“If you want me to bow to you, Princess, it isn’t going to happen,” Ethan sneered.

“Alright!” Jason cheered and swung the restaurant’s door open. “Let’s go inside, shall we?”

Once they were finally inside, tensions did not improve. Ethan even managed to take a jab at Thalia ordering from the secret menu. Not even in the way Jason would have expected,by complaining that she made the life of some poor minimum wage worker harder, but that she had no taste because she put mayo on her burger. She replied how shocked she was to find out the son of a world class winemaker lacked any and all taste in burgers and insults.

“Enough!” Jason finally had to scream over them. “We’re supposed to be figuring out how best to make the engagement believable. Bickering isn’t going to do that!”

“Married couples bicker,” Ethan pointed out.

“Not when they’re supposedly so in love they get engaged after knowing each other for a few weeks.”

Thalia groaned. “I hate when you’re right,” she said, brushing the dusting of french fries off her. “Alright, Sunshine, it’s time for twenty questions.”

“I’m not playing a stupid game,” he huffed and lead back, arms crossed and jaw set. Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. This day was about to get even longer.

“Fine, I’ll start then.” Thalia said coolly. “What made you such a _joy_ to be around?”

“You’re not a picnic yourself despite growing up in some Sonoma mansion,” Ethan snapped back. “So what’s your excuse?”

“Oh my god, I can’t do this.” Thalia threw her hands up in frustration. “He thinks we’re from Sonoma. He really thinks we grew up on the farm, Jason. Jason, he can’t even read a Wikipedia page.”

“You didn’t?” Jason could see the blush of embarrassment on Ethan’s face, even in the low lighting.

“No, dipshit,” Thalia jeered. “That isn’t even our main farm. The original is near San Diego. Y’know, on the other end of the state?”

Ethan sunk deeper into the booth and began to match the dark maroon leather of its cushion. Jason’s stomach lurched with guilt. He shouldn’t be teasing the poor guy so much. He didn’t get briefings on them like Thalia and Jason had gotten on him.

“Thalia, cut him some slack,” Jason said, resting a calming hand on her shoulder. “Ethan didn’t even know about the deal till last night. He didn’t get files on us.”

He felt her shoulders relax a little, but she was still fuming. “Fine. Whatever,” she grumbled and tore into her second burger. “I guess we can just send him files to read over. Make this easier.”

“Thank you.” Jason then turned to Ethan and, much more politely, said, “We were raised mostly in LA because of Mom. Summers were spent at different farms, but really we were here. That can be the first thing in your files on us.”

Ethan bit his lip, snagging the silver ring in it. He wasn’t meeting Jason’s gaze and all Jason could do was wonder what was going on behind the sad brown eye. How Ethan was still standing after everything that had happened in less than a day. It was near superhuman. He may drive Jason crazy, but that didn’t change how much Jason admired him.

“Alright,” Ethan finally agreed. “I may need to know a little more about you. I’ll read the dumb files.”

Jason smiled, relieved. “Great. Then we can move on to planning the proposal. The ring will be resized and ready for pick up in about a week, so—”

“Hold on. I’m not done,” Thalia interrupted. She was watching the scowling Ethan closely. Her eyes were so similar to Jason’s, but even he had to admit his sister’s had an edge of ice to them. Cold and calculating. With her ever prevalent half quirked smile, she always seemed to be scheming. Possibly because she was. She knew everyone’s weakness, where to aim to hit below the belt, and Ethan’s could be spotted from a mile away. Jason had seen her start enough fights to know what was coming.

“Thalia, don’t,” he warned.

“Don’t what?” she said, feigning innocence. “I just have one simple question for my betrothed.”

Across the table from them, Ethan stiffened. “What are you playing at?”

“I just wanted to know one thing that wasn’t in the file. It would really help this look real if I knew how you got the patch.” Thalia lounged back, so casual while being frankly cruel. Jason felt horror boiling inside as he watched silently and complicitly.

Ethan paled, the same sickly shade he had been when Jason had found him outside the party the night before. Only there wasn’t the rage to match it as he stood up without a word and rushed out of the building. The rage was Jason’s.

“Thalia! You can’t just ask him that,” he yelled, unable to believe his sister chose now to let her worst side show. Her sly grin faltered. She hadn’t expected Jason to turn on her. Honestly, he hadn’t expected it either. He didn’t like Ethan. He tolerated Ethan. But this wasn’t helping with anything. “You really think he’s going to keep going along with this if you pull shit like that?”

“I asked a question!”

“You did more than that and you know it!” Jason was gathering his keys from the great oak table.

“Where are you going?” she questioned.

Jason didn’t spare her a second glance as he shrugged his jacket back on. “I’m going to go see if I can catch up to him before he manages to find an Uber so I can apologize, and take care of your mess like I’ve been doing all fucking day.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Her voice was climbing, and Jason’s anger only rose with it.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know,” he snapped back. “We’re only in this mess because you couldn’t help shoving your tongue down the throat of some Senate intern!” He regretted it the second he said it. Yes, he’d been upset that he was forced to be friends with some guy because of Thalia’s mistake, but he never would say it to her. Or at least he thought he wouldn’t.

His shoulders slumped when he saw Thalia recoil and blink like he had slapped her. “Thals, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.” As he spoke, her shock morphed to the same murderous glare she had been giving Ethan.

“That’s rich coming from the guy who’s been lying to the world for three years about who he’s dating.”

“Leave Piper out of this.”

“Why? How are you and Piper pretending to date for the cameras any different than me agreeing to a fake engagement to hide my relationship!?”

“Because if we break up, the tabloids will come down on Piper!” Jason explained for the five thousandth time. “Because if we end it, it doesn’t matter how mutual it is, they will see her with Leo and call her a cheat and worse! I’m doing it to protect my friend, not my own reputation!”

“You’re so full of it! You only started dating her to piss off Dad!” Thalia was red in the face now, her freckles stark against her flushed cheeks. “‘Graces don’t date starlettes. Leads to nothing but a publicity mess.’ Isn’t that what he told you when you started going out? Yet you keep the image up despite being broken up for three goddamn years!”

“Jesus Christ, not this again,” Jason huffed. “I’m not rebelling against anything, Thalia! I genuinely liked Piper and she’s my friend!”

“And Ethan?” she pressured. “What about him?”

“What about him?” he said incredulously. “I’ve known him less than a day. There is nothing about him!”

“So why call me for this fucking lunch! We have files on him! I didn’t need to waste an afternoon with that prick! But _you_ wanted to get lunch so that you could spend time with _him_! You sided with _him!_ ”

“Because the poor guy was lonely and overwhelmed! And because you can’t just fucking ask people how they lost their eye as a kid!” Jason was breathing heavily, glaring at his sister, unsure what was going on behind her matching storm blue eyes.

They never fought like this, but one hour with Ethan and they were at each other’s throats. Maybe there was something to Thalia’s comments. Maybe Ethan was too bitter, too angry, but did that really mean they had to hate the poor guy? Not wanting to think about it, not wanting to continue fighting, he made to leave, but Thalia pulled him back down by the sleeve.

“No, we’re not leaving it like this. We don’t do that.” Her voice was soft but stern, all anger gone. She pulled Jason’s face around to look him in the eyes. Her face was as controlled as her voice, but still with the same softness she always had around him. “We don’t fight like this.”

“I know,” Jason breathed, looking anywhere but at Thalia. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I.” Even with everything they had both said, he knew she meant it. “But we’re not done talking about this.”

“I know.”

“But we can talk about it after you go find Ethan.” She gave him a sudden push out the booth. He nearly fell out of it and onto the floor. “Go make sure my _Sunshine_ doesn’t want to break off the engagement before it’s even official.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm when she said Ethan’s newfound nickname, but he knew she really meant it. “Take care of my fucking mess.”

Jason smiled. “You’re going to have to deal with it yourself, soon enough,” he teased.

“Yeah, but not right now. I have a recording session.”

“I love you, Thals.” 

“Of course you do,” she said with her trademarked playful smirk back in place once more. “Now go.” And he did. After a swift kiss on his sister’s forehead he ran out the doors to find Ethan.


	8. Chapter Eight

** CHAPTER EIGHT **

He _knew_ this was a bad idea. He knew the Graces were spoiled brats, and yet Ethan still went out to go buy some stupid ring. He still agreed to go to lunch, and now he was reminded exactly why he hated that family.

He wasn’t shocked Thalia had asked about his eye. She clearly didn’t have a human heart, and even if she did, everyone always did. But they usually didn’t treat it like a game. Sneering to his face when they ask. No, they would always wait until after they knew the truth to mock him, but that was privilege for you. Unable to even hold off on insulting someone else.

Ethan wasn’t even sure where he was going. He just walked out of the restaurant and kept going. He was blocks away, in who knows in what direction, when he heard him.

“Ethan!” he heard Jason Grace calling over the heads of passers by. “Ethan, buddy, wait up!” People looked around to try and figure out who the walking Greek god was calling after, and no one assumed it was Ethan. That was, at least, a blessing.

He continued to bob and weave through the crowd, slumping his shoulders, hoping to blend into the few stray shadows on the sunny day. He didn’t want to talk to Jason. He didn’t want to hear excuses about why his sister was so heinous. He just wanted to get home. He just wanted to have his dad hold him and tell him it was all fine.

Ethan froze where he stood. He couldn’t have that. His father wanted him here. Wanted him with _those_ people. He had nowhere.

“There you are.” A hand clamped down on his shoulder and an out of breath Jason Grace now leaned against him for support. Ethan stiffened under his touch, but did not shake him off. “You can really motor, can’t you?”

Ethan didn’t respond. He barely noticed Jason there. He was too busy spiraling in the realization this was real. All morning he had been repeatedly reminded that this was his reality now. He went on the stupid shopping trip, he laughed, he fucking _laughed_ with Jason rather than at him, but still his father’s betrayal seemed to be a dream.

Until now. Until he just wanted someone to tell him to ignore Thalia, to ignore all of this, and realized he lost the one source of unconditional support he ever had. Kentaro couldn’t support him running because he put him there. No tears came this time, but the ground beneath his feet was finally falling, dropping him into the abyss below.

“Hey, are you okay?” Someone was shaking his shoulders, pulling him back to the sunlit streets of LA. Jason's face was inches from Ethan’s. His worried eyes scanned Ethan’s distant stare for signs of life.

Ethan blinked. Then he registered how close Jason was and how clear the little scar was on his concerned frown and he stumbled back, heat rising to his face.

“Haven’t you ever heard of personal space?” Ethan snapped, knocking Jason’s grip off of him.

“You were just standing there,” Jason explained as if Ethan didn’t know he’d just been making a fool of himself. “I was worried.”

“You don’t have a right to be worried.”

“Why? Because of what Thalia said? She was wrong to do that. I’m not going to defend her.”

“Really? Because you spent most of the past hour trying to get me to play friendly when you knew she wasn’t doing the same,” he shoved his way past Jason and continued his way down the street.

“I was trying to get you _both_ to play nice.” Jason jogged to catch up, though it only took him about two steps before he had.

“I wasn’t asking her deeply personal questions. I wasn’t attacking her!”

“You weren’t exactly being friendly, either.” Ethan shot him a nasty look and a gesture to match. “Right, not the point. Look, Ethan, do you even know where you’re going?”

“No.”

“Can’t we just stop and talk?”

“Not likely.”

“Look, I’m sorry she said that, but you’re being dramatic.”

“Really!? _I’m_ dramatic!?” Ethan whirled around, stabbing Jason’s chest with his finger and backing him into the nearest building. “Have you ever lost an eye? You ever had people ask you about it over and over? You ever lost your friends because they don’t want to be bullied along with you? If you have, then sure, call me dramatic, but until then do not judge me for refusing to put up with more of the same shit!”

He turned to leave again. He hoped the stunned Jason would catch the message and stay put, but he realized Jason may have been right. He didn’t really know where he was, and he wasn’t going to pay an Uber to drive him all the way back home.

With a deep breath, Ethan swallowed his pride and turned back around. “I will give you ten seconds to apologize,” he said, tersely. “If it’s not incredibly stupid, I’ll let you drive me home.”

“You’ll _let_ me?”

“Ten, nine, eight…”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Alright, so it’s like that. Look, I’m not apologizing for Thalia. She wasn’t right to do that. She can be cruel and I know it and I’m not going to make excuses, but we are stuck in this mess now. The ring is bought. The press knows. You’re part of our family for the next year, whether you like it or not. But it doesn’t have to be painful. I’m just asking you to give us the same chance I’m giving you.”

Ethan stood there, looking for any traces of a lie on Jason’s face and in his words. It wasn’t easy. He knew the Grace heir had years of PR training. Years to perfect lying for his own gain. Chances were he was lying now, that he couldn’t care less about Ethan, but he did need a ride home so he relented.

“Fine, can I get a ride home?”

Jason perked up like a puppy getting a treat. “So you’ll stick around?”

“Not so fast there, pal,” Ethan halted him. “I’m only coming back if you promise to be there as a buffer. Otherwise, I may accidentally kill your sister.”

Jason laughed. A clear and honest laugh. Ethan’s stomach knotted at the sound of it. He hadn’t expected anyone to be happy with this arrangement, but then he met Jason.

“No worries, I was going to be there anyways,” Jason said with a relieved grin. “I mean, I don’t want you murdering Thalia, but I think I’d be sad if she killed you too.”

The next week flew by, and was surprisingly uneventful. Every day Ethan woke up, ate breakfast, and was out the door before his father had the chance to attempt another apology. He had tried the first night after Ethan got home, asking how the day went, if they found a nice ring, but all it took was telling him that Thalia just _loved_ playing guess-what-happened-to-Ethan’s-eye and he fell silent.

So now Ethan just made sure to avoid him and was gone from the early morning to late at night, Jason driving him between the vineyard and the city. Some days they were out so late Ethan had no choice but to crash at Jason’s downtown penthouse. One night Jason and Thalia had to spend the night at the vineyard after a day exploring the property.

As promised, Ethan was sent files on the both of them, and he was free to ask any questions he wanted. But just like they skirted around asking about his eye after the first day, he was quick to avoid talk of their parents. After Jason had come close to a breakdown on the way to Cartier, Ethan decided never to bring his mom up again, and he honestly didn’t care about their dad. He _had_ met him before the closing dinner, and the guy was a stiff. No fun, all business, and (according to the files) had sent his kids to finishing schools in the twenty-first century. Not really someone Ethan felt like striking up a conversation about.

To everyone’s amazement, Thalia and Ethan had yet to kill each other. They had come close once or twice, but Jason always managed to stop it. Though one fight did end with his glasses bent and broken when he blocked a tree branch Ethan had let go of too quickly on a hike, knocking Thalia down the hill. Or maybe that had started it. Hard to say much past that Ethan and Thalia had been snipping at one another one moment and Jason was on the ground with the two of them arguing over him about whose fault it was in the first place the next. At least until they saw Jason was bleeding, then it was a battle for who should help him.

Unfortunately, Jason wasn’t going to be there to help them tonight. Even worse, they couldn’t get away with a few fleeting forced smiles and brushes of hands to feign interest. No, tonight was the proposal and it had to be _real._

That morning Ethan and Jason had gone to pick up the ring. Jürgen leered over them while they checked to make sure all the diamonds and gems were still there and the band was made to fit. As Jason had expected, the salesman had sold a story on their escapades from the week before that made sure to speculate about whether or not Piper or Thalia were getting the ring based on Jason’s little “slip up.” Ethan hated all the tabloid stories and seeing his face on every news stand. That part Jason had been wrong about, but even Ethan admitted some of the stories were great for a laugh. One even implied the two had been shopping for themselves.

Since then, the ring box had been burning a hole into Ethan’s pocket as he bounced from errand to errand. Despite the plan being to have a picnic at the Observatory, Ethan was forced to get another new outfit (he had begrudgingly agreed to the khakis under the promise he didn’t have to wear a white shirt). He was also tricked into a haircut, leaving his hair much closer cropped than he was used to and with no bangs to hide his face. Then he was abandoned by Jason outside Thalia’s apartment building with a bouquet of snapdragons and peonies, waiting for the night from hell to begin.

The sun was starting to set beyond the skyline when Thalia finally strutted out of her building and towards Ethan with open arms. Like him, she had dressed for the occasion. Her typical jeans and loose fitted tank were replaced by a deep cut silver mini dress and towering heels, putting her about an inch above Ethan in height. Her hair was styled the same as the night of the party, sans the circlet.

“There’s my Sunshine!” she squealed, throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his neck.

“Hey Princess,” he managed to force out with a smile as he lifted her from the ground. Their nicknames for each other had unfortunately stuck. Both were snide enough that they didn’t want to vomit, but to an outsider they were affectionate pet names.

As Thalia pulled away from him, she let her lips brush his cheek. It took everything in him not to recoil, but rather to take her lingering hand and kiss the bare knuckle of her ring finger. Hopefully their actions were believable even without a blushing bride, seeing as neither could look the other in the eye. Sure, it was because it would force them to realize who they were playing with and they’d both be sick, but to others it was probably cute; just their nerves.

Thankfully they didn’t have to play long. The valette brought her Stingray round to the front of the building and they were able to escape into the sanctuary of tinted windows. Once they were on the road and away from prying eyes, Thalia rolled down her window and spat. 

“That was possibly the worst thing I’ve ever done,” she yelled, glaring at the tail lights ahead of them. “And I had to be on Jimmy Kimmel with the Paul brothers. _Both of them!”_

“Right, because I just loved that back there,” Ethan griped as he dug through her car for a mint. “Also, you did that on purpose.”

“What?”

“Your fucking shoes!”

Her wicked grin caught in the light of the traffic lights above. “Oh, babe, you noticed,” she teased. “I just thought it was fair that if you get power over the proposal, I can be taller for one night.”

“You literally planned this whole thing yourself,” Ethan said, deadpan. Which was true. Except for the ring and his speech, all of this was on her. She planned the time, the place, when and how Ethan would start it. If Ethan had the choice, it would have been during the day when she had work, so he could hand her the ring and run. But _no,_ it had to be an official date.

“You’re right,” Thalia said. “Which means I’m in charge, so do me a favor and shut up until we get there.”

“Only if you do the same.”

Thalia flipped him off, but she didn’t speak. 

The ride continued in blissful silence, allowing Ethan to focus on what was important. Internally screaming until even his thoughts had gone hoarse. Stars were just starting to freckle the night sky when they pulled into the Griffith Observatory lot. It was crowded, with cars parked hood to trunk to accommodate everyone for tonight's meteor shower, but Thalia was able to drive straight up the mountain to a secondary lot that was typically left closed.

“Are we too good to take the shuttle, as well?” Ethan asked, pulling the picnic basket and drinks from the trunk while Thalia grabbed the blanket. “I just need to know if I have to carry you up the hill too?”

“Shut the fuck up, will you?” she hissed. “We won’t have the car to hide your lovely personality in up there.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Yes, we’re taking the shuttle.”

Ethan wished they hadn’t. People kept staring at them. No, at _him_. Who was the stranger with Thalia Grace, a living legend? They’d seen him in the magazines and on their Twitter feeds, but now they were forced to realize this nobody wine country boy was out with a superstar, and it looked very much like a date.

The stares continued as they set out their blanket and poured their glasses of five hundred dollars worth of wine, courtesy of Ethan’s father. Both quickly finished their first glass, hoping to kill the nerves, but didn’t drink much after that for fear of loose tongues.

Ethan tried to ignore the whispers and curious glances in their direction as the lights on the lawn dimmed down, letting nothing but the city lights and stars to be seen. Thalia leaned into him, her hand on his thigh and her head on his shoulder. Instinctively he threw his arm around her shoulder as she played off a small shiver.

“Relax, Sunshine,” she breathed so softly that it truly sounded kind. If Ethan hadn’t been at her throat for the past week, he might have believed it. “We _want_ them to look, remember?”

Ethan buried his face in her hair and whispered in her ear, “Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I enjoy my privacy.”

“Well, for someone who hates a show,” she said, a smile playing at her lips as she pulled back to gaze into Ethan’s eye, “you’re awfully good at putting one on. It’s enough to make a girl swoon.”

“It’s truly a shame you aren’t the swooning type, Princess,” he said, trying to keep the acidic edge out of his voice while his thumb traced the freckles on her cheek.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I swoon when they’re my type,” she assured him and put her hand on his chest. “And when they have a heart.”

Ethan’s face scrunched. Leave it to Thalia to find a way to get a dig in, even now.

She settled back in against him and stared up at the sky. “And I’m sure the feeling is mutual.”

“More than you could ever know,” he sighed.

“I don’t know about that, Ethan.” He stiffened at her actually using his name. She hadn’t done that once in the past excruciating week. He didn’t know whether it meant danger or something else entirely. “I think we’ve got more in common than you realize.” 

She sounded sad. He wanted to ask her what she meant. He had never seen her with a fraction of her wall down, and he didn’t want it to go back up before he could. But then there were gasps from around them as the first star streaked across the midnight sky and Ethan was forced back into his reality.

“I guess it’s time then,” Thalia said, closed off once more.

Ethan gave a stiff nod. “I guess it is.” He took a deep breath, and as he released it, more stars came falling down. He wished on every single one that this would be worth it as he pulled the ring box from his pocket.

“Thalia Eliana Grace,” he started, loud enough for those nearby to hear. “I may have only known you a matter of weeks, but they have built something to last a lifetime…” Their picnicking neighbor whispered and pointed. He could hear the news spreading across the lawn as he continued on, standing up, and pulling Thalia to her feet with him. No one shouted at them to sit down. Their audience was enraptured.

“Ethan, wh-what are you doing?” she asked, her voice choked with fake tears.

“You aren’t just a friend, and I never want you to be,” he continued, holding her hand with his free one. Her other one reached up and caressed the left side of his face. He couldn’t help the small flinch that came with her touch, but quickly recovered. “You say I am your sunshine, but you’re my stars, and I never want to see them go out.” God, he hated that line. It wasn’t believable that he’d say it, but those around him seemed to eat it up. Jason was right. The more you sound like a Hallmark movie, the more people loved it.

His throat felt like it was swelling shut from the panic. This was wrong. So horribly wrong. He and Jason had gone over it time and time again, but he couldn’t do this.

“Thalia, I—I love you so much.” The audience’s soft hearted aws proved they took Ethan’s rising fear as pure hearted tears of joy. If only they knew what hell he was in.

Ethan swallowed his pride and fear and got down on one knee. “Thalia Eliana Grace,” he managed to say. “Will you do the honor of marrying me?” He opened the box, revealing the massive sapphire ring he and Jason had bought a mere week ago, when Ethan still believed he had a way out of this. Before he was stuck. Before now.

Thalia’s acting was much more authentic. Tears welled in her eyes, and Ethan doubted they came from a place of terror. “Yes,” she whispered, her hands over her mouth like she was praying. Ethan hoped it was for an escape. Then louder, “Yes! I will marry you, Ethan Nakamura!”

He knew it was coming. They had discussed it. You couldn’t propose and _not_ have it happen, but that didn’t make him any less sick to his stomach when Thalia took him by the hands, pulled him up off his knee, and threw her arms around him as she kissed him.

He crushed his eye shut, wanting to be anywhere but there as he wrapped his arms around her and returned the affection. They pulled away just long enough for him to place the ring on the same finger he had kissed earlier that night. Then they were locked together once more as the meteor shower was ignored and shouts and cheers came from every direction. Ethan was officially engaged.

While Ethan and Thalia sat through the rest of the shower, thanking strangers for congratulations that neither of them wanted, until late into the night and early in the morning when they returned to Thalia’s apartment where Ethan slept on the couch, Jason Grace lay awake. Across the city, away from the famed park and meteor shower and wishes on stars, Jason wished on his own stars, the lights of passing cars drive past on the streets below, as he tried desperately to forget what was happening under the night sky.

He played the last week over in his head time and time again. He saw Ethan leaning over him after the branch hit his face. He saw Ethan lounging in shotgun wearing Jason’s aviators. He saw the blush rising on Ethan’s face, bringing out the mole under his right eye, as Jason rehearsed the proposal with him. How nervous he had been, stumbling over the words he wrote for Ethan to say to Thalia.

Worst of all, he kept remembering this morning. When the two of them drove through the city streets of LA, The Killers’ _Caution_ blaring through the sound system. He remembered how the early morning light glinted against the silver in Ethan's lip and turned his hair a warm orange. How Jason had just wanted to brush Ethan’s bangs away from his good eye just once before they were cut. He remembered the lurch in his stomach and the ground falling out beneath him when Ethan laughed. The first free, unrestrained laugh Jason had ever heard from him, and how his smile was possibly one of the rarest wonders of the world, when Jason had said Jürgen was going to flip when he found out a scroungy guy like Ethan had taste.

He lay there remembering all of this until the sun began to creep back over the tips of skyscrapers. He remembered all of this while his heart beat out of his chest and Thalia’s word’s replayed over the memories like a soundtrack. _And Ethan?_ she had asked. _What about him?_

What was it about Ethan? Jason wished he knew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to PINE!


	9. Chapter Nine

** CHAPTER NINE **

**_IT’S MORE THAN BUSINESS TIES:_ **

**_THALIA GRACE AND ETHAN NAKAMURA ARE READY TO TIE THE KNOT_ **

_The past week has been a thrilling one for fans of rock band _The Hunters_ as rumors swirled around the possible new romance between drummer Thalia Grace and Nakamura Vineyards’ heir, Ethan Nakamura._

_With the two seemingly inseparable in the week since the partnership between their fathers’ companies became official (read our latest article on Grace Farming Co. for more information), this doesn’t come as too much of a shock. After Mr. Nakamura and Ms. Grace’s (soon to be Mrs. Nakamura!) brother, Jason Grace, were seen shopping for rings, the rumors only grew. All of which were cleared up when the happy couple shared an emotional moment during Saturday’s meteor shower at the Griffith Park Observatory._

_Family members and friends are all thrilled for the happy couple, saying that they knew there was something special when the two met just a few weeks prior to their first public appearance..._

_Story Continues on Page 8 of Entertainment._

“It never fails to amaze me just how _dumb_ people are,” Leo said after he finished reading the article aloud. “ _Something special when the two met just a few weeks ago_. People can’t honestly be buying this. They weren’t even in the same state until this week!”

He tossed the paper across Piper’s room in her father’s Hollywood Hills mansion, where it landed at Jason’s feet, open to a picture of Ethan and Thalia tangled together in a kiss. He absentmindedly ran his hand through his own hair while staring at Ethan’s hand woven into his sister’s.

“I admit, though,” Leo continued even though Jason was miles away. “Those pictures are pretty convincing. You help him practice that too?”

Jason gave a noncommittal grunt, only half listening. There was a picture of him and Ethan after they had picked up the ring. A picture of him laughing. It was _the_ laugh. The one where Jason felt his whole world shift. A smile pulled at the corner of Jason’s lips.

“Really? Well, then maybe he should talk to Piper’s dad. Get into acting.”

“What about my dad?” Piper asked, kicking her door shut behind her as she brought in the traditional stack of pizzas. She set the pile on the floor between the foot of her bed and Jason, who was still leaning against her closet door, flipping through the article, before sitting next to Leo on the edge of the mattress.

Leo reclined back into Piper’s lap, smiling up at her and twirling one of her long dark braids between his fingers. “I was just saying Jason’s new brother-in-law should go into acting. I mean, I never would have thought he almost killed Jason to get back at Thalia after seeing those photos.”

“Leo, shush,” Piper said. “Jason said the tree branch was an accident.”

“That’s only because he’s obsessed with the guy.”

“Quit teasing him and eat your lunch.” Piper picked up a slice of sausage and pepperoni and shoved it into Leo’s mouth.

After nearly choking, he ripped a chunk off as he continued on with his merry ramblings. “Relax, Pipes,” he said with his familiar edge of mischievous glee. “He’s not even paying attention, are ya, buddy?”

“Yeah, sounds like a plan,” Jason muttered, proving Leo’s point entirely.

“Cool, so since you’re in such a good mood, do you mind paying for my grad school?”

“You have a full ride,” Piper reminded him through her mouth of veggie lovers.

“You take the fun out of everything.” She glared down at him. “And that’s why I love you.”

“Poor save, but I accept it,” she said and gave him a quick kiss on the head.

Jason still wasn’t there. Mentally he was back in his car, driving through orchards with Ethan smiling in the seat next to him. God, Ethan _smiling._

A paper plate pelted him in the fice. “Ow! Leo, what the hell!?” he yelled, wiping tears from his eyes where it had hit.

“So you _are_ still alive,” Leo grinned, lying back in Piper’s lap after throwing the projectile. “I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to come back to earth.”

Jason ignored him. “When did Piper get here?” 

Leo burst into laughter. Piper looked at him, concerned.

“Like five minutes ago,” she told him, her brow softened with worry. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he promised.

“He’s lovesick,” Leo contradicted. 

“I’m not lovesick!” Jason argued at the same time Piper yanked the pizza away from Leo and said, “I told you to stop teasing him!”

“You also told me to eat my lunch!” Leo argued, snatching his food back, stuffing it crust and all in his mouth before Piper could take it back. “Besides,” he said, muffled by the doughy mess in his mouth. “You’d make fun of him too if you knew who it was he’s in love with.”

“I’m not in love!”

“Really? You wanna remind me why you were up all night, again?”

Piper looked between her best friends, desperately lost. “I left for like fifteen minutes to pick up the food. How did I miss literally everything?”

“You didn’t miss anything,” Jason sighed and rolled his eyes. He also grabbed a slice of both pizzas while he was at it. “I just told Leo I couldn’t sleep last night.”

“Because of Ethan,” Leo offered.

“Because of the _proposal_ ,” Jason corrected. “I was worried about it, was all.”

“That’s pretty normal, Leo,” Piper agreed much to Jason’s relief. He wanted this conversation over and done with. He thought it was, until Leo sat back up and held up his hand, signalling all to stop.

“Now wait, that’s a lie,” he said. “Tell her exactly what you said to me.”

“I did!”

“You did not. You told me that—”

“Alright! Alright!” Jason conceded. “I was thinking about Ethan, are you happy?”

“Ecstatic.” Leo beamed. “I love being right.”

“You didn’t win,” Jason argued. “So I lost one night's sleep. Who cares? That doesn’t mean I’m in love with him. Just that I can’t get his smile out of my head, or how his laugh kinda rasps out of him like he isn’t used to it, or how his face is so, _so_ soft when he isn’t glaring at you, and how…” He trailed off when he saw the widening shock and vindication on Piper and Leo’s faces respectively. The smile that had been growing on his face with everything he listed fell away.

“Shit,” Jason breathed, finally realizing the worst. “Am I really in love with Ethan Nakamura?”

“I don’t know, man,” Leo said, his grin nearly cracking his face in two. “Is it gay to fantasize about your best bro’s smile into the early hours of the morning?”

“I mean, you’re definitely in _something_ with him,” Piper agreed.

“Fuck!” Jason yelled at the top of his lungs and fell back onto Piper’s pink shag carpet.

“Language!” came Tristan’s, Piper’s dad, voice from down the hall.

“Sorry, sir!” Jason called back before surrendering himself to the endless sea of self pity. He grabbed the nearest throw pillow, pulled it to his face, and screamed. When he pulled it away and saw that it was a heart, he felt even worse.

“The world is cruel and full of mockery,” he resigned. He stared at the glow in the dark stars peppering the ceiling, trying not to drift off into another spiral of imagining Ethan and Thalia tangled up under the night sky. _You are my stars._ Why had he written that for the proposal? Why did he have to read those words to Ethan and have Ethan say them back? Why did he have to know how that _felt?_

“I don’t know why you’re so upset,” Leo said it so casually, as if Jason wasn’t in love with his sister’s fiance and realizing it _after_ the proposal. “This is great!”

“How is this great?” Jason asked, dead inside.

“You finally have a scapegoat,” Leo prompted. “You can get with Ethan, and you and Piper can finally stop lying about dating. She and I can finally, y’know, date like normal people.”

Piper and Jason shot each other the same uncomfortable looks they always did when Leo broached the possibility of their “relationship” coming to an end. Jason’s heart sank even deeper, but for an entirely different pain. He knew they were hurting Leo, keeping this lie going, but they had been in too deep by the time they met him, and now they weren’t sure how to keep from drowning.

Leo knew this. Jason watched him deflate from his brief moment of delusion into the same sad reality the rest of them lived in. “Let me guess,” he said, much more bitter than before. “ _It’s not the right time, Leo. I’m protecting Piper, Leo.”_

“Leo…” Piper started, resting her hand on his shoulder.

He waved her off. “No, it’s fine, I’m used to it. Why let people know you’re with me and not Mr. Perfect over there?”

“That isn’t fair,” Piper said, trying to take his hand, but he stood up and began his typical pacing before she could.

“You always said once you started dating someone you two could break it off.”

“I know that, but—” Jason tried to explain, but Leo cut him off before he could.

“And you just said that you’re in love with Ethan Nakamura.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean—”

“But what? There are no buts! Date him! You and Pipes will both have ‘moved on’ and the stupid gossip magazines will leave her alone!” Leo threw his arms up in exasperation. “I mean, it’s been a year! I just want to hold my girlfriend’s hand in public!” He fell back onto the bed, defeated. “I just want to hold her hand.”

Finally, Piper managed to take his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. “We can always do that,” she promised, her thumb circling the back of his hand. “Even if we couldn’t, that wouldn’t change anything. You’re my guy.”

“Promise?”

“Oh yeah,” she teased. “Mr. Perfect is boring anyways.” Leo laughed, and allowed her to pull him up into a hug.

“I’m going to get some air,” he whispered, his voice still ever so slightly strained.

“Are you alright?” She was so genuinely concerned, so in love. And it was returned.

Leo gave a small nod and kissed her on the head before leaving her and Jason alone in silence.

Watching them made Jason’s heart ache and his breath catch. They loved each other so much and he was selfishly standing between them. But he still didn’t have that promised out. Ethan was engaged to his sister, and even when he wasn’t he’d still be Thalia’s ex. He’d still be off limits. Jason would never win.

Even if this was just a fleeting crush, Jason couldn’t help but wonder if he was ever going to find someone who’d love him like that. Unconditionally. How could they when he constantly felt like an imposter? Even around his best friends, there was this lie. This dynamic surrounding their relationship wasn’t real. Was he dating Piper? Or was Leo? It all depended on who was in the room.

Ethan let him feel real. Honest. Like he actually was someone, and not some horrid amalgamation of tricks he played to get to the top. Ethan didn’t know enough of the lies Jason was told to think otherwise. Not yet, anyways.

“Jason, Leo’s right.” Piper’s voice cut through his haze of commiseration. “I’m tired. We’ve got to end this.”

“W-what? Are you breaking up with me?” He tried desperately to sound lighthearted despite the unexpected crack that rang through his whole body. “I thought we already did that, like two years ago.”

“Please don’t put on a persona right now,” she sighed. “I’m serious. This lying has gone on too long.”

“I’m not putting on a persona, and it’s not lying,” he tried to argue, as if he wasn’t close to shattering at the mere concept of change. “It’s… it’s acting. That’s all it is.”

“Acting, lying, who cares? The fact you can’t even discuss us ending this charade is unhealthy. We’re not dating. _The_ Jason Grace and Piper McLean are. Piper and Jason aren’t.”

“I know that!”

“So why hold on to it?”

“Because I— I don’t know.” It hurt to admit, but it was true. He pulled his knees to his chest, hugging himself tight like he was a child again. “Maybe I just don’t want to lose you guys.”

All these years caught up in a fantasy to protect their imaginary personas and he couldn’t even remember _why_. Was it like Leo said? Was he trying to protect Piper from the harsh criticism of the world? He had seen the press vilify women before. With strangers and his mother. So was that why he was so adamant on this? Or was it like what Thalia had accused him of? Was he just protecting his own image? He hated that he couldn’t tell.

Piper crossed the room and held him tight. “You’re still my best friend. Fake dating or not,” she assured him, stroking his hair until he relaxed like his parents never had.

“I know that,” he finally admitted. “But I just don’t know where I stand without this. Who are we if we’re not constantly pretending?”

“I just told you. We’re friends. Always.”

Jason let go of his legs and wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Well, isn’t that why I’m dating Leo?”

He gave a short laugh and even managed a smile. “You made a good decision with that one.”

“And if Ethan is as great as you make him sound, so did you.”

His smile broke once more. “He’s engaged.”

“Not for real.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jason frowned. “The world thinks he is, and next year, when this is all over—”

“You’ll date him,” Piper said. She was serious. She held Jason’s face and forced him to look her in the eyes. “Do you hear me? A year from now, if that man is worth anything, you will be together.”

“I—I can’t,” Jason stuttered out. “He’ll still be Thalia’s ex.” “Who cares? If the world still hates you when your sister and your ex, who also just happens to be her bandmate, support the relationship, then they don’t matter.” She said it like it was an order. Maybe it was. “The only opinion that matters is yours. Fuck the world. We love you, and you gotta love yourself.”

Jason felt the rise of tears. He choked them back and held his friend tight. “Thank you,” was all he managed before the tears spilled over.

Piper held him while he cried. When Leo returned, he joined them, no questions asked. He held Jason just as tight until he could finally breathe again.

“One year,” Jason swore, wiping the tears and snot from his face. “Give me one year to figure this out and then we can end this stupid game. I’m tired too. I’m _so_ tired. I want you guys to be happy. I just need one year.”

Leo nodded and Piper smiled. “One year,” they repeated and pulled him back into another bear hug. Jason felt at home in the pressure of their hold. He didn’t know where the year would end up, but he knew that wouldn’t change.


	10. Chapter Ten

** CHAPTER TEN **

****Hours later, Jason climbed out of the back of a limo, with a painted smile on his face and his arm around Piper’s waist. It was comfortable, familiar, normal. In the back of his mind, he could vaguely register the guilt of holding her like his while Leo clambered out after them into the flashing lights of the paparazzi as they headed into the fundraiser. But he ignored it, allowing instinct to take over.

Like Piper had said, they might not be together, but Jason Grace and Piper McLean were. They were in love, stuck in the honeymoon phase for four years. He barely had to think as they made their way to the doors, stopping at photo points, spinning her into an embrace, a kiss, whispering in her ear. She laughed and smiled as if it were the first few months of their relationship, when they truly had been in love and expected it to never end. Part of Jason longed for those days. They were simpler. Kinder.

Then Leo broke into their life. He and Piper had been over for a while, but it was new and confusing. They kept the act up, afraid of how the press would respond to both of their first serious relationships ending. Leo came in and was the first person to hear the truth and trust them while also calling them insane. It was why Jason and Piper liked him. His honesty was why Piper fell for him. So just like he broke into their life, turning everything on end, he shoved them apart in pictures, putting on a smile and a show for the cameras. Until the lies were gone and the three of them were laughing in truth, and holding each other with love while walking through the doors and into the event. 

Once inside, Jason’s arm fell off Piper’s waist. Leo’s quickly took its place.

“I love a good private party,” he smiled. “Every bigwig is too busy worrying about their own affairs to care about ours.”

Piper knocked his hand off all the same as they crossed the events hall to their table. “Except tonight’s a fundraiser, and a couple of underpaid theater company members will gladly sell us out to pay rent.”

“Or at the very least, write a play about it.” Jason shuddered, pulling Piper’s chair out for her to sit.

Piper laughed. “And it probably wouldn’t even be good.”

The boys sat down in the chairs on either side of her, Leo more forcefully so, nearly knocking his chair over as he did so. Piper only laughed harder, a snort escaping her, as she helped him right himself.

“We might want to get dancing sooner rather than later if that’s where your balance is now,” she teased him.

“I didn’t expect your dad to rent cheap chairs is all,” Leo retorted. “I mean, the center of balance is all off!”

“Of course it is.”

“It is! They should be…” Leo’s voice faded into the distance and Jason’s mind went blank.

In the time it took them to sit down and Leo managed to beat his record with “fastest transition into engineering and physics,” Jason had managed to find a flaw in the night. Parties like this were often quite fun. The three of them running about, laughing at old money in the room trying to figure out the truth of the three’s closeness, taking bets on which dynamic the tabloids would run with come morning. Would Jason be dating Piper? Would Piper be dating Leo? Was it Jason and Leo after all? Or were they just _very_ modern?

Any chance of a night like that died when Jason saw the table card next to his.

“Ethan’s going to be here!?” He picked the card up to examine it further, but no matter how close it was to his face it still read _Table 6: Ethan Nakamura._ “Your dad invited _him?”_ He shoved the card under a still laughing Piper’s nose.

She blinked back and took the card from him. “Well yeah,” she said, hardly apologetic. “Dad asked if Thalia and I would play a few songs, so Ethan was kind of part of the deal. I thought you knew?” 

He tried to refrain from telling her he wouldn’t be here right now if he had.

“Clearly I didn’t,” he hissed. “I can’t be near him right now.”

“What?” Leo snorted. “Afraid you’ll get lost in that dreamy eye?”

Jason’s face flushed. He _was_ afraid of that, actually. The concept seeing a now engaged Ethan, to Thalia of all people, was odd enough. It was made worse by the fact that this was also going to be the first time he saw him since realizing he was very much, possibly, in love with the guy.

Piper took his panicked face in her hand. “Jase, I’m sorry. I really thought you knew.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it,” he lied, forcing down his nausea. “It probably just slipped my mind. Besides, I had to see him eventually, didn't I?”

“Well, ‘eventually’ is right now.” Leo jerked his chin over Jason’s shoulder. “The Bridal Party has arrived.”

Jason knew who he meant, but he turned to look anyways. Thalia walked in through the massive doors, silhouetted by the flashing cameras. She was regal, elegant, but with a sharp edge about it. Her usual dichotomy. But then there was Ethan.

He was stiff, uncomfortable, and horribly out of his element. There was no way the cameras failed to capture that. Jason only hoped they found it as endearing as he did. Despite the pain in his chest, and the tightness of his lungs, he felt the smallest of smiles pull at the corner of his lip. Thalia had made sure to wear heels to tower over Ethan again, and he looked more than a little miffed by it. His wrinkled brow and constant glances to the four inch gladiator sandals gave it away.

“I thought you said his face was soft or something?” Leo said, confused.

Piper elbowed him.

“Ow!”

Jason ignored them and tried to focus on clearing the redness from his ears, but then he’d see that Ethan had worn a midnight blue patch to match the dark feather patterned blazer. For a man who hated opulence, he certainly cared about his clothes. Not that Jason could judge, what with his car. Besides, at least this habit made Ethan look like _that._

“Close your mouth, Jason,” Piper said, tapping his chin up. “You’ll give yourself away.”

“Please, his blush has that covered,” Leo joked.

Jason shook himself back to reality and chugged the preset glass of water at his spot. “I’m fine,” he told himself more than anyone. “Just caught off guard is all.”

Leo gave a deep and mocking sigh. “I wish you’d look at me like that. But I guess you’ll never love me like him.” He feigned a fit of emotion, hand thrown dramatically against his forehead, and fell back in his chair, dejected.

“Here I thought I was enough,” Piper said, adjusting the lapels of Leo’s jacket, the same shade of maroon as her gown. The two were smiling and a half giggle even managed to bubble out of Leo.

“Not so private party, guys,” Jason reminded them, still staring blankly at the table.

“Please, you’re gaping at your sister’s fiance,” Piper said, pulling Leo to his feet. “We’re just going to dance.”

“What? Guys wait, don’t—” Jason shot back to life. He turned to reach out for Piper’s arm, to pull her back to him, but she and Leo were already darting between tables to dance. His safety net was gone.

“Leave me,” he finished under his breath, watching his best friends twirling in circles. He wasn’t even on their minds.

“Jason, thank god you’re here,” Thalia said, falling exhausted into Piper’s chair. “The past two days have been absolute hell.”

“You at least got to stay at your own apartment during it,” Ethan grumbled, taking his seat on Jason’s other side. “I had no escape.”

“It’s not my fault you forgot your laptop and headphones,” she snapped, pointing her newly heavily jeweled left hand accusingly towards Ethan. “You knew you had to spend the night.”

“Not for two days!”

“Right, because guys always move back in with their dad the morning after proposing. That’s believable.”

“It’s not ‘moving back in.’ I _live_ there!”

“Guys, stop!” Jason shouted over them. “You’re supposed to be a happy couple. At least _try_ to be.”

“It’s not so easy without you there to make him bearable!” Thalia argued. “Honestly, he’s near impossible to deal with. Told me to stay out of my own living room while he was sleeping.”

“If you hadn’t turned your guest room into a recording studio, we wouldn’t have had a problem,” Ethan growled.

“Fuck this,” Thalia said, standing up and shoving her chair back. “I need a drink. Or ten.”

She stalked off, leaving Jason alone just like his friends. His arm fell from trying to stop her. He was alone. With Ethan. The last person he wanted to be seeing.

He rubbed circles round his temples, praying it would ward off the inevitable migraine the night would end with.

The silence between him and Ethan was more than welcomed, but pressing all the same. They had always found conversation so easily, but two short days apart must have ruined any hope of that. What had Thalia told Ethan about him? Did he trust Jason? Hate the real him? What did he—

“Your girlfriend’s dancing with another guy,” Ethan said, cutting through Jason’s fears.

Well... partly. He had been so caught up in his worries he forgot Ethan still may _not_ know Jason was a liar. “What girlfriend?” he blanched.

Ethan quirked a brow. “Piper McLean? The one who makes you half of Hollywood’s _It_ Couple? Dancing with the short curly haired guy in a matching suit?”

“Oh, right, that girlfriend.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

Jason bit his lip. He didn’t want to sit here and lie. Not just because it was Ethan, but he’d promised Piper and Leo. One year and the lie was done. There was no need to keep spreading it. But he could hear the accusations in his head. _You’re just like your father. Are all Graces liars? Is this why you’ve had fun screwing me over? Had enough lying about your own life?_

“I can’t dance to save my life,” he said before he thought it through. It was a half truth. He couldn’t dance, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t. “I can’t dance, but Leo can. Piper won’t end up with a broken foot dancing with him.”

“Well, aren’t you the gentleman.” Ethan’s voice was its typical dry tone, but the grin proved he was poking fun. 

Jason couldn’t help but return the smile.

They fell back into a silence, but this time without tension. He’d been worried for nothing. He settled in his chair, elbows on table, and chin in hand. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Leo and Piper dancing dangerously close to the edge of discovery, but his real focus was Ethan.

Ethan, who sat reclined in his chair, turned away from the table, watching the dance floor earnestly. Ethan, whose smile turned down as he watched the happy couples spin like the tacky disco ball above. Jason was on his blind side and was for once grateful for it. He could stare all he wanted without being caught. He was grateful to see that Ethan’s bangs, though short and out of the way now, were still there, brushing his brow ever so lightly. His long face was so much more distinctive from this angle. His jaw no longer appeared sharp and triangular, but strong. Both views of him were something Jason could stare at for hours, but the variety was gladly welcomed.

It was from this angle he could see Ethan’s jaw clench, but quickly relax as if nothing were wrong. Jason wished he could see Ethan’s eye, see what he was thinking.

“She’s right, you know,” Ethan said, answering Jason’s prayers. “I _really_ don’t like her, but she’s right.”

“Who?” Jason asked, still watching Ethan, who hadn’t bothered to turn to look at him.

“Think for ten seconds. Who should I not really be insulting in public right now?”

 _Thalia,_ Jason thought and his stomach turned. He loved his sister, but he was quietly enjoying ignoring her connection to Ethan. For Ethan to be the one to remind him…

“What’s she right about?”

Ethan chewed on the inside of his lip, a habit Jason noticed he had when he was not enjoying the path of a conversation. He was ready to say Ethan didn’t have to continue. That he didn’t want to push him, but then Ethan said it and Jason felt his heart catch and his world shift for the millionth time in the past two days.

“It would have been easier with you there.” Ethan had been so quiet, Jason almost missed it. He would have thought he hallucinated it if not for the faint flush under Ethan’s patch.

Jason was once again grateful for Ethan not seeing him as his face turned the same deep shade of purple as his own shirt. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, his smile in his words. 

“Don’t make me say it,” Ethan groaned.

“Oh c’mon,” Jason teased. “Prove to me you actually have a heart in there.”

“I don’t. I am cruel and cold and absolutely would _never_ admit you’re my friend.”

“I think you just did.”

“No, I said I never would.”

“But by saying you’ll never admit to it means that you are hiding that it’s true. I’m your friend.”

“Fuck! You tricked me!” Ethan threw his hands up in defeat and finally turned to look Jason in the eye. His smile was stunning and ever present in his deep black eye. “Fine, I’ll reluctantly admit it. You would have made it bearable because I _might_ consider you a friend.”

Jason clamped down on the joy erupting from him. “Well, I’m honored,” he managed to say in an even keel. Inside he was alight with who knows what. Sometimes there simply weren’t words for what you were feeling. Ethan thought he was his friend. Ethan trusted him. Ethan—

Jason’s smile fell. Ethan trusted him. Piper and Leo _trusted_ him, but he had kept the same stupid lie alive despite swearing to end it. “I’m a liar,” he said.

“What, you’re not honored?” Ethan was still grinning at him, not aware how serious Jason was.

“No, I mean, I am honored,” Jason rushed. “But I don’t deserve to be called your friend because I lied.”

Ethan slipped into his comfortable morose scowl. “What are you lying about?”

“Piper and Leo dancing,” he explained, feeling part of him crack. Outside of their families, Ethan would be the first to know. “They’re the couple, not Piper and I.”

Ethan looked at him for a second. His brows furrowed, and his nose crinkled, drawing attention to the few freckles he had. Jason forced himself to ignore them.

“Hold on, you’re this worried about the fact you’re not dating McLean?”

Jason’s heart sank. “You knew?”

“Well, no,” Ethan admitted. “Up until this second I thought she was over there blatantly cheating while you moped over here. Didn’t like her much to begin with, but if she was also playing you—”

“No!” Jason interrupted. “No, Piper would never do that! She’s absolutely amazing, and besides, we broke up ages ago. I’m talking years.”

In hushed tones, Jason found himself explaining the mess that was he and his best friends’ lives the past few years. How he and Piper were childhood friends through his mother and her dad. How when they were starting college across the country, things felt different, better, and they started going out. How they quickly realized it was just familiarity they craved, but weren’t sure how to end it without the press attacking one or the other.

Then they met Leo a year into their lie, and a year later he and Piper were dating. Not once did they hide it from Jason. The second it happened, they told him, not wanting him to get hurt. He had offered to drop the lie then and there, but Piper asked him not to. She wanted to feel normal, and Leo was normal. They could date without prying eyes until they knew where it was going, but the lie kept going.

It morphed into protecting Piper from the vilifying press, branding her as a cheater. Into protecting their careers because of the drama that would come with the lead singer of _The Hunters_ and the brother of the drummer having a massive breakup. The sudden intensity of the spotlight Leo would face. They were lost, but they were trying to find their way out.

When Jason finished, out of breath from the rush of information and shaking from the flood of adrenaline, he waited for Ethan to respond. Ethan sat, quietly contemplating the craze of information put onto him. 

“So,” he finally said. “You’re not staying with a cheater just to keep your Iconic Hollywood Couple persona going?”

“God, no,” Jason assured him. “Just drowning in our own bullshit.”

Ethan considered this a little longer. “I can’t believe I’m saying two nice things to you in one night, but I respect that. Protecting your friends, I mean.”

Jason felt as if an Olympic deadlifter had just wrestled their bar off his chest. “I should have told you sooner,” he apologized.

“Why?” Ethan shrugged. “I didn’t trust you. I would’ve spread that shit no questions asked.”

“You wouldn't have.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know you’re a good person.”

“Shut up, Grace,” Ethan snapped, but he couldn’t hide the returning flush to his cheeks.

Jason laughed. Maybe he was in love. Maybe he wasn’t. One thing was for certain. He loved moments like this, where the two of them could be normal. Could be friends. Not two barely men still stuck in their fathers’ schemes. 

“Shit, shit, shit!” Thalia’s rushed swears forced Jason to acknowledge that moments like this were fleeting and false. Her hand pressed on the back of Jason’s head as she wriggled between tables to her spot on Ethan’s other side, grabbing his arm and draping it around her as she did.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Ethan tried to recoil, but Thalia had his arm in a death grip.

“Put a smile on your face and pretend you’re human for five minutes,” she hissed.

“Thals, maybe if you’re a little nicer about it…” Jason pushed, seeing that Ethan was ready to lash back.

“There’s no time for niceties,” she explained. “He either gets his act together or we’re fucked.”

“Well, it would be easier to like you if you put in any effort in yourself,” Ethan sneered. It was an odd image, watching the two of them bicker and glare at each other while snuggled close.

It was made even stranger by Leo sliding into the picture, nearly knocking Ethan to the ground when he slammed into him. “Piper is trying to hold him off,” he rushed out and picked himself up off the floor. “But we really don’t have much time.”

“Who the hell are you?” Ethan asked coolly.

Leo smoothed his jacket down and held out his hand. “Leo Valdez, best friend of Jason Grace, all around genius, and trying to save your ass.”

Ethan looked at Leo’s hand, to his face, and back at his hand with a quizzical look. “And why did you slam into me?”

“See point three: saving your ass.” 

“For an apparent genius, you can’t explain anything,” Ethan jabbed.

Jason rolled his eyes and spun Leo to face him. “Alright, what’s point three saving us _from?_ ”

Thalia and Leo answered at the same time. “Tristan McLean.”

Ethan looked confused, but Jason immediately understood the urgency.

Tristan was not only a romantic, but he also wasn’t too big on the whole fake dating thing. He was furious when he found out about Piper and Leo despite Piper appearing to be with Jason.

“What’s the point of being in love if you can’t show it!?” he had yelled after a thirty minute lecture on honesty being necessary for any relationship to work. He came around to the idea, but not enough to be fine with Thalia, who was as good as his second daughter, and Ethan lying about a whole engagement for business’ sake.

Even without that factor, he spent this whole morning at Piper’s house asking Jason about the two of them. He was thrilled to see Thalia “happy” and wanted to make sure Ethan wouldn’t hurt her, if he was a good guy, if Jason liked him. Of course Jason said yes to all of them. Though he hadn’t mentioned that he liked Ethan a little too much.

“Your girlfriend’s dad?” Ethan asked, though it was unclear if he was talking to Jason or Leo. They both nodded to compensate. “What’s the big deal then?”

Thalia scooted her chair closer to Ethan. She was practically in his lap, her head on his chest and smile plastered on her face, completely contradicting her pained tone. “You’re about to see. He’s coming over now.”

“Dad, really, just leave them alone. I’m sure they’re already tired of all this engagement talk,” Piper’s voice came from over Jason’s shoulder. He turned and saw her desperately trying not to trip over her skirt while walking backwards in hopes of deterring her dad from the worst possible place for him to be.

“Nonsense, Piper,” Tristan waved her off. “I’m sure they’re willing to gush about each other no matter who asks. Happy couples are like that.”

“ _I’m_ not like that.”

“If telling yourself that makes you feel any better, then I won’t stop you.” With that, he ruffled his daughter’s dark hair and pulled up in a chair across the table. He stuck out his hand for Ethan to shake. “It’s fantastic to finally meet you, kiddo.”

Despite knowing the guy since he was in diapers, Jason still found it odd that he was one of the most famous names in Hollywood. Aside from his stunning smile, and frankly being downright gorgeous, he was just normal. He was kind, welcoming, and always there for a good laugh. Once he had gotten past the lying, he was thrilled that Leo was dating his daughter. Who else would laugh at his painfully horrid jokes? Honestly? Probably anyone, considering Tristan’s pure charisma and air of realness. Only he could pull off calling Ethan _kiddo._

Jason could see from Ethan’s face that even he was taken aback by Tristan’s boldness towards simply being friendly. Unlike with Leo’s, Ethan took his hand and shook it firmly. “It’s good to meet you too, sir. My, uh, father is a big fan.”

“Is he? Well, I’ll have to talk to him at Jason’s big bash next week, won’t I?”

“Big bash?” Ethan raised a brow at Jason.

Shit, with everything going on, Jason had forgotten the stupid yearly tradition entirely. “He means my birthday party,” he bemoaned. “Four days of festivities in DC. Starting with my birthday and ending with the Fourth.”

“And our engagement party right in the middle of it! You’ll finally get to meet the whole family.” Thalia gave Ethan an unexpected kiss on the cheek and Jason’s brain short circuited for a moment. Guess this was going to be a regular occurrence now. One moment they’d be trying to kill each other, the next they’d be as good as in love.

“Great,” Ethan said, but he sounded like it was less than great.

Tristan clearly didn’t notice that Ethan had turned an odd shade. “So Ethan, how long have you been head over heels for our girl here?”

“Um… not long at all.”

Jason couldn’t blame him for the discomfort. They hadn’t really prepared him for people who were practically family not knowing the truth. Even in DC, the extended family would know the truth. This sort of stuff was common for them, expanding political dynasties and all that. Ethan and Thalia would just have to put on a show when they were outside. Only if Tristan was going to make it after all, they’d have to be on their toes at all times.

“But you still proposed?” There was an edge to the question, and it hit Jason. Tristan wasn’t just here to talk sweet new love. He was here to grill Ethan.

Ethan stuttered at a loss and shot a pleading look towards anyone who might help.

“Tristan, there’s no need for an interrogation,” Jason cut in. “Our father already did when Ethan asked permission. He’s in the clear.”

He didn’t seem to be buying it yet. “Your father, Jupiter Grace, actually made sure this was for good for Thalia and not for the company?”

“Yes,” Jason said sternly. “He did, and _I_ did.”

Tristan narrowed his eyes. Jason tried not to squirm under his gaze. Tristan had always had a nose for the bullshit Jupiter Grace spewed, but he trusted Jason. He hoped trust of him outweighed the distrust of his father.

“Alright,” Tristan finally relented. “If Jason says you’re good enough for Thalia, you're good enough for me.”

Thalia looked offended. “My opinion doesn’t matter then?” she scoffed. “Ugh, men.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Piper said, raising her champagne flute and knocking it back.

“Those aren’t shots, Piper, slow down,” Tristan lectured before turning to Thalia. “And of course your opinion matters, sweetheart, but you’re also more than impulsive. Your brother’s much more level headed.” “I am level headed!” she argued, pulling out from under Ethan’s arm.

“I don’t know, Princess,” Ethan smirked. “Level headed people usually don’t have to yell that.”

Thalia shot a glare back at him, but Tristan started laughing.

“I see why she likes you. You’ve got spunk.” He waved his finger at Ethan. “Just don’t go breaking her heart.”

“Oh, I don’t think you have to worry about that, Mr. McLean,” Ethan said with a knowing smile, pulling Thalia back against him. “Isn’t that right, hon?”

“We can agree on that, at least,” Thalia huffed with her arms crossed. Jason was amazed how they even managed to make their bickering seem authentic. Well, the fighting _was_ authentic, but it still managed to read as banter. Maybe others weren’t as fooled by it, but it was enough to impress Jason. That or he was jealous. He hated not knowing which it was.

“Well, if you two really are going to be joined at the hip then I want to get one thing straight,” Tristan said, serious once more. Jason saw Ethan stiffen next to him out of fear. “I don’t want this ‘Mr. McLean’ crap. Thalia and Jason are family, and if you’re their family you’re mine. So act like it and call me Tristan.”

A nervous laugh bubbled out of Ethan and Jason about choked on the water he was drinking. “Okay, then.”

“Say it.”

“Tristan.”

“There we go!”

“I don’t know, Pops,” Piper groaned. “Do I really want him as a sibling? You already cursed me with Jason.”

“Wait,” Leo gasped. “Am I only an upgrade because I’m the only person your dad _hasn’t_ adopted?”

“That is exactly the reason.”

“Not so fast,” Tristan cut in. “I have called Leo ‘son’ at _least_ once before.”

“Dammit, Dad!”

The conversation dissolved away from the truth behind Thalia and Ethan and into a friendly banter. Jason relaxed, forgetting the current pains of life. Even when Ethan’s surprised laughs rang out, Jason’s heart didn’t skip a beat. Well, they didn’t skip an abnormal amount. It was almost a normal night.

After the meals were served, Piper and Thalia went to the stage to perform a short acoustic set (Thalia on the piano since drums weren’t really great for a performance like this). Leo continually dug at Ethan to learn anything and everything about him, but surprisingly never stepping close to his opinions on Jason. He pressed mostly on the nickname front, all of which Ethan turned his nose up at. They were still going when Thalia and Piper returned.

“Oh, come on! Ethanator is not that bad!” Leo insisted.

“I don’t know what you two are talking about, but I refuse to be engaged to ‘the Ethanator,” Thalia said once she sat back down.

“Well then, I have good news for you.,” Ethan smiled. Jason half expected him to decide he _loved_ the name Ethanator, but instead he wrapped his arms around Thalia, pulled her close, and sat his chin on his head. A small revenge for her heels. “I would also kill anyone who called me that.”

“Fine, I’ll keep trying,” Leo bemoaned and slumped back, defeated.

Tristan, who had been busy introducing the next act, returned to their table grinning bigger than ever. “Alright, dinner is done, your performance is done, let’s get down to details,” he said eagerly. “What’s you two’s plan? I know it’s only been a couple days, but do you have any ideas for the wedding? Back when Piper’s mom and I considered getting married, we couldn’t stop wedding planning.”

“Glad you two didn’t go through with it,” Piper said, taking a massive bite of the now served cake from her dad’s plate. Then she whispered to Ethan, “They’ve both told me they wanted me in a baby version of the bridesmaids dress. Fucking abhorrent.”

“Language!” Tristan warned in true fatherly fashion.

“I’m literally twenty-two years old!”

“That doesn’t excuse basic manners.”

Piper emphasized his point by sticking her tongue out at him. Tristan rolled his eyes and turned back to Ethan and Thalia. “So, any plans?”

“Not really,” Thalia said plainly. “I’m going to be traveling so much getting the album ready, and with tour next summer, we can’t even think of a date yet.”

“I can say what I don’t want,” Jason heard Ethan mutter next to him. Jason turned his head and found Ethan giving him a mischievous half grin with a glint in his eye. Clearly he wanted to say _the wedding_. Jason couldn’t help it. He snorted.

Tristan, thankfully, didn’t notice. “So no date for the wedding, but what about the living situation? Surely you’re not going to keep commuting to the city, Ethan?”

“Hmm?” Ethan snapped his attention back to Tristan after snickering with Jason. “Sorry, I missed that.”

“Are you and Thalia moving in together?”

The world froze. Jason knew he wasn’t the only one who felt it when Tristan’s words finally hit them. This wasn’t something they had thought of, and it was something that could leave them dead in the water.

A rush of explanations came out.

“Like I said,” Thalia tried. “All the travel for the album and the tour. I’m just not home enough to think of it yet.”

“She’s right,” Piper agreed. “I mean, it’s the same reason I don’t have my own place yet. I’d never be there!”

“The vineyard gets kinda lonely if just my father’s there,” Ethan stumbled. “Besides, I’ve got Argus so the drive isn’t that bad.”

“And I really don’t mind picking him up when Argus can’t,” Jason added. “It’s a beautiful drive.”

Leo seemed to be the only one enjoying this. “What a great question!” he said. “When are you two moving in?”

Jason tried to kick him under the table, but stomped on Piper’s foot instead. Which led to an elbow-bruised rib cage and the wind knocked from his lungs. Unfortunate, considering it meant he couldn’t argue with the horrors that came next.

“We’re not moving in together,” Thalia hissed at Leo. “It just doesn’t make sense with my lease up in a year.” She clearly wasn’t referring to the lease.

“I mean, I get that,” Leo continued with a wave of his hand. “But we’re living in the crux of disastrous climate change. It just doesn't make sense for Ethan to be driven into the city and back. That’s eight hours in the car for the driver, whether it’s Jason or Argus.”

“If Jason said he’s willing, it’s fine. And Jason’s car is electric.” Piper’s attempt at shutting down Leo was weak, but appreciated. “Besides, like Thalia said, we’re out of town so much with _The Hunters_ that he won’t even be commuting everyday.”

“He would be to see his friend Jason.” Leo leaned around Piper and waggled his eyebrows at Jason, who was still trying to regain his voice as fast as possible, but it wasn’t fast enough. _Why now,_ Jason begged the world. _Why does Leo have to wingman **now?**_

“That’s it!” Tristan exclaimed. Jason feared to know what _it_ was. “Jason, why doesn’t Ethan move in with you? Two best friends rooming together? Well, it would be a blast and save you both so much time.”

“Yeah, and when Thalia’s in town, Ethan will be right there!”

“Exactly! Leo’s getting it!”

Jason felt like he was going to be sick. The air had escaped him for an entirely different reason this time, and he couldn’t bear to look at his sister and Ethan next to him, but he doubted they were much better. He wanted to shout out no, no, Ethan could not live with him. It would ruin his life, but he had no choice but to stay silent. Telling the truth would get him caught in the lie of the engagement and his own feelings. He was already trapped enough.

So from a million miles away, he felt his hand clap Ethan on the back and his voice choke out, “That sounds _amazing!_ ” And that was how Jason came to realize that as much as he loved Leo, he was going to murder him later for this, because he was officially Ethan Nakamura’s roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the day my beta becomes illiterate (Happy Jared 19 day, Jes!) I will post my longest chapter. We love that.


	11. Chapter Eleven

** CHAPTER ELEVEN **

“Just when I start to think you guys are normal, you blow any chance of that out of the water,” Ethan growled through gritted teeth. His fingers dug into the arm rests of the overly stuffed leather chair on the Grace Farming _private jet._

“Well, you can’t expect us to fly commercial, can you?” Thalia said, reclining her chair back, shades on and ready for a nap.

“I fly commercial,” he retorted.

“Unfortunate.”

“Thalia, play nice,” Jupiter Grace’s cold voice came from behind his open paper. “Just because there’s no paparazzi here to capture your sour attitude doesn’t mean I want to put up with it.”

Thalia flipped her dad off, and despite the mass of newsprint between them, he still knew. “Put your hand down, or I will consider leaking to the press you’re eloping as well,” he threatened in the same even keeled tone.

Thalia rolled her eyes under her glasses, but dropped her hand all the same.

“He won’t leak anything of the sort,” Kentaro told Thalia, glaring daggers at Jupiter. “This is only a year-long agreement. Not a moment longer.”

“Because you totally care,” Ethan grumbled.

“Ethan, please,” Kentaro started another one of his endless apologies, reaching out for his son, but Ethan stood up before he could get close.

“I’m gonna sit in the back,” he said. “Try and get some sleep.”

His father made like he was going to follow him.

“Just let him go, Ken,” Jupiter sighed, turning the page. “He’ll learn to be grateful one of these days.” Ethan froze at the curtains dividing the sections of the plane, wishing Kentaro would follow just to _not_ be like the pompous ass.

But he didn’t, and Ethan entered the back of the plane alone.

They were almost an hour in and this was already effectively the worst flight he’d ever been on. He had already expected to hate it. He despised flying. The pressure change led to migraines, and he may not admit it, but Ethan was more than jumpy about turbulence. His anxiety aside, the trip was abnormally terrible. It had been the first and only hour he had spent with the older Grace since the deal became official, and needless to say, he despised him.

Jason had been a breath of fresh air, surprisingly kind hearted and relatable despite his lifestyle. He of course did a few odd things like act like a seventy-dollar lunch was normal, but he also tipped their servers a forty. Thalia was… a lot, but that didn’t mean she treated people as lessers due to their social standings. She was an equally opportunist asshole. But their father? He made them both look saintly.

He refused to learn Kentaro’s _actual_ name. When he met Ethan, despite saying he was “charmed,” he had sneered as he gave Ethan a judgmental up and down. He was curt no matter what was being said. He _just_ threatened to punish Ethan with an actual marriage because Thalia had given him the finger. When Ethan asked if Charlie and Silena could fly out on the plane with them, he had said there simply wasn’t the space. Considering Ethan was now in an entire separate room on a plane, it was safe to assume that was a load of shit. The list went on and on.

Ethan flopped onto one of the couches in the near empty “lounge” of the plane. He stuck his headphones in, turned the volume to high, and prepared to drift off. He was ready to sleep all the way to DC to escape the dull business talk of the two men and Thalia’s general distaste for him. Even Jason, who Ethan had expected to be the one saving grace of this flying mansion, was in a bitter mood.

He’d been nothing but stiff and all about having professional conversations since the Nakamuras arrived on the tarmac. Awkwardly calling Kentaro “Sir” and nothing else. Not even smiling when Ethan gagged at the mention of falsely shopping for wedding venues. In fact, he’d barely spoken to Ethan at all. The closest they’d gotten was a small laugh escaping Jason when Ethan was complaining about the lack of apple juice on the King of Juice’s plane, but that had quickly stopped when Jupiter declared it an incredibly stupid observation and Jason straightened up with a nod of agreement.

So with no salvation from the last people Ethan wanted to be locked up with, he napped. Or at least he _tried_ to, but a muffled question broke through his music and woke him up.

“Is that One Direction?”

Ethan cracked his groggy eye open to see Jason leaning over him, so close his hair was tickling Ethan's nose. He managed to clamp down on his knee jerk reaction to sit up in shock, avoiding slamming their heads together.

“Jesus, do you know what personal space is?” Ethan snapped, scooting up the edge of the couch. Once the space was available Jason sat next to him and stole an earbud.

“It really is One Direction,” Jason said, the first flitter of a smile crossing his face today. “I didn’t expect your music taste to be so…”

“So what?”

“Don’t get so defensive. I was going to say I didn’t expect it to be so, I don’t know, happy?”

Ethan’s glare deepened. “Am I not supposed to find that insulting?”

“No! I didn’t mean… I just,” Jason took a deep breath and tried again. “Look, I don’t know how to say it without putting my foot in my mouth, but you just don’t seem like the upbeat poppy love song type of guy. I would’ve bet my inheritance on you _not_ being a Top Forties kind of guy.”

“If you’re going to say you pegged me as some twenty-twelve, Hot Topic, pop punk stereotype, I’m going to push you out the plane—” 

“I was going to say I like it,” Jason cut through. “It’s like a secret side of you.” His voice was soft, his smile gentle. For once it was him who had the dusting of blush on his face and Ethan found himself looking at the stark white scar on Jason’s upper lip.

Then, just as quick as the brief moment of honesty had come, it went away. Jason knocked Ethan in the shoulder. “You’re such a softy,” he teased. “Thalia’s going to dump you so fast when she finds out about this.”

“Perfect, I’ll tell her right now,” Ethan said, only half kidding.

Jason, apparently, found this hilarious. He threw his head back, laughing like he was letting out all those stifled from this morning onwards. He sounded like himself.

Unfortunately, Ethan didn’t get to enjoy that before the wires of the earbuds went taut and their heads slammed together like the cliche Ethan had so desperately been trying to avoid.

“Fuck! That hurt,” Ethan groaned, rubbing where their foreheads collided.

Through his daze he could tell Jason was still _right there_ , fixing his slightly askew glasses and rubbing his own head.

“Sorry, kind of forgot wires were a thing,” Jason replied. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Ethan insisted. “And I’m sorry I don’t feel like paying a hundred dollars every time I lose a fucking airpod like some people— What are you doing?”

Ethan sat frozen, Jason’s face inches from his own, the other boy’s thumb gently rubbing across his brow.

“I think my glasses nicked you a bit,” he said distantly, staring intently at a small, fresh scrape above Ethan’s eye.

“Right… Well, if it’s not bleeding then I’m fine.”

Ethan could tell Jason hadn’t truly heard him. What with his small “mmhmm” and continued examination of the tiniest scratch. Still, Ethan didn’t move, didn’t pull away. He just let Jason sit there, so close to him it sent Ethan’s vision out of focus, stroking his brow with his surprisingly soft thumb.

“Jason!” Jupiter Grace’s barking voice cut through their stupor and the two jumped apart. Jason jumped to his feet, pale and rigid.

“Father! I’m sorry I lost track of time,” Jason’s voice was far from where it had been seconds ago. Any softness was gone and replaced by rigidity despite the slight shake to his words.

“We are starting our descent in an hour, and I wanted to discuss the protocol for the airport and you are back here _goofing off?”_ It was the most emotion Ethan had ever heard out of the guy, and it just so happened to be a seething rage directed entirely at Jason.

“I—I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again,” Jason apologized once more, still not looking up to meet his father’s matching blue eyes.

“I would hope not,” Jupiter drawled. “As future heir to the company, I expect you to take responsibility in these manners. How can I trust you to do that if you can’t wake up one measly boy from a nap?”

“I’m right here, you know!” Ethan snapped. Jason, however, didn’t say a word to defend him. It stung more than Ethan wanted to admit.

“You’re right,” he said instead. “We’ll both be in in a moment, sir.”

“Good,” Jupiter huffed. With a quick adjustment of his suit (yes, the man flew in full business regalia), he turned back to the bar section of the plane.

Once he was gone, Ethan turned to Jason. “Thanks for the backup two seconds ago,” he hissed. “Real nice having you agree with your dick dad calling me measly.”

“Ethan, please,” Jason whispered, back to the hollow sound from the tarmac. “Can we just go to the bar and talk about this later?”

“I’d rather talk about it now.”

“Well, I don’t.” Jason’s tone was firm and final. “Come along or not, either way I _have_ to be in there.”

He didn’t wait for Ethan to respond, didn’t wait to see if he’d follow, just turned on his heel and left. It was like the moment they just had, the brief intimate moment, was nothing more than a dream. A fluke. A mistake.

**_—————————————————————_ **

Airport protocol turned out to be more than just “hold hands and look vomitously cute.” When half the people on the plane were the direct family of a sitting Senator, and who’s house you were going to, it meant there was a pile of security you needed to be prepared for. Ethan, needless to say, wasn’t prepared for the rush to the armored cars and the piles of security. At least the most they had to do on the publicity front was hold hands and wave.

The armored van ride wasn’t any better than the flight. Actually it was worse. A lot worse considering it was in tight quarters and stifled by awkward silences. Ethan had the misfortune to be crammed between Jason, who was pissed at him, and Thalia, no further explanation needed. 

“With the festivities tomorrow, I want everyone in bed at a reasonable hour,” Jupiter said, as if they were all a bunch of children. “The last thing we need is someone sleeping through the festivities _again._ ”

Jason mumbled a “Yes, sir,” but Thalia rolled her eyes, not bothering to argue or agree.

That was the end of any and all conversations during the ride. They rode from the airport to Virginia, to towns made of nothing but mansions and weeping willows. They wove through a long near abandoned street dead ending at exactly the type of opulent, plantation style home you’d expect a Florida Senator to be living in when they were in the capitol. Massive, historical, and definitely not farmed by the near billionaire juice tycoon living in it.

The sun was setting behind the orange trees surrounding the property. It would have been beautiful if it weren’t for the wrinkled, old crow of a man standing on the porch.

“You’re late,” was all he said before turning on his heel and heading back into the mansion.

“Grandfather is in a radiant mood as always,” Thalia said

Jupiter shot her a glare. “Behave yourself, Thalia.”

She waved him off. “Yeah, yeah or you’ll leak a photo of me in a wedding dress. Come up with a new threat, Pops. You’re getting laaa...zy.” Thalia’s voice trailed off and for the first time ever, Ethan saw her dumbstruck.

She was staring at the porch where, instead of her grandfather, a broad shouldered Latina woman roughly Ethan’s age now stood. Despite her youth, she radiated the same confidence and composure Jupiter Grace had, but without the disgust and superiority complex. Her long dark braid was knotted on the back of her head like a bun, and her equally dark eyes were stuck on Ethan with a more than apparent scowl.

But then her gaze shifted to meet Thalia’s and her face softened. “Senator Grace asked me to come assist with getting the guests settled,” she said.

Thalia made it up to the porch, carrying her own bags. “Well then, why not show me to my room then, Reyna?”

Jupiter’s jaw clenched. A subtle yet familiar display of anger. Ethan couldn’t help but remember Jason’s face in a similar scowl. He wouldn’t exactly say they looked alike. Thalia was the spitting image of her father, harsh lines, wicked eyes, and sharp grins. Jason was none of that. If it weren’t for the blue of his eyes you’d never know he was a Grace, or at least that was what Ethan thought. Then he’d see something so small and trivial as a frown and know exactly how Jupiter left his mark on his son.

“Thalia, you know where your room is,” he snapped. “Allow Miss Ramírez-Arellano to show the _actual_ guests to their quarters.”

“I can show them,” Jason tried, stepping out from behind his father. “I mean, I’m sure Grandfather has more important things for Reyna to be doing.”

“She said he asked her to help here.”

“I know that but—“

“Do not think you know better!”

“Will you quit yelling at him!?” Ethan hadn’t realized he shouted, nor had he meant to.

A silence fell on the lawn. No one one was as shocked as Ethan. He wasn’t one to typically go on the offensive, but he was sick of this asshole. He was snipping at Jason all day, and insulting Ethan just as frequently. Hours of that and Ethan was bound to snap. 

“Ethan, apologize,” Kentaro hissed under his breath. “ _Now.”_

“I’m not going to apologize. He’s being a bitch!”

Jason had gone pale, gaping at Ethan. Thalia looked like she tolerated him for the first time since they met.

Jupiter’s eyes narrowed just barely. It sent a chill down Ethan’s spine but he stood his ground. “Your son needs to learn some respect, Ken, and he needs to learn it soon.”

“Of course, Jupiter,” Kentaro apologized in a rush, then he grabbed Ethan’s arm. “This is not our fight. Now calm down.”

Ethan didn’t want to calm down, but he relaxed anyways. This wasn’t the time or place. Besides, something told him Jason was already going to get a lecture on Ethan’s behalf.

“Miss Ramírez-Arellano, take them to their rooms,” Jupiter ordered again. “I want our friends well rested for tomorrow’s celebration.”

Ethan reluctantly let Kentaro drag him to the porch to meet the woman, Reyna. He didn’t pay attention to their exchange. He did notice Thalia’s thumbs up and wink when he walked by. Everything else? Left in the background. He didn’t remember any of the facts of the house Reyna was giving out on their tour.

By the time they reached their rooms, he was entirely lost. He was just standing in some massive guest room that looked straight out of the Biltmore. He thought he heard Reyna mention something about his luggage being brought up later and dinner, but he wasn’t listening. He was too preoccupied trying to get out of the inevitable lecture from his father once she left.

Sure enough, the door clicked shut and Kentaro turned to Ethan.

“I never thought I’d have to say this,” he sighed. “But you cannot call one of the most powerful men in the industry a bitch.”

“Well, that’s no fun.”

“Ethan, I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too! He’s treating Jason like shit and you’re just fine with it!”

“I am not fine with it,” Kentaro retorted, his voice taut. “But I know that this is not the time nor place to broach the subject. Nor is yelling obscenities at Jupiter going to do anything besides get Jason in further trouble. I am proud that you are standing up for your friend, but that is not how you go about it.”

Ethan stared his father down, chewing on the inside of his lip. He hated that Kentaro was right. Nothing he did helped anything besides his own frustration. He set out to defend Jason and just made things worse. Ethan Nakamura proved once again he was a shitty friend.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Ethan grumbled rather than respond directly.

Kentaro nodded. “Alright, I’m going to go try and smooth this mess over.”

Ethan didn’t find out if his father was successful. Not long after he showered he discovered that the bed, while disgustingly gauche, was beyond comfortable. He was asleep in minutes. By the time he woke to the sound of his own stomach, the clouded night sky made his room so dark he couldn’t see an inch ahead.

The only light in the room was the glow of an alarm clock. His head lulled to the side and he saw it was nearly one a.m. He hadn’t eaten since lunch on the plane nearly twelve hours ago. He was starving, and wishing he had listened to that Reyna girl during her tour.

Without much of a choice, he left his room and wandered through the mansion of a Senator he didn’t know, definitely looking like the sketchiest guest in history. Wrong turn after wrong turn led him from his room to the library, to a private theater, to a security guard who looked more than upset to see him. Thankfully the guy was kind enough to point Ethan in the direction of the kitchens. They were directly below his room. Jesus, he was stupid.

By the time he reached the kitchen, it was well after one in the morning, and Ethan was well aware of the headache stabbing between his eyes. He was ready to eat and get the hell back to bed. He had his head stuck in the fridge when the lights flipped on and a voice came from behind.

“Here I was hoping to have a midnight snack alone.”

“Shit!” Ethan’s head slammed into the cold shelf above him, knocking a carton of eggs to the floor along with a bottle of coffee creamer. “You can’t just sneak up on people like that, Jason!”

Jason laughed, truly laughed as if the day hadn’t happened at all, and picked up the now shattered eggs and tossed the carton into the garbage. “Well, I don’t know if I’d call it ‘sneaking’ when this is my family’s home. You’re the one thieving our milk.”

Ethan huffed and put the food he had taken back on the shelves. “Here I thought it was polite to feed your guests.”

“You’re right,” Jason said, grabbing the fridge door before Ethan could slam it shut. “Which is why I’m making the food. So I hope you like middle of the night milkshakes.”

Ethan’s stomach growled. “I was kind of hoping for some real food.”

“Well, too bad. You sleep through dinner, you get snacks.” Jason poked Ethan in the forehead. “Besides, if we make a mess in here before the caterers get here at six, my father will kill us.” It was back. The ever looming presence of Jupiter Grace.

“Fine, no meal.” Ethan backed down. An argument with Jason for the second time today wasn’t something he wanted to deal with. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “But when I starve to death overnight that’s on you.”

“Don’t sound so disappointed.” He said, tying on an apron. Of course, can’t be getting ice cream on his stupid “I Love New York Shirt.” Especially when it was one of those great novelty tees with an apple instead of a heart on it. And god forbid any chocolate gets on his skiing penguin pajama pants either. “I have been told I am a milkshake artisan.”

“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Well, it is Leo who says it, and we all know how great he is with nicknames, Ethanator.”

Ethan scowled. “Shut up, will you?”

“C’mon, just let me have some fun.” He shot Ethan a teary eyed pout, but he looked more than ready to break out into laughter.

“Absolutely not.”

“Please? Just once.”

“Just ’cause it’s officially your birthday doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass just because,” Ethan threatened, but he immediately regretted it.

Jason’s shoulders slumped, and the ice cream on the scoop fell to the counter. So much for no mess.

“Yeah…” he said. He sounded like he was back on the plane. “Twenty-two, wooh.” He even gave a halfhearted finger twirl to emphasize just how thrilled he was.

“Sorry,” Ethan quickly apologized. “I shouldn’t have brought it up, apparently.”

“It’s fine.”

“Clearly not if you’re frowning like that.”

“I said it’s fine, Ethan!” Jason was stiff, his hands shaking on the counter. “It’s fine.” He sounded almost like he was trying to convince himself of it.

Ethan felt the same anger from the drive boiling in his stomach, but this time there was no one to direct it at. He wasn’t even really mad at anyone, he was just furious in general. Jason was always the one making sure to break the tension, give a good laugh, anything but this. He didn’t know what to do, so he took a page from his dad’s book.

Ethan rested a hand on Jason’s shoulder (which wasn’t easy since the guy was a fucking giant), and tried to force eye contact. While he wasn’t fully successful, he could see that Jason wasn’t fully here. He was lost somewhere in his own thoughts like he had been that first day in the car when he talked about his mom.

“What is it?” Ethan pushed. “And don’t say nothing, because we both know that’s a load of bullshit.”

Jason squeezed his eyes shut. Ethan knew he was trying to decide what to share. He’d lied enough through his own life, hidden enough pain, to recognize it on the face of someone he cared about. He was just about to push again when Jason finally cracked.

“My mom was only twenty-two when she married my father and had Thalia,” he whispered. “She was already a star and she was just getting bigger and better. Thalia was twenty-two when she won her first Grammy. Both my father and grandfather took senior positions in the company at my age.”

Ethan shook his head. “I don’t—”

“I haven’t done anything with my life besides lie,” Jason cut him off, spitting the words like venom. “By now I should’ve staked my claim in the world, but I’ve done _nothing_ , and my father will never let me forget it.”

Suddenly Jason’s stiff anger on the flight made sense. “ _Couldn’t even wake up a measly boy from a nap,”_ Ethan repeated Jupiter Grace’s words under his breath. He had been too busy feeling sorry for himself to see the truth of the attack.

“I don’t need you reminding me I was an asshole too,” Jason said. “I have enough reminders already.”

“I wasn’t bringing it up to call you anything,” Ethan argued. “I wasn’t even trying to have you hear it.”

Jason slammed the lid on the blender and jammed the start button. “Great, so I just jumped down your throat again for nothing. GODDAMMIT!” Despite the force Jason put it on with, the blender lid had come loose, splattering him, Ethan, and this entire corner of the kitchen with half blended berries and milk.

Jason sunk to the floor, shoulders shaking, his face buried in the crux of his arms. He said something but Ethan couldn’t make it out through the start of tears. Still, he could tell it wasn’t anything kind.

“I, er… there, there.” Ethan sat next him on the floor, not really sure what to do. He threw his arm around Jason and pulled him into possibly the world's most awkward side hug. Jason seemed to appreciate it, though. He leaned into Ethan, taking his face out of his arms and laying it against Ethan's shoulder.

“I’m sorry I’ve been horrible to you today,” Jason sighed. “I’m the worst friend ever.”

“You aren’t,” Ethan said, painfully aware of the rising heat in his face and Jason’s head on his shoulders.

“I am, though.” His face rolled over and buried his face into the crook of Ethan’s neck. “There’s the lying with Piper and Leo, I didn’t defend you when my father insulted you, I didn’t even thank you for standing up for me.”

Ethan shook his head, trying not to clip Jason with his chin. He was _so_ close. “No, don’t thank me for that; I only got you in more trouble.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Jason rasped, his throat clogged with residual tears. The heartbreak in his voice gave the truth away.

“How bad was it?”

“I said it wasn’t—”

“Jason,” Ethan cut through with a demand. “How Bad Was It?”

He was quiet for a long, painful moment.

“He said I was an idiot,” he admitted so quietly Ethan’s own heart seemed louder. “That it was a mistake to befriend you rather than just keep you in line.”

He could tell Jason was holding back. Worse was probably said, but he wasn’t going to push any further. Jason was already in tears and staining Ethan’s shirt.

Jason gave a bitter laugh and wiped his eyes clean. “Guess I can add teaching you some basic manners to my list of failures.”

Ethan fell silent. He had his own list of failures going, and right now adding to Jason’s self hatred was right at the top. Then the oddest thing happened. At first Ethan thought his silent tears had turned into sobs, choking in his throat. But no. Jason had started laughing. His full bodied, joy filled, absolutely contagious laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Ethan asked, stifling a smile. Jason just called him a failure. He shouldn’t be smiling, so why the hell did this feel… right? Good?

Jason sat up and a chill took over the half of Ethan he had been pressed against. “For once I’m glad I failed. I mean, my father’s face when you called him that? I mean, not even Thals has tried it.”

He couldn’t help it, the smile cracked through. “What can I say, dads are the worst.”

“Yours isn’t.”

Two words. Two words and Ethan felt himself shutting back down. “No, he is.”

“Look, I’m not telling you how to feel,” Jason started.

Ethan held his hand up. “So don’t start to. Look, my dad lied to me and sold me out to just make some extra cash on fermented grape juice.”

“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Trust me, you’d know if that were true.”

Ethan curled into a ball, hoping that shrinking himself would just stop this whole conversation. Jason was right, he knew that, but that changed nothing. He trusted his father more than anything in the world only to have it shattered. Didn’t matter how much Kentaro loved him. Something was just broken between them.

“He regrets the deal, you know?” Jason said.

“He tell you that?”

“No,” Jason admitted. “But he didn’t need to. It’s on his face anytime my dad brings it up. He hates it.”

“Yeah, well, regret doesn’t mean shit. I’m still in this mess.” Ethan’s words were angry, but he had to admit his heart wasn’t in it. He missed his father, but he just couldn’t find it in him to forgive him. It still hurt too much. “If he regrets it so much, he’d call it off.”

“He threatened to.” Jason said it so casually. As if it wasn’t everything Ethan had been wanting to hear for the past two weeks.

“What?” Ethan’s gaze whipped up to meet Jason’s eyes. He didn’t look like he was lying. Did his father actually... “When!?”

“Earlier today. He came and found my father lecturing me after, you know…”

“I called him a bitch?”

“Yeah.” Jason wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Said he wasn’t going to keep this act up if my father kept taking stabs at you.”

Ethan knew that was a load of crap. He wasn’t defending Ethan. He was defending Jason, but that didn’t change the fact that he threatened to break Ethan free.

“So what happened?” Ethan asked, trying to tamper his hope before he had it crushed again. “Am… am I still engaged?”

Jason was suddenly deeply interested in the floor grout. He didn’t need to answer for Ethan to know. “You’re still engaged.”

“Guess I shouldn’t be shocked.” He tried to smile through it. “Kentaro Nakamura isn’t known for his backbone.”

“There’s more to it,” Jason said. He was tense. Ethan couldn’t tell if it was a good or a bad thing.

“What is it?”

Jason wouldn’t look at Ethan, which only made his stress worse.

“You know when Leo suggested we move in together?”

Ethan’s eye narrowed. “Yeah, but I thought we got everyone to agree that it was a bad idea.”

“Well, your dad suggested we go through with it.”

Ethan had to have heard him wrong. His father did not stab him in the back _again._ How on earth was sending Ethan two hours away from his _home_ a fair compromise to Jupiter Grace regularly treating him like garbage?

“My father said he would back down if, and only if, he got your ass in line,” Jason continued. “So yours kind of suggested you move in after all. Something about learning from example.”

So he wanted him to be like Jason? Scared shitless of speaking out of turn? No, that wasn’t right. He had said he was with Ethan, trying to protect Jason from his father’s vicious attacks, but here he was being sent away, so that Ethan could be the same as him?Obedient and stifled? He wanted to hate his father more, but he couldn’t. Because he simply couldn’t believe it.

Jason stood up and held his hand out to Ethan. Reluctantly, he took it. Jason dusted the speckling of milkshake left on Ethan where his own head had laid moments before.

“Well,” Jason said, looking around the kitchen and forcing a small grin, the small scar on his lip twinging with it. Ethan could hardly believe he only just noticed it today. _Really_ noticed it. “I suppose since we went ahead and made a mess I can make you a real meal.”

“ _We_ made a mess?”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Fine, _I_ made a mess, now do you want some food or not?”

Ethan’s stomach growled as an answer. Jason laughed. “Then sit down and I’ll get cooking.”

Ethan followed his orders and sat down at the counter. Jason put the mess of a blender down in front of him. “To hold you over,” Jason said, going ahead and eating a spoonful. “I’m not big on making five minute meals.”

He plopped the spoon back into the pitcher. Ethan took it and had a bite of his own. He hated to say it, but it was delicious.

“Good, huh?” Jason poked. “Has Leo given me an accurate nickname then?”

“Maybe a little bit.”

Jason beamed, like the moments of self doubt had never happened. “Alright, you passed the test. You now get a full waffle platter at two a.m.”

He began cooking in a flurry. Thankfully there were eggs besides the ones Ethan had shattered. While he cooked, Ethan watched. It was a familiar scene. Only Ethan was used to Kentaro being the one in an apron and telling jokes while Ethan watched. Interesting how things shifted, not just from one kitchen to another, from one cook to a new one, but even who Ethan found himself trusting.

“Hey,” Jason interrupted Ethan’s thoughts while throwing the first of the waffles on the griddle. He was leaning next to the machine, arms crossed, smiling at Ethan. Ethan realized this could become a familiar scene with the two of them living together. He didn’t hate that.

“Hey what?” Ethan asked.

“You know how I said I failed earlier?”

“You might need to clarify,” he teased apprehensively. Ethan didn’t want Jason to start crying again. He barely stumbled his way through his first attempt at comfort.

“How it was a mistake to be friends. That I came short of making you presentable in my father’s eyes.”

“Oh... yeah.” Unfortunately Ethan did remember that.

“I think you just might be my favorite mistake yet.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

** CHAPTER TWELVE **

Ethan and Jason didn't get to bed until nearly four in the morning. They were simply too busy enjoying themselves, laughing and forgetting the truth of their situations. As if they were just best friends, not two men forced together by the worst possible circumstances.

The illusion of joy was only made better by Jason’s words rolling through Ethan’s mind endlessly. _“You just might be my favorite mistake yet.”_

Ethan didn’t know what to make of it. He felt like maybe he should be offended. Being called a failure wasn’t really a compliment. But how Jason said it. His voice soft, his gaze fleeting. It sent a warmth through Ethan that he hadn’t felt before.

He was still smiling when Kentaro busted down his door the next morning. A suit jacket fell on his still sleeping face, jolting him awake.

“Who’s there?” Ethan shouted in confusion, flailing and tangling himself in the comforter.

“It’s just me,” his father answered, dodging the throw pillow kicked directly at him. “You slept through breakfast, and I decided it was best to wake you before people started arriving so you could eat and not go hungry.”

Immediately Ethan stilled. Even in his half conscious stupor he remembered two things from the night before. One: the warmth of Jason’s words and his head on Ethan’s shoulder, and two: He and Jason were moving in. Because of _him._

Ethan sat there staring at his father, blank-faced.

“What? No arguments this morning?” Kentaro teased, taking the silence as forgiveness.

Ethan didn’t even humor him. “So when were you going to drop the next bomb?” he asked, surprisingly calm to the betrayal as it had become the norm. “Were you going to tell me today or wait until the moving truck pulled up?”

Kentaro paled. “How did you find out?”

“That’s it? No apology, just how did I find out? Unbelievable.” Ethan huffed, climbed out of bed, and began digging through his suitcase. “Besides, Jason told me. He’s the only good thing to come out of this mess. I can actually trust him.”

“I _am_ sorry,” his father insisted, coming over to clean up the clothes Ethan threw this way and that, folding them neatly on the bed. “I was just waiting for a moment of quiet, when we were all away from all this craziness.”

“We don’t get quiet anymore!” Ethan shouted and slammed his case shut. He forgot that the mass that had woken him up was the same suit he had been looking for. “You sold any moment of normalcy for a big check and famous name on your stupid wine lables.”

“I wouldn’t have done it if I knew I’d be losing my son.”

Jason had said Kentaro had regretted the deal, but that didn’t change the ache and agony Ethan felt hearing him finally admit to it. Proving he had signed away Ethan’s happiness without once thinking of the consequences. It was another knife to the back and pain in his heart. He swore this pain was never ending. His father was never going to be able to fix this. Ethan just wished he was still in the second stage of grief and could feel the rage rather than the sadness it brought on now.

“If you didn’t want to lose me, why send me away?” Ethan asked, his voice cracking. “Are you that fed up with me?”

“Fed up with you?” His voice was soft, not so different from the tone he took to explain to Ethan his mother had left and wasn’t coming home. “Ethan, you are my entire world. I could _never_ be fed up with you.”

“So why do you want me living with Jason?” Ethan near sobbed and fell onto the bed. “Why let that horrible piece of shit send me away to learn to ‘stay in line’? I don’t want to learn from that example. I’m so _tired_ of hating you. Why do you want me to learn to fear you?”

Kentaro sat next to his son, his eyes glistening with tears, but he still made sure to wipe Ethan’s away before his own. “You have every right to hate me,” he said, pulling Ethan close to him and stroking his hair like he was young. “I would never want you to, but I have done horrible things and I deserve it. I lost sight of what matters. For that I cannot forgive myself, and I do not expect you to do so before I can, but please understand I would _never_ wish for you to fear me the way Jupiter’s own family fears him. You are my son. I cannot bear to see you hurt like that.”

In the years since Ethan had needed comfort so regularly, whether it be because the children were cruel, the regular haunting pain and headaches after the accident, or any other multitude of reasons a child had to hurt so much, he had grown taller than his father. Not by much, but enough that he could not curl up into him the way he wished to now and be held until the tears ended. He could, however, lean into his father, sob into his shoulder and allow his arms to encircle him until he could breathe once more.

“If it helps,” Kentaro whispered, “I agree that Jason is the best part of the mess I’ve made. I am forever grateful to him for keeping you smiling through my mistakes.”

“He’s a good guy,” Ethan agreed.

“Little too pristine at times, but that’s nothing you can’t fix.”

Something about his father’s words made Ethan pull back from him. “You’re not actively encouraging me to raise hell, are you?” He quirked his brow and felt an unlikely smile tug at his lips. “Isn’t that in direct violation of Rule 5: Subsection B of the _Basic Manners_ PowerPoint?”

Kentaro let out a short laugh. “Yes, but if you truly learned anything from my lectures, you would know there are always exceptions.”

“Well, I think I should get an exception for calling Jupiter a bitch.”

“You most certainly do not get a pass on that.” He was back to his stern old dad voice, but Ethan could tell he wasn’t too firm on that one.

“Fine,” Ethan relented with a sigh and fell back on the cloud like mattress. “What do I get a pass on then?”

“I’m fine with you raising a little hell if it means Jason learns to live a little,” his dad explained. “I said you could move there because people learn best by example, and well, you’re plenty of a loud mouth for Jason to learn from. I mean, I do not know why I ever bothered with the PowerPoints. You’ve always been a handful.”

“Shut up,” Ethan said, giving him a playful shove. “You’re the one who raised me to be the fucking handful that I am.”

“Alright, you have a point,” he admitted. “But maybe don’t teach Jason to be quite so reckless. Just maybe that it’s not always wrong to call your father an asshole. We sometimes are, and Jupiter Grace might just be the biggest.”

He got up and ruffled Ethan’s hair. “Now will you get ready and eat some food before people start arriving? No need to push our gracious host’s buttons more than necessary.”

Ethan almost said he didn’t need to eat, that he was still full from his late night escapades with Jason, but he held back. He liked having the secret. “Yeah,” he said instead. “I’ll be down in a moment.”

“Alright, then I’ll see you downstairs.” Kentaro left the room, but not before turning back one last time to say, “I know this doesn’t mean things are normal between us, but I hope it’s close enough that you know I love you, Ethan.”

Ethan didn’t answer. The ache in his chest was lesser, but his father was right. It was still there. He wasn’t sure where he was in healing, or if he ever fully would, but he knew he wasn’t far enough along to know how to respond to that. So with a click of the door, Kentaro left in silence and answerless.

Ethan knew his father loved him. He just didn’t know if he was what he loved most. It was selfish to hurt over that, he knew that, but he was. So he pushed the pain deep down and settled for focusing on the one good thing to come out of the morning. Kentaro wasn’t sending Ethan away; he was trying to save Jason. Possibly too dramatic way of phrasing, but how Ethan saw it all the same.

As he buttoned his shirt, Ethan couldn’t shake the image of Jason curled on his kitchen floor, covered in ice cream and more, shivering with sobs all because he wasn’t enough. His hands fumbled over the buttons, leaving his shirt crooked in places. He wasn’t really looking forward to living in downtown LA as opposed to his isolated and peaceful mountain, but if it meant never having to see Jason like that again, completely broken, he would suck it up and buy some noise canceling headphones.

Finally, with his shirt buttoned correctly, Ethan shrugged on his bottle green silk jacket to match the dark navy of his shirt. Maybe he needn't be dressed so early, with the party not starting until the early evening, hours away from now, but he didn’t feel like doing laundry during the trip, so suit at eleven in the morning it was.

He was jogging down the stairs in the foire when he spotted Jason. He too was already in his suit for the day, but it was much simpler, double breasted and black. More appropriate for a funeral than a birthday party, and too professional to match anything Ethan had ever seen him in before. However, his hair was the same pristine ruffled mess it had been the first night they had met. There was still just enough Jason there to smile about.

His back was to the railing, and for once Ethan was miraculously taller. Ethan grinned. It was a golden opportunity on the golden boy. Taking the steps two at a time, Ethan ran towards his friend. His dress shoes clacked on the stairs, alerting Jason just enough that he was half turned by the time Ethan reached him, but it was too late.

Without hesitation Ethan sat his hand smack on Jason’s head and shoved. His fingers stuck to an unexpected and ungodly amount of hair gel. It practically crunched under Ethan’s palm. It apparently took a _lot_ of effort to look that unkempt.

“Yeugh, Jason! Just dunk your whole damn head in vaseline next time!” Ethan yelled, trying to shake the unrelenting goop from his hand. “This shit is going to ruin my suit.”

There was no response to the jab.

“Are you listening?” Ethan looked up from his hand to discover no, Jason was not listening in the slightest. His hand was resting in the exact spot Ethan’s fingers had just been glued, mouth agape and vision dazed behind his crooked glasses.

Ethan rolled his eye. “You’re hair’s fine, pretty boy. The cement you put in it did its job.”

“I think you broke him.” Thalia poked her head around her brother, so short Ethan hadn’t seen her behind him.

“How was I supposed to know he cared about his hair that much?”

Thalia grumbled something about, “It’s not the hair,” that Ethan didn’t quite catch and snapped her fingers under her brother’s nose. “Earth to Jason. Come back to reality will ya?”

He blinked back to life, but his hand remained entangled in his blond hair. “Sorry, what were we talking about?”

“Plans for Friday, but you clearly don’t want to talk about that anymore.” Thalia seemed to be teasing him, but Ethan didn’t bother to read too much into it. He was too focused on her outfit.

“You said you were wearing that another night!” Ethan accused her, gesturing to her own emerald green, open faced suit with a navy lace crop under the jacket.

Thalia looked down in confusion. “Oh yeah,” she said, nonplussed. “Change of plans. Forgot I should wear the blue one on the Fourth so neither of the old men have a stroke due to lack of patriotism.”

“Yeah, but now we’re that fucking matching couple,” Ethan pointed out.

“Well then, I just guess one of us will have to change.” It was clear that _one of us_ meant Ethan. Guess they were matching because he was not heading back upstairs and getting lost on the way just to change.

“Don’t change!” Jason cut in so suddenly it made Ethan jump. When he turned to look at him, Ethan saw a blush rising from the collar of his jacket. “I just mean you both look great, and the few pictures that get released tonight will do real well. You are supposed to be sickeningly in love and all that.”

“Nice save,” Thalia said, clapping his shoulder.

Ethan wasn’t sure what he was saving exactly, but Jason apparently did because he turned purple. “For once, can you please shut up?”

“Sorry, Jase, but that’s simply not in my nature,” Thalia teased and booped him in the nose, his face crinkled and his eyes crossed. He was so scrunched up Ethan couldn’t help but laugh.

“Wait, Charlie, I think I heard him in there!” a familiar voice called from a room off the massive foire. Ethan turned just in time to just see Silena hauling ass from the dining room, nearly bowling over some poor caterer as she ran. The two of them would have wound up covered in shrimp cocktail if not for Charlie’s quick grab pulling her out of the way.

“Let’s not wreck some Senator’s house today,” he said. “Tomorrow? Maybe, but I want to go to the party first.”

Ethan beamed. With all the PR stunts, he hadn’t been able to see his friends the past two weeks. When Jupiter had first shot down the idea of them flying out on the jet, Ethan thought he was going to go another week without them, but Charlie’s parents lived in Raleigh which wasn’t too much of a drive and they were supposed to visit them next week anyways so they just flew out and rented a car to drive back down. Thank god too, because Ethan didn’t know how much longer he could deal with being here if Jason was going to be in a professional mood the whole time.

It took about two strides on Silena’s part to reach each other despite the massive room. She practically tackled him when she reached the stairs. Ethan could’ve sworn his ribs might’ve cracked but he didn’t really care. He missed her. 

Charlie didn’t hesitate either. The second Ethan was free of Silena he pulled Ethan into one of his own, just as crushing, just as welcomed.

“Let him breathe, Charlie.” Silena laughed. “He looks ready to pop.”

“Oh, come on, you probably snapped his spine,” Charlie retorted but dropped Ethan anyways. 

“You both did a great job at harming me in your own way,” Ethan gasped, trying to stretch out the soreness. “But it’s still great to see you. How was your flight?”

“Fine, but probably not as nice as yours, Mr. Private Jet,” Silena half-kid.

Ethan gave a small grimace. “I kind of doubt that.”

Before either of his friends could ask the endless stream of questions bound to come, Thalia wandered over, slinging her arm around Ethan. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends, babe?” She was grinning up at him with a glint of something nasty in her eyes.

“You don’t have to act,” Ethan snipped, shrugging her off. “They know this is fake.”

“I know,” she smirked. “But it’s too much fun annoying you.”

Ethan wasn’t having fun, but he supposed that was the point.

“So you’re the so-called Sonoma Princess Ethan’s stuck with?” Charlie questioned. “Well, it’s nice to meet you.”

He held out his hand and Thalia shook it without hesitation. “Guess I shouldn’t be shocked he hasn’t told you we’re not from Sonoma,” she sighed.

“Couldn’t have if I wanted to,” Ethan argued. “I’ve been stuck with you since the announcement.”

“Which better not be a regular occurrence,” Silena threatened.

Jason, who seemed to have collected himself, came over to greet the others. “Don’t worry, it won’t,” he promised. “After this weekend, we have some gaps in PR events.”

“Speaking of which,” Thalia groaned and pointed just past Silena. Ethan peeked past her and saw that Reyna girl from the day before. She looked more than miffed.

“I swear, Thals, if your grandfather doesn’t start treating me as an actual Senate employee and not a fucking glorified personal assistant I’m gonna— Oh.” She stopped dead when she saw Ethan and the others. “I didn’t know there were others here.”

“Unfortunately,” Thalia answered. Ethan had to turn his head to see her, but it proved what he had thought he heard. She was suddenly relaxed, with an actual smile on her face. Not a smirk. Not a sneer. A _smile._ “But that doesn’t mean you can’t talk.”

Reyna didn’t look so sure of that based on the dirty look she was shooting Ethan. “I’d rather we talk on the way to the conference.”

This piqued Ethan’s interest. “Conference?”

“Nothing you need to worry about,” Jason explained, but didn’t sound too thrilled. “Just a short announcement about where I’m standing in the company now with the partnership, my birthday, and being a college grad and all.”

“I still say you give Pops a surprise and say you’re leaving the company,” Thalia mumbled under her breath.

“You know I can’t do that,” Jason sighed. Clearly tired of having this exact same conversation.

“And she’s going?” Ethan nodded at Thalia.

“Someone’s got to keep my dad from being a complete dick,” Thalia said. “I’m sure you understand, considering you called him a bitch yesterday.”

“You did what!?” Silena gaped.

“You really never fail to get yourself in massive trouble just by breathing, huh?” Charlie said, shaking his head and smiling. 

Ethan rolled his eye. “Don’t worry about it. We already got it fixed.”

“Well, there will be no fixing the small disaster your father will cause if we’re late,” Reyna insisted, tapping her watch. “Can we please get this over with?”

“Alright, we’re coming,” Thalia said, surprisingly without a fight in her voice, and followed Reyna back out the house.

Jason trailed behind long enough to say goodbye and let Ethan know they had free reign over the place before rushing out after the two women.

“So, who wants to see if gold plated toilets are a real thing?” Ethan asked.

They both grinned, and the rest of the day was set.

The house, if you could even call it that, seemed to be never ending. It was possibly bigger in the day than it was at night, and that was with the Senator’s quarters on lockdown. They managed to find the guest room Silena and Charlie were staying in that night, which was a good thing because it was next to Ethan’s room and he had frankly forgotten how to get back there after Jason had shown him the way the night before.

While there were no gold plated toilets, there were plenty of other absurd decor choices. The library was so heavily gilded that it looked like they had just transported part of the Biltmore to the property, and then there was the deeply modern indoor outdoor pool to contrast it. The whole place was like Zeus Grace had opened up _Millionaires Monthly_ and just bought every bell and whistle he could.

As they explored the grounds, twisting and turning through the shade of the orange trees to escape the boiling Virginia sun, Ethan told them about everything that had happened since the painfully awkward brunch at his house. He told them how insufferable Thalia was, but how he could tolerate her if Jason was around simply because the fight wasn’t worth seeing Jason so annoyed. He told them how Jupiter Grace was exactly as he remembered from the early meetings and worse. But most importantly, he told them about Jason.

He told them about how it was a regular occurrence for the two of them to dart off and do something on their own under the guise of surprising Thalia just so Ethan could catch his breath. He told them how Jason still managed to be so kind despite his horrid father, and that something told him he begrudgingly had to thank Thalia for that; how those two were thicker than thieves and sometimes Ethan was left wondering why he even bothered to tag along when he couldn’t understand half of what they were saying. He told them about how he and Jason were stuck moving in together (which they honestly didn’t seem too disappointed about; the drive from LA to the Vineyard wasn’t a short one), and how Ethan might not be dreading it as much as he would have been a week ago.

By the time the rest had returned from the conference, guests were starting to arrive and Charlie and Silena had to go off to change. The party was in full swing before Ethan spotted either of them again. He and Thalia were too busy being passed from uncle, to aunt, to cousin for congratulations and compliments on their fashion coordination skills. Apparently not nearly as many of them were in on the game as they had expected. Some complimented them on their dedication to the act, but most seemed glad they managed to strengthen their respective companies _and_ be in love. There really was no rest for the wicked. The wicked being anyone dumb enough to think these two were actually engaged, of course. 

Freedom finally came when Thalia’s phone rang.

“It’s the record label,” she was all she said before heading off into the crowd, phone pressed to her ear and an unusual smile on her face.

Ethan stayed where he was, floating alone in the sea of people. It was then that he spotted Charlie across the room. He and Silena were both dressed to the nines. His simple black slacks and blush colored shirt played off Silena’s matching cocktail dress that made her look straight out of a 1920s fashion magazine. They were talking to Piper and Leo, who had arrived not all that long ago.

Piper and Silena were having their own discussion while Charlie and Leo were talking a million miles per hour. Based on the hand motions, even from this far away, Ethan could tell they were discussing schematics of some crazy machine. Probably the hypothetical probability of being able to build a real life light speed drive or something.

Charlie then spotted the lone Ethan in the crowd and gave him a wave. He gave Leo a time out signal and said something, likely a promise to continue the discussion in a moment, gave Silena a quick kiss, and headed over to meet Ethan.

“Jason was right,” Charlie said with the traces of laughter on his words. “That Leo guy is great. A literal genius. I mean, barely twenty-three and starting his PhD in astrophysics? Amazing.”

Ethan shrugged. “I guess, but for all his brains he can’t seem to grasp what a good nickname is.”

Charlie nodded side to side, as if weighing Ethan’s claim. “Yeah, I’ll give you that one.”

“What did he call you?”

“Charlie Theron.”

“God,” Ethan snorted. “That’s awful.”

“Doesn’t make sense either, but hey, she is kinda badass.”

“Still shitty, regardless of Charlize’s natural talents.”

“You got me there.”

They held it together for half a second at best before dissolving into a fit of laughter, holding on to each other for support. It was nice to have a moment like this. After two weeks of nonstop lies and acting, it was good to just have one real moment with someone not forced to be there.

After a minute Charlie straightened back up, wiping a light tear from his eye. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course,” Ethan said, still recovering and trying not to giggle. “What’s up?”

Despite the smile still beaming across his face, it was clear Charlie had shifted into a much more serious tone. His shoulders were back, his spine straight, and his eyes locked on Silena across the room. “I know it was a fake one, but you’re the only person I know who’s ever actually proposed to someone,” he started wistfully.

“So?” Ethan still wasn’t quite sure where this was going. “It sucked to do, and I didn’t even write the speech.”

“Still, you had to get past the nerves. You had to find a ring. You’ve got to have some pointers.”

Ethan froze, all laughter gone. “Charlie, you’re not…?”

“Thinking about proposing to Silena?” he asked. “Well, I don’t know if you can really call it thinking when I’ve been sure for months.”

“Oh… congratulations?” Ethan wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t really sure how he felt.

“Thanks,” he said, still smiling off in Silena’s direction. She caught his eye from across the room and returned the stupid lovesick gaze and gave a small wave before turning back to her discussion with Piper. 

Ethan felt his stomach squirming. He needed out. Sure that Charlie wasn’t really paying attention, he muttered something about needing the restroom and rushed out the room.

What was happening? Charlie and Silena were getting engaged? Don’t get Ethan wrong, he was _thrilled_ for them. Those two had been in love for months before either realized the feeling was mutual. It was great entertainment for Ethan to watch, and he had half expected the couple to be married after the first month. Now it was just happening four years later. 

So why was he spiraling?

Possibly because they were moving forward while he was drowning, being dragged down by the riptide that was the Grace family. They got to live their life as the perfect college sweethearts while he was just pretending to be in a whirlwind romance of the same depth and emotion, but it wasn’t true in the slightest. Maybe because they were living a life he so desperately craved to have. Not now per se, but living the pure opposite of it didn’t help.

He hadn’t been lying, he had been looking for a restroom. If he just splashed some water on his face maybe then he could breathe, but this _damn house._ He was so turned around he wasn’t even sure which fucking wing he was in. Was it the East? If so, the bathroom should be on his right, but if he was in the West then he’d be entirely wrong. No, he was sure he was in the East. The green carpets meant east, right?

Who cares, what was the worst he could see if he was wrong? Ethan threw the door to the bathroom open and immediately froze. Rather than a cold marble bathroom, he found an overstuffed, leather covered office occupied by two women who certainly weren’t working.

Thalia sat against the desk, her back towards the door, only recognizable by the emerald green jacket falling from her shoulders and the constellation tattoo connecting the freckles on her back. Her fingers tearing at the other woman’s long dark hair and her lips pressed to theirs. She would only pull away long enough to breathe her name with a kindness he had never heard before. “Reyna.”

Reyna, despite facing the door, did not see him either. She was too busy kissing Thalia dizzy every time she said her name. She didn’t seem to mind that her typical pristine air was falling apart along with her braid and her wrinkled royal purple jumpsuit. She was too caught up in Thalia and Thalia only.

Ethan stood there, too shocked to move. Too surprised to even blink. It was near a minute before Reyna tilted her head and made for Thalia’s jawline. Her eyes were half lidded, open just enough to see Ethan rigid in the doorway over Thalia’s shoulder. Then her eyes went wide.

“Christ!” she yelped and ducked behind the desk, as if that changed anything Ethan had just seen or heard.

“Rey? What’s going on?” Thalia questioned, her hand still holding one of Reyna’s. She looked over her shoulder and any bit of happiness quickly disappeared. “Ethan!”

It happened in a flash. Her letting go of Reyna and fixing her slumping jacket. A dark flush of anger rushing to her face as she rounded the desk and came storming towards him.

“What the FUCK are you doing in here!?” she screeched, her voice cracking with rage and strain. “Do you have an ounce of decency? Boundaries? Common Fucking Sense!?”

Ethan answered none of those questions.

“This isn’t the East Wing, is it?” was about all he could get out because that was Ethan could think of aside from Thalia’s words the night of the proposal. _I think we’ve got more in common than you realize._

They really fucking did, didn’t they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes it took 40k to get a kiss. Yes it isn't even the main couple. What about it?


	13. Chapter Thirteen

** CHAPTER THIRTEEN **

As always, Jason’s birthday was a miserable event. It had been planned out for months, caterers possibly booked last year, but none of it felt like _him._ The food was all weird bite-sized fish on crackers that smelled like feet, the bar was stocked with liquors and Nakamura Wines but he had to fight to get a virgin cocktail, most of the guests were friends of his dad rather than any of Jason’s, and it was black tie.

If it had been up to him, he’d be sitting in the home theater with Piper, Leo, and Thalia eating cake from a box mix and watching the worst movies they could find. Though this year he’d add Ethan to that list. Hell, he’d settle for just another day driving through the city with him, arguing about music. A day where he could be _him_ and not this over starched version of Jason Grace™ who pretended to know the first thing about running a Fortune 500 company and cared about stocks and bonds.

But just like every year, he was stuck here, in his grandfather’s cold, unwelcoming mansion having his birthday be about extending the brand rather than him. Not that he wanted to be the center of attention, but he wouldn’t mind being at least an afterthought.

He couldn’t even pretend this was his party this year. His father was insistent on making him gladhand his way through the guest list. After all, the press conference this morning made it official. Jason was no longer just heir to Grace Farming in name alone. It was time he started to learn the ropes and that he stepped up in an official capacity. Meaning he was stuck kissing the ass of every investor and making sure Ethan and Thalia didn’t tank the stocks with a public fight.

“It must be thrilling to finally put all these years of work back into the company,” one of the dozens of old windbags Jupiter had invited prattled on. “Though I must say, my boy, I don’t really know what that degree in architecture is going to do for you here. You should have majored in something _much_ more practical. We would have loved to have you at Harvard’s school of business.”

Jupiter’s hand clasped onto Jason’s shoulder like iron. “Well, you may have hope yet, Arthur,” he said with a forced hearty laugh. “The boy hasn’t entirely ruled out grad school. Have you, Jason?”

The grip on Jason squeezed and he hoped his forced smile didn’t look too much like a wince. “Of course not, I was just taking this year to help my father during the early stages of the partnership and with the wedding planning. I’d like to build my resume up before applying anyways.” Lie, lie, and another lie. He hadn’t even discussed continuing on with school until this exact moment.

Arthur chuckled and waved his boney finger right under Jason’s nose. He did everything he could to not take a step back. _Do not disrespect my guests like that, Jason,_ he could hear his dad lecturing him come morning. _Burn a bridge for you and you’ve burnt one for the whole company._

“You don’t need a resume with a name like yours,” Arthur promised him as if nepotism was supposed to make Jason feel any better. “Your family speaks for itself. I wouldn’t be shocked if the whole program is named for your father one day.” Jason laughed with his father and Arthur at this. He knew how to make it sound so real no matter how bad the taste it left was. Like Jupiter would ever give up enough money for that. Even his ego wasn’t that big. 

“Well, Arthur, as always you are a riot,” Jupiter schmoozed. “And who knows, maybe my name will be on the building if my boy ends up there, but for now I’m afraid there are other guests to greet and hands to shake.”

“Bah, completely understandable,” the old professor said with a wave of his hand. “Just promise me you’ll call me if you’re ever in Cambridge, sonny.”

“Of course, sir,” Jason smiled, his voice dripping the same honey as his fathers and hating how easily it came to him. It wasn’t a lie, unfortunately. He knew his schedule would now have a trip there sometime in the next month or so. Funny how he always had responsibilities where it would best help his father.

Once Arthur had hobbled off, Jupiter dropped his niceties. His hand fell off Jason, the same for the smile on his face. “You need to have a personality if you’re ever going to expand the network,” he said, not even looking at Jason as he dug into him. He was too busy checking his Blackberry to give his full attention to even a lecture. “You’re lucky. Arthur’s full enough of himself that he loves a Yes Man.”

 _Sounds familiar,_ Jason couldn’t help but think, not daring to say it aloud no matter how distracted his father may seem.

“My point is not everyone is as simple minded as that old bat,” he finished, finally putting his phone away and sparing his son a glance. “Hands out of your pockets and straighten up. This is a professional event.”

“And here I thought it was my birthday.” Jason went rigid. It had slipped out before Jason could stop it, or even register it as a thought. He hadn’t meant to say that. He _never_ would have meant to say that.

His father’s gaze narrowed as he glared down at his son. He was one of the few people able to do that, look _down_ at Jason, but even if he wasn’t those few inches taller, his glare sent Jason shrinking into the floor. “I do not appreciate the sarcasm, Jason. If you’re going to lie, at least make it have a purpose.” Then with a sneer, “I assumed your sister had at least taught you that lesson if all your own escapades hadn’t.”

“Piper wasn’t an escapade,” he argued. If he was already in hot water, there was no reason to allow Jupiter to talk about his friends like that. Like further slips and screw ups proving Jason’s shortcomings. Still, it didn’t mean his father’s side eye didn’t knock him a step back and whither the little confidence he built.

“What she _was_ doesn’t matter. You managed to make the relationship work for us in the end,” Jupiter said, disinterested. He kept looking past his son’s head at the crowd behind them. “Now where on earth has your sister gotten off to?”

So even his outbursts weren’t worth more than a sentence or two? Maybe Jason should be relieved, but he just wanted to scream. To be heard just _once._

“Go find her before she causes any trouble,” his father ordered.

“What trouble could she get into? It’s a private party.”

“Jason.” The edge in his voice said it all. This was never a conversation, but a direct order. Even if it hadn’t been one, the conversation would be over now.

Jason sighed, but kept his shoulders up and straight. This was a professional event. “Yes, sir.”

“Good, now I have to take this, so.” He didn’t finish, just picked up his phone and waved Jason off like a fly.

He left without further argument, his pride no more bruised than always. Fourteen years of no one caring about his birthday, why be shocked now?

He weaved his way through the crowd, making sure not to touch a soul and smile from a distance at anyone who saw him. He caught sight of Piper and Leo laughing at a table with Charlie and Silena and he wished nothing more to be sitting with them. Young, happy, and free. But no he was off to find Thalia and drag her back down into being a Grace. Depressed, distant, and consumed by lies.

Unable to spot Thalia in the crowd of guests, Jason found himself hunting Ethan. It had started when he wasn’t at the table with the rest. Surely niceties and acting hadn’t lasted this long? It was well past ten. Guests and even his extended family were slowly heading out, ready to rest for meetings and Fourth of July celebrations in the coming days. Even in the dwindling herd of half strangers, Ethan was nowhere to be seen.

Somewhere in the back of Jason’s head, a voice screamed out in horror. The two of them missing? His stomach shouldn’t be churning at the thought, yet here he was. There was nothing to worry about. Thalia had somehow figured out about his, let’s go with “crush” on Ethan, so even if she were interested (which she never would be, no doubt about that) she wouldn’t hurt Jason like that. Besides, it was more likely one had killed the other and was hiding the body. 

He split off into the main house. As much as he wanted to find Ethan and scream about how awful the day had been, he turned to the West Wing, to the family quarters, and set off to find Thalia. It was surprisingly easy despite the maze of halls. He just had to follow the shouting that became clear as day once he had left the party.

“I swear to GOD, Nakamura, if this is in tomorrow’s papers, I’ll fucking gut you without anesthesia!”

“What the fuck would I get out of telling them!?”

Jason turned the corner towards the offices to find possibly the worst position to see the engaged couple in. Tangled together with one pinned to the wall by the other. Only rather than it being in an embrace, it was Thalia’s arm to Ethan’s throat.

“Oh, like you wouldn’t do anything to get out of this engagement!” she yelled with such voracity that her spit beaded on Ethan’s patch.

“Thalia! Get off him!” Jason snapped, pulling her off Ethan. She lunged back at him once he slumped from the wall, but Jason stepped between them, and even then he had to physically hold her back. “What the hell is going on!?”

“That little shit doesn’t know how to mind his own business!” Thalia was redder than he’d ever seen her, breathing like she was near tears, something he hadn’t seen since they were kids. It broke yet another part of Jason to see it.

“I was just trying to find the bathroom!” Ethan rasped, trying to catch his breath.

Jason looked back at him, head quirked to the side. “Bathroom? But this is the West Wing. The bathroom’s another hall down.”

“Well, I fucking know that now!”

“Why are you yelling at me!?”

“Because I’m still recovering from her trying to kill me!” Ethan jabbed his finger at Thalia, who Jason was still holding in place.

“I have every right to kill you!” Thalia shouted, but then the fight just left her. She relaxed under Jason’s grip, defeated. “He saw us, Jase. He _saw_ us.”

Jason turned back to his sister. There were now tears in her puffy eyes and she was shaking. Even if Reyna hadn’t stepped out from the shadows of the open office, he would have known why his sister was falling apart.

Reyna was hugging herself tight. She looked sickly rather than on the verge of a breakdown like her girlfriend. “Killing him isn’t going to help anything, Thalia,” she said, entirely numb. “Having the Senator I’m working for’s granddaughter, who there are plenty of records of me being friends with, charged with a violent crime is just as big a scandal as romantically charged nepotism.”

“It might be easier to recover from,” Thalia retorted.

“Thals, no,” Jason said sternly. “You are not allowed to kill Ethan on my birthday.”

“Fine, I’ll wait till midnight.”

“Thalia.”

“He saw us, Jason!” she shouted again. Apparently anger was better than fear and self pity to her. “He has spent the past three fucking weeks trying to figure out how to bag out of this arrangement and now he has the perfect story to do just that! Why are you so willing to believe him on this!?”

Jason knew she meant this as a dig. How dare he take the side of a near stranger just because he might be head over heels for him? No matter how he felt, he barely knew Ethan, so why stand with him? Simple. He trusted Ethan. There wasn’t an inch of him that didn’t.

“He never told anyone about Piper, Leo and I,” Jason said, flatly. “He could have turned all the eyes to me, dragged my name through the dirt, and made your engagement entirely irrelevant compared to years of deception on my part. But he didn’t.”

“I’m also not an asshole,” Ethan added. To this Thalia scoffed, but luckily didn’t try to attack again.

Reyna stepped closer to him. Jason resisted the urge to block her path. He knew her enough to know she wasn’t nearly as hotheaded as Thalia. She was easily just as guarded, but she had a calm to her. It was why Jason trusted her with his sister, unlike some of her past relationships, which just stoked her flame to exhaustion. Reyna brought a much needed balance to her.

“Jason trusts you,” she said, arms still crossed, her nose inches from Ethan, who looked frankly terrified. “So maybe I should, but you have given me no reason to. Here’s your chance to change that.”

Ethan stared at her, mouth agape. He shot a quick glance towards Jason. For what? Permission? No, Ethan wasn’t like him. He didn’t wait for an order to speak up. He was seeking comfort, from Jason of all people. Jason knew it was stupid and horrible timing, but he couldn’t help feeling a little giddy at the thought.

But then Ethan looked back at Reyna, and despite his pale face and the shake in his hands, his voice remained controlled. If only Jason could do the same. “I’m not going to sell you guys out to the papers,” he promised. “For one thing, I don’t really know what’s all going on behind the scenes. Who knows, who doesn’t, why you’re hiding in the first place.”

“Don’t expect to find out,” Thalia snipped.

“Let him finish, sweetheart,” Reyna said, stepping back to take Thalia’s hand in comfort. Thankfully, she relaxed a little when Reyna’s fingers laced through her own.

“I’m glad your girlfriend has a sense of reason,” Ethan remarked.

Thalia just glared at him over Jason’s shoulder. “You should be glad Jason showed up before I strangled you.”

“Cut it out or I will carry you out over my shoulder,” Jason threatened.

“You wouldn’t.”

He wouldn’t.

“I would.”

Luckily for him, years of dishonesty meant even Thalia sometimes failed to see when he was lying. Unfortunately, that also meant years of dishonesty made it so even Thalia failed to see when he was lying.

“Fine,” Thalia resigned. “I guess he can speak.”

“Wow, I’m so honored,” Ethan sneered.. 

“You cut it out too,” Jason ordered.

Ethan sneered a little, but nodded. “Whatever, the point is I’m not going to out you. Why? Again. I’m not an asshole. But also, you were right.”

Thalia narrowed her eyes suspiciously, and even Jason had to admit he was confused about what Ethan was talking about.

“You said it yourself the night of the proposal. We’re more alike than I could possibly know,” Ethan explained. “Well, now I know, and I’m not about to go and ruin things for you. I mean, if it was the other way around? If I had the misfortune of getting caught making out with, I don’t know, Jason? I’d be _terrified._ ”

Making out with…oh god, did he have to use Jason as an example? His arms fell to his side, finally freeing Thalia. He tried to resist loosening his tie as his collar suffocated him and his face flushed as red as the hideous carpet running through the hall. What would it be like if it were the two of them hiding everything? What would it be like to sneak off during a party to just be near one another. To have Ethan’s hands in his hair longer than a playful shove. To… He could feel his brain short circuiting the more he thought about it. He forced himself back to the here and now, no matter how desperately he wanted to dream of the what ifs of Ethan’s hypothetical misfortune.

Wait.

“What’s so unfortunate about that?” Jason asked, more offended than he’d like to admit.

“Not the time, Jase,” Thalia hissed through her teeth, shooting him a side eye. God, she was never going to let him live this down once she’d cooled off.

“Yeah, you’re not my favorite person,” Ethan finished, oblivious to Jason’s genuine hurt. “But that doesn’t mean I want you hurting like that. You have to be semi decent if you’re putting up with my bullshit to protect her.” He jerked his chin to Reyna, who was now smiling at Thalia like she was the stars in her eyes.

“She is pretty great, isn’t she?” she said wistfully, leading to Thalia turning the same shade as Jason.

Through her blush and pursed lips, Thalia pondered Ethan’s words. “Alright, you can live for now,” she relented, much to Jason’s relief. “But I need to make two things extremely clear before we can go anywhere from here.”

“Fire away.”

She held up a finger. “One, Reyna is a wonderfully talented woman who got her job long before she knew me. I didn’t even realize she was my grandfather’s aid until well after we met. There are no backdoor deals and if you _ever_ imply she is where she is because of me, suddenly my promise not to end you is conditional.” 

Ethan paled but nodded. 

“Two, if the press catch wind of this without an obvious source, I will assume it was you and I will go back to my other promise of gutting you without anesthesia.”

Jason let out a long and exasperated sigh. “Can we please stop with the threats of violence?”

“They get my point across, and wedding threats are just so Dad,” she shuddered.

Oh shit, _Dad_. Jason was supposed to be at the party right now, gladhanding and brown nosing more connections. “We need to get back to the ballroom. Now.” Jason rushed, checking his watch. Thirty minutes had passed. “Fuck!”

Thalia saw the shift in his mood and quickly matched. No longer sarcastic and rage-filled, she gently put her hand on Jason’s back, grounding him just enough to prevent a complete spiral. “Hey, what’s wrong? What’d he do?” she asked, just so only he could hear

Jason shook his head. “Nothing, I was just supposed to just come and find you. That was a half hour ago! That’s a half hour of networking, a half hour of small talk for big money, gone! He’s going to have my head!”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Ethan asked. Jason couldn’t even enjoy his genuine look of concern.

“Does it matter?” he snapped. He could feel awful about it later. Right now there simply wasn’t time. “Point is we were all needed back in the ballroom twenty minutes ago!”

Thalia’s hand was still rubbing reassuring circles on his back, but he was still close to hyperventilating. “We’ll go right now,” she assured him before holding out her free hand to Ethan. “If you really want to help me, take it and start acting like you care just a little more.” Jason felt sick, but he couldn’t tell if it was the nerves or the lack of hesitation from Ethan as he took Thalia’s hand.

“I’ll wait back for a minute,” Reyna said, kissing Thalia’s cheek. “Don’t want to draw attention to anything.” Thalia smirked. “Gotta fix your braid anyway.”

“Not all of us have a fake fiance as an excuse,” Reyna teased back.

“You’re both adorable, but I need to go,” Jason pushed and Thalia pulled away from Reyna, maybe a little reluctantly. Great, another bit of guilt to add to tomorrow’s stress, but again he couldn’t worry about that now.

He made off down the hall, Ethan and Thalia having to jog almost to keep up with him. Still, they didn’t break their hands apart. At least his father couldn’t yell at him for those two not selling their engagement enough. Thalia’s mussed hair and suit, and the lingering red on both their faces would sell the disgusting couple dynamic they were going for more than anything. It was a small consolation for the pain in Jason’s chest watching them as they reentered hell for the rest of the night. 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're doing two chapters this week? Why? Cause I don't shut up

** CHAPTER FOURTEEN **

Surprisingly, their disappearance at the party seemed to go unnoticed. Jupiter said nothing of it, and Jason was even able to stick close to the others as he did his best to take advantage of the remaining hour or so of the event. He had really thought he was home free. That was, until Friday morning.

Every year since Jason was old enough that their nannies didn’t have a stroke if he left the house, he and Thalia took a trip around DC, cramming in as much tourist trap crap as they could in one day. Since Jason’s birthday was designed to entertain extended, elderly family and investors, the DC Day was his actual celebration. Corn dogs, ice cream, and riding paddle boats around the Potomac. It was the best part of this yearly trip, and this year was no different. Except for the fact that Jason couldn’t go.

This morning he had been set and ready. Fannypack and ball cap on in true obnoxious tourist fashion and wearing his own Hawaiian shirt to clash vibrantly with Thalia’s own. The large group of them were just climbing into the cars when his father came up and decided fun wasn’t allowed now that he was officially next in line to run Grace Farming Co. He had his fun slacking at the party, so he didn’t really need to be wasting a day out on the city and being _happy_. What a novelty.

So here he was, stuck in a board meeting in a stiff wool suit left behind during their visit last winter, in the daunting Virginia heat that even air conditioning couldn’t cut through. Jason _hated_ board meetings. He never could pay attention to them, even less so when he knew somewhere in the city Ethan was smiling and exploring DC for the first time without him. Somewhere, Thalia was taking as many pictures as she could flipping off different marble buildings, Ethan was probably lecturing about how Smithsonian was one of the few bearable rich men, and Leo and Charlie were doing their best to drag everyone into the Air and Space Museum.

It had been so painfully boring he wasn’t even sure what exactly was happening anymore. His Uncle Neptune was drawling on about shipping. At least thirty minutes had passed since he started and there was only so much talk of refrigerated trucks Jason could take. 

According to the painfully loud wall clock, it was just past noon. They were probably on The Mall by now, eating overpriced museum pasta and ice cream for lunch. Piper was definitely angling to get thirty different photos with Kermit afterward. Maybe she’d be nice enough to skip that with Jason not there, but then again he had told them to enjoy themselves.

Desperate, Jason spared a glance in his father’s direction at the opposite end of the long table of relatives and business partners. No one seemed the slightest bit interested in Jason. Reassured no one was looking, he flipped on the screen of his watch, heading to Snapchat. He was right, there was a video of Piper sprinting across the Mall to the Museum of American History, a small Muppets gif in the corner and a sticker linking to _Rainbow Connection_ on Spotify. No one could resist the allure of that banjo-playing frog.

Ethan had sent one of Silena covered in butterflies in the garden. The caption read “Tell your sister to move over. The real Princess has arrived.” Jason smiled down at his wrist. Good to see Ethan was enjoying himself. Well, that and using Snapchat for once in his life. The number of times Jason had been left on read was astronomical.

“Jason!” His head snapped up to find the entirety of the board facing him. His father at the head of the table, clearly waiting for an answer Jason didn’t have.

“I, er,” Jason stuttered out.

“You weren’t paying attention,” Jupiter said, a venomous bite letting Jason know this was a damning offense. “Are we boring you, boy?”

“No,” Jason swore, not even daring to think otherwise. “I was just checking some news. Stocks and stuff.”

“Stocks and stuff?”

Jason gave a short nod and a hard swallow.

Jupiter knew he had him cornered; the slight smirk said it all. “So tell me then. How are stocks and _stuff?”_

“Uh…” He was hot enough in his winter suit, but the pressure was certainly not helping. He was ready to pass out from heatstroke and the rising fear in his chest when a news alert dinged on to his watch face. _Thalethan: America’s Cutest Couple Enjoys Their Fourth of July Weekend._

Well, that was both the last thing Jason wanted to be seeing, and the best possible article for the cookies to push on him all at once. Sometimes internet surveillance was a good thing.

“Well, stocks are sure to get a boost. Thalia and Ethan are already in today’s news cycle.” Jason quickly googled the article on his laptop and turned it to face the table. “What’s going to boost sales better than America’s _It_ Couple having a cute date over the holiday weekend? Especially when they’re being so patriotic.”

The article linked to Thalia’s latest Instagram post. She was standing along the river, the Jefferson in the background. He knew from her Snaps that a key picture of everyone there today making rude gestures at it from across the water (Thalia’s hand was coming from behind the camera, blocking Ethan who was only recognizable by the black jeans in the middle of the summer) was missing from this particular post.

Instead there were a few well-staged shots of her looking out over the river. Then suddenly Ethan came into frame, throwing an arm around her shoulder, pulling her off balance and into him. Finally, there was a picture that led to Jason’s breath hitching in his throat. Ethan’s arms were draped around his sister from behind, she seemed to be genuinely laughing at the surprise, and there was a matching smile on his face. Whoever was taking the pictures had zoomed in here. Their smiles were in full-frame, and so was the kiss in the final picture.

The caption was simple. Just a string of red and blue hearts and some horrid line about finding her own American Dream. This was why PR teams were normally in charge of postings, but the supposedly honest caption was getting the response they wanted all the same. People were loving it. Asking if Ethan was going to be at _Hunters_ events, when Thalia was going to show them her dress, and just the general emoji key smash.

“You told me to make sure the engagement played out alright,” Jason said, hoping the jealousy tinged relief he felt wasn’t noticeable. “I can’t really make sure they don’t cause a scene from here, so I was just making sure nothing had exploded yet.”

His many uncles, aunts, and cousins nodded down the length of the table. It felt odd. Approval for something. Jason couldn’t help but smile just a little, even with Jupiter still glaring bolts at him from down the table. It was terrifying when combined with the oddly gentle and twisted grin he wore.

“Well, well, it looks like you might have finally succeeded in wrangling that boy and your sister,” he said, an unmistakable undercurrent of anger to his words. “With a success like that, you may finally be ready to go point on something a little bigger.”

Jason’s smile faltered. “Bigger?”

“Yes, bigger. After all, to lead the company you need to have a full understanding of the inner workings of it all.”

About halfway down the table, his cousin Hermes shook his head. “He’s sat in on half a meeting.” This was only _half_ the meeting!? “You aren’t honestly going to give him a whole damn project?”

“Just because your first project was a disaster doesn’t mean his will be,” Hermes’s mother quipped. “Now let your Uncle finish.”

Jason would have felt for his cousin if he wasn’t too terrified for himself. All eyes were on him, waiting to find out what he’d do. “What do you have in mind, sir?”

Jupiter’s smile grew further. “Well, you’re already so invested in this Nakamura partnership, why not stay close to that? I was going to wait to bring it up at the joint meeting next week, but you’re clearly eager,” he started ominously. “We’ve had a brief discussion about possibly launching a cider as our first joint project. You could easily lead that.”

Jason squirmed in his chair. “Cider? Like what they sell at orchards and pumpkin patches?” He absolutely knew that wasn’t what his father was talking about, but had to check, give himself a sliver of a possibility so he didn’t retch.

But no. “Unless orchards and pumpkin patches are selling cider spiked enough to knock Santa Claus on his ass in our promotional material, then no, not that cider.”

Jason tried to wet his mouth but to no avail. His voice cracked against his swollen, dry throat. “Shouldn’t we discuss a role like this with Kentaro?”

Jupiter barked a short laugh. “With Ken? No, he already loves you. He’ll be fine with you taking point on the Holiday Ciders. Hell, see if you can get Ken’s boy in on it too. He won’t complain about it then”

Jupiter’s knitted brow and the smile on his face was just daring Jason to find a way to argue that one. There were still plenty of flaws in his logic. Like that Kentaro would love to involve Ethan, but Jason was tired. He knew this was going nowhere. His father always won.

“Thank you for the opportunity then, sir,” he resigned and fell back in his seat with a heavy sigh. “I won’t let you down.”

“I would hope not,” Jupiter said and quickly went back to ignoring Jason’s existence, talking about fertilizer or something equally dull.

Jason didn’t even have the heart to shut his laptop or change away from the article and pictures. He just sat there glaring at Thalia and Ethan snuggled up among the cherry trees while he was living his own personal hell. Maybe Jason hadn’t fought hard enough, but what could have said? Nothing. He was now leading a damn alcoholic drink campaign despite hating the stuff and not knowing the first thing about it, or even how to even begin production. At least he had until—

“Wait, _Holiday_ Ciders?” Jason said, sitting bolt up. “You mean for next year, right?”

The whole of his family turned to him, stunned. Jupiter’s brow furrowed as he went over a slide on the presentation. “No, I do not mean _next year,_ ” he snapped. “What good does that do? Launching the first joint project over a year into the partnership? No, I want them ready in time for Thanksgiving at the latest.”

“That’s not even four months away!” Jason balked. “Can you even ferment the stuff in that timeline?”

“I suppose you’ll have to find that out,” Jupiter said coolly. “Now that’s enough outbursts. Interrupt me again and you’ll be ejected from the meeting.” As much as Jason wanted out, he couldn’t speak up. _Four months?_ He had _four months_ to find a production plant, create labels, bottles, actually make the damn stuff. This couldn’t physically be possible. He was glad for the wool suit now. He was shivering from the adrenaline coursing through him and addling his brain for the rest of the meeting.

He didn’t remember the rest of the afternoon, or even really how he got back to the mansion. Just a haze and the constant thought of how the hell was he going to do this. His father _knew_ Jason’s general aversion to alcohol. For Christ's sake, his dead wife was the exact reason Jason hated the stuff. But to give him this project on this timeline? Even he wasn’t cruel enough to purposefully cause his son to have a nervous breakdown.

All Jason wanted was to _not_ be here. He wanted to be in the city with his friends, or back in college pretending he would actually be allowed to go into a career of his choice rather than whatever the hell he was stuck doing now. He just needed _out_. But he couldn’t.

Drivers would just push him back here. Thalia and Ethan would just drag him back home. His own inability to know what on earth he wanted on life kept him trapped in the first place. So he stayed.

Unsure where to go, he headed to his room. Thalia’s room was still locked and quiet when he passed by. He shouldn’t be surprised. The sun was just starting to set and she hadn’t missed the chance to go out and play in a couple bars in Georgetown since _The Hunters_ had first gotten big. It was always fun to find some random open mic night, having everyone think she was just some super fan until Piper got up next to her and suddenly the crowd would lose it. Add that to the list of things Jason missed desperately about today.

He stripped the sweat damp jacket of his suit off, tossed it on his couch before flopping on his bed. The room wasn’t _his_ technically. It was the same over opulent decor of everywhere else in his grandfather’s house, but it was where he had stayed every year for as long as he could remember, with Thalia next door and the theater across from them. Their parents had always stayed at the other end of the wing. Children shouldn’t be heard at two in the morning while they were trying to sleep, after all.

He stared at the canopy of the bed, his eyes tracing the gold embroidery on the dark navy curtains. A small distraction, but it had always helped him drift off before, but today it seemed near impossible to stop thinking. The only thought he had that wasn’t about how much his life frankly sucked right now was where the others were now, but that only made his chest tighter. The only thing that pulled him from the never ending stream of anxiety was a knock at his door.

“It’s unlocked,” he called, assuming one of Zeus’s maids was coming to collect laundry or something. But instead of the quiet shuffle of slippers and apologies for intruding he was welcomed by the door being kicked open and the blare of an airhorn, shocking Jason into an upright position.

“Get the hell up, sad boy!” Thalia shouted as she burst into the room carrying enough pizza for a small army. “We’ve got a birthday to celebrate.”

Behind her came Leo with the two liters, Piper with a supermarket cake, Reyna with the Hawaiian shirt he had left behind this morning and the airhorn (which she blew again upon entering to a resounding cheer), and bringing up the rear was Ethan with a stack of poorly wrapped gifts. He wondered where Charlie and Silena were for half a second, before remembering they had to drive to Raleigh tonight and probably left hours ago.

Five minutes ago Jason was trying his best not to have a full blown spiral, now he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. “What are you doing back?” he asked. “I figured you’d be giving a few drunk interns a surprise performance.”

“Would you rather we leave?” Piper questioned.

“God, no.”

“Then Georgetown can wait a year,” she said, sitting the cake on a coffee table before coming over to ruffle Jason’s hair. “You’re more important.”

“Plus today was weird without you,” Leo said, flipping over the top of the pizza tower from his place on the floor. Jason slid down next to him and joined the circle the rest had formed.

“Can’t really celebrate you if you’re stuck with the most boring people ever,” Thalia said through a mouth full of pizza. 

“I don’t know,” Jason mused. “At least I didn’t have to see their nasty food mouth.”

Thalia stuck her tongue out in all its cheesy goodness and threw the shirt Reyna had brought at his face. “You have no right to talk, Pit Stains,” she jeered, but her laugh made it hard to take offense. 

“It’s not my fault I didn’t think I needed a whole extra suit for a four day trip,” he argued, but accepted the change of shirts anyways. He could have sworn he caught Ethan watching him before the violently blue, parrot covered shirt was fully buttoned, but he was probably just projecting. Ethan had been sucking his sister’s face off a few hours ago, he wasn’t going to be staring at her brother, no matter how fake the kiss was. It was bad for business.

Once he was fully dressed, Jason grabbed a red solo cup of soda and a slice of his pizza (they were kind enough to get a whole pizza of just black olives despite no one else daring to touch them). “How’d you guys even know I was home already?”

“Cousin Herman told me,” Thalia said. “Asked him to give me a heads up in exchange for a meet and greet with his girlfriend.”

Ethan snorted into his cup. “You have a cousin named Herman?”

“No, Thalia’s just being rude,” Jason said and gave her a side eye. “You need to lighten up on him. His mom isn’t exactly the Georgia Peach she sells.”

“Of course she isn’t. She named him Hermes Caduceus Grace!”

Leo burst into laughter and Ethan looked horrified.

“What the fuck is wrong with your family?” he demanded. “With names like that, you’re destined to be an asshole.”

“Amen,” Thalia said and raised her slice, which Ethan tapped his own to like a toast.

Jason raised a brow. “You two seem to be getting along.”

“I might have decided he was bearable today,” Thalia said with little explanation. “But that’s subject to change.”

“Aw babe,” Ethan choked on fake tears, desperately fanning himself. “I feel the same way.”

Thalia just rolled her eyes. “The point is I may shit on Mom _a lot_ , and damn does she deserve it wherever she may be, but bless that woman for keeping Dad from naming us something crazy like Orpheus or Andromache or some other painfully mythological bullshit.”

Jason felt a slight pang in his chest. “Can we please not talk about Mom right now?” he groaned, hoping to come off nonchalant but failing miserably. Everyone in the room knew how he felt about her. Which was that he just simply didn’t think about her. Not unless he absolutely needed to, and especially not at his impromptu birthday party.

Thalia blinked, but quickly righted herself. “Sorry Jase,” she whispered, hand on his shoulder. “Won’t bring it up again.”

“We both know that’s a lie, but at least don’t bring it up tonight.”

She gave a small smile. “Deal.” She pulled him into a side hug and gave a quick noogie. “Now how about some presents!”

Their friends whooped and hollered.

Jason quickly bounced back, eager to leave the brief sting of tears behind. “Alright,” he said, greedily rubbing his hands together. “Which of these has Kermit in them?”

“None!” Piper bemoaned. “ _Someone_ said stealing a national treasure was ‘illegal’ and ‘bad for her future plans.’”

“How the hell am I supposed to get elected in four years’ time if the first thing you find when you google my name is _Senate Intern Steals Everyone’s Favorite Long Legged Frog_!?” Reyna defended, slamming her cup down, spilling cola all over the carpet. Jason was laughing too hard to care about the consequences for once.

“You’d have my vote,” Leo said with a shrug.

“You’d be in prison for theft,” Reyna sighed. “Convicts can’t vote in Florida.”

“You should fix that,” Jason nodded through the giggles.

“I can’t if I steal a fucking frog!” 

The whole of the room burst into a fit of laughter with Jason. It was almost like he had spent the day with them instead of with his father. Almost. But almost was perfect right now.

Ethan was the first to catch his breath. He kicked Jason, who was still gasping on his back, from across the circle. “Hey, open up mine first,” he said and nodded to the smaller of the two bags.

Jason managed to get a hold of himself and sat up to reach for the bag. Thalia smacked his hand away. “Hold the fuck up, birthday boy,” she snapped. “You know the rules. On the couch, gift giver next to you, and BirthDunce cap on head.”

She dug through the junk they had brought in and pulled out an extra long hat that read “Dunce” and had some crudely drawn balloons on it. The BirthDunce cap. He let out a long grown. “Thals, I’m a grown man. I’m not wearing that stupid thing.”

“Yes you are because it’s tradition, and you _love_ tradition.”

“Not this one.”

“Too bad.”

With a heavy sigh, he snatched the hat from his sister. “Fine, but this is the last time.”

“You say that every year,” she snickered. “Yet it’s never true.”

He shot her an uncharacteristically rude gesture and flopped onto the couch. The one good thing about this stupid hat was that the embarassment of it hid the blush from Ethan sitting next to him, so close Jason could smell the lingering perfume he bought Thalia for her birthday on his clothes.

“Wanna explain the hat?” Ethan asked. 

“It was the only pointy hat we could find at Party City one year,” he said, trying to put a little space between him and Ethan before he passed out. “Drew on it, and now it’s a painfully embarrassing tradition.”

“Shut up, you look perfect,” Thalia taunted, snapping a picture of the two of them on the couch. She was thriving.

Jason, on the other hand, was ready to die when Ethan nudged him with his shoulder. “So you gonna open it or not?” he asked, shoving the polka dotted bag into his lap. Then he leaned in and Jason could barely hear his whisper over the blood pounding in his ears. “I think it’ll help with the dunce cap.”

 _Jason Grace: Dead at Twenty-Two. Cause: Being a Complete Bi Disaster._ That’s what the headline would read, he thought as he gave a stiff nod and started to pull at the tissue paper. Not all that deep in the bag was a white ball cap. Jason pulled it out to discover the front read “I Heart DC,” only the heart was replaced with the Capitol. He gave a short laugh.

“It’s to match that godawful New York shirt of yours,” Ethan smiled as he knocked the BirthDunce cap off of Jason and replaced it with the gift. He teasingly pulled down on the bill as he pulled away, his fingers just barely brushing Jason’s nose but sending a shiver down his spine all the same. “Do you like it?”

Jason took the hat off just so he could stare at it longer. It was awful. The ugliest hat sold, possibly. What with its faded white denim and frayed bill while still painstakingly embroidering the flag on top of the Capitol. But still Ethan saw it and thought of _him._ He couldn’t stop smiling. “I love it,” he said, completely and entirely honest. There was no need to show any other face. This stupid hat was perfect.

“Glad to hear it,” Ethan said, and then stood up so quickly Jason actually felt the chill in the air next to him where he had just been. “Alright, who’s next?”

“Me!” Leo shot up and headed for the couch.

Jason put the cap back on before anyone tried to force the other choice back on his head. As he did, Thalia shot him a knowing wink. Jason felt his blush deepen (if that were even physically possible) and rolled his eyes.

 _Shut up_ he mouthed, glad Ethan’s back was to him as he headed back to his spot on the floor. Unlike Piper and Leo, she seemed determined to poke at him anytime he so much as glanced at Ethan. Like she had room to talk, the way she looked at Reyna before they were a thing. Difference was Jason didn’t have a hope in the world when it came to Ethan so these stolen glances were what he had to live with, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to take advantage of every second.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

** CHAPTER FIFTEEN **

In the first week of August, the trunk of Argus’s Lincoln slammed shut with the last of Ethan’s boxes secured in the back. It felt odd, knowing all his most important belongings could fit in such a small space. Sure, his clothes and a few other things had been trucked down to Jason’s place down in LA. Well, _their_ place now, Ethan supposed. It was moving day after all.

“So is that everything?” Kentaro’s voice cracked behind Ethan. Ethan looked back over his shoulder to see his father standing on the porch of their home. His hands fluttering at his side, unsure whether he could come and hug his son.

Things between them were better, meaning they were speaking. But there was still a long, deep crack somewhere between them that neither seemed to cross. Occasionally, while they reached desperately across the chasm, their fingers would brush and it would feel normal for just a brief second. Then it would be gone and they’d be alone once more.

Ethan desperately wanted this to be one of those moments. So he reached. 

“Yeah, everything important, at least,” Ethan assured him and headed back up to the porch. He stared up at the house cut into the mountainside.

When they first moved in, he was only fourteen and had fully expected to hate the place. Paid for by the loss of Ethan’s eye and moving away from his friends and his childhood home which he loved. Even if it was a creaky, leaky old ranch where the cold night air seeped through the windows.

This house had seemed so cold, cavernous, and unwelcoming at first. The vast views were more isolating than stunning, but then they settled in. Kentaro’s cooking seeped into the walls, leaving warmth and the smell of home. Ethan, still not entirely used to his lack of vision, chipped multiple furniture pieces and walls, letting it feel lived in. No corner had been tinged with memories of his mother. No corner was without love.

“I can’t believe I’m actually going to miss this place,” he said almost to himself, but he hoped his father took it as an invitation.

Kentaro stepped back to look up at it with him. “It’s going to feel empty without you,” he said, a sad smile crossing his face.

Ethan almost said he’d visit, but the words died on his lips. Sure, his furniture was staying behind. He had a place if he needed it, but would it be the same? The past few weeks had felt so much like the early ones. It wasn’t his home if he wasn’t speaking to his dad. While they were now, it just wasn’t enough to hold him here.

“You know there’s always a place for you here,” Kentaro said, as if reading his mind. “This is your home. Always will be.”

Ethan felt his chest tighten. It felt wrong to let him go on believing Ethan had any plans of returning. He couldn’t. So with a great effort, he spoke aloud what had been eating at him since DC. “I don’t know if it is.”

He wished he was coming back, but it just wasn’t realistic. A year from now he’d be off to the East Coast for grad school. After that, who knew? There just wasn’t much of a chance of him seeing this place again unless he was a guest.

Ethan felt his father stiffen next to him at the words. “Don’t say that.” His words as rigid as he was. When Ethan didn’t respond, he grabbed him by the elbow. For once, Ethan didn’t pull away.

“Look at me,” he ordered, his voice shaking. Ethan bit his bottom lip, trying so hard not to break right then. “I said look at me, Ethan.” He shook him just enough to jog him from his focus. He hesitated just a second more before turning to face him. The second he saw his father’s dark eyes, so stern while tears pricked at the corners, he felt his own throat swell as he tried to hold back a sob.

Kentaro took a hold of Ethan’s face, pulling him down so their foreheads would touch. It was something he had always done to calm Ethan, to steady his breathing and let him know Kentaro _saw_ him. He did it long before the incident, long before the PowerPoints, long before his mother vanished from their lives. For as long as he could remember, this was how his father showed him his only focus was Ethan.

“This is always your home,” he promised. “It will always be here for you. _I_ will always be here for you. Do not think for a second that my mistakes change that. Do not let this mess steal it from you. You are always welcomed here. Always safe. No matter how many years pass, you have a home with me.”

By the time he finished, he and Ethan both had tears spilling over. It was unbearably sappy.

“Jesus, I didn’t know you moved on to life coach speeches,” Ethan laughed through a sob. “I gotta say, I prefer the presentations. Much less cheesy.”

Kentaro beamed and broke into tear-filled laughter with his son. Maybe they weren’t fully together, but they were brushing more than fingertips. Another step closer to filling this hole that had been in Ethan since the engagement was first announced.

“Ungrateful little brat,” his dad joked, wiping the stains from his face.

“I’m taller than you.”

“Not enough for it to count.”

Ethan wanted to keep this going. It felt normal, like the past month and a half hadn’t happened. But then his phone dinged. It was Jason.

_Furniture delivery FINALLY got here! You shall have a bed by the time you get here._

Despite Ethan’s larger items staying here, Jason offered to redo the whole second bedroom for Ethan, making it feel just as much his apartment as Jason’s. _Apartment_ , as if it wasn’t a two-story penthouse smack in the middle of Los Angeles. God, what had Ethan’s life come to?

_Cool we just finished packing the car up leaving soon,_ Ethan shot back and pocketed his phone.

His dad watched him, smile gone and the same insecurity he had moments ago back in its place. “Is it time for you to go?”

“Yeah, just about,” he admitted, trying to play off his sudden nerves.

He watched Kentaro take a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “Well, then I won’t hold you back.”

Ethan didn’t know how to respond to this, really. So he just nodded and headed down to the car where Argus was waiting for him. He tried not to look back. He really did, but he’d just as surely fall apart if he didn’t.

Ethan turned on his heel on the dirt at the base of the stairs. “Look, I know it’s two hours away, but maybe we could just—” He was cut off by an all-enveloping hug.

Kentaro, still a step above him, held him tighter than he ever had before. As if the slightest give meant Ethan would melt away forever. “I don’t know what you were going to say,” Kentaro whispered into the top of his son’s head. “But so long as it means seeing you the answer is yes.”

Ethan relaxed in his arms. He hadn’t been held like this in ages. Even back at the Grace Mansion, his father’s comforting hands were stiff and worrisome, but now they were as welcoming as the stupid stone house behind them.

Slowly Ethan returned the hug, not ready for it to break apart again for God knew how long. He felt his throat slick with oncoming tears once again, but forced them back down. He needed to be able to talk.

“I—I’m so sorry,” he stuttered out into the folds of his Kentaro’s t-shirt.

Kentaro suddenly broke apart the hug and shoved him back to arms’ length as to look Ethan in the eye. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.”

“Of course I do. I’ve been _horrible_ to you.” Ethan felt the anguish he’d kept buried tearing him up again, but he had to talk. He needed to say this. “I should have trusted you, I shouldn’t have thrown Mom in your face. I shouldn’t have screamed at you in front of everyone. I’m just so _so_ sorry.” His voice shook, but he managed to hold back another breakdown. He didn’t want pity. He wanted this to be sincere.

Still Kentaro just shook his head. “You are such a soft-hearted idiot,” he said, pulling Ethan back in. “I have never been more proud to raise a fool.”

They stood there like that, holding each other for comfort, to say all the words they hadn’t been able to speak aloud all this time. Kentaro’s hands held so tightly to the back of Ethan’s shirt that he could feel his father’s knuckles on his spine.

He wasn’t sure how long had passed before his grip loosened, but he knew it ached when he did. Still, he didn’t let go. His hands moved up to Ethan’s head, which he shoved over his shoulder. An awkward position considering their now even heights with the stairs, but Ethan didn’t mind.

“I love you so much, Īsan,” Kentaro said just so Ethan could hear him. His heart breaking at the sound of his actual name. His dad rarely called him that anymore. Ethan was Ethan. Īsan was reserved for holidays with his now passed grandparents, and when he had to tell Ethan his mother was leaving. It was so odd to hear it in the context of now, but it warmed him as much as it hurt him. It was a way of saying they were okay. He was still his son. This was still his father.

“I love you too,” he said, giving one last squeeze before breaking apart. “But I need to go before Jason makes my bed face the windows or some shit.”

Kentaro let him go with a laugh. “Fine, but just call me when you get there.”

“Dad,” Ethan groaned. “It’s only two hours away.”

“A lot can happen in two hours. Call me or I come down for an early visit.”

“You’re the worst!”

“What happened to needing to go?” Kentaro teased, waving him off. “There’s no time to waste bickering.”

Ethan walked backwards to the Lincoln, still yelling back at his dad, “I’ll send you pictures of the place tomorrow! It’s insane!”

Argus opened the back door for Ethan without a word.

“Just send me pictures of where you put Lion and David,” Kentaro called back, referring to Ethan’s favorite plushes as a kid. David being a shark and Lion being, big shocker here, a _lion._

A blush rose on Ethan’s cheeks. “I’m twenty-three, I didn’t pack them!” he shouted over the large armored door.

“You didn’t but I did,” Kentaro informed him. “Don’t worry, I put them in with your underwear so Jason won’t see them.

Ethan spluttered, but couldn’t form any words. Kentaro just laughed and waved goodbye as Ethan climbed into the car. He kept waving until the car was less than a dot on the horizon. Until Ethan could no longer see him looking out the back windshield or in the rearview. When the house was no longer visible, Ethan finally turned back around.

He was leaving, but he could come back. That was his home, his family, and unlike his mom, he _would_ come back. 

*******

Jason adjusted the vase on the waterfall counter for the fifth time that hour. Ethan had texted him when they got into the city, meaning he was going to be there in either five minutes or another five hours. There was a buzz from the box on the wall, followed by staticy shouts.

“Let me the fuck in, Grace!” Ethan’s voice echoed through the apartment. Apparently, he could just arrive now.

Jason felt his heart race. The penthouse wasn’t ready. The movers were still hanging pictures in the living room that couldn’t stay in what was now Ethan’s room. You really didn’t want the guy you might be definitely in love with sleeping under posters of your mom in leather pants, draped on your sort-of girlfriend's dad. 

“Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace, Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!” Ethan wasn’t shutting up and he was hitting the stupid alert button every single time so the blaring alert harmonized with his screeching.

“I’ll be right back,” Jason called to the men hanging yet another old movie poster over in the kitchen. He made to answer Ethan’s neverending screams, but went back to adjust the vase just one last time.

He slapped the answer button once the flowers were perfect. “Ethan, please, Shut Up!” he hollered into the mic. “Gary knows you’re coming; just ask him to let you up.”

He heard Ethan’s snicker on the other end. “Oh, I know,” he admitted. “Gary’s already calling the freight elevator for my boxes. I just wanted to piss you off.”

“Jackass.”

“Love you too.”

Jason felt his face go warm and his stomach squeeze. _I love you_. If that were true, he wouldn’t say it because he would know it was killing Jason to hear. “Just get up here,” he anguished and buzzed him up.

Even with the best elevators money could buy, living in the penthouse of a highrise meant Ethan had a good couple minute ride up top that Jason used to compose himself. The bedroom was done. None of his mom’s office was still in there, the walls were painted, the furniture was there, only Ethan and his belongings were missing. Yet he kept feeling like nothing was good enough. Maybe if he moved the flowers to the dining room? Yeah, that might help.

He was headed there, flowers in hand, when the elevator front door opened and Ethan about knocked the vase to the floor. Thankfully, Jason’s nerves meant he already had a death grip on the thing and was easily able to keep it from shattering on the hardwood. Only a few daffodils were lost in the collision.

“Is soaking your new roommate a rich people tradition I missed in public school?” Ethan asked, shaking the vase water from him. Apparently more than the few sad yellow flowers on the floor had escaped.

Jason sat the vase down on the entryway table (where it looked perfect, by the way) and whipped around looking for something to dry Ethan with. Realizing there was nothing, he took off his own cardigan and began blotting his friend’s shirt. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were up here already,” he spluttered. “I was just trying to find a spot for the flowers. I wouldn’t have gone that way if—”

Ethan gently pushed him off of him. “Dude, you’re fine,” he promised. “It’s just water. I was kidding.”

Jason stood there frozen, not really sure what to say. What to do. “Sorry,” he finally decided.

“I said it was fine, quit apologizing.” He flipped one of the dahlias in the vase. “So you got me flowers?”

“I was just trying to make the place a little more homey,” Jason rasped out.

It was true. This penthouse was where Jason lived, but he had never really gone out of the way to make it _his._ He didn’t know how to go about it. Growing up at his father’s mansion in San Diego that was more an art piece than a house didn’t really leave him thinking of “home” as anywhere other than to just fall asleep and occasionally eat. The penthouse wasn’t much different. It was a museum dedicated to the previous owner. His mother.

When he had moved in the summer after his freshman year of college, he had wanted to leave as much of her as he could, only changing the master bedroom to his own, and placing a few pictures of his friends here and there. But he couldn’t have Ethan here with Beryl living in every corner. So her office was gone. Ethan’s room took its place. Jason filled the living room with posters of her work, to remember not to wallow. He spread out his clutter from his room to the living space and turned the guest loft into his own workspace. It felt odd, but after he went to the Nakamuras’ home, he couldn’t help but want that loved mess. He hadn’t really achieved it, but at least there were flowers.

“The lady at the store told me it was a good housewarming gift,” he said, flipping back in his memory to the card with all the flower meanings on it. “The, uh, chrysanthemums for honesty, daffodils for friendship, dahlias for new beginnings or something, and the yarrow is for, um…” _Everlasting love._ “I forget.”

“You just rambled off all those other cheesy things, but can’t remember this little guy?” Ethan asked, taking one of the yarrow sprigs and swirling it between his fingers. He held it under Jason’s nose, tickling it until he sneezed. “As a farmer’s son, I am offended by your lack of interest in plants.”

Jason laughed and shoved Ethan’s hand away. “I don’t really think your dad counts as a farmer.”

“Excuse me, who do you think cared for the vineyard before he could afford all the workers’ salaries?” Ethan retaliated. “Not all of us just sign papers in a high rise and call it farming.”

“Alright, you win.” Jason held his hands up in surrender. “I will figure out the meaning of yarrow later.” No, he wouldn’t. He knew it, and he was going to ignore it because he wouldn’t, absolutely couldn’t live with Ethan and think about _love_.

Not only was it so unbelievably reckless, it simply wasn’t true. In Jason’s history, you just didn’t fall in love after a week. All the times he stumbled near Ethan wasn’t love; it was a surprise. He wasn’t used to kindness like that from people he hardly knew. And he _barely_ knew Ethan. What did he know about him to even fall in love with?

There was a sudden buzz and Ethan pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Shit, I gotta call my dad. I was supposed to the second I got here.”

“So you two are speaking again?” Jason asked, but regretted it. Too personal. Then again, how could he get to know Ethan to fall in love if he didn’t ask those questions?

_Get it together, Grace_ , he shook himself. _You shouldn’t want to fall deeper than whatever the hell this is._

“Kind of,” Ethan answered, phone to his ear, looking around kind of lost. “ It’s complicated. I’ll explain later. So, um, where’s a private place I can talk?” There was a faint click from the phone. “Hey Dad… yeah, I got here safe… yeah, Jason’s here.”

“Tell him I say hi,” Jason whispered.

“He says hi,” Ethan obliged. Then he turned bright red. “I will not tell him that!” He shoved past Jason deeper into his house, _their_ house now.

Jason trailed behind him into the open concept living room and kitchen overlooking the city below. Ethan took no notice of him following, or the sudden change to the living room from the last time he had been here as he went out onto the balcony running the width of the building. He held up a finger on his way out, letting Jason know it would be a minute.

Good, Jason needed a minute to remind himself of the rules he had mentally set for himself.

One: This was a business arrangement. Ethan may be a friend, but he was first and foremost Thalia’s fiance for appearances, and Jason couldn’t go around forgetting that.

Two: He couldn’t forget himself like he had in DC. No more stroking eyebrows, shared milkshakes or “favorite mistakes.” Ethan wasn’t going to run his hands through his hair for real. There were going to be no “unfortunate” secret kisses in the corner. The hat was just a hat. He was no longer to fantasize over the tiniest details. _God_ it was hard though, with Ethan standing out on the balcony, silhouetted by the late afternoon sun, head thrown back in laughter. Which brought Jason to…

Three: He could not keep staring at Ethan. It was going to get him caught.

There was a faint tinkle from his pocket. A text had dinged in. He pulled out his phone to see a message from Leo.

_So is your new roomie cute?_

Jason glared at the message followed by every emoji that had a heart on it. Even… was that a church? Christ. Literally. _For the last time, I’m over it. Drop it._

Before telltale swish of his message sending, Piper’s dinged in. _Leave Jason alone._ Thank god one of them was sane. Wait, there were typing bubbles. _He isnt shallow enough to only care about looks. He also loves Ethans horribly grim outlook on life._

_I hate both of you,_ Jason sent back.

Piper sent back a kissing emoji.

Leo was quick to respond to that. _Great idea BABE,_ it read, clearly auto-capping “babe.” _Get kissin J!!!!!_

_Don’t listen to Leo! Romance the guy!!! Make him dinner!!!!!_ Piper argued unhelpfully.

Jason just silenced his phone and shoved it back in his pocket. Those two were incorrigible.

That being said, maybe dinner wasn’t that bad of an idea. The movers were finishing up, and Jason had completed the paperwork with them ages ago so he didn’t have to worry too much. He could just start cooking now. Ethan’s boxes were being dropped in his room, so he could unpack while Jason made dinner and then he wouldn’t have to worry about breaking any of the rules. Roommates ate together all the time. This was fine.

Ethan came back into the apartment then. “Hey, just a heads up, my dad ordered us some takeout,” he said, shaking his head and smiling. “Didn’t want you stressing about dinner when I’m already tearing up the place.”

“Oh.” Well, that threw the plan out the window. “That was nice of him.”

“You don’t sound thrilled.”

Shit, now he seemed ungrateful. “No, I am thrilled. It’s just, I had just been planning on cooking,” he backtracked. “I haven’t prepped or anything though, so don’t worry about it. I’ll just make dinner tomorrow.”

Ethan stood there with a quizzical look, watching him. Staring _at him._ There wasn’t a rule against it, but maybe there should have been, the way his heart was racing and his mind was wandering. Jason would pay anything to know what he was thinking.

But then the look just vanished. His brows smoothed and his slight smile came back, and Jason was forced to ignore his heart skipping a beat. “Glad one of us can cook,” Ethan teased. “I’d burn the damn place down.”

Jason gave a nervous laugh. Glad that was fixed. “Well, if I don’t have to cook for the next few hours, do you need help unpacking?”

Ethan shook his head. “Please don’t. I’ve got no idea what sort of embarrassing stuff my dad hid in the boxes.”

“More embarrassing than being Thalia’s ‘American Dream’?” Jason questioned, ignoring the turn in his stomach at the thought. That was meaningless. He was probably just thinking about whatever takeout Kentaro ordered. Well it wasn’t, but fake it till you make it, right?

Ethan played off a shudder. “Please don’t remind me,” he groaned. “She ate a whole ass pile of sauerkraut before those photos. I couldn’t get the taste out of my mouth for the rest of the fucking day.”

Jason tried his best _not_ to make a mental note of Ethan’s distaste for sauerkraut. He did anyway. (It was fine; he was just making sure he never made it for dinner, nothing more.)

“So is that still a no on the helping?” he pushed. Roommates helped each other. That was a simple fact and not at all breaking the rules. Even if maybe he wanted to see those embarrassing things just to know a little more about Ethan.

“Fine,” Ethan relented. “But please, if you see a box of clothes ignore it.”

“Now you just piqued my curiosity.”

“I will move out in an instant. Do not play me.”

Jason laughed, but promised not to look. He didn’t want Ethan gone quiet yet. They were friends, just friends, and that was enough. It had to be or he was so past fucked it wasn’t even funny.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in Ethan’s newly renovated room. Jason felt the familiar pang when Ethan gaped at the freshly painted grey, dark furniture and navy accents. The floor to ceiling blackout curtains controlled by a remote might have been a splurge, but Ethan loved them and Jason could live off of that for the rest of the week at least. It wasn’t a cheap flip, but it was worth every penny. Ethan could feel at home while Jason learned what that meant from watching.

The hours passed quickly, the sun was setting under the skyline when the buzzer finally signified the arrival of their dinner, a massive platter of taco fixings from the new place down the street. Jason saw Ethan relax when that happened, seeing as he was trying his best to hide a stuffed shark and lion from Jason’s line of sight. He failed miserably, but it didn’t matter. Jason thought it was adorable. In an entirely platonic way, of course.

Deciding to keep the light mood going, Jason carried the food into the newly decorated living room and laid the spread out across the coffee table.

“Wanna make it a movie night?” he asked Ethan. He wasn’t sure why it seemed like such a good idea, but it had at the time. It wasn’t, but still. The idea of silence between them was welcomed practice.

If he could sit next to Ethan, close enough to lace their fingers together, wrap his arm around Ethan’s shoulders, to watch him in the glow of a television screen with the city lights framing him… Well, if he could do that then maybe he wasn’t lying when he said he had moved on. 

“Do I get to pick the movie?” Ethan asked, looking around at the posters hanging around the room. “Sorry, but you just don’t seem to have great taste.”

“Go right ahead,” Jason smiled. Better to take the hit than sit there and explain that all the posters were his mom. It was a downer, and besides, Ethan would feel bad about not recognizing her and that was the last thing he wanted.

They ended up watching _Fellowship of the Ring._ Ethan had wanted to watch _Return of the King,_ but when Jason admitted to never having seen any of the movies, he looked ready to pop a vessel and insisted this turn into a marathon. It wasn’t late when they started, but there certainly wasn’t time for a full eleven hour marathon of pretending Ethan wasn’t next to him, in his house, and would be every day for a year.

Still, when one movie ended, the next one began. And Jason had to admit, the movies were phenomenal. He barely realized how close Ethan was. It was like that night in the kitchen. Just the two of them. Yes, Ethan was less supportive and rather seemed annoyed by Jason’s constant shock and questioning. He insisted he wasn’t and that Jason just had to watch the movie, but how could he? Gandalf just _died!_ The second movie began to play and he tried to stay silent, but with the steady thrum of the score combined with his comfortably full stomach and the warm summer air from the open balcony, he could feel his eyes growing heavy.

“You better not be falling asleep,” Ethan whispered, not daring to speak over Legolas.

“‘M not,” Jason promised, but even as he said it, the movie faded into the background and he felt his head begin to dip and nod. He could’ve sworn he heard Ethan snicker next to him as he drifted away. He was too tired to even lecture himself for the warmth in his stomach over the perfect sound.

The menu for _The Two Towers_ was still looping when Jason awoke near three in the morning. He was dazed for a moment, trying to figure out why he was so stiff and why his bedroom smelled so heavily of salsa. It wasn’t until the film score registered as more than just white noise that he realized where he was and remembered the night up till now. The buffet, the movie night, and sitting on the living room couch, so close to Ethan their fingers would brush while reaching for the chips. He must have fallen asleep and Ethan just let him.

He sat up to stretch, or at least he tried to but a weight on his shoulder pushed him back down.

“What the hell,” he grumbled, too tired to deal with whatever this was. He was _especially_ tired when he looked down to find Ethan hadn’t left him there after all, but was curled up against him, sound asleep.

_Shit,_ Jason thought. He had done so well. All that time his mind had barely drifted to Ethan, but then he woke up to find his worst dream had come true. No, this didn’t matter, he was asleep. Jason would just shake him awake and move on. There was no need to panic. That was, until he realized rule three was never going to hold.

The moonlight fell on Ethan’s face, highlighting it as well as the sun had the day Jason had first realized he may have a problem. Only, Ethan wasn’t just attractive in the silver light. He was beautiful. 

Jason stared at him. He stared at him much longer than he should have allowed. He just sat there, wondering why he hadn’t noticed the faint speckle of freckles on his nose before. He knew Ethan had them, but never realized just how much they looked like the stars. Jason wanted to name each one and kiss constellations between them. God, he was so in love it hurt.

Even when a tiny snore escaped him, Jason could only melt. Snores were supposed to be why you hated your roommate, not what made you want to lie there next to them for the rest of the night. Another snore squeaked out and Ethan mumbled something before burying his face into Jason and sending his heart racing.

Jason couldn’t help it; he gently wrapped his arm around Ethan and scooted him ever so closer. If he woke up Jason could feign just having just woken up himself. He was just trying to help, anyways. Ethan had been lying against him, neck bent at an angle that could not be comfortable. Now he wasn’t.

But then Ethan’s head lulled against him, and his patch snagged against the button of Jason’s shirt. Not enough for Jason to see everything, but enough to show the start of a stark white scar. He felt like he was invading. He’d seen Ethan shrink at the mention of anything to do with his eye. He wouldn’t want Jason seeing the crescent line like this. He tried to shift himself to adjust the patch without waking Ethan. He almost had it, too. It was off his button and he was just pulling it back into place when Ethan stirred, his lashes fluttering slightly, like they were caught in the breeze.

Jason froze. Fear chilling his veins too much for him to even admire the light catching in those same lashes as Ethan blinked himself awake. When Ethan sat up, Jason’s thumb brushed his brow, exactly where he had a month ago on the plane, only now Ethan stiffened under his touch.

In a flash, Ethan pulled back, red in the face and furious. “What the fuck are you doing!?” he shouted. Jason couldn’t answer. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was _fixing_ it. “What, you’re all good for overstepping when I’m asleep, but can’t own the fuck up when I’m awake!?”

“It’s not what it looks like,” Jason tried, wishing the words back immediately. That wasn’t going to work. “I mean, it kind of is. I saw the scar.” Ethan’s nostrils flared. “But it was an accident!”

“An accident, huh? Jesus, fuck, I should have known this shit would happen,” Ethan snapped, running his hand down his face. “Everyone’s the fucking same. Did you ever think that I’d show you if you just fucking asked!?”

That wasn’t what Jason had expected. It brought a shade of confusion to the fear. “Y-you would?”

“Now I wouldn’t!” Ethan shouted him down. Jason flinched, but Ethan didn’t seem to notice. “Not when you decided for me!”

“I wasn’t deciding,” he pleaded. “Ethan, I swear to god, it shifted in your sleep. I was just trying to fix it. Please, just trust me. _Please.”_

Ethan shook his head. “I thought I could,” he whispered, his face pained. “But, guess this is what I get for believing in a fucking Grace.”

Jason’s heart squeezed. He had caused this. This was his fault. It was always his fault.

*******

Ethan slammed the door to his new room. The only light was that of the highrises beyond and the cars below. His heart was going a mile a minute and he felt like he was ready to faint. He pulled the stupid patch from his face and threw it across the hardwood, screaming as he did. 

He sank down the closed door, dry sobs racking his body. Why did this always happen? People looked at him and saw an injury, not a person. No matter how well he thought they knew each other, Ethan always found someone else reaching for that stupid piece of fabric.

It was always there. No matter what he did. He had tried wearing a plain black patch, hoping for it to sink into the background like white noise, but it didn’t work. He matched it to his clothes, trying to play it off as just another accessory, but then people just treated it like a toy. He was so much more than a stupid injury from a stupid summer camp, but no one ever saw past that. _Jason_ couldn’t see past that.

One of the sobs escaped his lips. Why did this one hurt more? Why Jason? He knew it had to come eventually. Thalia had tried on day one, Jupiter had spent their first meeting just staring, and Jason was one of them. Just another stuck up, privileged asshole. So why was this such a shock?

Because he had hoped he was wrong. That Jason, who had made sure he wasn’t hurt when their heads collided, Jason who had chased him down after his sister had taken the jab, Jason who smiled so broadly when Ethan gave him a dumb hat, Jason who called him his favorite mistake, was different. 

He was different though. He had to be. Who else would be so let down that he couldn’t make Ethan dinner? Who was willing to make him dinner in the first place? His dad? That hardly counted. Charlie and Silena maybe, but neither could cook in the first place so it didn’t matter. Jason had wanted to, truly wanted to.

Ethan hit his head against the door behind him. No, he couldn’t spiral down that path. Jason was a known and talented liar. That had to be it. This was all just a deal to him. Ethan knew that from the start, but then why did it sting when the evidence proved him right? Why couldn’t he get the image of Jason recoiling from him out of his mind? Why was he anguishing over it to the point of nausea?

Jason had hurt him. He was no better than every asshole in school, ripping his patch off in the halls, laughing when Ethan jumped to retrieve it, tears only leaking from one side. Then the anguish in Jason’s words came back to Ethan’s mind and he wanted to go back out and forgive him. To hold him and promise he never meant to shout at him, to scare him.

But he didn’t. He sat on the floor, crying like a fucking coward: patchless and one-sided. Back to his shitty teen years and completely unaware of Jason standing in the living room, frozen in place. Just as ready to apologize but just as terrified of whatever this feeling was. Neither brave enough to open the door and face the rejection they had never escaped before.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

** CHAPTER SIXTEEN **

After the first night, Jason and Ethan barely interacted. Ethan focused on further research into his schools of choice, purposefully locked away in his room as to only see Jason at dinner which he cooked every night. Whether he thought this would help Ethan get past the gross violation of his trust or not remained unclear. He never tried to talk during those meals, waiting for Ethan to make the first move.

What he didn’t realize was that Ethan wasn’t going to. Mostly because he couldn’t swallow his own pride enough to do so. When he had woken up the morning after, Jason was still on the couch, snoring like an animal, like he hadn’t moved since Ethan had stormed off. Ethan couldn’t help but wonder why he’d bother waiting there all night if not to apologize. But if that were the case then, well then Ethan was an asshole.

But no, he had been burned before. It was probably just part of Jason's lifelong training as a Lying Piece of Shit at the Business School of Jupiter Grace. It was easier to believe that than to reconcile with the fact he had hurt one of the few people who actually didn't give a shit about his scar. Hell, he was the biggest hypocrite ever if he’d freaked out about it when Jason hadn’t.

So, due to Ethan’s pride and what he hoped was Jason’s guilt and not a grave misunderstanding, they didn’t speak. Any other reason than that would be embarrassing and Ethan would never be able to look Jason in the eye again.

It wasn’t until late August that more than a few passing words were said. Ethan was in the kitchen pouring himself a bowl of cereal after he finally woke up around two in the afternoon (those blackout curtains were a godsend). The apartment was quiet; not even Jason’s frustrated groans and constant clicking away at his keyboard in the loft above could be heard. Ethan assumed he must be off with his friends, finally taking a day off before they left for Rice and Broadway. Thalia was already in New York for recordings so that Piper could still be there while leading in some musical, so Ethan at least knew he wasn’t going to have some shitty group PR stunt sprung on him.

Letting his mind wander to where Jason might be, he flopped onto the couch, careful not to spill his Cocoa Puffs, and turned on the television. Rich people sucked, but he’d be damned if this home theater system wasn’t spectacular.

He was still aimlessly flipping through Netflix when Jason’s bedroom door banged open and the drag of wheels on hardwood came with it. Jason rushed into the room, dragging a suitcase behind him and looking rather flustered. His eyes didn’t rest on anything for more than a second as he muttered a check list under his breath.

“Keys, laptop, suit. Check, check, check. What the hell am I forgetting?” Then his gaze fell on Ethan, and it finally stilled.

Ethan stared up at him, crunching away on his chocolatey midday breakfast. “Sup.” He nodded at the suitcase. “Where you going?”

Jason’s face scrunched like it always did when he was lecturing himself. “That’s what I forgot,” he hissed under his breath.

“I don’t have an event you didn’t tell me about, do I?” Ethan asked, not really sure what else he could have reminded Jason of.

“No, I was just… I meant to leave a note,” he explained, if that was what you could call it. “But there’s not the time now. My plane leaves in, shit, three hours.”

“You were going to leave a note?” Ethan repeated, trying not to sound like it hurt. Well, it did. He knew they were in a kind of awkward impasse, but to just avoid him? It was a low blow.

Jason shrugged. “To be fair, I was supposed to be leaving an hour ago and you were asleep.”

“Yeah, but I doubt this trip to wherever wasn’t planned an hour ago.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Jason admitted.

“If we’re gonna be roommates, I kinda need to know where you’re going.”

“It’s not important.”

Ethan glared up at him, shoving another spoonful of cereal in his mouth before waving his spoon at him, flinging chocolate milk everywhere. “How the fuck am I supposed to pretend to be your best friend if you don’t even talk to me?”

“Ethan, you made it pretty clear we aren’t friends the other night,” Jason frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I figured I’d leave you alone like you wanted.”

Ethan didn’t quite know what to say to that. “I never said—”

“Look, I have enough pretending to do, so can we please just not not do that here?” Jason sounded like it was killing him to say it, but that didn’t make it not sting like a damn backhand. “I wanted to be friends, I _still_ want that, but I know I fucked it up and that ship clearly sailed. So please, just let me not lie in my own home.”

Ethan’s jaw clenched. So it was _his_ home now? “Fine, we don’t have to be friends, but don’t I deserve to know where the hell you’re going? You were going to leave a note anyways.”

“I’m just going on a short business trip. A couple weeks and I’ll be back.”

“You want to tell me how a couple week trip is short?”

“Considering I’m fitting in three orchard tours for the ciders, a trip to a jarring company in Maine, and a stop at Harvard, I’d say two weeks is pretty good,” Jason said, finally tearing his eyes from Ethan and looking at his watch. “I have to go.”

He started for the door, ready to go without a goodbye, but Ethan wasn’t about to allow that. He sat his bowl down and chased his simply just a roommate, not a friend, down the hall. “What the fuck do you mean, _Harvard?_ Why the hell are you going to Harvard?”

“Because I’m looking into business school,” Jason said flatly. He was shrugging on a coat despite it being well over ninety out. Ethan suddenly remembered him shivering on Jupiter’s plane despite wearing at least three layers. Why was that memory coming out now?

He shook his head, trying to focus. “You _hate_ business garbage. What happened to wanting to be an architect or whatever?”

“I don’t have time for this. My flight is leaving soon and I still have to get to LAX and through security.”

“You have a private plane, they can wait,” Ethan retorted. He had to grab Jason’s wrist to keep him for walking out the front door. “Now quit dodging my questions. Why the sudden love for Harvard?”

“Let go of me,” Jason ordered, but his heart wasn’t in it. Ethan had a knack for seeing through his bullshit.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“I said let go of me.”

“No.”

“Ethan, I said let go!” Unlike the last time Jason had yelled at him, he didn’t fall to the floor. He didn’t take it back. He stood his ground, shaking ever so slightly.

Ethan stood his ground just as much. “Tell me why?”

“Because! Because, just like you said, I’m a fucking Grace! It’s what I’m meant to do! So if you actually believe that, let go so I can go do my job!” His voice cracked at the end, and Ethan could have sworn part of himself did with it.

So he held tight. “What? No faces today?” The jab didn’t even get a rise out of him. “Is this what you want? Or what your dad wants?”

Jason wouldn’t meet his eyes, and he wouldn’t answer.

So Ethan let go. “Fine, have a fun trip.”

He headed back to his breakfast, not bothering to see what Jason did next. The telling click of the door let him know everything he needed. Jason had left to go do everything for Jupiter, and nothing for him.

Nothing appealed to Ethan on Netflix so he settled for angrily chewing through his breakfast, thinking about how stupid Jason was. He wasn’t _meant_ to do shit. He was a Grace, sure, but what made him insufferable was his constant desperation to be that perfect asshole he was being this morning. He wasn’t a fucking Grace until he started acting like that.

Fine, forget him. Ethan could use two weeks of silence. Hopefully, when Jason got back, things could go back to normal. Whatever normal was for them.

* * *

Unfortunately, the two weeks of silence weren’t nearly as enjoyable as Ethan expected. Sure, he stayed in his room most days when Jason was there, and same for when he lived at his dad’s. But apparently social interaction was a requirement. Too bad he didn’t really have anyone in the area to interact with.

Like everyone else, Silena and Charlie weren’t in town. Charlie was starting up grad school in Massachusetts and Silena had gone with him, getting an internship in the area. They weren’t going to be back until the holidays. Jason and Thalia were both out of town, and he didn’t really want to see them anyways.

After weeks of neverending boredom, he thought he was going to lose it. The doorman, Gary, calling him down for the weekly grocery delivery was not enough even for his general hermit lifestyle. Which was why he now found himself in the middle of the kitschy dining room of a Black Bear Diner, sitting across from Michael Yew of all people.

“Why did you want to eat here again?” he asked, carefully watching the canoeing bear staring him down from across the room.

Michael didn’t bother looking up from the children’s menu he’d swiped, intensely coloring and adding a touch of gorey realism to the scenes of bears fishing and camping. “Because where else has fake newspapers as their menus and bread pudding the size of my head?”

“You still eat that crap?”

“You’re still a judgemental asshole?” Michael snapped back, but put his crayon down and turned his full attention to Ethan all the same. “Why did you call me up if you were just going to complain the whole time?”

“I’m not trying to complain.”

“Well then, stop taking digs at me,” Michael said plainly, not bothering to dance around Ethan’s feelings. “If you don’t actually want to hang out, I’ll leave. I’ve only got one day off and I could be spending it with my actual friends or my _real_ boyfriend.”

“Who’s taking cheap shots now?” Ethan said dryly, reflexively going on the defensive. If this was going to go south, best it did now.

“One for one,” Michael shrugged. “Now we’re even and we can move on.”

“You called me a judgemental asshole,” Ethan argued. “That’s two digs. I get another.”

Michael’s arms spread wide as an invitation. “Go ahead then.”

Now of course was when Ethan blanked. “You’re short.”

“Creative.”

“Shut up.”

“Careful now or I get another shot.”

Ethan opened his mouth but shut it before he said anything he’d regret.

“Great, now that the required pettiness is done, want to tell me why you called me up after all these years?”

A direct question with a direct answer, but that didn’t mean Ethan could give him one. Michael chewed on his straw, waiting for Ethan to speak up. He waited, but he didn’t pressure any further.

He was always like this. Nothing seemed to warrant him repeating himself. Waste of time and breath that he needed for other things. When they were kids, those things were marching band, hating his shit dad, and riding bikes through the old farm fields with Ethan. Now it was school and three different jobs that kept him from actually meeting up with Ethan for three days after his initial call. It was a miracle he could stay awake.

Ethan picked at his eggs, mulling over his answer. Why _had_ he called Michael? It wasn't like he’d tried keeping in touch after he drunkenly destroyed his phone. He just shot him the money for a new one and moved on. He could have just left it at that, so why didn’t he?

“I honestly don’t know,” Ethan finally sighed. “Guess I was tired of only seeing my new doorman.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “I’m so sorry that you only get to see the doorman to your _private penthouse_ ,” he said, every word dripping with not so hidden annoyance. “Life must be so hard for you.”

“I thought we said no more fighting.”

“Then I remembered why we stopped speaking in the first place. You’re so fucking full of it.”

Ethan felt the heat rise in his face and his mouth go dry. This was why he preferred to stay acerbic and guarded. People were just destined to be the literal worst. “We stopped speaking because you decided it was better for your image to not be seen with ‘The One-Eyed Weirdo,’” Ethan snarled. “Not one of your better insults, by the way.”

“Jesus, Ethan, I was thirteen and had a guy twice my size trying to kill me,” Michael scoffed. He honestly thought that was an excuse then?

“So you turned him on me? What the fuck kind of friend does that!?”

“One who thought you already moved on to your cool new rich friends at your fancy new private school and left me behind!” Michael shouted, drawing eyes from around the restaurant to them. Ethan couldn’t help but relate to the baby that started shrieking.

“Forget this,” Michael said, shoving his keys back in his pocket. “If I leave now I can still pick up a shift, and at least I get paid for that torture.”

He was half out the booth before Ethan managed to croak anything out, and he hadn’t expected the words that came. “I’m sorry.”

The shock froze Michael in place. “Excuse me?” He blinked. He couldn’t believe his ears.

Neither could Ethan, but he meant it. Not so deep down he was truly horribly sorry for a lot of things, and Michael was one of them. “I’m sorry,” he said again, trying not to sound like it pained him to admit. He wasn’t used to vulnerability.

Cautiously, Michael slid back into the booth. He was stiff, leaning away from Ethan, ready for the blow sure to follow. Was Ethan really that abrasive? That off putting? He hated the apparent confirmation of the facts.

“You get one chance,” Michael said bluntly. “One chance to explain why you bothered calling me, who you made damn clear you wanted no part of after your stupid bender, of all people.”

Like vulnerability, sincerity wasn’t easy for Ethan. And neither was humor, making it hard to brush this off with a joke. Besides, Michael clearly didn’t want to hear a joke right now. Which alone told Ethan everything he needed to know. Honesty, brutal and painful honesty, was the only way this lunch was going to continue.

“Because I’ve got no one else,” he admitted, adrenaline shooting through him as soon as he opened his mouth. “No one’s not involved in this stupid lie. My dad orchestrated it, my friends trusted everyone on the other side and—”

He caught himself. He almost said _and Jason_ … and Jason what? Hated him? Cut him off? Was a liar just like Ethan had expected, despite being the person that kept Ethan sane? The person he was asking Michael to be? He didn’t know what about Jason, just that the thought made him sicker than he could admit to even himself.

With a steadying breath, Ethan managed to amend himself. “And I feel like I’m drowning. I need someone to just let me breathe _._ ”

Michael said nothing. He said nothing for so long Ethan felt certain he would die on the horrid brown pleather bench. He had said too much. He must have. Why else would Michael be glaring at him from across the table? Why else would he just sit there, unmoving, without a smart remark for the first time since Ethan had known him, and he had known him a _long_ time.

“I really expected you to just say your dad was out of town or something,” Michael finally said, the crease between his dark brown eyes easing ever so slightly.

Ethan felt a wave of relief sweep through him as he let out a shaky breath, unable to hide the shake of his hands as he reached for a drink to keep from passing out. “I mean, he is,” Ethan hurried out with a nervous laugh after draining half his glass. “He’s visiting my Aunt Manami right now, and Toronto isn’t as easy to get to on short notice.”

“That sounds about right,” Michael sighed, digging into the untouched bread pudding in front of him. “Ah well, I guess I can handle being second best. You’re, like, tenth on my list of people to call.”

“To be fair, all my friends are out of town too,” Ethan teased lightly.

“Well to be fair, I was just being nice. You’re actually like _eightieth_ on my list.”

“There’s not even eighty people in this town to know.”

“I went to college, smartass.”

It was that simple. One moment of honesty and one joke later, they were back to tearing into each other. Their words completely venomless, and the air tension free. It felt comfortable. It felt familiar. It felt _right._

Finally relaxed, Ethan reached to steal a piece of Michael’s dessert. Michael half-heartedly tried to stop him but allowed him to snag an extra cinnamon coated chunk all the same. Ethan popped it into his mouth with a grin.

“I thought you said this stuff was crap?”

“It is,” Ethan said. “If your mom didn’t make it, it’s going to be crap.”

“Then stop stealing my food!”

Ethan laughed. Not a full hearted laugh, but a small chuckle he was much more comfortable with. “How is Preeda anyways?”

Michael’s mom, Preeda, had practically raised Ethan, considering how often he was at Michael’s during the day while his dad was working. It was a fair trade, though. Preeda had so many night shifts at the hospital that Ethan and Michael as good as shared a bedroom. Of course, that was before Michael and Ethan quit speaking. Not that that made Preeda care any less about him.

He wished he hadn’t avoided her so much afterwards. She still spoke to his dad. Best friends were supposed to stay in touch. It wasn’t their fault their kids fucked that up so horribly. But he hadn’t seen her since his high school graduation. College graduation was missed because it was the same day as Michael’s, and the last thing he or Michael had wanted to do was sit through two USC graduations just to see someone they barely knew at that point crossing the stage for an overpriced piece of paper.

“She’s fine,” Michael said with a noncommittal shrug. “Still working herself grey, still sustaining her lifeforce via backhanded Southern compliments, and still in court with the human shitstain formally known as Dad.”

“You’re kidding me?” Ethan gaped. “I thought she finally settled that like a decade ago.”

Michael’s parents had been divorced for the better part of twenty years. Still, it had taken eight just to settle their custody agreement seeing as Michael was barely ten by the end of it, still blind to the fact his dad had slept with half of the Valley, and Preeda worked so often that she looked “irresponsible” and “distant” in order to pay the same lawyer trying to get her custody in the first place.

“She did, but the asshole insists that he shouldn’t have to pay alimony now that she’s not having to support me as a minor,” Michael explained, chewing on ice so hard that flakes scattered across the table. “He actually thinks she should be paying him! As if I’m not paying half our bills myself even with his bare minimum checks. Not that I want his fucking pity payments. Probably just comes out of whatever poor woman he's tricked into thinking he’s human this time’s account anyways.”

Michael shook his head. “No, I’m not fucking talking about this,” he said, slapping his face lightly to jog himself. “You said you were drowning, how come? Your turn to distract me.”

Ethan blinked. Once. Twice. “No,” he said. “I came here to get distracted, not continue to wallow in my disastrous life. Tell me more about yours.”

“Med school’s making me go broke, my boyfriend is great, and I’m eating lunch with a guy who’s dodging the question.”

“It’s not dodging the question,” Ethan objected. “I just… I want to get to know you.”

“Too bad,” Michael retorted. “Friendship is a two way street. I distracted you from your shit life, now you distract me from mine.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Bullshit!” Michael was back to shouting and getting dirty looks from the parents around them. “You’re engaged to Thalia-Fucking-Grace! You’re running around LA with some of the biggest names in tabloids, and you’re telling me your life is _boring?_ ”

“Can you please Shut. Up?” Ethan hissed. Eyes across the dining room turned to their table, and whispering voices led to him sink deeper into his seat. When he saw a few phones being pulled out, he wished he had worn his hoodie despite the late summer heat. Then he at least wouldn’t have to slide all the way under the table to hide.

Michael rolled his eyes but was kind enough to lower his voice. “Fine, but c’mon, spill. What’s she like?”

“She’s alright.”

“Oh come on, give me details,” Michael begged. “There’s like no pictures of you two not industrially glued together, and that makes no sense to me cause like…” He gestured to Ethan as a whole.

“Are you referring to my general existence or the whole gay thing?”

“Bit of both.”

“Don’t worry, we both hate it,” Ethan assured him but was more focused on the servers at the entrance to the kitchen pointing at him and checking something on their phones.

The _Hunters_ charm on the one’s necklace told him everything he needed to know. They’d read all about him in their favorite gossip columns and Thalia’s heavily filtered social media posts. They either loved him or hated him. He didn’t care to find out which, and he _definitely_ didn’t want to get pictured in a West Coast Bob Evans that boasted being _“UnBEARably Delicious!”_

“Can we go? Please?”

“Two pleases in five minutes? Are you ill?” Michael kidded while following Ethan’s line of sight. When he saw the employees, his shoulders and smirk fell. “Yeah, let’s go.” No hesitation, no argument when Ethan threw a fifty on the table and followed when he walked out the door.

Michael climbed into his car, a beat up old Civic, and started the engine while Ethan buckled up in shot-gun. “Sorry, I kind of forgot you’re a C-list celebrity now. Shouldn’t have suggested that place.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ethan promised without much meaning behind it. He’d forgotten just as easily. “Can you just take me home?”

“Which one?”

Ethan hated that he couldn’t answer. “I guess the apartment.”

Michael didn’t even argue that it was two hours away. “Okay, I just got to make a quick stop.”

Ethan just glowered out the window, watching the parking lot disappear and the town fly by. He stayed silent until he noticed the familiar twists and turns of the streets. ”What’s the quick stop?” No answer. “Michael, where are we going?”

“Still impatient, I see,” Micahel said by way of answering as he pulled into the gravel lot of a near abandoned park.

That is if you could even call it that anymore. The grass was tall and reedy. The swings rusted and creaking in the slight wind. There were half rotten picnic tables and willow branches covering the long forgotten paths. It was where Michael and Ethan had spent so much of their childhood. It had fallen apart long before their time, allowing them to disappear from all the anger and pain in their lives long before those pains cut even them apart.

“What are we doing here?” Ethan asked. He had gone rigid, the familiar needles of anxiety pricking every inch of him.. This was a trap. Michael was tricking him. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be here!

“We always came here when life was shit,” Michael explained and climbed out of the car. He rounded the pine green junker and opened Ethan’s door. “Well, life is shit again, so get out. We’re talking.”

He gestured out to the park, waiting for Ethan to move, to dive back into memories of the two of them laughing in the leaves, and waiting for the world to stop. When Michael found out the truth about his dad’s affairs, they came here. When Ethan’s mom walked out without warning, they swung until the sun set and Preeda dragged them home. Even after they had stopped speaking, Ethan had laid on the decaying wood of the tables, watching the rare grey clouds in the California sky until the rain forced him away.

He was drowning and this place was only going to drag Ethan so much deeper. And Ethan was going to let it. He climbed out of the ancient Honda and followed Michael to the same swings they’d spent so many hours on.

Michael let him stay silent; only the sound of scraping metal filled the space between them. He knew he had to say something. He had called Michael to breathe, but he couldn’t help if Ethan never even bothered to surface.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he croaked in the same tone of the chains he pulled on while kicking back and forth on the dirt.

“Well, what’s got you hurting? Michael asked, flashing Ethan back to lying on the floor of a forest. Unbearable pain and a mix of tears and more coating him. Voices shouting too loud to understand, but Michael’s small and terrified voice ringing clearly over the rest. _What hurts, Ethan? Ethan, what is it?_

Ethan bit his piercing, the jabbing shock forcing him back to the park and a much older, but not much taller, Michael watching him with the same worried expression. So much had changed since the memory he kept buried, but the cause of the ache never did. Maybe it wasn’t why he was hurting now, but it had dominoed right into what was, leaving Ethan’s carefully constructed walls and guards cracked and crumbling.

“I just… I can’t…” he stumbled. Where to even begin?

Michael leaned around his lopsided swing’s fraying rope. “Ok, how about I help a little. Is it the engagement?”

Ethan shook his head.

“Right, that’s probably a given.” Michael fell silent, his fingers drumming lightly on his cheek. A nervous habit he never lost. “So let’s narrow down the categories. Thalia specific?”

Again, no.

“Cool, then I can still be mildly in love with her.”

Ethan managed a small smile. “I really hate to tell you,” he joked. “But you’re definitely not her type.”

“He speaks! Progress!” Michael about fell off the back of his swing when he threw his arms up in victory. After steadying himself he continued twenty questions. “Well, it’s not your dad, cause he called my mom crying when you moved out cause you guys hugged or something.”

“He did?”

“Are you shocked? This is Kentaro we’re talking about.”

Ethan shook his head, the same small smile on his face. “No, he’s always been the worst.”

“He’s a good dad.”

“Yeah. He is.”

“You know, when he’s not putting you into a fake engagement like your life is some bodice ripper for a bored housewife.”

“You really should go into writing with beautiful metaphors like that,” Ethan said dryly.

“It was a simile, but thank you.” Michael grinned before the silence returned.

He sat there, watching Ethan, smile gone and a concerned look in his dark brown eyes. They both knew where the conversation was headed. The name hung unspoken between them. The lie was killing Ethan. But it wasn’t because of Kentaro. His fiance wasn’t perfect but she wasn’t what had him so torn up that he was willing to fall through memories of the worst years of his life. No, that was—

“Jason, then,” Michael said, finally stating what Ethan never could. His silence was enough of an answer. Michael let out a long and low whistle. “Damn, I can’t believe you fell for that guy.”

Now _that_ pulled Ethan out of his shell. “What the fuck are you on?” he guffawed. “He’s a fucking mannequin of a person. There’s not a personality to fall for.”

“If there’s not a personality, how are you in love?”

“Christ! I’m not in love!” Ethan shot to his feet and began pacing. His face was burning purple and the nervous energy suddenly needed any outlet he could find. “He’s just a friend!”

Michael lazily watched Ethan pass him back and forth, back and forth. He looked like Ethan was exhausting him more than himself. “A friend that reminds you of cardboard while also pissing you off enough you stooped to calling me?”

“Yes! No. I don’t know!” Ethan ran his hands through his hair, trying to jog any reasonable thought. “Look, he’s just a friend. A _good_ friend, but then…” The words caught in Ethan’s throat and all the adrenaline driving him just _left_. He fell to the dirt, his hand drifting to the patch over his eye. “Then he was just like everyone else.”

Michael slid out of his perch and next to Ethan on the ground. “I haven’t seen you let someone get to you like this in a long time. Are you sure this guy’s meaningless?” He rested his hand on Ethan’s shoulder, grounding him before he slipped back into more tangible memories of this place.

“He’s not,” Ethan admitted. “But not in the way you’re thinking. He’s just… I _thought_ he was different.”

“Who’s to say he isn’t?”

_The fact he tried to stab me in the back while I slept,_ he thought. “Because no one is,” is what he said.

“Well then, tell me why you thought he wasn’t.” He settled into the mulch expectantly. “The sun’s still up, no one comes here anymore, and I’ve actually got all day.”

“He just was,” Ethan breathed. It felt too personal to share the passing glances he had caught Jason in. The ones that were now tinged with his cruel curiosity. It was wrong to tell Michael about the laughs and closeness they shared in the kitchen, and how Jason’s words had kept Ethan up late into the night. Jason, who was walked on by his father and hidden by the media, had chosen to be honest with Ethan, and it wasn’t his place to tell Michael his truth.

But he did. He talked long into the day. Until dusk had settled into the willows and the only light was the twin sun and moon faintly glowing on the horizons. Crickets harmonized and lightning bugs fluttered about weakly. Still, he hadn’t finished explaining how Jason had literally bought flowers so Ethan felt at home when Ethan was supposed to be there to make _Jason_ feel safe in the first place. Even when Ethan was trying to be the bigger person, Jason still ran himself ragged to make him feel comfortable. It made no sense. How could Jason be from so little love, but be so full of it himself? Or at least, how did he know how to lie well enough to absolutely shatter Ethan when the truth broke free?

Michael stayed silent the whole time. Listening intensely and fidget free. It was the most still Ethan had ever seen him. He only unraveled his crisscrossed legs that had to have fallen asleep ages ago when Ethan finally fell silent.

“Can I say something?” he asked.

“You never waited for my permission before.”

“Well, you never were this… delicate.”

Ethan didn’t humor him with anything more than a glare, but he knew Michael was right. This whole talking thing was exhausting.

“Look, I’ve met the guy for a total of like twenty minutes,” Michael continued. “And most of it was spent with you and your dad fighting. But I didn’t really take him for the dishonest type then, and everything you just told me makes me find it even less likely.”

Ethan opened his mouth to argue that if he wasn’t, then he wouldn’t have just fucking gone ripping patches off other people’s faces, but Michael held his hand up.

“I know what he did,” he said before Ethan could repeat it. “But did you ever stop to consider that maybe it actually _was_ an accident?”

Of course he had. He had been tormented by the possibility for the near month since the incident to begin with. “If it was, he wouldn’t have said we weren’t friends in the first place,” he said, tucking his knees beneath his chin. Every second here made him feel more and more like a child.

Michael took a deep breath, in through the nose out through the mouth, settling himself. “Ethan, I think the guy is just hurting,” he said gently. “Everything you just told me aren’t things born from contempt. I was kidding when I said you were into him, but… you don’t think it might be the other way around?”

Ethan’s mind fogged over. Jason… falling for…? No, not possible. He turned his face to Michael, trying desperately to find his ever present joking glint. It wasn’t there. He shook his head. Hard. “No,” he insisted. “No, Jason Grace isn’t— No!”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Piper!” Ethan supplied in desperation.

Michael’s slanted frown showed he wasn’t buying it. “You just told me they haven’t dated in years,” he argued. “Which, by the way, is mind blowing, but not the point. There’s no rule saying you can’t date a girl and still be interested in guys. I mean, I am _beyond_ happy with Connor, but if you think I’m not still a little jealous you’re the one curled up with Thalia Grace, well then you’re an idiot.”

“She really isn’t that great,” Ethan stressed. Besides, he was more referring to the fact that if Jason could get a girl like Piper, he wasn’t going to downgrade to a guy defined by his anxiety and bad taste in practically everything.

“Whether or not you fully appreciate how lucky you are doesn’t matter,” Michael retorted, a lightness returning for just a second. “I’m just saying maybe you should give Jason the benefit of the doubt. He may not be in love with you, but he isn’t wearing some mask. He cares about you. Clear as day.”

Ethan stayed silent. This still wasn’t making sense.

Michael laughed, reading Ethan’s mind. “Don’t worry, I’m just as confused why he likes you too. ‘Out of your league’ is the understatement of the century.”

“Fuck off,” Ethan said, playfully shoving him over.

“Yeah yeah,” Michael said, dusting himself off and getting up from the ground. He held out a hand for Ethan. “C’mon, let’s get you home. I’ve got classes tomorrow.”

Ethan took his hand and pulled himself up from the comforting dirt that had been shifted for the first time in years. Part of Ethan wanted to stay, letting the night air hold him close and keep the horrid realities of life and improbable… no, the _impossible_ presence of any emotional ties of Jason Grace at bay. But that desire was as unrealistic as the odd bit of _something_ worming its way through Ethan that night as wind whipped and cut his face through the broken window on Michael’s car.

* * *

Ethan wasn’t expecting there to be lights on when he got back, but there were. From Jason’s loft turned office, the warm glow of a desk lamp spilled over the railing into the living room below. The city lights beyond the apartment illuminated the room just enough for Ethan to see the suitcase haphazardly tossed at the bottom of the staircase. Jason was home.

Ethan had planned on going straight to bed when he got back, the day’s revelations draining and confusing him more than he’d admit to anyone. But the light gave him pause. He waited at the door, listening for the light clicks of the keyboard and disgruntled mutterings as Jason poured over spreadsheets and contracts, but the penthouse stayed silent. Then a surprising snort ripped through the silence and scared Ethan half to death. Jason was up there asleep.

Without a moment's hesitation, Ethan turned away from his room and the sweet siren call of sleep, to the eerily enticing snores from above. He toed off his shoes before continuing into the sleek hardwood home; his socks muffling his heavy steps as he went to… he wasn’t sure. Wake Jason, probably. But then what?

He was never good at apologizing, and he had done enough of that for today, thank you very much. Besides, the sudden pang in his ribs at the thought of Jason was easily linked to a general distrust Ethan had for everyone. Jason could still be a liar. He could still be just using Ethan. He could still just be seeing the stupid patch on his face. So why did Ethan just not care anymore?

Because Jason hadn’t lied. Not to him. Not yet. He had let Ethan treat him like shit, shout horrible things, and just taken it, knowing Ethan was in the wrong. It made Ethan sick to think about. No matter how drained he was, an apology was needed, and he fully intended to give one. Then he reached the loft and froze in place, all bravado falling out of him in a crash.

Jason’s desk lamp cast shadows everywhere, including the sharp slope of Jason’s nose and cheek bones. His face was pressed into some massive book full of illustrations and diagrams of trees. The pages were damp with drool from his slightly agape mouth, and the drip in the spine sent his glasses askew. He was still in his traveling clothes: jeans, a plain cotton tee, and a denim jacket. His shoes were kicked off at the base of the filing cabinet, and his socks covered in little storm clouds were probably the only reason he wasn’t freezing.

For once he looked calm. Ethan couldn’t ruin that image. He stood there. Drinking in the gentle slump of his shoulders and the absence of worry lines on his face. The guy was only twenty-two. Sometimes it was easy to forget. Seeing him like this, so relaxed, so at peace, so _human_. It sent the same unidentifiable feeling from the ride home crashing over Ethan all over again. Just as confusing, and twice as agonizing.

He shook himself from the stupor of shock and jostled Jason ever so slightly. “Jason, get up,” he whispered as not to startle him. “You’re gonna ruin your research drooling like that.”

Jason slowly blinked awake. The page sticking to his face as he did. When it finally fell away there was a massive red splotch in its place. His glasses clattered onto the dark keyboard of his sleeping laptop. He looked around, confused by his surroundings. He looked even more bewildered when he saw Ethan standing over him.

“Ethan? When’d you get home?” He yawned, stretching out the definite creaks in his back after lying crumpled into a ball like that for who knows how long.

“Just now, but what about you? I thought you weren’t back till Friday.”

“One of the orchards had worms... or somethim’….” His words trailed off and his head nodded back towards the book.

Ethan snapped his fingers under Jason’s nose. “What part of wake up don’t you get?”

Jason shook his head a little, but he was still drowsy enough it could’ve easily been gravity lulling it about. “I’mup,” he slurred.

“Clearly you aren’t,” Ethan argued and tried to get an arm hooked under Jason. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

Jason was already half asleep and massive, so the lack of help carrying his dead weight almost knocked Ethan to the ground. When he finally managed to steady the two of them, he was sweating and wishing he’d just left the guy up here. But he couldn’t do that, the way Jason was snoring and drooling everywhere. He’d just spend tomorrow swearing over all his ruined books and charts.

They were halfway down the stairs when Jason finally seemed to register what was happening. “Wait, my glasses,” he mumbled with a half attempt to reach out and grab them from an entirely separate room.

“You can get them… in the morning,” Ethan huffed, finally reaching the bottom of the stairs.

“Can’t see to find ‘em,” Jason yawned.

“Then I’ll get them.” Ethan was too busy trying not to drop Jason while wrestling with the door to debate the topic further. “You really are an overgrown toddler when you’re tired; you know that, right?

“Love you too,” Jason giggled sleepily. He couldn’t be aware of the bolt that would send down Ethan’s spine after the day's conversation. He couldn’t have known that saying that, even as a joke, would mean his ass getting dropped on the hardwood.

A stream of colorful and uncharacteristic swears came rushing out of Jason. At least he was now conscious enough to get himself off the floor. “Alright, I’m awake,” he snipped while rubbing his back. “Next time, just make a loud noise rather than actually breaking my ass, please and thank you.”

Ethan wasn’t religious, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t thanking everything in the universe for Jason’s poor eyesight and the dark room working together to hide just how much he looked like a fucking tomato right now. “Maybe if you weren’t such a fucking behemoth I wouldn’t have dropped you!” he defended, trying to find any reason to defend his reaction to _that_ word.

It didn’t work.

“What happened to Civil Ethan? I _liked_ him,” Jason grumbled while picking himself. Then, “Oh.” Ethan could practically hear the click when Jason put two and two together.

“It’s not what you think,” Ethan assured at the same time Jason rushed, “I didn’t mean it, I swear!”

They stared at one another in silence. Eyes slowly adjusting to the dark and seeing their fears reflected in the other. After a beat, Jason said something incoherent and went back to the loft. Maybe it wasn’t incoherent. Maybe Ethan was too busy Error 404ing to understand a single word of it.

_You don’t think it might be the other way around?_ It wasn’t. Jason wasn’t in love with him. He had been half asleep and _joking!_ Ethan knew this but still stood frozen, ice pumping through his veins. He hadn’t so much as torn his gaze from the spot Jason had stood moments before when he returned, glasses on and a sheepish, squirmy smile on his face.

“I can _see_ I freaked you out now,” he said with a forced, awkward laugh. “Get it? See?” He tapped his glasses. The clink of nail on plastic snapped Ethan from his daze.

“What? Oh, yeah, see. Haha.” His voice sounded brittle and distant. Probably because that’s about where he was mentally. Like one slip could knock him back into the spiral from his junior year when… _No,_ _no thinking about **him**._

Jason frowned. “I was barely awake,” he promised. “Didn’t realize what I was saying. Please, don’t think you have to feel weird about hating me. I’m still totally capable of being neutral towards you.”

Ethan was taken aback. “Hate you?”

“Well...yeah,” Jason said, equally confused. “I mean, after you moved in, we’ve barely spoken, we had that fight before I left, I just assumed you hated me.”

“You’re the one who said we weren’t friends.”

“Because you called me a ‘fucking Grace _’,_ may I remind you,” Jason pointed out. “And you made it pretty clear that wasn’t a compliment.”

Ethan bit back the urge to make it even clearer it certainly fucking wasn’t, and honestly should be a pretty obvious attack. “Yeah, about that,” he managed to say instead. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves and more swimming through him.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. You clearly didn’t mean to… you know.” He still couldn’t bring himself to say it. Ten fucking years and admitting how conscious he was of it every second of every day was a vulnerability he still wasn’t ready to admit to.

“You had every right to be furious with me,” Jason near whispered. “I should have just woken you up.”

Ethan felt his stomach twist at the ease with which Jason took the blame that was in no way his. It may not fully be Ethan’s fault; there were those that hurt him to jade him in such a way, but he was still the one lashing out at anyone who came close.

“Don’t do that,” he said possibly too harshly.

“Do what?”

“Just sit there and take the blame for me being an asshole.” Ethan wanted to yell, but he kept his voice low and level. He couldn’t have Jason wincing because of him again. “You aren’t responsible for everything in the world. You should be pissed at me, not the other way around.”

Jason stood there. He blinked. Possibly in shock, possibly to stop the few tears Ethan saw at the corner of his eyes. “Thanks,” he croaked, his throat swollen for the same reasons. “I guess I needed to hear that.” He took his glasses off and wiped them on his shirt, his eyes skating off of Ethan’s in his panic. Tears still building behind their blue.

Ethan waited. He wasn’t sure what for, but when Jason finally got a hold of himself and gave him a weak smile, Ethan felt a tension in his chest loosen substantially. “I’m not mad at you,” he said. That was it. A simple _I’m not mad at you,_ and Ethan could breathe.

“Glad to hear it.”

Jason laughed. “Still emotional as ever,” he teased. If only he knew the gnawing in Ethan’s core. “So… what now?”

Now it was Ethan’s turn to crack a smile. “You go the hell to bed,” he ordered. “Who comes home from a nearly two week business trip, jetlagged to hell, and works _more?_ ”

“I finally found a place that can produce the volume of apples _and_ press them into cider in time for the holidays,” Jason argued. “I needed to get in contact with legal and our graphic designers, and—”

“Sleep, you needed to sleep.”

“Maybe just a little.”

“You had a diagram of a tree glued to your face.”

“It was a really boring diagram, to be fair,” Jason argued, his voice light with a banter Ethan had missed all month. “Would’ve put you to sleep too.”

Ethan laughed, and, unlike the rest he had stifled throughout the day, this one broke free in full. Bubbling from his stomach and raking out his throat a bit like a monster. He wasn’t all too familiar with this laugh. Only his dad and occasionally Silena ever got it out of him these days. Part of him felt calmer knowing Jason could be added to the list, even if the joke was one of the worst he’d heard.

He caught Jason smiling at him, and thought of what Michael had said about him caring, clear as day. He was wrong. It wasn’t clear. It was too blinding to spot unless someone had the luck to see him like this. Caught off guard and ignorant to those watching.

Maybe that should have comforted Ethan. Maybe it should make him find solace in his predicament of the year, but it didn’t. It terrified him. For Jason to care so deeply made Michael’s prediction all the more likely, and if he ended up being right… Ethan couldn’t bring himself to add another broken heart to the list.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

** CHAPTER SEVENTEEN **

There was part of the deal Ethan had never considered. He knew he’d have to make press apparences (you can’t get press if you don’t even _try_ ). He knew he was going to have to put up with Thalia (though that was getting more bearable after DC). He knew that there was going to be paparazzi, less privacy, and possibly the occasional interview or two. He never, in a million years would have thought he’d have a stylist checking every inch of him for lint before he stepped out on the red carpet of the Emmys.

“Why are we going to this again?” he asked Thalia for the hundredth time. They were both in a limo, being primped and preened in their gaudy and matching outfits for the award show in a medium that Thalia _didn’t even fucking work in_.

“Because Tristan is getting the lifetime achievement award and the Academy asked us to help present it,” she said, trying not to sound too annoyed in front of the strangers and failing immensely. She sat not far from Ethan, having her make-up touched up by one of the designer’s aids rather than her typical stylist. If it was her normal stylist there wouldn’t be a problem. They had figured out Thalia and Ethan’s situation the second they had first tried holding hands in front of them.

“Shouldn’t Piper do that?” he argued. “She’s his daughter.”

“She’s doing the majority of the speech,” Thalia continued as the limo door opened and the stylists rushed the two of them out into the flashing lights and screams of strangers. “But it’s a well known fact he stepped in to help with Jason and I while our dad was supposedly ‘grieving’ despite his lack of a heart. It’s a sob story the media eats up so Jason and I are there for support as well.”

“But why do _I_ need to be there?” He tried not being nearly as stiff as at the charity event, but couldn’t help it. People just kept _staring._

“Because you’re my fiance and wouldn’t miss supporting a family friend or spending a night with me when I look this damn good.”

She was right on that point at least. Her one shouldered dress was made of some silky flowy stuff and even with just the gentle breeze it flowed like every movement was stitched in for perfection. It was a dark navy with silver embroidery on an outer tool layer giving the illusion of the night sky. Her makeup was dark to match and her jewelry and iconic silver circlet gave her the impression of some goddess.

Ethan, on the other hand, looked like he was wearing a sentient bedazzled poncho that had already devoured him and was trying its best to do the same with Thalia whenever he put his arm around her.

“Fine, but why do I have to look like Luke Skywalker at a disco?”

“Because men’s fashion is usually boring, and now you’ll stand out.”

“Ok but I’m not sure if ugly is the way to fix that. Ow!” Thalia had dug her elbow into his rib cage, making it really hard to smile at the first official photo point.

Microphones and cameras came at them from every angle. The bombardment of questions nearly knocked Ethan to the ground. How the others walking the carpet heard anything besides endless ringing in their ears seemed impossible.

“Thalia! Ethan! When’s the wedding?” one reporter shouted.

“How much of your next album was inspired by your new relationship?” called another. At least that question was relevant. Both had pretty similar answers too. Ethan wished he could tell them _Never_ and _None_ and relish in the shock and confusion, but Thalia dragged him on down the carpet.

“Sorry, you’ll just have to wait to find out,” she winked at the press pool as a way of goodbye and off they went into the belly of the beast.

It turned out Thalia’s publicist had taken Ethan’s general social ineptitude into account. Not a single carpet interview was scheduled with him. While he could act the part from afar, give him a script and chances were their cover was blown. Sounding terrified and confused during the proposal was one thing. That was just nerves, it was _fine_. But one question he wasn’t prepared for and the game was given away.

Instead all he had to do was smile, nod, maybe kiss her hand while she stepped up, and stand in the background. The most he spoke was to lie through his teeth about just _loving_ whatever the hell he was wearing and trying to play off as fashion.

The living fish bowl finished up with one of those absurd 360 glam-cams before heading into the theater. Some poor employee stuck in a suit all night while jogging through the burning hot building ushered them to one of the front rows just to the left of the stage. There were honestly terrifying posters of each of their faces sitting right next to Jason and Piper, who had already arrived, and a matching one of Tristan to Piper’s right. 

Piper had her arm tossed around the place card for her dad, grinning like a child and giving it bunny ears while Jason snapped a photo of her. Ethan ignored the sudden skip in his heart and stumble of his feet when he saw the two of them there. Piper in all her typical youthful elegance, wearing a canary yellow ball gown with tulle sleeves from her collar bones to wrists, and Jason in his classically handsome quarterback looks in a frankly boring black suit with a powder blue tie and wearing contacts for the first time since the closing dinner.

He told himself the skip was nothing. It wasn’t some odd amalgamation of what certainly wasn’t love on top of all the other confusion in his life. He didn’t _have_ feelings for Jason. He was simply feeling _for_ Jason. He was obviously still in love with his ex-girlfriend when she had moved on ages ago, after all. And with his best friend, no less. That had to be what this was. That reality may hurt more if it blended with the truth, but Ethan refused to let it. The truth wasn’t the truth. It couldn’t be the truth. It _wouldn’t_ be the truth if he could help it.

Thalia snickered next to him, pulling him out of his head and back into a theater where more than just the few of them existed. “I told you men’s fashion is the absolute worst,” she teased, nudging Ethan and giving a nod towards her brother.

Her words seem to finally key Jason and Piper into their presence. Jason straightened from his photographer's kneel before turning to face them. His small smile sent Ethan’s chest into a panic once more, but he quickly tamped it down. This last month had been _good_. They actually spoke, he helped Jason with his project, they cooked together. Hell, Jason had planned a whole trip to New York to give Ethan a behind the scenes tour of NYU for early October. Things were more than good. Some stupid, fleeting, emotion that existed only to fall apart was not going to ruin them. Jason would thank Ethan for it in the end.

Piper, on the other hand, burst into a fit of laughter at the sight of them. “No one said we were going to Eurovision,” she gasped between cackles. Tears, actual tears, were rolling down her cheeks.

“And no one told me we were sitting with _the_ Tweety Bird,” Ethan shot back. Piper gave him a double bird and stuck out her tongue before he turned his glare to Thalia. “I told you ugly wasn’t the fix.”

“Oh well, at least you stand out.” She bopped his nose like he was a misbehaving cat, and maybe he was, based on how he scrunched up at the touch. He hadn’t even noticed Jason clear the space between them until he had Ethan’s silver abomination between his fingers, rubbing it to decide if it was as prickly as it looked (it was).

“No laughing when you rolled up looking ready to be drafted to the fucking Patriots,” Ethan snapped, snatching his ABBA cloak out of Jason’s hands. 

“Please, I’m much more of a soccer guy,” he laughed. “LA Galaxy or nothing.”

“You have shit taste in teams.”

“You’re the one that went with the Patriots.”

“It’s the only team I know,” Ethan admitted. “You don’t think I’d actually watch football, do you? Disgusting.”

Thalia’s arm laced into Ethan’s. “Now boys,” she said, a false severity in her words. “Stop flirting before I go and get jealous.”

“Please, there’s no way Jason would ditch me for the after party’s disco ball,” Piper teased, wrapping Jason into a side hug. Thankfully Ethan couldn’t focus too heavily on her hand resting on Jason’s waist and how relaxed he was under her touch. He was too hung up on Thalia’s flirting comment. Was he? Was it obvious?

Keeping the act up for the hundreds of people around them, Jason kissed the top of Piper's head and effectively threw Ethan back into the other end of his denial spectrum. “Don’t worry, Pipes,” he smiled into her temple. “The disco ball is never going to stoop low enough to let me leave you.”

“We get it. I’m going to be on every worst dressed list come morning,” Ethan groaned, trying very hard not to fall into the trap of Jason’s words. He had enough distracting him, only to be locked away and ignored for all eternity without the deep seated irony of them being added to the list.

Thalia rubbed his back in condescending comfort. “Aw, Sunshine, you’re not going to be _on_ those lists. You’ll top those lists.”

“Wow, that makes me feel so much better.”

There were no doubt hundreds more jokes the others wanted to make at Ethan’s expense, but thankfully Tristan’s arrival shut them up. He was just as intimidatingly friendly as Ethan remembered. The edge to his “kiddo” still made it clear that, while he was glad Thalia was supposedly happy, he still wasn’t too keen on the engagement itself. They were apparently moving too fast for even the most hopeless romantic.

It wasn’t long after his arrival and stiff greetings that the theater lights dimmed and the hours of silence and boredom began. Here was the thing about attending the Emmys. It was no different than watching them on television. They still moved absurdly slow. Not caring about the nominees, Ethan still found his mind wandering to just about anything. Such as how Jason’s fingers brushed his own as he reached for his arm rest, and whether or not that brief moment of contact mean anything, and why the damn producers found it so important Ethan sat next to Jason rather than Thalia just because he was tall enough to block the child actor sitting behind her. Get the brat a booster seat.

The only difference between suffering through it in person rather than on his couch with his much too invested dad was the lack of snacks and regularly having to force a smile when a camera made its way over to their party, which was often. Ethan’s general take away for the night was simple. Never attend an awards ceremony with the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award if you wish to remain anonymous.

The only reprieve from the cameras was when it was finally time for the presentation. Ethan was blessedly not included with the whole affair past just showing up and was more than welcome to stay in his seat, which he did. The sudden appearance of overeager seat-fillers appearing next to him was a little awkward, but once they saw they weren’t next to someone good for networking, they stayed pretty silent.

Still, he made sure to smile and applaud with everyone else with an extra touch of enthusiasm when his friends came on stage. Thalia blew a kiss in his general direction for the crowd, but what really got him blushing was Jason nudging her with a playful _quit it_ before giving a small wave himself. He nearly swallowed his tongue trying to get a hold of himself. Why the fuck was this so hard? He’d ignored plenty of people before. Hell, he’d lost them for being cold and distant. So why couldn’t he just shut whatever this was away and throw away the key?

“So apparently I was supposed to have some respectful speech prepared,” Piper’s voice boomed through the theater, snapping Ethan back to the reality where a montage of Tristan's face was playing across the massive screens behind her. “I sent one to the Academy for the teleprompter and they told me I was supposed to talk about my father’s achievements as an actor, _not_ how I once saw him get motion sick on Small World when I was six. Joke’s on them because I still get to tell that story in this version.”

She then continued on, joking about how everyone else saw him for his achievements in acting. How groundbreaking it was for him to star opposite of Miss All American: Beryl Maslanka in _Grease_ , and how it launched his career as a heartthrob, which she always found gross, but also opened doors to other leading roles. How he went from cute and quirky musicals to one of the biggest action stars of the nineties. Now of course that didn’t matter at the Emmys. They were for television. But Tristan’s regular guest appearances and constant involvement in producing and even writers rooms lead to two of the biggest leading roles in primetime television in the past two decades.

Ethan had never thought much about how impressive Piper’s dad was. He hadn’t really thought of him past being just that. But he had broken barriers and was a massive political activist on multiple fronts.

His work with funding and the destigmatization of substance abuse was when Jason and Thalia came in, discussing how he had been with their family in their darkest hour and just never stopped helping. Even when they seemed like they’d healed, he opened multiple halfway homes for those in recovery. As regularly as he held galas for local arts funding, he was running auctions to fund these homes and donate to other organizations of the sort.

Piper finally announced him and Tristan came out on the stage, hugging the three of them tightly, saving Piper, who was uncharacteristically in tears, for last. Ethan couldn’t help but cheer as loud as everyone else when the award was brought out and Tristan held it in his hands. 

“How many people come on this stage and say they don’t think they deserve an award? Just about everyone, but I think I might mean it the most,” he started. He turned to look back at the three of them smiling through his own oncoming tears. “Especially when I’m getting it from my kids. Yes, my _kids_. It’s selfish to say raising you was my best achievement. Piper, your mom is just as much part of you as I am. Thalia, Jason, your mom deserved to be.” Ethan smiled at the distinct lack of any mention of Jupiter. Good.

Tristan turned back to the audience. “To me, they are the one impact I’ve had that can be looked at on the whole. I may have done what you all consider a lifetime of work, but I never once saw it as that. I don’t see an end in sight. These kids are the only thing that really seem to be coming to a close and moving on, but the world isn’t. We have so much left to do.”

He went on, calling for the wealthiest to donate and use their voices for change like every other recipient of the award. Ethan knew it fell on deaf ears. They’d cheer for him tonight but forget by tomorrow. At least he knew Tristan meant it.

For better or worse, Jason and Thalia had quickly become an inescapable part of his lie, and Piper was one of the few Ethan could actually see himself keeping in touch with after putting this whole engagement mess was past. He knew Tristan had to be more than just a pretty face given how much they loved him, but he had always been so abrasive with Ethan that he hadn’t really thought much of him past that. Not until tonight. The man cared so deeply about seemingly everything. He was one of the youngest recipients of that stupid trophy for a reason.

Ethan constantly found himself wandering how Jason came out of his life with an ounce of kindness in him. Thalia was old enough when it had become just Jupiter; she was able to hold some freedom, but Jason had been a child with a dad who didn’t want him to be one. Ethan wouldn’t blame him for being cold and jaded, but he wasn’t. He was standing on a stage, crying while hugging his sister as the man who _actually_ raised him accepted the biggest award of his career, and suddenly everything just clicked.

Jupiter had a stranglehold on Jason’s life, but not on Jason. It was something Ethan should have realized long before now. But he wasn’t sure even Jason saw this. He toured Harvard, accepted a near impossible project, and had even put up with Ethan in the first place all on Jupiter’s orders. Still, he found little ways to rebel whether he intended to or not. Like befriending Ethan. And that was it: the whole reason he couldn’t just lock this _thing_ away. Because Jason chose him despite the risks. Knowing he was harsh, unwelcoming, and genuinely a pessimistic person, he still _chose_ Ethan.

Even Tristan’s initial distrust of Ethan made sense. He could easily hurt those Tristan cared for most. Only he was just protecting the wrong person. Thalia could hold her own. Jason was the too-trusting Grace who Ethan was terrified of breaking.

The rest of the awards didn’t hold nearly as many epiphanies. In fact, it held exactly zero, which was a godsend considering how lost the first one had left Ethan. Eventually they were set free for after parties, press pools, or, in their group’s case, driving through Wendy’s for a four-for-four in a luxury limo. Tristan had called it a night, insisting he was old and that the emotions of the night had knocked him off his feet. Ethan had a sneaking suspicion that his champagne tolerance was about as high as his own.

That left just the four of them. Not quite ready to return back to their apartments, they drove through LA, hanging from windows and howling while the limo whipped around the curves of the Hollywood Hills. At one point it turned so tight Ethan found himself with Jason on his chest, and in the night’s euphoria no panic came with it. Jason was there and it felt natural. Right.

Well past midnight, they finally pulled up to the boys’ apartment. Ethan hadn’t been back since Friday, when Thalia and Piper flew into the city and he was forced to stay with Thalia. At least he remembered his laptop and she was more understanding of his need to be alone when he slept. Jason had probably told her about the incident on move-in night, but Ethan surprisingly didn’t mind.

Tonight it didn’t matter, though. He was returning home and Piper was staying with Thalia before they flew back to New York in the morning. With this supposedly a goodbye for at least a few weeks, both “couples” made a show of goodbye, Jason and Piper’s so much more natural and lingering, effectively driving a knife into Ethan once again. They headed into their building, Jason walking backwards and watching two of the most important people in his life drive off with a wistful smile on his face. Ethan wondered if he had watched him head to Thalia’s like that the other night.

They rode up the elevator in silence, Ethan painfully aware of Jason standing inches from him despite the size of the space. The slightest brush of skin could very well kill him with the amount of nervous energy he was radiating. One spark and it would all end.

When the door finally slid open on their floor and Jason unlocked their front door, Ethan let loose a breath. They were home. Ethan could just sleep and ignore everything that was happening in his mind. Tomorrow would come and he could go right back to trying to lock it up. But he hadn’t yet done that tonight, so he didn’t head to his room. He lingered in the entryway, unsure what to do as Jason tossed his keys into a decorative bowl and padded into the living room.

“Hey, looks like they left the bags for our suits in here,” Jason called casually from the living room.

Well, at least Ethan had an objective now. Get the hell out of his imitation _Jesus Christ Superstar_ costume. He headed to the living room, already stripping the sequined monstrosity off his back. Jason on the other hand stood there, still in his full suit, and staring up at the old _Grease_ poster above the couch. Tristan’s much younger face smiling down at him along with his mother. Young, happy, and alive.

“You never talk about her,” Ethan said, startling Jason out of his own little world. He wasn’t sure why he asked, really. He saw Jason standing there and just realized he knew next to nothing about the woman Jason shared his blond hair and bright eyes with. The woman Thalia hated, but everyone else seemed to believe was a kindhearted tragedy.

Jason looked away from the poster like he was caught in a punishable act. He loosened his tie and began unzipping his own designer’s dry cleaning bag and throwing it in. “I talk about her plenty,” he lied. Ethan knew he was based on both common sense and the twitch of his small white scar. 

“The most you’ve said is that this was her apartment, that she and Tristan are why you know Piper, and asking Thalia not to talk about her,” Ethan pressed. Maybe he shouldn’t be. God knows he hated talking about his own mother, but he hadn’t lost her. She chose to leave and it made it much easier to cut her off and forget. Jason still fell apart with anyone breathing Beryl’s name.

Jason shrugged it off, but was rigid and stiff as he took his coat off and tossed it in with the tie. “I just… there’s not much to say,” he said plainly. “I was eight. I barely knew her.”

“You were eight and she was your mom. Barely knowing her doesn’t make it suck any less.” He tried to keep it casual in tone, hanging his own so called jacket up as he said it. “I mean, if anything, that has to make it harder. Just leaves a big _what if._ ”

Jason didn’t answer. With no more jackets to distract himself with, he stood there frozen, knuckles white as they clenched the hanger.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Ethan said softly. “But if you ever want to. Well, I’d like to know what made her so great.” He picked up his own bag and made for his room. He had one foot in the hall when Jason’s voice finally cracked through the dark silence of the room.

“I don’t even know what to say.”

Ethan turned back to see Jason silhouetted by moonlight, limply staring back at the poster. The silver of the moon streaked down his face like tears. Maybe they were.

Somehow Michael managed to find his way into Ethan’s mind. How he saw Ethan drowning in his thoughts and held out a hand, helping him convey his thoughts when he couldn’t find the words.

Ethan crossed the room, gently resting his hand on Jason’s arm and ignoring the ripple he felt as he did. “How about I help a little?” Ethan found himself parroting. “Tell me about _her._ Not her movies. Not what happened. Just her.”

A smile tugged at the corner of Jason’s mouth. “That could take all night. She was pretty great.”

“How so?” Ethan pushed.

“Well, for starters, she kept my dad off my back,” he said. “I mean I was a kid so it wasn’t like he was out there dragging me to board meetings, but he still pushed for me to go to boarding school and stuff along those lines. She kept me at home. Dragged me to movie sets with her. Let me sit in the director’s chair despite not even being allowed to herself. One day she snuck us onto a couple of studio tours to see if she could push them towards being a _Beryl’s Greatest Hits_ tour instead.”

Ethan found himself smiling right along with him. “She sounds fun.”

“She was,” Jason said dreamily, but as slow as the smile came, a frown returned twice as fast. “Thalia thinks it was all bullshit. That she spoiled us to get revenge on our dad for all his affairs and breaking the prenup. That I’m glorifying her or something.”

Ethan wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. If it was true, no wonder Thalia hated Jason’s near hero worship of Beryl. Ethan decided a simple “Oh” was the best response.

Not that it mattered. Jason was on a roll and barely noticed Ethan’s sound, if he noticed at all. “Mom wasn’t perfect, though. She cheated just as much and she owned this place well before the marriage so a prenup didn’t matter. Thalia was _just_ angry all the time back then. She was old enough to really see the divorce playing out. Even my oh so loveable dad tried to keep the fighting away from me. Couldn’t disillusion me with the family and therefore the company, I guess.

“But Thalia? She heard it all. The yelling, the swearing, the name calling. She lived through the first divorce attempt when I wasn’t even walking, and then took the brunt of the one that would have finally stuck. I think all that anger just stayed.” He took a steadying breath. It wavered slightly but he managed to continue on. “Only she puts it all on Mom. She’s gone, so no one's hurt if she hates her. It’s stupid. Even if she was right, and Mom just saw us as a tool for revenge, our dad pulls the same shit even now. At least her way meant I could be _me_.”

There was a bitter edge to his voice Ethan had never heard from him before. He hated it. It was so inherently _wrong._ “Being used one way isn’t better than another,” Ethan said, knowing immediately it was possibly the worst stance to take.

It happened in a flash. Frown, smile, it didn’t matter. Jason straightened his back, gave a smirk and calloused laugh and was back to one of his many faces. Whatever walls Ethan had broken through went right back up. “Can really tell you’re Thalia’s when you say that.”

Something about the phrasing rubbed Ethan the wrong way. Not her fiance, not someone who just spent a weekend with her, but _hers._ “I don’t fucking belong to your sister,” he snapped, always too quick to defend.

Jason shook his head, the same forced grin still painted on. “You do, though.” He sounded… bitter? Sad? “You’re always going to.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?

“Nothing,” Jason sighed. He turned on his heel and skirted around Ethan towards his room.

“You don’t get to walk away like this,” Ethan called after him.

Jason’s hand froze on the doorknob, his body rigid once more. “I just don’t want to talk about this anymore, Ethan. My mom’s dead. Fighting doesn’t change anything about that.”

“I know she is, and I may not know how that feels at all.” Ethan dodged around the coffee table and pulled Jason’s hand from the door. He wasn’t letting them have another unresolved fight festering between them.

“I’m _never_ going to know what that’s like because my mom walked out on me and I don’t even know where the hell she is. So yeah, I don’t know what it’s like to lose a mom like that, but I know what it’s like wondering if you meant jack shit to her in the first place. I know it’s living hell. I got lucky and found out the truth when she didn’t show up when I lost my eye. You don’t get that though and I’m sorry, but you can’t let it define you. If you do, you never stop falling apart. Never. That’s all I was trying to say.”

A silence fell. The two of them stood there in silence, looking into the other’s eyes full of the same pain, but in entirely different facets. Neither seemed to even notice that Ethan was still holding tightly to Jason’s hand. Or maybe neither cared. As always, it was Jason that broke the silence.

“She didn’t even come back when you lost your eye?” Ethan heard the pity in his voice, but for once he didn’t hate it. If anyone came to him with sympathy, it was Jason.

Ethan shook his head. “Look, if you think your mom loved you, don’t worry about what Thalia says. I don’t recommend knowing your mom was heartless. Causes a whole new stream of issues.”

He was shocked when, with the last shake of his head, he found his face in the cool palm of Jason’s hand. His thumb just on the edge of Ethan’s patch. A jolt of electricity ran down his spine as every nerve in him screamed to knock his hand back and run, but he fought the urge and stayed.

Jason’s thumb traced the bottom of the small fabric square, so close to the scar Ethan hid away. “I’m sorry she did that,” Jason said quietly.

“Don’t apologize.” Ethan was just as silent. It was like they were afraid that their words would break whatever this calm between them was. “You’re not her.” Without thinking much of it, Ethan reached for his patch and began to pull it off. Before it had gotten past where it had been on their first night together, Jason grabbed Ethan’s wrist.

“You don’t have to show me anything you don’t want to,” he assured him. “I don’t care about some scar.”

“I want to show you,” Ethan promised. Jason hesitated for just a moment, not out of fear but out of kindness, Then he released Ethan’s wrist and Ethan removed the patch in front of someone new. The first person since he had shown Silena four years ago.

Many people expected something worse than what was there. Ethan’s guarded nature made the assumptions understandable. But in truth there was little more than a stitched socket where a ruined eye once was, and the curved scar running brow to bone where the damage was done. All these years later and it was just as stark as the day the screaming red welts had faded.

Jason stayed silent for a long time. The only sound was the rush of their hearts and the roaring in Ethan’s ears. He felt the same fear as always clawing at his throat with each breath that passed. _Mistake. Mistake. Mistake!_ his mind wouldn't stop screaming. He should put it back on. He should leave. He should pretend tonight never happened.

But then Jason’s hand rose next to his face, as if to hold him once more, but he froze just a hair's breadth from Ethan’s cheek. “Is it alright if I touch it?” he asked. He was the first person to ask. Ethan nodded and felt his cool, soft hand on his bare face.

Jason’s thumb traced across the scarring, mesmerizing the both of them. “What happened?” He was distant. Maybe asking himself more than Ethan.

Ethan answered anyway. “Freak accident on a school trip to a ropes course,” he explained. Even now it sounded so stupid and so silly. One carabiner didn’t latch right and when it was forced to hold his weight, it shattered. Costing him an eye and the school district and YMCA sponsored camp a couple million. People often expected worse, but those were the same people who then thought it was then fine to joke about it just because it could have been.

Jason said nothing of the sort. He just continued to hold him.

Ethan felt the familiar squirm in the pit of his stomach. “What are you thinking about?”

“You, Ethan,” Jason whispered with such tenderness and a lack of all hesitation. “I’m always thinking about you.”

The dread in the pit of Ethan’s stomach didn’t even have time to spread throughout him before Jason was leaning down and pressing his lips to Ethan’s. The hand that wasn’t tilting his chin up into the kiss found its way to Ethan’s waist. Somewhere in the back of his mind he couldn’t help but think how stupid he was for ever getting jealous of Piper’s hands on Jason early that night. But the majority of him was simply screaming as his eyes fluttered shut.

 _Stop him,_ Ethan’s mind scrambled. _Stop this, stop this, stop this, Stop This!_ But he didn’t. He fell into the kiss. Soon even his own protests fell away to everything he had been shutting away since his talk with Michael. God, no thinking about Michael. Just Jason.

Jason and his soft hand stroking Ethan’s scar. Jason and his arm now wrapped tight around Ethan, pressing him against his chest. Jason and his lips so goddamn soft Ethan was sure he wasn’t real. Jason and how Ethan was in too deep with him. How there weren’t words for this chasm in his chest whenever he saw him smiling, laughing, chewing on the end of his glasses while reading the dullest information on cider and fermentation or anything about him at all.

So what if he had a history for fucking things up? Things weren’t bad now. Why did he ever worry when things just clicked?

Jason’s hand cradled the left of Ethan’s face, his thumb still tracing the crescent under Ethan’s eye. He broke away just long enough to breathe, but before he could get too far, Ethan’s arms snaked around his neck and pulled him back down.

This was what it meant to be lost in a moment. Kissing Thalia felt stiff and, frankly, wet. Yes, kissing was inherently… that given its nature, but it was much more off putting with her. With Jason it wasn’t noticeable. Ethan was too high on the sheer shock of it all to register anything besides Jason Grace was kissing _him_.

He slid his hands to Jason’s flushed cheeks, cupping them as if to feel that this was indeed him and not some convincing imposter. This was Jason with the same sharp jaw and crooked half smile. The same smile that Ethan felt the second his fingers tangled into Jason’s overly gelled hair.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting you to do that,” he said sweetly, his lips brushing Ethan’s as he did.

Ethan’s mind reeled as Jason continued the kiss. Jason had been dreaming of this. Of _Ethan_. The panic rose back up and he froze. Jason noticed the change immediately. He pulled away, worry in his eyes. The hand around Ethan’s waist came to cradle the other side of his face. A loving gesture that only made Ethan’s stomach churn.

“What is it?” Jason asked, honest concern filling the few short words. “Was that too much? Too fast? What did I do?”

Ethan shook his head. This wasn’t Jason’s fault. He couldn’t have Jason thinking it was his fault. Fault hurt more. Fault would leave him wondering what he could fix. No, Ethan was to blame, just the same as he was last time. Better Jason hate him now rather than later.

“Ethan, please say something,” Jason begged, so worried for Ethan despite what was to come. “Please, you’re scaring me a little.”

That shocked the words right out of him. “I can’t do this,” he said robotically.

Jason’s hands slipped from Ethan’s face to his shoulders. Jason blinked and backed away, confused. “You can’t what?”

“Do _this,”_ Ethan gestured between the two of them, fighting the rising fears and self loathing in his chest.

Jason still seemed to not be getting it. “All we did was kiss.”

“And you said you’re always thinking of me!” Ethan reminded him. “That is not something you say before just a kiss!”

Jason’s cheeks flushed. “I didn’t—”

“Do not lie and say you didn’t mean it!” Ethan shouted, feeling the telltale pinch in the back of his throat. He needed to end this. He couldn’t fall apart during it. “You said you were waiting for my hands in your fucking hair! That’s not nothing, Jason!”

“I never said it was.” Jason was still so gentle even with Ethan shouting in his face. He just wouldn’t let Ethan help him. Saving him from anymore what ifs.

So Ethan ripped the bandage off. “I don’t _want_ it to be anything!” he lied, hoping he could convince himself and failing miserably. “I don’t want _you_.” Jason’s face drained of color and he looked on the verge of tears, but Ethan kept going. “You were right. I’m Thalia’s. Forever. Even if I wanted whatever the hell that was, I’d always be her ex and you’d always be her brother.”

Jason’s arms fell away which Ethan took as a blessing. He didn’t know if he would last if he had to knock them off. Jason didn’t fight, didn’t argue. Part of Ethan wanted him to, to wear through Ethan’s thin resolve, but he just stood there stunned, taking the verbal assault. 

His eyes glided off of Ethan and fell on the crumple of suit jackets on the couch. The quiver in his jaw told Ethan everything he needed to know. He had said the right words, pressed the right buttons. Jason would hurt for now, but not nearly as much as if Ethan had let it continue, leading him on throughout the entire ordeal.

With Jason broken and distracted, Ethan slipped off into his room. He had his mourning to do. He lay there in his bed waiting for the tears to come, but they never did. Because how did you mourn something that never had the chance to live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to Me! They finally kissing!


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My work schedule has completely rearranged so no new chapter next week and may end up being a little sporadic while I wait to find a new regular posting day. Though it is looking like Mondays or Wednesdays. Thanks for all the support! Means the world and really helps me stick with the project!

** CHAPTER EIGHTEEN **

After Ethan had left Jason standing there, cold and wounded, reality split. Suddenly there were two Jasons. One who still lived in ignorance, thinking Ethan could ever care about him in the same way, and the one who knew better. The one standing in his living room unable to even bring himself to cry as he shifted through his personas, just trying to find one that could hide the all consuming ache. None could. He was irreparably lost.

The second Jason, the happy one, would wake up and continue pretending that being near Ethan was enough. Because before tonight, it had been. The second Jason would make breakfast for the two of them, laugh across the counter when Ethan made a snide remark about whatever stupid PR stunt was lined up next, and then work distraction free except for the few stolen glances of Ethan in the living room, napping in the sunlight without a care in the world. That second Jason didn’t exist.

No matter what Jason, the _real_ Jason did, he couldn’t get back to that point. What was he going to do come morning and he had to look Ethan in the eye, knowing how inconsequential he was? That kiss had meant _everything_ to Jason. Not just the kiss, but the whole night. He didn’t talk about Beryl. Ever _._ Not even Piper and Leo knew the extent of how he felt, but he had started to tell Ethan. He had trusted Ethan, and he had been wrong.

He couldn’t get any of it out of his head. The feeling of Ethan’s arms around his neck, the warmth of his breath against Jason for the few brief moments they broke apart, how soft his cheek had been in Jason’s hand, the ridge of his scar under his thumb, his hands slowly entangling in Jason’s hair. It all haunted him as he glided through his nightly routine. More a husk than himself.

The water of the shower ran over him, washing the lingering caress of Ethan’s hands away. Brushing his teeth erased the touch of his lips. Even changing into his pajamas felt like he was just stripping off another layer of agony and leaving him a shell. Ethan’s ghost remained everywhere on him and it just wouldn’t go away. One moment Jason would be reliving the cold pressure of Ethan’s piercing tugging on his lip and the next Ethan’s words would knock him to the floor all over again.

 _I don’t want_ you.

They echoed over and over again, rattling through Jason’s skull. The only reprieve was flashes of Ethan’s face contorted with anger as he told Jason he had been right. Ethan was Thalia’s. He always would be. Jason had never wanted to be wrong more than he did now.

After nearly an hour of lying in bed with only these thoughts to keep him company, Jason decided sleep was simply not an option. If he was awake, he might as well work. He only had a little over a month before the ciders launched and still had so much work to do. The first batch would be ready for testing soon enough and the labels were being printed for bottles that weren’t even done being blown. Distribution agreements were being finalized and he had about seven calls with Hermes later this week about them. They should have been done ages ago. While Jason by no means wanted to stay in the business, it had been a welcome distraction from living with the guy he was secretly in love with. Hopefully, it was just as helpful when there was no more “secret” about it.

He unlocked his door (why he locked it, he didn’t know; Ethan wasn’t going to be trying to see him) and headed into the living room. If Jason was covered in lingering ghosts of the kiss, the living room was made of them. The dry cleaning bags still lay across the couch, though they both were full and zipped, ready for pick up. The cushions on the couch were still rumpled and tilted from where Ethan had propped himself on the arm as Jason held him tight, still ignorant to how fast he’d lose him.

 _Stop,_ he ordered himself, squeezing his eyes tight. _Forget the damn kiss and go upstairs._ Still, he didn’t move. His eyes stayed shut, as if that would block the gutting pain. His hand found the arm of the couch to steady himself and closed on a crumpled piece of fabric, its strings tangling in his fingers. He didn’t need to see it. He knew it was Ethan’s patch, sad and discarded from where Ethan had taken it off before cutting Jason open.

That was the end of it. Any hope Jason had of staying whole fell away when he found that stupid patch. He couldn’t be here anymore. There was no hope of getting any work done. He had to leave. He couldn’t keep looking at everything when it all had been touched by _Him_.

He made for the entryway, trying to block the memories of Ethan coming through the door hours ago, and how he still managed to leave Jason breathless in that silver encrusted tent of a jacket. He slipped on some shoes, took his keys from the bowl, and rode the elevator to the lobby, the whole way down feeling the distinct chill from the absence of Ethan next to him, close enough to lace their hands together and hope he wouldn’t care.

“Stop it!” Jason cut through the silence. Ethan hadn’t cared. He just hadn’t cared about Jason. He didn’t _Fucking Care_!

Jason hissed in a breath. He looked down at his hand where the keys had just slit skin. He hadn’t realized how tightly he’d been holding them. He stared at his palm, the thin red line growing and burning. He watched it unfazed. He could say there was something poetic about the physical pain representing the emotional, but that would be a load of bullshit. It just fucking hurt.

He was still thinking about Ethan when the elevator doors slid open. That cut had done little to distract and everything to piss him off. He couldn’t just drive around LA with his hand bleeding like this. He had a couple options. One: Go back up to the apartment to take care of it, but possibly just break down where Ethan could hear him and ruin any chance of pretending he was fine. Two: Ask Gary the doorman if he had any supplies but have to directly interact with a human while trying to hold back tears that had been building much too long to be able to open his mouth and give a convincing lie. Three: Risk being recognized at his worst and head to the 24-hour market around the corner.

Against all logic, he went for the third. He stopped by his car to grab some cash, careful not to get blood anywhere (the interior was expensive and he really didn’t want questions later). As he reached for the glove compartment, he realized his fist was still clenched around something. Not the damaged hand, but the other, the one that had rested on the couch. The one still holding Ethan’s patch.

The second he recognized it, Jason dropped the square of fabric like it burned, but that didn’t stop the onslaught of memories. _I want to show you_ , Ethan had whispered. Jason had tried not to shiver as he waited with bated breath. His face had been so soft in Jason’s hand, the only marking on it was the long, thin white scar as elegant as Ethan’s everything.

Jason shut his eyes again, trying to force the memories back down. He couldn’t. They just kept coming. _I’m always thinking about you_. Why had he said that? Why had he said anything? Why not just go and say “Hi, I’ve been in love with you for months and I haven’t been able to think straight since I first heard you laugh”? It would have been just as easy to play off.

God, what was he going to do? He couldn’t just ignore Ethan. The silence of August had nearly killed him. If it happened again he’d fall apart, and he was already in shambles. He was in his car at well past two in the morning still bleeding, for crying out loud. One would think that’s rock bottom, but Jason knew he could still dig deeper. There was always room to be worse.

Without thinking much of it he ran his hand through his still damp hair in an attempt to ground himself but regretted it immediately. More memories rose up and brought the first onset of tears with them. How long had he dreamt of Ethan’s hands in his hair, fiddling with the strands and driving him insane? How long had it lasted before they let go, breaking him just as thoroughly?

He couldn’t hold it in any longer. The sobs came on like a storm, his cries echoing through the underground garage like thunder. He didn’t care that there might be security cameras watching. He didn’t care that late night revelers may come back and find him falling apart in his wide open and unlocked car. Let them. For once he didn’t care what stories might come out of this. Let people wonder what had driven him to this point. Let them wonder for years and years, never to know that Ethan Nakamura had broken his heart.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t find a rhythm to it, just gasped and gasped, unable to hold onto the air. He hands fumbled in his pocket for his phone. This wasn’t going to get better by himself. If it escalated he wouldn’t be able to move. He’d sit in his car and waste away until someone, most likely Ethan needing a ride away from him, came and found him bloody and crying.

He scrolled through his contacts, unsure who to call. Most were inconsequential names who barely knew the public faces he presented; they couldn’t be bothered with the real him. There were a few options, honestly. He couldn’t call Piper. She was with Thalia, and he couldn’t have Thalia knowing. He knew the lectures that would come with it. She may have teased him the past weeks about his problem, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling she didn’t want it to become more than a joke. Since the start, she was put off by Jason’s seemingly immediate loyalty to Ethan, and if she knew where he was now, he’d never hear the end of it.

That left one person, and as soon as Jason saw his name he didn’t know why he hadn’t called him sooner. Leo was possibly the only person who would understand the tumultuous mess that was Jason at the moment, and even if he didn’t, he would try. Jason didn’t need a lecture. He didn’t need reality. He needed a friend to just listen and tell him a comforting lie. That things would be alright. Leo would do that.

He dialed. The phone rang. It rang again. _Click_. “Hello, you’ve reached the voicemail of LEO VALDEZ, please leave a message after the tone,” the robotic voice of his answering machine greeted Jason.

He hung up and tried again. Answering machine. He could feel the next onslaught of body-wracking sobs coming and dialed one last time in a desperate attempt to hold them back. The phone rang once, twice…

“Jason, why the _fuck_ won’t my phone shut up at the ass crack of dawn?” Leo’s voice rasped from the other end of the line, still clinging to sleep by the sounds of it.

“Sorry, I forgot what time it was,” Jason answered. Why didn’t he think of how late it was? Not everyone spent their Sundays kissing their roommates and having a panic attack over it.

“It’s five in the morning,” Leo complained, his Texas twang escaping in his sleepy daze.

“It’s only three here,” Jason said with a shaky breath, as if that made it better. Why was he so _stupid?_

“Congrats, go the fuck to sleep.”

“Leo, wait!” Jason blurted into the speaker before he could think, and cursed himself for doing it. He just woke Leo up and now he was yelling at him. He was incapable of maintaining a single friendship tonight by the look of it.

The silence that followed made Jason wonder if Leo had understandably already hung upon him. But then he answered.

“Jason, are you okay?”

No. He wasn’t. He was wearing ratty old pajamas, having a breakdown in his building’s parking garage while there was a gash in his hand, all because some guy he’d spent months fantasizing about said he wanted nothing to do with Jason right after he had poured his heart out to him. He was the farthest he’d been from okay in a long time.

But then he heard the concern in Leo’s voice and remembered he was supposed to be visiting Piper this week and the familiar onset of guilt crept in.

“I’m fine,” he lied. He was being ridiculous. It was just a kiss. A kiss that nearly killed him, but a kiss all the same. No reason to stress anyone else over it. Bigger fish to fry and all that. “Guess I just missed you a bit more than I expected.”

Leo sighed in relief. “Jason, we’ve been over this. Things would never work out between us. Two trophy husbands in one relationship? Destined to fail.” His smile was so infectious that it even managed to pull a snotty laugh out of Jason. Unfortunately, the laugh tipped Leo off that Jason may not be so great. “Are you sure you’re good?”

“Yeah,” he promised, trying not to feel too guilty. He’d tell Leo about it later, when it wasn’t too late to call it anything besides early morning. “Hey, I, um… I should go. Ethan’s trying to sleep and I don’t want to keep him up.” Saying his name nearly started the cycle all over again, but Jason was quick to swallow the pain before it could burst out. He just needed the call to end.

“Oh, but you’ll wake me up?” Leo was only teasing but Jason still flinched. He was right. Bad excuse.

“Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Don’t be, I missed you too.”

An honest smile grew on Jason’s face. Not a wide one, but enough to surprise him. “Thanks, Leo.”

“Not that I don’t love unnecessary praise, but I didn’t do anything.”

 _Oh, but you did,_ Jason thought. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Go back to bed.”

“Way ahead of you, buddy,” Leo yawned on the other end of the line. “I’ll call you later.”

Before Jason could get out his own goodbye, the line clicked off and he was alone in his car once more. Still hurting, still bleeding, but he had direction. He wasn’t going to heal. That was fine. There were bigger problems than worrying his friends over a rejection. He’d been rejected before. Perhaps not so harshly, but he survived. He could hurt now. That was fine. But he couldn’t go selfishly blowing it out of proportion.

That being said, he still had a very real gash in his hand and wasn’t confident another break wasn’t bound to happen, so going back upstairs wasn’t an option. Slowly he managed to wander down the street, swaying as he went. The store was blessedly empty minus the one poor cashier stuck with the red-eye shift. They looked up from whatever magazine they’d lifted from the display just long enough for Jason to give a small nod and wave, trying to duck his face from view. Maybe he did care about possible stories just a little bit.

“First Aid’s in aisle three,” they said with a pop of their gum. Jason glanced at the hand in the air and realized it was the injured one. With a mumbled thanks, he stuffed both hands into his pockets and made for the bandages.

Thankfully the first aid supplies were far enough down the aisle he was obstructed from view while he fumbled his way through picking up and reading everything with just his left hand. He wasn’t very successful. He ended up dropping half the supplies on his way to the register. As he struggled to pick them up, he thought he caught a flash from the corner of his eye, but when he looked up there was still just a cashier reading a magazine. A magazine with Ethan’s face fully printed across the cover.

 _Ethan Nakamura: Gold Digger or Heart of Gold? Who Exactly Won Over Thalia Grace?_ the cover read in massive yellow headlines. The picture was one from a few weeks ago. Thalia had flown back to LA for a brief rush of “wedding errands” and the two of them were forced to meet with about twenty different wedding planners until they found one willing to sign an NDA and agreed to get paid for doing nothing. They were meeting them at some brunch place in Burbank, downing endless mimosas to the point where Thalia fell asleep when Jason had picked them up. There was apparently a major difference between pretending to be engaged and having to actively plan a wedding that would never come, and neither had been prepared for that. Still, that didn’t stop Ethan from beaming on the cover, laughing into Thalia’s ear about some secret between them. Something Jason was so close to having, only to ruin it entirely.

His gut clenched at the image, but he pushed it down. _Bigger problems,_ he reminded himself and continued to make his way to the checkout. He scattered the gauze and tape across the counter.

“Sorry,” he said with a half laugh. He tried not to make eye contact, but it wasn’t easy considering he was just sort of looming over the cashier. His face was clear as day, and he wouldn’t be shocked if it was still tear stained and swollen. Why didn’t he think of bringing a hoodie or something? “I just need this stuff.”

The cashier just looked up at him while he tried to look everywhere but at them. “That’ll be fifteen dollars,” they said, clearly unconcerned with the fact the supposed friend of the guy on their tabloid was standing in front of them.

Jason tossed a fifty on the counter and snatched the bag just as they finished packing it up. “Thanks,” he called as he rushed out the door. “Keep the change!”

It was late and Jason could feel it catching up with him. He normally was the type to be out cold by ten and up at sunrise, but clearly that was out the window. He was probably going to need to take a sick day, which he absolutely detested. Ethan would wonder why he wasn’t in the loft working, or why he was skipping work calls. It was going to make it near impossible to say he was fine if anyone saw him like that, so once he was back upstairs, in the warmth of his home still haunted by memories he conveniently ignored, he wrote a quick preemptive note and left it on the counter.

 _Emergency at the office. Home by dinner. Love, J_. Obviously that one was scrapped as soon as it was written. Aside from the complete failure in tone, he had gotten a little bit of red on the edge. Before writing the next attempt, he actually bandaged his hand. It made it a little hard to hold the pen, seeing as it turned out to be quite difficult to properly bandage a hand when you only have one other, but he managed. The sentiment was the same, but without the love. Just a simple _Jason_ instead.

With that business done, he was free to sleep. He laid in bed, but rather than drifting off to Ethan’s cutting words, he ran through the plan in his head. He would be fine. The world didn’t need to know he currently wasn’t, and he’d be damned if he didn’t keep it well hidden.

* * *

Day One was a success if Jason had to define it. While he woke up much later than he typically liked, he didn’t let himself wallow. Even with his canceled meetings, there was work to be done. So Ethan didn’t want him? Fine, the cider houses in Ohio did want him as a point of contact, so he’d just talk to them.

Still, that didn’t mean distractions weren’t possible. At one point Piper texted him a shot from him last night, waving not at the audience, but clearly a certain guest in their seats. It could have easily sparked another self pity session so he simply turned his phone to do-not-disturb and returned to his label options. They were just as important as the drink hey advertised, and he needed to focus. If this methodical work was always so helpful, maybe Harvard wasn’t such a bad plan. He was going to need a lot of distractions if his life continued on the not very fun path it seemed to enjoy.

He worked long enough he hadn’t even realized the sun had set. He had meant to make dinner for him and Ethan to keep the idea of normalcy alive but had failed miserably. He quickly threw on some office appropriate attire as opposed to the same stained pajama top as the night before. He allowed himself a brief moment of mourning when he saw it was the same New York shirt that had led to his prized hat. The second passed and he buried it back down before sneaking out to the front door, grateful Ethan mostly kept to his own room. He quickly opened it and slammed the door, announcing his apparent new presence.

“Sorry I’m late,” he called down the hall. “Office was murder. I’m just going to order some delivery.”

He was already in the kitchen, scrolling through food options when he heard Ethan’s door click open followed by a massive yawn. Ethan came into the kitchen, looking like he hadn’t left his bed all day either. Jason didn’t really know why since he wasn’t the one hiding an all consuming pain. It wasn’t really fair that he could show up looking like that while Jason had to pretend he was fine. If he didn’t, Ethan would blame himself, and it wasn’t his fault. Jason misread the signals; he put his foot in his mouth; he got too close. Ethan was blameless and shouldn’t be guilt ridden just for saying no, but that didn’t make the irony of the situation cut any less deep.

“What do you mean late?” Ethan asked, slumping into one of the barstools.

“Where were you all day?”

“The office,” Jason reminded him, slightly confused. “I left a note.”

“Didn’t see it.” Ethan shrugged.

“Yeah, well, that’s where I was.”

He hadn’t seen the note? Jason had put effort into convincing Ethan he was fine, put his feelings aside to keep him comfortable, and for _nothing?_ Had Ethan even left his room!? _No_ , Jason stopped himself, _breathe_. It was fine. It gave Jason practice for everything to come. Ethan rarely left his room anyways. He should have expected this. Besides, now he could use the emergency excuse again tomorrow.

“What happened there?” Ethan nodded towards Jason’s bandaged hand, dragging him back into the moment.

“It’s nothing,” he said, pulling it back under the counter. “Don’t worry about it.”

He may have been a little too short. Ethan immediately tensed across from him; his general look of boredom turned to an outright frown.

“Jason.” Ethan gave an exasperated sigh. Jason was too busy trying not to skip a beat at the sound of his name on Ethan’s lips to wonder what made him just exhausting to put up with and whether he should be offended or not. “I get that you’re mad at me after last night, but—”

“I’m not mad,” Jason said plainly and honestly. He was in agony, incredibly and horrifically embarrassed, and desperately upset, but he wasn’t _mad._ “I’m honestly fine.” That bit was a little less truthful

Ethan looked taken aback. “You are?”

He believed him? “Yeah,” Jason lied, and apparently he lied convincingly, which was new with Ethan.

“Well, that’s great for you.” Was that… disappointment? Did he _want_ Jason to be fucking hurt?

“I’ve been rejected before,” he said casually, though an edge did manage to cut its way in. “A shocker, I know, but honestly I’m fine. If my ego was really that bruised, there’s a line around the block ready to help me boost it.” A truth that left a bad taste in his mouth, but if Ethan was going to sit here and expect some great revelation of pain, he wasn’t going to give it to him. He was _fine._ Besides, maybe if he was the self-centered, egotistical asshole Ethan had expected him to be and had hated him for, it would be easier to pretend Ethan had never kissed him back.

And there it was. The fact Jason had repressed from the moment Ethan had gone rigid under his touch. There was a moment in the adrenaline haze that Jason _knew_ Ethan had wanted him. If just for a moment. He had wrapped his arms tight around Jason’s neck and pulled him down when he had meant to break away. The dissonance between his actions and his words was gutting.

 _Enough,_ Jason swallowed hard. There wasn’t time to dwell on it. Besides, he was supposed to be acting like things were normal. Starting fights wasn’t part of that plan. He wanted, _needed_ to still have Ethan in his life outside of the stupid act.

One breath in. One breath out. He was _fine._

“Look, let’s just forget about last night,” he said, absolutely sincerely. He was ready to scrub it from memory. “Why don’t I just order us some dinner and we move on?”

“You know what? I’m not actually hungry,” Ethan huffed and got out of his chair, slouching back to his room. Anger radiating off of him for reasons Jason could not fathom.

“Ethan, c’mon!” Jason called back in desperation. “I’ll order empanadas!”

“Order them with one of your ego boosters,” was the only answer Jason got before a door slammed and Ethan was locked back in his room.

So yes, Day One wasn’t _perfect,_ per se, but Jason still counted it as a success. Ethan didn’t blame himself for anything. He believed Jason when he smiled and said he was left unfazed. He was mad at Jason for some unknown reason, but Jason had proved he could do this. The kiss would never have to exist.

That was, until Day Two. Day Two was where everything went wrong.

It started out fine. Jason actually woke up when he wanted to. He was able to do his morning routine. Normalcy was more than achieved. Sunday night might as well not have happened.

Well, except for the fact he still wasn’t leaving his room. Last night had proven that he just wasn’t ready to be in a room with Ethan. He’d end up putting his foot in his mouth and remembering things he didn’t want to think about at all. So it was another work-from-bed kind of day.

At least, it was _supposed_ to be a work-from-bed kind of day, but he was failing miserably. He managed to sign off on about two things before finding himself opening an incognito tab and searching things like “I kissed my roommate. What now?” and “A guy rejected me and now he seems mad that I’m not sad, but I’m absolutely a wreck, I just don’t want him feeling bad about it. What do I do?” Oddly enough, that second search didn’t turn up much.

Why he was searching all this now, two days later, he didn’t know. Why he couldn’t just focus on the sales projections, he didn’t know. Why he couldn’t sit there and do his job and forget about Ethan for five minutes, he _didn’t Fucking know!_

He was fine yesterday. He should be fine today. That was how it worked. Whatever, he’d just block Google from his laptop and hunker down. It had worked before; it would work again. He just had to stop clicking through Reddit pages about people with _entirely_ different and happy endings. Oh god, he was on Reddit. Well that settled it, he needed some air. Today was going to be a vacation day.

He shut his laptop with a heavy sigh and stared up at the ceiling. He needed a distraction and fast. He glanced at his bookshelves. Nothing on there. Phone wouldn’t work, he still had it on do-not-disturb, and he didn’t feel like seeing a rush of messages flood in. Most would probably just be from work, but Piper and Leo’s daily texts for him to finally make a move weren’t all that welcomed at the moment. A movie, maybe?

There was a faint buzzing from the other room. Someone was trying to get upstairs. Unfortunately, no one Jason would have wanted to see was anywhere near close enough to visit. Probably just some ass trying to sell some crap. Normally Gary wouldn’t let him near them near the call box, so it probably wasn’t going to ring again. Then it did. Again and again.

The only console was in the kitchen. Curse of an open concept. You were expected to always have quick access, and why you would want to buzz people in when you’re lying in bed convincing yourself you’re perfectly okay with your roommate hating you for the rest of forever wasn’t considered at installation.

Grumbling about insensitive fans or delivery men, he left his room to look at the console. By the time he got there, the incessant buzzing had stopped. He glared at the monitor. No one was there, just the door to the building gliding shut. A creak came from down the hall. Ethan.

He looked worse than he had the day before. He was just as disheveled and possibly hadn’t showered. The one thing pristine about him was the fresh patch over his scars. The black stood out on his face, which was swollen and red. Had he been crying? What on Earth did he have to cry about? It was too much, too confusing. Jason had to be mixing signals again. Not good.

“Will you tell whichever one of your endless dates woke me up to go the hell away?” Ethan snapped. That was more what Jason had expected.

“I don’t have a date,” Jason said, annoyed. He was already regretting telling Ethan that. He felt vile, and it was just going to boil into another lie at the rate everything was going. He didn’t really feel like finding some poor soul to fake date him while he fake dated Piper in public. Too messy.

“Well, someone was breaking their fucking finger on the button.”

“Well they’re not now, so it doesn’t… matter.” There was now a knocking at the door. They had gotten upstairs. How had they gotten upstairs? “Wait here,” Jason said, motioning for Ethan to stay put. Of course he didn’t.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he argued. Why did he have to be so argumentative all the time? Why was Jason dying inside every time he spoke to him?

Fine, whatever, Jason was just going to look through the peephole anyways. It wasn’t going to be anyone important. No one was in the city that cared enough to visit. Then came another round of drywall-shaking bangs on the door.

“Jason Maslanka Grace! Open the fucking door, I swear to god!”

Shit.

No need to bother with the peephole now, Jason opened the door to an absolutely fuming Leo Valdez. The same Leo Valdez that should have been in New York visiting his girlfriend. The same Leo Valdez Jason had told he was okay so that he wouldn’t do something stupid like this.

Ethan summed up Jason’s thoughts better than he could have in his panic. “What the fuck is Valdez doing here?”

“What the fuck am I doing here?” Leo guffawed. “Why don’t you ask the guy who hasn’t answered his phone in two days!”

Jason paled. “You were calling me?”

“I literally said I was going to call you! You didn’t answer!”

“I’ve been busy with work,” he rushed to explain. It wasn’t a lie. He had been. He had muted everything because of it.

“That’s what I thought at first, and then I saw this!” He pulled a rolled up magazine sticking out of the top of his luggage. He had brought _luggage_. He was planning on staying. “Do you want to tell me what part of that seems fucking _fine_ to you!?”

He shoved the glossy tabloid against Jason’s chest. Ice ran through his veins as he took it and looked at the cover. The second he saw it the world around him fade away. This wasn’t happening. He had been so careful. Ethan wasn’t blaming himself. He had _won._

“You’ve got all of us worried sick,” he heard Leo distantly over the rush of blood in his head. He sounded a lot gentler than before. “You weren’t answering. Neither was Ethan.”

“I don’t have your number saved.”

“I don’t care. Pick the damn phone up next time.”

Their bickering turned to static in Jason’s head. This wasn’t real. No one had seen him but the cashier. They hadn’t even had their phone out. But they must have and he had just missed it in his rush because splashed across the cover, right under the cleverly cruel headline _A Fall From Grace,_ was a picture of Jason. He was standing in the medical aisle, tear stained, blotchy, exhausted, and a clear dead look in his eyes. Even his blonde hair was stained with blood where he had kept running his injured hand through it. There was a thumbnail of when he had dropped everything and could have sworn he’d seen a flash. He had _seen_ them take it and didn’t say anything. He was so fucking _stupid_.

No one was going to believe he was fine now. Ethan was going to blame himself, or get what he wanted and see Jason gutted and hollow. Thalia was going to know he was an idiot who made a move on her not so beloved fiance. Leo had already left Piper alone, and Piper was distracted from her work. He had failed. He wasn’t okay and now everyone knew.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the patience! The schedule is still going to be a little wonky seeing as I haven't had time to write for a hot minute, but I will try for at least every other week!

** CHAPTER NINETEEN **

Jason fell back against the wall. They had seen him. Now _everyone_ had seen him. It was front page news for fuck’s sake. There was no escaping it now. His breath was hitching and the room was spinning. He felt an arm wrap around him and heard Leo distantly.

“Come on, buddy,” he said. “One foot in front of the other.”

Jason shuffled mindlessly with him across the apartment. His only truly coherent thought was to keep the article in hand. To not let Ethan see it. Even when he could barely see through the haze of his own panic he knew he had to keep it hidden. He just wished he knew if it was for his own sanity or Ethan’s.

He registered Leo and Ethan still arguing. He should be stopping that. If it went too far, Ethan would find out the truth. _Let him,_ he heard part of him whisper. _This is his guilt, not yours._ But that wasn’t true. Ethan had every right to tell Jason no; he was the one being foolish for being hurt.

“How have you not noticed your roommate is in fucking shambles!?” Leo shouted at the same time the screaming in Jason’s own head calmed enough for him to hear anything else.

“He said he was at work,” Ethan argued, somewhat dumbfounded. He was right there too. Jason was a liar. Leo should be mad at _him._

“I called his office. He hasn’t been in since the first of the month,” Leo continued. Jason realized his voice was coming from above. Somehow they had gotten to the living room. Jason was on the couch with the two of them standing over him at one another’s throats.

“So what? He never goes in! Am I supposed to call his office every day like a babysitter?”

“If you can’t notice a massive depressed guy wandering around your apartment on your own? Yeah, maybe you should!”

Okay, that was enough. “Leo, leave him alone, it’s not his fault,” Jason cut in. He was shocked how rough his voice was. No tears, but it sounded like he had been crying for hours.

He tried standing up, but Leo managed to knock him back down with ease.

“Sit your ass back down,” Leo snipped in an oddly gentle manner. “You still look ready to hurl.”

That was because he _was_ still ready to hurl. He didn’t read the article, but the number of pictures that they had of him was disconcerting. They even somehow had gotten security footage from the parking garage of the apartment building.

As terrifying as it was to know that someone paid to keep your home safe was willing to sell you out for some extra cash, Jason had yet to try and report it to the powers that be. Maybe he could get them to just give the security team a raise, but no, that person clearly didn’t understand what “security” meant. It was an odd place to be in morally and emotionally.

But it wasn’t the problem right now. Leo was dangerously close to the truth, and while he would have to know at this point, Jason could still protect Ethan. Keep him guiltless where Jason was not.

“I’m fine,” Jason insisted.

“I saw a newsstand outside that said otherwise.”

He rolled his eyes. “I meant about the hurling, but I’m fine on that front too,” he lied. “I would have told you that if you would just ask me rather than yelling at Ethan. Like I said. It’s not his fault.” His voice managed to stay level despite the rasp. Shocking, but Jason wasn’t going to argue with his one stroke of luck.

“I did ask when I got here,” Leo reminded him. “You proceeded to nearly pass out.”

“The article was just a bit of a shock.”

“Yeah, about that,” Ethan butted in. “What the fuck was in that article? I’ve seen them say a lot of shit about you and your family, but never seen you turn green.”

So he needed to lie now. That quickly. That directly. He hadn’t really thought that far. While his mind had been working overtime to cover his tracks the past thirty-two hours, he hadn’t planned what to do if anyone caught his scent and began hunting the truth.

“Some rumors about Piper and I,” he said, taking a safe bet. Most articles circled back to that and this one was probably no different.

Leo’s brow quirked at the blatant lie. His gaze shifted between the two roommates so quickly it was possible he could actually see the tension in the air between them. It had been there, since the kiss. Anger from Ethan and distance from Jason. It was easier to not hurt if he kept Ethan at arm’s length, and clipped answers allowed for just that.

When Leo then opened his mouth, thousands of scenarios played out in Jason’s mind. All were less than ideal. There was him calling Jason out on his lies. Him flat out showing Ethan the article. Him completely misreading the situation and asking painfully embarrassing and personal questions on the topic of their nonexistent relationship. Jason felt his head spinning with the possibilities. He needed Leo as far away from Ethan as possible _immediately._

“Hey, why don’t we go get some lunch?” he asked so rapidly Leo actually stepped back in shock.

“Lunch?”

“Yeah,” Jason said, his mouth moving a mile a minute as he stood and made for the door, grabbing a jacket and wallet as he went. “Lunch. You gotta be starving. Flew in from Houston at what? Like six in the morning to be here by now? Not many places open at that time. They’re open now. We should eat.”

“Are you sure you’re good, Jase?” Leo asked, confusion mixing with the worry.

“Just peachy, why you ask?”

“You’re still in pajamas.”

Jason glanced down. Sure enough, he was still wearing his little storm cloud covered pants and a faded purple shirt. Not great clothes to wear in public when trying to cover up a salacious story based around doing the same thing two nights ago. But if he changed, Leo and Ethan would be alone and that would go horribly.

“So we’ll do a drive thru,” he shrugged. “Do you have a rental? My car’s kinda easy to follow.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s out front.” Leo still didn’t sound too convinced this was a great idea. Maybe it wasn’t, but another picture of Jason in pajamas couldn’t be as bad as explaining the kiss to Leo with Ethan right there, looking just as bewildered by Jason’s shift in mood as Leo. Great, the first time his best friend and whatever Ethan was agreed on something and it was that he may be short a few marbles. Whether they were right or not didn’t matter. Getting the hell out of here did.

“C’mon, if we leave now we might be able to eat at the ol’ French place before it opens,” Jason pushed and headed out the front door, praying Leo was on his heels. He was, of course. Wasn’t going to let Jason out of his sight for however long he was here, most likely. Good, then it would be easy to keep him and Ethan separated since Jason seemed to have the opposite effect on him.

Once they were in the elevator, Leo started in on him. “Okay, enough playing. What the fuck is going on with you?” he prodded.

Jason’s eyes darted to the small camera in the corner of the ceiling. Did it record audio too? He didn’t want to find out. “Nothing.”

“Really, because you went from not taking your eyes off the embodiment of black nail polish that is Ethan Nakamura to barely looking in his general downer of a direction.”

“Lay off him, Leo.”

“Why? Dude, what happened?”

“Nothing,” he said through gritted teeth, trying to keep the mood light and hoping Leo would notice his glare towards the prying eyes and hypothetical ears. “Can you just pull the car around back? I don’t want to get hounded at the door.”

The doors opened on the first floor, but Leo jammed the close button before Jason could escape. “Hold up,” he hissed. “I did not fly out here for you to keep brushing me off.”

“I never asked you to come at all.”

“Because you never will! You never ask anyone for help!” Leo’s voice rose and echoed on the metal walls of the box. Jason fell silent. Leo rarely truly yelled at him, or anyone. He just wasn’t much for verbal lectures. It was the easiest way to see when he was at the end of his own rope. He would yell. And he had been yelling quite a bit.

“That’s not your fault,” Jason said, reaching for Leo. “I just don’t want to worry you guys over something stupid.”

Leo’s hand rubbed and scrunched his face, his other danced against his thigh. A nervous tick Jason had seen him apply during exams, speeches, and even as far back as him asking Jason what he thought about Leo asking Piper out. He was trying to calm himself. He was doing it because Jason had hurt him.

“We worry ‘cause we care,” he finally said. “I came here because I wanted to, no, because I _needed_ to, Jase. If you were hurting and I ignored it... You wouldn’t do that to me, so I won’t do it to you.”

The cold shiver of guilt came creeping over Jason. He had done just that though, hadn’t he? He had seen that he hurt Leo and rushed to erase it. This guilt was new. Odd. He hadn’t wanted to worry Leo, but by doing just that he had made it incomprehensibly worse. The two occurrences seemed so antithetical that it simply wasn’t possible, but now Leo was here, unprompted, because Jason had hurt him simply by protecting him. Guilt from worrying him and guilt from hiding everything battled for dominance in his mind and left him reeling.

“I’m sorry.” He meant it. “I… a lot happened on Sunday.” The words weren’t easy to find. Jason felt like every time he found one, the next was still miles away. His eyes darted back to the camera. “Can we talk about it somewhere a little more private?”

“Your apartment was pretty private,” Leo pointed out.

Jason gave a small, terse laugh. “Not really. The problem’s kinda up there.”

It took a second, but realization dawned on Leo’s face. “Right, I’ll get the car and we’ll grab some food. But then—”

“Then I’ll explain everything,” Jason agreed.

With a nod, Leo hit the open button and headed off to his car. Jason followed to the lobby, but once Leo exited out into the sun and paparazzi filled- street, he turned towards the garage. He gave Gary a nod, showing he was indeed alive and sort of well. As he made his way to the better hidden garage, fear slowly rose in his chest. What would Leo say? Would he be hurt if Jason told Ethan more than he had ever told him? Could he trust him to be in the same apartment as Ethan if he knew the horrible things he had said?

It didn’t matter. Jason had promised to tell him. Consequences were no longer under consideration. Still, that didn’t mean he told Leo everything the second the passenger side door to his tiny red Mini Cooper shut. No, they rode in silence for quite some time. When Leo drove through the nearest In-N-Out, he didn’t even ask Jason for his order (he knew it by heart anyways).

As they drove on, trying to find some quiet corner of the city to talk, they drove past countless newsstands. All had a seemingly infinite amount of copies of the article. Other gossip rags had the same cover with varying bad puns in the headline and occasionally changing the larger photo to one where he was on the floor desperately picking up the scattered bandages. He had really tipped that cashier nearly forty dollars for this. Cheapest PR fee he’d ever paid.

He still didn’t know _what_ exactly the angle the dozen of stories were taking was. He could only imagine the nonsense. There was the idea that he had broken up with Piper. Actually, probably that she had dumped him in a spectacular way based on the fact he was the one crying in a minimart at three in the morning. Those were the kinder options. The rest revolved heavily on the narrative of the Grace family being made up of tragedies solely based on Beryl’s habits. He hated being a conduit for their hatred of her. She was gone. Let her rest and let him live. They never did, though.

“You okay there, buddy?” Leo ventured, turning onto a seemingly empty stretch of beach. A small miracle, even in late September.

Jason almost reflexively answered with yet another _I’m fine_ , but that simply wasn’t going to fly anymore. “As good as I can be,” he went with instead.

Leo seemed okay with this. “So pretty shitty?”

Jason laughed. It wasn’t much of one, more a surprised chuckle, but still a laugh. “Understatement of the century,” he joked. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but apparently I had a breakdown in Ralphs.”

“No,” Leo gasped in mock surprise, throwing the car in park. “In Ralphs!?”

“It’s front page news, from what I hear.”

“Well then, I’m sure everyone’s wondering why,” Leo feigned, handing Jason his burger.

Jason appreciated him continuing this game of false ignorance on both their parts. It made it easier to talk about. Like it was just another one of his many acts and not another one of his many aches.

“And I’m sure they’ll never guess it,” Jason said. He wouldn’t meet Leo’s eyes. He knew this was it. He had about thirty seconds before the game was gone and the truth was out.

“If only the only person who knew would tell me,” Leo pushed. “I could sell the truth for millions.”

“Possibly more.” Jason felt himself going distant. Something about selling the story wasn’t funny to him anymore. They always joked about cashing in on their weird love triangle situation, but he had people he trusted sell him out now. Not as lucrative or easy to cope with as he thought.

“How much?” Leo pushed, clearly taking Jason’s shift as apprehension and not discomfort. Maybe that was part of it. Whatever. If he just said it, it would be done. He could move on. Ignore it. Right? He hoped so.

“How much do you think that, um…” His voice cracked and he faltered. Saying it wasn’t as easy as Jason had hoped it would be. It was agonizingly difficult. It meant remembering the touch of Ethan’s hands on his jaw, his thumb tracing the shape of Jason’s cheekbones. _Stop_. He couldn’t go back to that night. It would tear him apart.

Then, so gently it startled him, Leo’s hand rested on Jason’s arm. He turned to look at his friend and felt closer to tears than he had since he had decided to carry this alone two days ago. Leo’s gentle smile said it before he even vocalized it. He was _there_. Right there for Jason and nothing else. No story. Just Jason.

“Take your time. I’m not leaving,” he promised. “I’ve got a week off and I’ll spend it all right here if I have to.”

Jason groaned. “I’ll feel worse if I eat up your entire vacation.”

“Don’t make me remind you that this was my choice. I _want_ to be here.”

“But Piper—”

“Can wait,” Leo persisted. “You’re my best friend. I’m not going to leave you out to dry because of her. Partially because she’d kill me if I did.” Only a half-joke, but Jason still smiled.

“Thanks, Leo. Guess sometimes I forget that.”

“That we’re best friends?”

 _That people care._ “Nevermind.”

Leo gave him a light shove. “What happened to sharing everything? What’s got you like this?”

They had circled back. He had to tell him. No more stalling. He took a deep breath. It rattled as it came in. It rattled as it went out. He tried again. There was no steadying himself. Not when it came to Ethan. So he just said it, his heart breaking for the umpteenth time in such a short span of hours.

“I kissed Ethan,” he admitted. Sorrow crushed his bones as he watched Leo’s face light up. Before a single word of congratulations could be uttered, he finished the tragedy. “I kissed him, and he told me he couldn’t do ‘this.’ That he was always Thalia’s. That he didn’t want me. That he’d _never_ want me. And then he just… left.”

Just as he feared a warm, fresh stream of tears ran down his face. He couldn’t see the sand and ocean just outside through them. He couldn’t even see Leo lean across the center console and pull him into possibly the world’s most uncomfortable hug, seeing as a tower of leather and plastic was jammed between his lower ribs and his lungs.

Despite the pain, he stayed there, in the comically proportioned and positioned embrace from a guy that hit him at his chest. Jason was just happy _someone_ was there. He had tried to find Leo when he had first fallen apart but made the mistake of shutting him out. He knew that now. That it was a mistake. Leo would have been out here sooner. He’d be cared about sooner. He’d have been held sooner. Maybe the whole asking for help thing wasn’t horrible. Absolutely mortifying, yes. But there were perks.

“He’s the dumbest man on the planet. You know that, right?” Leo said into Jason’s shoulders after his breaths steadied and the stream of tears slowed.

“Don’t say that,” Jason argued, his words muffled by Leo’s curls. “He’s allowed to turn me down.”

“And I’m allowed to think that he’s stupid for it.”

Jason groaned and pulled back. “Please just don’t start a fight with him while you’re here. This really isn’t his fault.”

Leo’s gaze narrowed. “You really think that?”

He shrugged. “People get rejected all the time. Not his fault I overreacted.”

“People don’t wind up looking like they fought a raccoon in a back alley on the cover of the _Daily Mail_ all the time.”

“Great analogy.”

“I’m serious.”

“Since when?”

“Jason.”

“What!? That part really was all on me! I cut my hand on my keys when I was going to go on a drive. Obviously, the drive didn’t happen, but that’s all it was.”

He turned his attention back to his now cold lunch. Maybe he wasn’t really ready to talk about this.

“Jason.” Leo pressed. He was ignored. “Jason.”

Nothing.

“Jason, look at me and talk about this will you?”

“I don’t want to!”

Leo sat there, unfazed by the outburst. “Why?”

“Because… because…” Words just weren’t coming. There was too much to say and no right way to say them. How could he possibly explain needing to be there for the fucking engagement story in full force despite it tearing him apart? How could he explain the horrible dichotomy of his pain over Ethan’s words and the guilt for feeling any pain at all? There weren’t words for it. There was too much complexity. Yet he did manage to try to convey it with the simplest words he could.

“Because I don’t get to hurt!”

Leo went back to rubbing Jason’s arm. A soft and calming movement keeping him grounded. “Of course you get to hurt.”

“No, I don’t.” He said it firmly. No shake to his voice anymore. “It is my job to keep this act up. I can’t do that if I’m wallowing in bed and eating ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

“Of course you can’t do that,” Leo agreed. “It’s just too cliche.”

“Now you want to joke!?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just as lost on this as you are. You don’t normally get like this.”

“Because I _can’t_.”

“I’m realizing that you think that now.”

“I _know_ it,” Jason corrected.

Leo sat there, pondering this in silence. Jason could practically see the cogs turning in his head as his hands drummed on the steering will, fiddling with the shifts behind it. Windshield wipers swiped on and off, grating on Jason’s nerves, but he knew this was how Leo worked so stayed silent. If he thought about it long enough, he’d have a fix. He always found one, and Jason wanted one. He needed one desperately, even if he knew it was impossible.

“Alright,” he finally said with one final drum. “I know you don’t like talking about all this, but look at it this way. We need to know. If I can’t help you, it will be a waste of my vacation.”

“What? I’m not enough?” Jason joked, hoping humor could get them away from this.

Leo wouldn’t let him get away with it any more than Jason had let him. “Yes, you are enough, but I’m not here to hang out. I’m here to help. Then there’s the girls. Piper needs to know to help cover your asses on her end. You weren’t wrong in assuming some of the articles assume you two broke up in a nasty way post-Emmys.”

“So let them.” He meant it. Might as well let that part of his life fall apart too. He set it up perfectly. “We’ve wanted out for years, and now we can be.”

“But that’s not an out that’s going to put Piper in the best spot as the one who broke America’s Golden Boy,” Leo pointed out. Of course, he was right, which only made Jason feel worse. He’d need to help Piper fix this too. Add another person to the list of those he’d hurt.

“Any other cheery outlooks?”

“Yeah, one more,” Leo said, sounding bleak. “Thalia needs something to tell your dad.”

Shit. “I thought you were trying to make me _not_ feel guilty.”

“I am.”

“So you went about it by reminding me I’m causing problems for everyone else?”

“Well you see, you wanted to hide it to help us,” Leo said, a sly smile spreading ear to ear. “But you can’t really help us anymore unless you let yourself hurt. Unless you talk to us. So I guess now you’re not only allowed to but _need_ to.”

Jason glared at him. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does,” Leo insisted. “It’s just a morbid catch twenty-two.”

“Being perfectly okay would help you more.”

“But you're not and you just told me you’re practically always lying about it, so too bad, so sad, you’ve got to tell us.” Dammit, he really had, hadn’t he?

Leo went back to a softer, less superior tone. “I’m not asking you to do much,” he said calmly. “Just that you start telling us when you’re not right. It’s hard to let your friends care for you when you hide everything from them.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Leo said as he started the car back up and pulled out of the lot. Past his shoulder and through the window, Jason saw why. Another car had pulled in not far from them, tinted windows slightly cracked. Perfect for hiding a camera behind. Time to get home.

As they turned onto the highway, Leo continued on. “Just do me a favor and call your sister. I felt my phone buzz at least twenty times while we’ve sat here and I know they’re all her.”

“Could be Piper.”

“No, because I told Piper you would be forced to Facetime her later. She’ll only call if that doesn’t happen.”

Jason smiled. “Thanks for not promising that to Thalia.”

Leo shot him a quick smirk and glinting glare. “I’m trying to make you feel better, not get you killed.”

“I guess you really are my best friend.”

He scoffed. “Was there ever any doubt?”

“There was the one time you started dating my girlfriend…”

Leo burst into laughter. The infectious snorts got Jason to even give a small smile. “If I remember right, you were flirting with some swimmer at the same party.”

“Details, details,” Jason teased. God, he had almost forgotten about that part of the story.

“Important details, you jackass.”

“Agree to disagree.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Just call your sister. My phone’s gone off three more times.”

“What happened to not getting me killed?”

“Canceled out by self-preservation.”

“Fine, I’ll call her,” Jason relented. Thalia didn’t deserve to handle their dad’s wrath on her own. He could at least provide some information to build a convincing lie to hand off to the PR team. Still… “Take a route back with a tunnel, will you?”

“Way ahead of you,” Leo said, taking an exit off the freeway and into the streets of LA. Plenty of time to find a tunnel or a dead spot.

“Proving your title of best friend yet again.”

Leo grinned again. “Well, I gotta clean up my record somehow after stealing your girl.”

* * *

“Thalia, I’m _sorry,”_ Jason said for possibly the hundredth time in the past two hours. Leo had failed to find a long enough tunnel to cut the call, but he had managed to get them stuck in the worst traffic imaginable. They had only just gotten back to the apartment and Thalia was still ripping into Jason about image responsibility and balancing it with “taking care of his ass so she doesn’t have to fight it.”

“Quit apologizing!” She was so loud Jason had to hold the phone away from his ear so as not to be deafened as he pulled up Skype to call Piper. “I’m not mad at you, I’m worried _.”_

“Could have fooled me.”

There was an exasperated groan on her end and then she finally quitted enough Jason could put the phone back between his cheek and his shoulder. “Now _I’m_ sorry. I really am not mad. I’m just on edge after dealing with Dad all day.”

“Can I at least apologize for that?”

“No,” she said flatly. “You did not need to hear the shit he’s been saying.”

“I’m sure I will soon enough.”

Her silence was enough of an answer.

He fell back against his mound of bed pillows with a heavy sigh. Thalia’s response was immediate.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” he promised, and this time he meant it. “Just exhausted. You try having your best friend unexpectedly kick your door down because the whole world thinks you decided having a breakdown was a fun idea. It’s very draining.”

“You’re sure that’s all?” He could feel her prying. He hadn’t told her the full story. He hadn’t told her about the kiss.

“Yes, Thals. I really am just tired. If there’s anything else Leo’s just in the other room and would tell you I’m lying… again.” Which he kinda was. Leo was out picking some stuff up for a movie night.

He could hear her smile. “At least you’re admitting to it now,” she teased lightly. “I’ll let you go. Just promise to take care of yourself, okay?”

“Can I joke and say no promises?”

“Only if you want me in your apartment too. I’ve got a private jet. I can be there a lot faster than Leo.”

“Threat taken.”

“Good, now get some rest.” There was a click and she was gone, leaving Jason alone with his ever growing thoughts.

He knew he was going to regret hiding things from her, but telling Leo had been exhausting enough and he had _wanted_ Jason to make a move. He still couldn’t imagine what Thalia would do. She was no stranger to secret relationships, but Reyna wasn’t his fiance so it was a false equivalent. Plus, dating her did more damage to Reyna if it got out. Anything about Ethan and him slipping, regardless of if it continued or not (it was a big NOT), would absolutely ravage both his and Thalia’s lives while also effectively burning the business ties in the eyes of the stock market, which would then get them both more than an earful from their father.

He had already seen a single missed call from Jupiter when he turned his phone back on. No texts. No voicemails. Just the one call. Ominous was an understatement. If that weren’t enough to leave his nerves shot, Ethan wasn’t home when he and Leo got back. His room was uncharacteristically open and the apartment was cold with his absence. He must have seen the article and ran. Jason wouldn’t blame him. Who wants to live with someone that obsessed with them?

He couldn’t linger on it long, so he finally bit the bullet and clicked the tiny icon next to Piper’s name and his computer started ringing in wait. It didn’t have to wait long. Piper answered in a blink. She must have had her phone glued to her.

“Jason!” she screamed straight into the mic as her forehead filled up his screen. “You’re alive!”

“Hey Pipes,” he tested carefully. Everyone seemed to be reacting to him differently. Kid gloves, hour long lectures, and flat out disappearing on him. Piper could go any direction.

“Thank god you called, I was ready to fly out there my— pbtbtbtbt.” She was cut off when a makeup brush went into her mouth. At least that was what Jason assumed happened since the phone fell and he caught sight of fourteen different makeup palettes as it went.

“Piper? What are you doing right now?”

“Getting ready for tonight’s show,” she answered. She picked her phone up and propped it up against her vanity mirror. He could now see her face in full, washed out by about eight inches of foundation and the start of a smokey eye on her left.

“Oh my god! Why are you on the phone with me?”

She didn’t even bother giving the camera a glance as she continued with her eyeliner. “Do we really need an explanation for that? Pretty sure it was obvious.”

“Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, resting your voice or something?”

“Maybe, but I wanted to talk to you.” She moved on to her other eye. “What’s going on? Has Leo driven you to clawing at the walls yet?”

“Rude thing to assume about your boyfriend.”

“Hey, do not try and turn this on me,” she chided, waving the makeup pencil threateningly at the camera. “I love him, you hate talking to anyone about yourself, and you’re proving my point by dodging the question. Now has Leo making you talk made you lose it, or are you good to spill the beans to me?”

Jason raised a brow. “Leo didn’t text them all to you the second he left my room?”

Piper’s eyes widened. He couldn’t tell if it was for the makeup or from shock. “No! I want you to tell me! Not that you have to, but seriously, Leo and I both understand this is your business and we’re just here to listen and help if we can.”

Jason smiled. Piper ended up having the perfect reaction. Calm and understanding. She knew he was most likely exhausted and so left it all to him. She knew he’d tell her eventually, and respected him enough to let him do it rather than just fishing it out of Leo. Simple yes, but it meant the world to him.

“Well, how private is your dressing room?” he asked casually. “Don’t need your castmates hearing me whisper sweet nothings.”

“Fuck you, it’s empty.” Piper rolled her eyes but grinned all the same. “Let me grab my headphones just to be safe, though.”

He waited the minutes it took her to find them in her bag and connect them to her phone and then he told her everything. About the kiss. About the mixed signals since. He even admitted the parts about his mom. He hadn’t quite been there with Leo, but he was starting to realize his friends were right. He felt like he could breathe easier the more he told. He hid the part about Ethan’s patch, however. That wasn’t his story regardless of the outcome of that night.

Piper managed to still get into full makeup and costume (minus the zip in the back) while still listening intently. She nodded and mhmmed the whole way through. He probably could have gone on longer, what with the new security annoyance topping everything off, but someone came knocking to zip Piper up and let her know that there were only twenty minutes till call and he knew they had to wrap things up.

“So yeah, that’s how fun my last few days have been,” he said with a breathy laugh.

“Jason, I’m so sorry,” Piper said. “I know how much you like him.”

He tried to shrug it off. “Yeah, well, I liked you too. It’s nothing I can’t come back from.”

“Still…”

“Still nothing. I’ll bounce back. How can’t I, with you guys? I mean, Leo’s headed to Thalia’s place right now to steal her copies of _Star Wars_ just for me.”

“Dammit, I was supposed to be the one listening to him theorize about light speed this week, not you.”

Even though he knew she was teasing, he’d known Piper long enough to recognize a flicker of a frown when he saw one. A pang of guilt shot through his chest.

“Look, Pipes, I know this has to suck for you guys too,” he said. “It’s your anniversary and instead of doing anything fun, you’re babysitting me. Maybe we shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. We could just—”

The phone flew to a close zoom on Piper once more. “Don’t you dare say we call things off now!”

“Why not? It’s the perfect out, and explains my… incident.”

“Because I’m not throwing you under the bus like that. Leo and I already talked about this and you are not taking this bullet for us. End of Discussion.” She sat her phone back down to finish up a few final touches to her costume.

“Fine, but I still feel bad about ruining your week.”

“Don’t.”

“Not that easy.”

“Maybe not but, oh!” He could practically see the lightbulb go off above her head, but that could also just be the comedic timing of her placing a crown headband on top her dark braided hair. “Just come visit me now!”

He blinked. “What?”

“Come to New York! You can stay at my place and chill until the weekend you were supposed to come anyways. Get away from Ethan, clear your head, and experience _actual_ fall weather which you _love._ Leo could even be here for this week and it’ll be just like old times!”

“I can’t just go jet setting across the country at the drop of a hat!”

“Why not?”

“I have work!”

“And you can take a train to your orchards rather than a plane. Less fuel cost. Save your apple trees.”

“I… I…” He couldn’t really think of a way to argue against that. “I can’t just go to New York!”

“I have yet to hear one valid argument against you coming to visit.”

“Piper, I love you, but I just can’t,” Jason insisted. “I’m worried about one PR shitstorm, I don’t need people to figure out a way to turn the trip into a mess too.”

“I disagree greatly, but we can discuss this later. I unfortunately have a show to get to. One you could see if you just flew out already.”

“I’ll see you in two weeks.”

“No more kissing goth boys!” Piper waved into the camera.

“Don’t know any willing to kiss me,” he bemoaned.

“Fools, all of them.”

“Go break a leg, Piper,” he said, reaching to shut his laptop.

“You better mean that metaphorically and not literally.”

“Take your pick,” was all he said and slammed his computer shut.

How was the day not over? He was so exhausted that he was ready to fall asleep on the spot. It was barely five o’clock. Leo still wasn’t back. Maybe he could just take a quick nap while he waited. He closed his eyes and leaned back on his unmade beds. He dozed off into a hazy sleep.

He was awoken abruptly by a knocking at his door he hadn’t actually expected. He couldn’t tell how much time had passed. His curtains still let in a filtered orange glow of late afternoon and he was still far from well rested. He didn’t have time to fully register what was going on when the knocking continued.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he grumbled and rolled out of bed to answer his door. He was just registering that Leo would _never_ knock if the door was unlocked when he opened it to find a fidgety Ethan in his bedroom doorway.

It woke him up faster than anything had before. “Oh, I thought you weren’t home.”

Ethan quit chewing on his piercing long enough to give a nervous chuckle. “I, uh went for a walk… and I, uh… I saw the article.”

“Oh…” Jason’s heart sank. No hiding it anymore then. Ethan gained guilt? Satisfaction? Who knew, based on his mood swings the past few days?

“Can we talk?”

Jason was so tired of talking. “Sure.”

Neither moved. They stood there staring each other down, waiting for someone to break the silence. Jason felt like he had no right to start. No, that wasn’t right. He shouldn’t have to start it. Ethan wanted to talk. He was part of why Jason was on those covers. Let him speak first.

Eventually, he did.

“I’m sorry.” He sounded like he was having a root canal. Deeply uncomfortable.

“What for?” Jason asked out of genuine confusion. He did truly believe it wasn’t right for Ethan to feel guilty for saying no. Maybe being so purposely acerbic when Jason was most vulnerable, but not for telling him no.

Ethan went back to chewing on his lip. Jason wished he would stop. He was going to rip a hole in it. “I wasn’t really that honest the other night, maybe,” he said after a moment.

That… that wasn’t what Jason had expected. At all. What could he have possibly lied about? Why would he lie? Jason ran through the night in his mind. In full for the first time since. He wasn’t buckled in pain because the current confusion left his head swimming too much to feel it.

Was it about his mom leaving? Was there more to that? No, why would he explain that now? Why, when it had nothing to do with Jason? Had he not actually cared about Jason’s mother? No, he had asked so that would have made next to no sense. Why ask if he didn’t care about her? Because he cared about Jason. That brought it all crashing down.

 _I don’t want you_.

Something Jason so desperately wanted to be a lie, but something he needed to be true if he was going to make sense of anything ever once more.

Ethan looked just as reluctant to admit it as Jason was terrified to hear it. Still he went on and sent Jason’s world crashing down for the second time in less than seventy-two hours. “About the kiss.”

The kiss. The wanting. The being Thalia’s. Lies? So he did want Jason? Or was it just that maybe he was aware he was too rude about the whole thing? Did he have a chance? He couldn’t hope. Wouldn’t allow himself to.

“What about the kiss?” He tried to sound casual, but he felt like he was choking.

“I’m pretty sure you know what.”

He absolutely didn’t.

Ethan groaned so deeply Jason felt it in his own chest. “Please don’t make me say it.”

“I’ve been talking all day,” Jason retorted. Maybe he shouldn’t be so bitter, but he couldn’t help it. Ethan wanted to talk… without talking? It was infuriating. “It sucks but like maybe it’s your turn. You pretty much have my full story. I’m at the disadvantage here.”

Ethan pulled back a little. Jason knew why. He never snapped like that. Last time he did, he had flown off to tour orchards and Harvard. Yet Ethan still wouldn’t speak.

“Well,” Jason pushed, arms wide open. “Are you going to tell me or not?”

Ethan opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

A hollow knowing settled into Jason’s chest. “Even if you told me, would anything change?”

The pause this time held a little bit of hope, but it did not last. “No,” Ethan croaked.

And there it was. Ethan had lied to him, but it wouldn’t matter. So who cared? Why muddy the waters further when Jason could already feel his mind wandering down the road of what-ifs?

So, with great difficulty, Jason admitted to himself it was time to stop wallowing. Not like he had the other night. He wasn’t going to hide it. That ship had sailed. No, it was time to admit this confusion, this break in his heart, was something he needed to escape. He had to. Which meant getting away from the source. Even if it was just for a little bit.

“Ethan,” Jason started with a tinge of the ever present heartache, not sure how to find the words. “I don’t blame you for turning me down. I overstepped.”

“You didn’t—” Ethan started, but Jason held up his hand.

“Please, let me get this out while I can.” He paused, testing Ethan’s patience. When another interruption didn’t come, he continued. “I’m not going to lie and say that was some stupid mishap. It wasn’t. I did it impulsively, but I had thought about it for a long time.

“I’ve been trying to lie and say I’m fine, that I’d settle for any old person on a list of strangers tweeting about me. But it’s not true. I fell apart. I wound up in Ralphs after I cut my hand because I didn’t want to bother you when I was in the midst of a breakdown. Leo is here because I just refused to talk to anyone. You repeatedly sending these mixed signals isn’t helping me. It’s making it worse, and everyone’s right. I need to take care of myself.”

Ethan’s features contorted in a pain similar to that when Jason had lied about the so-called ego boosters. Hurt, betrayal, confusion. Another tick on the list of reasons Jason needed to leave. Why would Ethan feel like that unless…

He took a deep breath. “Piper offered me a place to stay in New York for two weeks, and I’m going to take it.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, regular posting is dead. This is 10k tho so I don't see a problem

** CHAPTER TWENTY **

“Please shut up about Jason Grace,” Michael begged from the other end of the line. “I swear you’re making me hate being gay, and I’m like _really_ gay.”

“I literally just called you,” Ethan pointed out. “You didn’t even let me say hello.”

“Well were you calling to freak out about Jason?”

A beat. “I was going to say hello first.”

“OH MY GOD!”

“I’m sorry, I’m nervous!”

Ethan had just landed at LaGuardia and was minutes away from seeing Jason for the first time in two weeks. The first time since he left to clear his head. Since he left to get away from Ethan.

The past few weeks were not easy. Ethan, finding himself alone and dreary in the penthouse, returned home to the vineyard. Kentaro could tell something was wrong. Ethan was quiet, even for him. He had given Ethan space, not pressing into why he was there while Jason had left for their trip weeks early, but he regularly cooked large batches of porridge and had Preeda send over her own bread pudding.

When Ethan wasn’t mourning the loss of what never was in his old bedroom, he was out with Michael. They had fallen into an unusual habit of hanging out on Michael’s days off ever since the night in the park. Now that Ethan didn’t have to drive two hours back and forth, he also found himself spending evenings with Michael in the abandoned Bacchanalia bar (still with its neon simply reading “The BCH.”) He was there when he’d seen the picture that only made him all the more nervous to see Jason again for his NYU tour.

“Ethan, for the last time, it was just some guy,” Michael sighed. “The dude was in love with you. He wouldn’t have moved on in less than a month, for fuck’s sake.”

“But what if he _did?_ ” Ethan pressed, scooting his way down the aisle of the plane, eager to escape prying ears. Maybe he shouldn’t have called Michael the second they were allowed to turn their phones on.

Michael let out one of his classically long groans. “Why do you care? You as good as dumped him.”

“You’re supposed to be supportive,” Ethan jabbed.

“That stopped when you asked me about that picture for the five hundredth time in five days. I’m telling you _It’s. No. One.”_

The picture they kept referring to was, of course, the one from Jason’s SnapChat last Saturday in which he was with another man roughly Ethan’s age. The stranger was in an NYU Swim hoodie with his arm slung around Jason. Their faces were impeccably close and a grin Ethan hadn’t seen on Jason since before their incident was spread ear to ear. The smile on the stranger was just as bright. Only his eyes weren’t crinkled shut, they were locked on Jason. The caption was simple. _What a goof_ with a little blue heart. A little blue heart that had left Ethan reeling more than their closeness already had because Jason _never_ used emojis..

“How can you be sure?” Ethan asked, finally escaping into the open air of the terminal. Even if it was LaGuardia, at least it wasn’t that stupid plane with everyone staring at him. Articles about Jason’s night out were still circulating, and people had noticed Ethan wasn’t in New York with everyone else. The constant theories of his engagement being on rocky waters as Thalia watched her brother had only made Ethan more annoyingly prominent.

“Do you not know what Google is?”

“His name wasn’t on the picture.”

“No, but his sweatshirt means you can search the swim teams from when Jason went to school, and wild, I found the guy in like five minutes. Pretty sure he’s engaged.”

Ethan resisted the urge to knock his own head. “Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘Oh,’” Michael jeered. “Who cares if they’re exes, the dude’s moved on.”

“Wait… They’re exes?”

“Yeah, his Insta is pretty empty,” Michael said as if that wasn’t world-shattering information. “There’s like maybe twenty photos including some _very_ coupley pics of him and Jason from a few years ago.”

“How many?”

“I don’t know? Two maybe?”

“Two years or photos?”

“Why does that matter?”

“I don’t know!” He just knew the burning in his throat and stab of ice in his stomach had only grown worse since hearing those words.

“Did you miss the part where I said the guy was _engaged!?_ ”

He hadn’t. He knew he was being stupid. Yet here he was hating the idea of Jason being with anyone else. Even if that person was clearly engaged and clearly not to him.

“Look, as much as I love hearing all about your soap opera life, unless you start paying me, I have a job to get to.”

“Wait, you didn’t actually help.”

“You want me to help?”

“Yes.”

Michael gave a deep sigh. “Fine, if you want to stop being so stressed about Jason moving on, do everyone involved a favor and just _Kiss Him!”_

“I’m not going to kiss—” Ethan shouted into the receiver, but cut himself short when a little girl came running up to him. She had curly-q pigtails and a bright neon tutu on. She wasn’t the type you’d expect to find wearing a _Hunters_ shirt, especially not one from their first tour when Thalia clearly had creative control.

She stopped a few inches away, beaming up at him and revealing two missing teeth.

“Uh.... hi?”

“What are you saying hi for? We’ve been on call for like fifteen minutes,” Michael’s slightly annoyed voice snipped on the other end.

“Gotta go,” Ethan said distantly.

“You’re the one who called me, you fucking—” He was cut off before he could finish whatever violent string of swears was coming. Ethan hoped the girl didn’t hear anything Michael had been shouting before the small beep of disconnect.

He and this child (whose parents were a couple of yards away and giving her an over enthusiastic thumbs up when she glanced back at them) had a staring contest for a hot minute before Ethan tried again.

“Can I help you?”

“You know Thalia Grace.” She said it as a simple fact. Which it was, but he was used to some reverence when people said his fiance’s name. For someone who had Thalia’s face on her shirt, there was a surprising lack of it.

“You could say that.”

“You’re gonna marry her.” Still just fact. At least to the kid.

“That’s the plan,” Ethan lied, feeling a little bad about it for possibly the first time. Lying to kids didn’t sit right.

The little girl started to dig through her glittery Trolls bag and pulled out a large collection of gel pens in a scrunchy and a rainbow unicorn Lisa Frank notebook. Ethan was just as shocked that Lisa Frank still existed as he was that this girl seemed to be holding them out for him to take.

He stared down at the rainbow of glittery options, unsure what exactly was happening.

“I would like an autograph,” she said, keeping up the oddly formal air for a child dressed like that Dance Mom’s star turned sparkle vomiting cupcake and mid-2000s goth all at once.

It wasn’t the first time someone had asked him to get them an autograph. Hell, Michael still asked him daily. It didn’t make it any less awkward.

“Uh, yeah I can get Thalia to sign something and mail it back.” He reached for the pens and journal. The girl pulled them back.

“No,” she said sternly. “I want yours.”

Ethan blinked. “Mine?”

This was a first. It left him a little dumbfounded. Why anyone would want his signature made no sense to him. Really, autographs in general didn’t. It was a name on paper. But his specifically? He was a nobody only known to the public because of a lie. Even in the spotlight, he was boring. The fact she seemed to care left him feeling… well, he didn’t quite know.

She cocked her head to the side, confused. “Yeah, if Thalia likes you, I like you.”

“I don’t think it’s a great idea to judge everything based on your favorite musician’s opinions.”

“I don’t,” she assured him. “Thalia said her favorite fruit is peaches. I don’t like peaches.”

That startled a laugh out of him. Kid logic, you had to love it. “Well, then I guess you’re alright.”

“So you’ll sign my book?”

“Yeah, why not,” Ethan shrugged, taking the journal and a sparkly green pen. Who was he to tell this little girl no? If it made her happy, then who cared. Besides, the little bubble of warmth in his stomach was pretty nice itself.

He knelt down so he was eye level with her. “What’s your name?”

“Abigail.”

“Well Abigail, did you know you’re my first autograph?”

Her eyes went wide, the first sign of excitement she’d shown. “Really?”

“Really.”

She beamed the same toothless grin. “So does that mean you’re gonna remember me?”

Ethan beamed back. “Definitely.”

He was finishing up an uncharacteristically extravagant signature with a little smiley face and all when she said, “Will you and Thalia name a kid after me then?” Ethan about swallowed his tongue.

“I… uh,” he stammered. At a loss for words. Who the fuck raised this girl?

She giggled and took her book out of a gaping Ethan’s hands. “I’m kidding, a puppy will do.” And with that off she skipped, leaving Ethan with his jaw on the floor and his ears bright red. Fucking kids.

He stood back up and shrugged on his hood. No need for any more awkward encounters like that. His weekend was going to be enough of that on its own. After all, he was seeing Jason again. And Leo, who hated him. And Piper, who probably hated him. God, and if Thalia knew what happened? He wasn’t going to have to wait for the year’s timer on their engagement to run out. She’d kill him.

Well, suppose there was no more delaying it. He was already in New York and his one-on-one all day college tour with star alumni Jason Grace was first thing tomorrow. God, he was in hell, wasn’t he? This was hell. He was walking to baggage claim to grab his clothes he packed for a weekend in hell.

After he picked up his bag, he realized he wasn’t quiet where he was going. Sure there were signs pointing towards pick-ups and Ubers, but originally he was supposed to be here with Jason. They were going to Uber to the hotel, but he didn’t even know what hotel Jason had booked for the two of them. He didn’t even know if it was still going to _be_ the two of them.

He was trying to get his phone to work despite how cold his fingers were in the downright frigid October night air when he heard someone shout his name and sent his heart to his stomach.

“Ethan, over here!” Jason didn’t need to call out where he was. He was towering over half the crowd and waving and grinning like an idiot. He looked happy. Two weeks without Ethan and he was happy. How long until he ruined that?

He tried to match Jason’s smile, but he probably looked closer to constipated than happy. In the two weeks since Jason had left, Ethan had lost it a little bit. He had been forced to acknowledge maybe he had more than a base level of feelings for Jason the night of the kiss, but the days that followed were… Ethan hadn’t handled it well. Which was stupid. He ended things. Things that hadn’t even started. But then Jason said he was fine and Ethan wasn’t. He wasn’t because he wanted Jason to fight back and break his resolve, but he didn’t.

“Hey,” Ethan said with a nervous twinge when he got to the car Jason was leaning against. It was a far cry from his screaming red convertible back home.

Jason must have caught him staring. “I just rented it to pick you up,” he explained. “I’ve been walking everywhere, but walking from the airport isn’t really a thing, and I doubt you want to be taking public transit right now. I know you don’t like people staring.”

“You don’t either,” Ethan pointed out.

“You’re right,” Jason said, tossing Ethan’s luggage in the trunk. “Now c’mon. It’s late and you gotta fix your sleep schedule quickly. That three hour jump will kick your teeth in and we have an early day tomorrow.”

Ethan only gave a stiff nod and climbed into shotgun. Jason was so casual. Michael had said it wasn’t possible for Jason to have moved on so quickly, but he seemed fine. Unfazed by the reunion with the guy he was supposedly in love with. Not that Ethan wanted him to hurt. He didn’t. He just hadn’t fully moved on himself and was a little shocked by the rapid progression of events.

Then again, Jason had been great at hiding how he really felt back in Los Angeles. Partially because Ethan had been too absorbed in his own problems and partially because he had years of practice putting on faces. Right now in the airport pick up line, there were plenty of people he’d want to keep hidden from.

When Jason climbed in the car and his smile fell away, it became clear which was the truth. Another face put on. The hope of normalcy was gone. Ethan tried to feel a little bit of triumph but couldn’t muster anything besides a crushing loss.

The car remained silent as they pulled out of the terminal and onto the highway. Ethan wasn’t sure how to even start a conversation. “ _So was your time away from me everything you dreamed of? Am I purged from your system?_ ” It wasn’t possible to do without sounding bitter, which he wasn’t. He was hurt, lost, and furious at himself for thinking he’d be fine through this whole thing, but he wasn’t bitter. He had wanted this, after all. For Jason to get Ethan was just not worth the pain.

“You fine if I turn on some music?” Jason asked after about fifteen minutes at a standstill. Ethan gave a grunt of approval. It was better than silence. Jason flipped on the radio and his typical playlist began its loop of classic rock.

Ethan drifted away, admiring how New York City traffic managed to rival LA’s. How different the skyscrapers were than hilly California. He tried to focus on the city that could be home in a year’s time. The irony of it all being that he was going to be given a tour by a man who would be gone by the time he even lived here.

He was still ruminating on the dark humor of it all when it started playing. The same song that had played so loudly when Jason had driven him to Cartier. When he’d first realized maybe the living, breathing embodiment of entitlement wasn’t that at all. He remembered Jason grinning brighter than the summer sun that day and drumming on the steering wheel, thrilled to hear it even the first few notes, and Ethan felt a little bit of that feeling bubble up in himself. The corner of his lip just was just starting to tug up when Jason reached for the console.

“What are you doing?” Ethan asked in a rush.

Jason looked at him for a brief second in confusion. “Skipping the song?”

“Why?”

“I thought you hated it.”

“I do, well I _did,”_ he corrected. “But you like it. Leave it on.”

Jason’s furrowed brow knitted just a little more. “You’re sure?”

Ethan nodded. “Better memories now.”

Jason shook his head but left the song playing. After a minute or so he broke the silence again. “You realize that’s what I meant by mixed signals, right?”

“Huh?” It was Ethan’s turn for a bit of confusion.

“What I said when I, y’know… left.” He was kind enough to not outright say _to get away from you_. “Calling me better memories, well, it’s a little confusing when you said you wanted no part of me—”

“That isn’t what I said.”

“Close enough.” He was terse in a way Ethan wasn’t familiar with.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “It’s not what I meant.”

“Didn’t make it hurt less.”

Silence returned. So that’s how long it took to degrade their relationship. Two weeks. That was it. And they were going to be stiff, unfriendly, and distant unless there were cameras around. Good. Ethan wanted Jason to see no future in this. Now there wasn’t. They were on the same page. It would be good if it didn’t hurt like hell every time he looked at the guy.

“Will you quit chewing a hole in your mouth?” Jason snipped from the driver's seat, shooting a nervous glance in Ethan’s direction. Ethan hadn’t even noticed the pull of his piercing on his lower lip. “Seriously, please get a new nervous habit before you injure yourself.”

Ethan spit his lip out. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just quit doing it, maybe.”

“Okay.”

Jason gave him another quick look. “Are you okay?”

_No._ “Yes.”

“Dude, master of lying about his feelings, remember? What’s eating at you?”

The same thing that was when Jason told him he was flying off to New York because he couldn’t bear to look at Ethan. “Your sister and friends are going to try and kill me,” he lied.

Jason gave a gentle laugh but didn’t deny it. “They are a little protective, aren’t they?”

“A little?” Ethan repeated incredulously. “Leo left me a pile of burnt pancakes the morning you two left. He could have left me nothing, but took the time to burn up a bunch of perfectly good pancakes and put a chocolate chip smiley ‘Fuck You’ on them as well.”

Now that got Jason roaring. “Ok, so maybe Leo’s a little over the top, but Piper’s a little more passive in her aggression.”

“Meaning?”

“You can trust any food she makes you, but maybe don’t get too into a conversation with her.”

“Right,” Ethan nodded. He noticed Jason had left out one key member of this weekend’s endeavors. “What about Thalia?”

Jason’s face turned a light shade of pink. “Oh, she’ll be fine.”

“Really? She isn’t really the forgiving type.” Ethan couldn’t help but remember her elbow crushing his throat when he had seen her and Reyna.

“She isn’t but…” Jason trailed off. Ethan could see his face scrunching, wandering if it was worth admitting. “I haven’t actually told her. About any of it.”

“Oh.”

‘It would ruin the deal if she killed you, and then our fantastic father would kill me for not keeping you both in line, and so it’s self-preservation really,” he tried defending, but his deepening blush told a different story. He was still defending Ethan.

“What does she think happened then?” Ethan asked gently, hoping to open the doors between them just a crack. Then quickly, “I don’t wanna mix up stories and get you in more trouble is all. You can lie, but you’re shit at keeping stories straight.”

Jason gave him a playful shove. “You try hiding what I was from your _roommate_. It’s not easy.”

Ethan caught himself before admitting he was doing that right now. “You still haven’t given me the cover story.”

“She just thinks I overworked myself,” he admits. “Which, as you know, is extremely believable.”

“Well then that better mean you haven’t been doing that recently.”

“No more than usual.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“I’m busy, there’s a difference,” Jason said, pulling up to a valet drop off for the… Jesus Christ.

“You booked a two night stay at the fucking Ritz Carlton?”

Jason shrugged. “Has two bedroom suites and is pretty central for all the tourist stuff and the school stuff. Figured it’d be practical.” Then a snort and a smirk. “Plus I knew it would drive you up a wall.”

“I hate you.” Wrong words. Jason’s smile fell.

“Right, well I gotta return the car, so why don’t you get us checked in and I’ll just see you in a bit.”

“Jason,” Ethan tried.

“It’s fine, I’ll see you soon.” And that was it. They sat there, silence eating away at them until Ethan finally climbed out and took his luggage from the trunk. Jason drove off into late New York traffic in a hurry, leaving Ethan with the undeniable fact that no matter how much they joked around, there was something still very broken between them.

Ethan checked-in in a haze. He was at least happy to hear Jason hadn’t booked whatever the hell a “Royal Suite” was just to get under his skin. He had, however, booked them the Presidential Suite. Past that he just wanted to get upstairs and get to bed. Yes, it was barely past eight back home, but that car ride had drained him. Even if he didn’t sleep he couldn’t be available when Jason got back. He had too many thoughts running wild. If he wasn’t careful, they’d slip out and Jason would be getting much worse than mixed signals.

He didn’t even take the time to sneer at the gaudy and ungodly furniture. He couldn’t even admire the view of Central Park below, no matter how breathtaking it was under the star and city lights. He just made his way to one of the two bedrooms and fell flat on the bed. He was still there, staring up at the ceiling, when he heard Jason come back and the door click shut. He heard him call his name but didn’t answer. He’d have all the time to put his foot in his mouth tomorrow. For tonight he needed his own space from Jason, before his resolve finally broke and he admitted to more than wanting to be close to Jason, and that these two weeks had only eaten away at his denial. He was in love with Jason Grace and he had to find a way to hide it because the ship had sailed under his own demands.

* * *

So the NYU tour was possibly one of the most painful things Ethan had ever sat or walked through. He and Jason didn’t really talk at breakfast before and they were more rigid on the tour. If there weren’t enough stories about their failing friendship already, there would be plenty soon. After all, it was hard to look like best friends when they couldn’t stand being less than a few feet apart and went ramrod straight the second they brushed hands if they breached the other’s bubble.

Still, even with the deafening quiet and prying eyes. Ethan found himself falling in love. Not with Jason. He was already there. But with the school. Ethan wasn’t a city guy. Living on a farm most of his life made it hard to imagine living anywhere he’d have to be near people constantly. He still wasn’t used to the constant buzzing of LA streets in his and Jason’s apartment, but New York might be worth it. He had read and compared the courses and opportunities here and at Brown on loop. He’d read message boards of students discussing everything from facilities available to class difficulty levels, but that was nothing compared to being there.

He couldn’t even really explain _why_ it felt right. Just that it did. He knew no one there. It was much farther than Charlie and Silena in Massachusetts. Brown was much more his style. A town rather than a city. Quiet and easy to escape, but it wasn’t this. Maybe he had been primed to love it, hearing how Jason could wax poetically about it for hours. No, that was what got him to agree to the tour, but that wasn't what did this. If anything, he should want to be far away from a place with memories of Jason lingering in its halls. Yet he knew in a years time he’d be filling them with his own, with or without Jason in his life.

Ethan hoped he was though. He shouldn’t. It went against his entire plan, but he found himself wistfully wondering what it would be like to wander the campus hand in hand with Jason. Not caring who saw. Not worrying about the infinitesimal success rate of infatuation becoming anything more. He didn’t often allow himself to pretend it was possible, but something about being here made it impossible not to believe in a sliver of hope. He wasn’t used to that.

They were headed back to the hotel when he decided that simply wasn’t gonna work. This was his first ever trip to New York City. He was going to be living here in a year’s time, no two ways about it. He wanted to see it all.

“What time is Piper’s show tonight?” he asked.

“Eight o’clock,” Jason said flatly and left it at that. He was a few strides ahead of Ethan. Enough so that he had to pick up to a light jog to keep them even, the cool fall air freezing in his lungs.

“Well, that’s hours from now,” he gasped through the chilling stabs. This part of the city was going to take some getting used to. Might as well start today. “Why not sightsee a bit?”

Jason gave him a quizzical look. “You, Never-Leaves-the-House Nakamura, want to sightsee?”

“Yeah,” Ethan said, trying not to sound too obvious in his own shock.

Jason stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, which was not what you were supposed to do in this city. Ethan knew that much from the swearing around them when he followed suit.

“Ok, did the cold freeze your brain or something?” Jason asked, grabbing Ethan by the face and examining him like he was an unripe melon. “Because it’s only fifty-seven degrees and if you’re that cold averse, maybe this school isn’t for you.”

“I’m fine,” Ethan grunted as he wrestled a laughing Jason off him and tried (unsuccessfully) to flatten his hair. “But I’m going to live here. I want to not be living like a tourist. What’s cool that I wouldn’t know about?”

“Everything,” Jason said, his small smile falling away. “You don’t leave the house.”

“But if I did.”

Jason pondered this for a moment. Ethan could see the cogs turning even if he wouldn’t meet Ethan’s eye. “Look, I really don’t know how to say this politely,” he started carefully. “But I still don’t really know... how to be around… you.” His voice dropped as the sentence went on. He kept looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening in. People kept walking past completely unfazed by the odd couple blocking their path.

“You were doing fine five seconds ago,” Ethan pointed out. “You were laughing.”

“Because I didn’t think you were serious!”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Hm, I don’t know, _I don’t want you,_ ” Jason sneered, looking and sounding more like Jupiter than Ethan thought possible. Suddenly it was more than the cold stabbing at his chest. He had done this.

“I told you last night I didn’t mean it the way you took it.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“That’s not what I’m saying—”

“Then what are you saying, Ethan!?”

“I don’t know!”

Jason loomed over Ethan, huffing and trying to get a hold of himself. Ethan stared back, breathing just as heavy, trying to find the right words for this mishmash of hurt and longing he found himself in. Still, they were lost. There was no right way to explain that love was destined, yes, but only destined to end leaving half in agony. It wasn’t worth it. He’d gone through it once and learned the hard way.

A man slammed against Ethan’s shoulder, jostling them from their trance. “Oi, get a move on, will ya!” he snapped as he rushed past them and threw a rude gesture over his shoulder. He was gone so neither could shout back, but Jason did start his way back up the sidewalk.

“Where are you going?” Ethan asked, jogging once more.

“Back to the hotel,” Jason answered, hands deep in his pockets. Ethan was sure that they were clenched in fists.

“Jason, c’mon,” Ethan insisted. “We’re supposed to be best friends. You running away from me is going to give off the wrong idea to the press.”

Jason whirled around on his heels without warning. Ethan slammed against his chest. He would have fallen to the ground if not for Jason catching him. It was the closest they’d been since… well, _when_ was obvious, based on the flush on their faces. The shiver that ran down Ethan’s spine was not from the fall chill.

Jason quickly let him go and took a step back. His hand raked across his face as if it would wipe away the blush. “Since when have you ever given a shit what the press thinks?”

“Since when have you fought back?” Ethan retorted, furious with how rough his voice was. Jason gave him a scathing glare, clamming him back up. “Sorry, but look, I just don’t want you getting more bad press because of me.”

“I’ve had bad press before you. I can handle it.”

“Please,” Ethan practically begged. “Just one afternoon.”

Jason didn’t say anything. For a moment Ethan thought he was going to say no, and any hope of fixing things between them was gone. Then he took out his phone and began dialing someone.

“What are you doing?”

“Canceling a lunch.”

“I didn’t know you had anything going on.”

“Well, I didn’t really expect you wanting to hang out,” Jason explained with a forced laugh. Then he held his phone up to his ear and signaled for Ethan to be quiet. A small voice came from the other end immediately Jason smiled in a way Ethan had begun to fear never seeing again. “Hey, Percy.”

Ethan’s heart fell through the cement below his feet. Percy. That was the name he found while googling the guy from the photo at Michael’s advice. He wished he hadn’t. He was near perfect and there were just as many photos of him and Jason curled up together as there were of him and the pretty blonde girl with the engagement ring on his feed. It was shocking they were up on a public account considering timeline wise Jason and Piper’s lie would have been in full swing. Yet there they were, Jason untagged but unmistakable as he pressed a kiss into the dark-haired boy’s brow. Of course, that was who Jason was supposed to be meeting.

“Yeah, I know it’s my last day in town, but Ethan’s here and hasn’t seen the city,” Jason’s voice cut through. “I’m going to give him a tour so I gotta cancel. I know, I’m sorry. Yeah, we’ll talk later. Bye.” He clicked the phone off and looked back at Ethan. “Alright what do you want to see?”

An hour later they were wandering through High Line Park. Apparently, Jason found himself there fairly regularly when he was in school. Quiet and without gawkers even with the crowds. Jason stayed relatively quiet as they walked. Occasionally dropping facts about the park. How it used to be elevated train tracks before they made it into these gardens. How he figured Ethan would like the symbolism of nature reclaiming and all that, but there was no banter. There were no brushing of hands and stolen glances on his part. Ethan could feel him pulling away the more they walked. It was gutting.

There was a small consolation, Ethan supposed. Jason had canceled lunch with this Percy guy for him, even if it was just press cover up. Still, Ethan needed to calm down. Jason was still just as torn up as Ethan was. _More_ than Ethan was, and it was Ethan’s fault. It was his job to try and fix it. So he tried to make a joke as they walked through a patch of wilting summer flowers.

“So Percy?” Not a joke at all, just a poke for more information. Humor still wasn’t his strong suit, clearly.

“What about him?” Jason asked, a little too defensive.

“I saw the Snapchat,” Ethan admitted, not sure why he was so nervous. Jason wasn’t going to think he was jealous. He thought Ethan hated him. “You two close?”

“Does it matter?”

Ethan shrugs. “I don’t know, does it?”

Jason let out a belabored sigh. “You’re doing it again.”

“What?”

“The signals. One second you’re telling me I’m a lode of PR, and the next you’re not so secretly digging into my past love life. Why do you care?”

Ethan would be lying if he said he wasn’t taken off guard. “Since when are you so forward?”

“Since hiding things got me on the cover of every tabloid for a week,” he said, voice full of bitter resentment as he still refused to meet Ethan’s gaze. “Just because I can handle the press doesn’t make it fun.”

Ethan’s steps faltered and he found himself standing still. Jason was a good ways ahead before he looked back and saw Ethan examining his laces with great interest. Ethan heard him jog back, but he still didn’t look up. He felt sick. How could he have expected things to go back to normal so easily?

“Hey, Ethan, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” At least that hadn’t changed. Jason still cared about everyone, love or hate them. It loosened the tension in his stomach ever so slightly, even if he was no longer part of the first category.

“I’m fine,” he breathed, trying not to focus too much on Jason’s steadying grip on his shoulders just like it was before Ethan purposely broke his heart. “I just…” _Miss you more than anything. Want to be close to you like that night. Need you to look at me and smile again,_ he found himself thinking but never saying. How could he?

Jason made the same pained noise he had when he told Ethan he was leaving. “Would it change anything if I knew?” he asked again.

This time Ethan didn’t lie. He looked into Jason’s piercing blue eyes and found them mirroring the desperation in his own deep brown.

“It might.” There was an unspoken _I want it to_ that he hoped Jason understood.

Jason’s face flashed through a dozen different emotions so fast Ethan couldn’t name a single one aside from the brief flicker of agony at the end.

Jason swallowed hard. “I’ll admit that’s not what I expected.” His voice was level, his words calculated, but there was a fear in his eyes as he pulled away from Ethan once more.

“I’m sorry,” Ethan rushed. “I know you asked me to stop mixing signals, but—”

Jason put his hand over Ethan’s mouth. “Shhh,” he hissed. “Just because I said the park lacked people openly staring at you doesn’t mean they can’t _hear_ you.”

Ethan knocked his hand off. “You were talking about it too,” he hissed right back.

“I didn’t realize we were going to actually _talk_. You know, since the last time we tried you clammed up and said it wasn’t going to matter anyways.”

“Well, I changed my mind!”

“God! You’re so infuriating!” Ethan would have been hurt if Jason wasn’t staring at him, the same wistful look about him before he had shaken the earth beneath Ethan’s feet and kissed him for the first time. Only now there was a tinge of aching behind the storm.

“You just have no idea how _hard_ it is to be around you right now,” Jason whispered, strained. “And you just keep making it so much harder.”

If they were anyone else, Ethan would explain himself here and now, despite the camera lenses bound to turn on them, but they weren’t. They were still two idiots trapped in false relationships and the ever present lens of the press.

Jason quickly glanced at his watch, breaking eye contact with Ethan and reverting back to business and building the walls back up. Probably for the better, lest they did anything stupid.

“We need to get back to the hotel and get ready for the show,” he said as if they weren’t in the middle of some major revelations. “We can deal with whatever the hell this is after.”

“Okay,” Ethan readily agreed. He needed to catch his breath anyways. So much honesty had left him reeling. He followed Jason on his heels to the nearest set of stairs back to street level.

“You owe me a major explanation, you know that right?” Jason was back to a much more formal tone, but Ethan knew it was just a guard. He still looked like a deer in headlights. He was worried Ethan was just going to pull away again. Frankly, Ethan was too. He had a history of it.

“I’ll try and get you one,” he said, trying to sound light.

“No.” Jason stopped dead on the stairs to glare up at Ethan behind him. “No trying. I’m not going forward till I have one. I can’t risk that night again.” The last sentence was shaky, the effort it took him to admit it more than apparent.

Ethan’s mouth went dry, but he nodded. Jason seemed to accept this. That, or he couldn’t keep talking about it and continued down to the street where he quickly hailed a cab. In the back of the car, they sat shoulder to shoulder, trying hard not to jump through the roof of the car whenever their pinkies grazed against the other. They were going to be this close all night. The taxi. The car ride to the theater. In the theater. Yep, this weekend was still definitely hell.

They did manage to keep their distance while getting ready. Ethan wore his favorite suit; a peacock patterned number with deep aqua slacks with a patch to match. He hoped it wouldn’t be tarnished with memories after tonight.

Jason, on the other hand, wore a plain grey English cut and a dull blue tie that unintentionally matched the shade of Ethan’s lapels. Great. Just Great. They matched and Ethan couldn’t even bring himself to mock Jason for being so bland. That would mean staring and staring meant thinking, and right now he had enough anxiety without fucking thinking.

“You look good,” Jason said, his voice tight, as he fixed his cuff links in the elevator.

“So do you,” Ethan returned, catching Jason’s eyes in the mirror walls in front of them. Their reflections quickly looked away.

There was a car waiting for them outside, driving the Brooks Atkinson Theater. Traffic pushed them late enough they missed their chance to say hi to Piper. Frankly, Ethan was relieved. He still didn’t know how she’d react to him.

Leo was already in their reserved set of seats towards the front, just far back enough they weren’t going to snap their necks to see Piper call King Henry a prick while dancing in platforms. He greeted Ethan as warmly as he expected. Which was to say, not at all. Though he did seem to pick up the tension between his friend and now sworn enemy. He kept eyeing Ethan every time Jason only answered him with a halfhearted “Uh huh” or a grunt. It wasn’t Ethan’s fault Jason can’t hold a conversation when distracted. Though, it was kind of his fault Jason was distracted. Okay, it was definitely his fault.

Mercifully Thalia wasn’t feeling well and sent a text saying she’d seen the show a dozen times and could survive missing one more. Not long after that, the lights fell and the curtains rose. An hour of Tudor-themed rock and pop kept Ethan distracted well enough. Well, except for the brief moment he and Jason both tried for the same armrests and their hands awkwardly entangled. He missed an entire song trying not to scream after that.

When the musical ended, more blissful distractions came. They had gone backstage to meet with Piper. As the only one who hadn’t seen the show earlier, Ethan made sure to heap praise on her. She didn’t seem to give two shits about his opinion. She was plenty confident. Besides, how could she trust the opinion of someone who didn’t think Jason was good enough? Expected, but it still stung.

After a quick Stage Door on her part, they ducked off for a slice. Ethan spent the brief meal feeling like an invader. With both Leo and Piper there, Jason was coaxed out little by little. The Jason Ethan fell for. The Jason he no longer had permission to see. He stayed quiet. Watching and drinking in the scene while he could, knowing soon everything would be different. For better or worse. And he knew his own luck.

The bar they had grabbed the pizza at was close to closing when they finally left. Leo was swearing up and down he’d be back to try out some standup at their open mic night, which Piper found funnier than any of his actual jokes. Ethan was watching Jason slowly shutting back up, just as aware as Ethan what was coming.

There were quick goodbyes and Piper and Leo wandered off in the opposite direction to her apartment, cackling maniacally. Jason and Ethan were left alone to get back to the Ritz. It wasn’t that far, but damn it was when you were this tired. Still…

“You mind if we don’t get another cab?,” Jason asked with a shaky laugh.

“You read my mind,” Ethan just as awkwardly chuckled.

They walked the first few blocks at a distance. They stayed in silence, Ethan kicking loose cement pebbles as they went. No one passing seemed sober enough to recognize them. It was a relief.

Finally, Jason broke the peace. “So? You ever going to give me that explanation?”

“Here?” Ethan asked with a shiver. Silk was not that warm of a fabric, it turned out.

“You see anyone around who’d care about our...” Jason’s words trailed off, trying to define their own personal mess. He mulled it over while stripping off the wool overcoat he had been smart enough to wear. “Let’s go with entanglements,” he settled on and held the coat out for Ethan.

He stared at it, a little taken aback. “Why are you giving me that?”

“You can’t explain yourself if you get hypothermia.” Ethan couldn’t tell if he was teasing him or not. Jason gave the coat a light shake. “Just take it. Please.”

Ethan hesitated for just a second longer but relented. It was too large and too long on him, more a duster than a coat. Still, Jason’s lingering heat warmed him like nothing else. He pulled the now duster close, knowing this was probably the closest he’d get to Jason.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice muffled in the wool collar.

Jason shrugged his words off, and Ethan could see him downplaying a chill running down him as they continued down the street. “It’s just a coat.”

“A coat for a guy you hate.” Ethan hadn’t meant for Jason to hear him, but then he froze in place and they were standing still once more.

“Hold up.” Jason looked stunned, eyes widened, bewildered and shocked. “Ethan, I don’t hate you.”

This was new to him. “You don’t?”

“Jesus, no! I thought it was obvious.”

Oh god, oh no. There was a chance. Ethan could feel his face drain of color and his mind go blank. “Wasn’t obvious,” he heard himself distantly. Why did this change things? He wanted things to work. He spent all day desperately needing things to change between them, but now that he was given any hint of possibility he felt his heart climbing out his throat and panic thrumming through his veins.

Jason’s hand returning to Ethan’s shoulder brought him back down. He looked up to find Jason staring down at him with the same worried expression he had earlier that day. The same he had worn before Ethan ruined everything. “Maybe you should sit down.”

Ethan was about to ask where the hell he was supposed to do that exactly since they were in the middle of a random block in New York when Jason began dragging him down the sidewalk. “Where are we going?” he asked, as Jason jerked him around a corner.

“Somewhere I probably shouldn’t want to talk about this,” was all he said. Ethan continued being led by his wrist down a small alley. So Jason didn’t hate him. He was just taking him somewhere to get murdered. How quaint.

But then the alley opened up and Ethan’s jaw dropped and all the air left his lungs. In the back of the alley was a small courtyard. Trellises of fairy lights and ivy covered the air above and, despite the cold, a waterfall ran in the back, filling the silence with its rumblings. There were plenty of chairs and tables for sitting, but it felt wrong to take any. Like he was disturbing some great peace.

“Thought you might like a more private place to talk,” Jason said casually, as if he hadn’t just brought Ethan into a pocket dimension romcom set. “And it has a place to sit since you looked ready to fall over.”

Ethan walked past him, his fingers brushing the wrought iron railings to see if they were real. “What is this place?”

“Just another park,” Jason said. “It’s normally packed so I didn’t bring you earlier, but now...” He held his arms up and gestured at the grand emptiness.

Ethan quit fiddling with a browning ivy leaf and turned to Jason. “Why wouldn’t you want to talk here? It’s gorgeous.”

Jason gave a small laugh. It wasn’t bitter this time. He was smiling at some memory Ethan didn’t know. “Piper technically dumped me here, so it’s not really my lucky spot.”

A laugh bubbled out of Ethan, mirroring Jason’s “She did not!”

“Oh she did,” he assured Ethan. “Right over there.” He gestured over to the waterfall. “Just tore my heart out. Or, you know, would have if I hadn’t been planning to do the same thing. Just somewhere less pretty. Like my dorm.”

“The dorm? That’s such a low blow.”

“I thought it was considerate. A private place so she could tell me to fuck myself if she wanted.”

“She would have done that anywhere.”

“You’re not wrong.”

As they talked, Jason closed the distance between them with a slight strut. Ethan would have to give him hell for that later. For now, he just enjoyed the return of normalcy. If even for a moment. Jason stopped inches from him. Close enough that Ethan’s breath clouded the lenses of Jason’s glasses as he looked up at him.

“Hi,” Jason smiled.

“Hey,” Ethan breathed. They stood there in silence, filling the night air with the fog of their mingling breaths. “I guess you want that explanation then,” Ethan finally broke in.

“It would be nice.” Jason tried to sound light, but Ethan could hear the dread. Only because he felt it too.

Ethan’s hands were going clammy. He shoved them into the pockets of Jason’s coat to hide the shake. “I… Well… You see...” he started over and over. “ Can we sit down?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, just pushed past Jason to the stone edging near the waterfall. He was already sitting when he realized this probably looked a little too similar to Piper dumping him. Too late now. He’d pass out if he stood up.

Regardless, Jason followed him and sat down next to him. As always he avoided Ethan’s blindspot. He wished he hadn’t. Not seeing him could make this easier. Maybe.

Jason was turned so his knee was brushing Ethan and making it even harder to gather a single coherent thought. Ethan’s own knees were bouncing. His face turned down to watch the rapid bobbing. A few vague curls fell in his eye.

Jason reached out and brushed them away, tucking them behind Ethan’s ear and his fingers lingering. “Take your time,” he said softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Aren’t you worried I’ll break your heart again?” Ethan croaked, trying to blink back tears.

“Terrified,” Jason admitted. “But I think understanding will help me a bit. At least then I could begin to parse out what kissing me back meant.”

“I’m sorry I did that.”

“Don’t apologize. I liked it, and it’s not like you didn’t know it would hurt like that. You couldn’t have.” Ethan’s mouth went dry as Jason continued to stroke his hair. “I know you didn’t mean to cut that deep.”

Silence. Jason pulled away, his apprehension seeping into the air between them. “You didn’t… did you?”

Ethan couldn’t answer that. “You remember when we first met, not the closing dinner when I was puking my guts out, but the next day? When I made you skip that song?”

“Of course I do,” Jason said, perplexed. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“It will,” Ethan promised. “Just… I’m not good at telling the truth, but I’m trying. You deserve that.” He waited for Jason to say something. Argue more and push for more. He didn’t. Ethan took a deep breath and continued on.

“I told you I hated it because it’s my parents’ wedding song. That’s true, but not completely. I hated hearing it because it made me think of my mom leaving. Everyone assumes it’s because I miss her. I don’t. I have no idea where she is, I don’t even get birthday cards anymore, and I don’t care. But my dad does.

“After she left, he fell apart. He didn’t want me to see, so when I was at school or supposed to be in bed he would just turn that song on and cry. Have you ever seen a parent cry like that? It’s pretty damn formative, let me tell you.”

Jason shook his head. “What does that have to do with us?”

Ethan let out a frustrated groan. He resisted the urge to pull on his piercing, knowing Jason would lecture him for it. “Don’t you get it? It has everything to do with us.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t. Your mom is horrid, and I’m sorry you had to see your dad like that, but what does something a decade ago have to do with us _right now_?

“Everything!”

“That doesn’t make any sense, Ethan!” Jason’s voice was climbing. Ethan was hurting him again. He could see it, but there weren’t words for why he was like this. Just stories, explanations, but not words. Why couldn’t Jason get that?

“That isn’t even an explanation! To me, it just sounds like your parents broke up so you, what, purposely broke my heart!? What am I supposed to do with that!? What the fuck does that mean!?”

“It means I’m in love with you!” Ethan shouted over him without thinking. At least it seemed to shut Jason up. “It means I liked being friends, and I hate to think about how much I fucked it up because I love you and I’m terrified of what _that_ means!”

The dam broke in Ethan and words and tears came spilling out of him. “Love doesn’t fucking work! It falls apart and leaves people like my dad behind and I couldn’t do that! I couldn’t do it to Alabaster! I can’t do it to you!”

He fell apart. He couldn’t tell if the rushing in his ears was his blood or the waterfall behind him. He couldn’t distinguish his tears from its spray. “I broke you early to save you in the long run, and I hate it. I hate it because you should hate me and you _don’t._ Which makes it so much harder to hate you back.”

Jason, usually so quick to comfort, held back. He sat there, shock and confusion on his face. He looked like some Greek statue of tragedy, his mouth agape, brow furrowed, and some indistinguishable emotion painted on every feature.

“I just can’t do it,” Ethan sobbed and buried his face in his hands. “I can’t.” He expected Jason to leave. He expected him to call Ethan an asshole. He didn’t expect to be pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

“You’re not your mom,” Jason whispered into Ethan’s ear and pressed a kiss to his head. “You wouldn’t do that.”

“I already did,” Ethan reminds him. “That’s why we’re here.”

Jason fell silent, but he didn’t pull away this time.

Ethan didn’t know how to continue on. Part of him wanted to drift away right here. Pretend that Jason was holding him for some reason other than this. That they were just two boys who loved each other and could hold each other. Part of him wanted to knock Jason away and run. To go back to the safety of distances. He did neither.

He sat there, wrapped in Jason’s arm’s and coat, taking shaky breaths until they were steady, waiting for Jason to say anything. No one came into the small park, but they heard voices passing and car horns blaring, reminding them this moment couldn’t last. Finally, Jason shattered it.

“I’m not saying what you did didn’t hurt,” he started, and Ethan felt his stomach fall. “It worked. It broke something in me, and I was a mess. I still am if I’m being honest, but I know you’re not going to hurt me like that again.”

Ethan pulled himself out of Jason’s embrace and wiped tears from his eyes. “You can’t know that, and I can’t risk it.” He reminded himself of the little girl at the airport. Speaking the unproven like fact. He had laughed at her, but here he was no different in the end. He squeezed his eyes tight and stood up to leave, swaying ever so slightly. “I’m sorry, but you should just get on with hating me. It’ll be easier.”

He tried to step away, but Jason’s grip pulled him back. He was standing now too, ivy tickling the top of his head like a crown. Ethan savored the image, knowing he could lock it away for when tonight ruined everything. But then…

“I’m not going to hate you,” he whispered. “I’m never going to hate you.”

“Why not?”

“You said it yourself. Things might change if you told me. Why tell me if you didn’t want them too?”

“You needed to know it wasn’t your fault.”

“But I don’t get a say in the end?”

Ethan’s face contorted, confused by the question. “No one chooses pain.”

Slowly, carefully, Jason’s hand came up and cradled Ethan’s face, his thumb running under Ethan’s patch, cold against his blush. “I would.”

“Why?”

“Because love isn’t pain. It may end for worse rather than for better, but it’s about accepting the risks that come with it.” His eyes were burning with a determination Ethan had never seen before. From anyone. At least not directed towards him. He felt something begin to thaw in the pit of his stomach before Jason finished his sentence. By the time he did, Ethan knew he was a goner.

“And you, Ethan Nakamura, are worth the risk.”

This time it was Ethan who took hold and pulled Jason into a kiss. The idiotic hopeless romantic melted under Ethan’s touch, his eyes falling shut before their lips even met. Ethan’s own eye fluttered closed as Jason held his face in both hands, pulling him up into the embrace. His own wrapped tight around Jason’s collar, pulling him deeper. If love was about risks, then he saw no problem declaring it in public when engaged to someone else.

They kissed under the artificial stars, the only sound the roaring of the waterfall, for an eternity. Headlines were probably swirling, wondering where they had disappeared to, unaware they were lost to each other. Ethan didn’t care. Let them wonder. They’d never know it was Jason Grace who had stolen him away from safety.

To Ethan’s surprise and disappointment, it was Jason who broke them apart, leaving their foreheads touching. Not that Ethan was worried. Not when Jason wore that secret smile of his, the one only those who truly knew him ever saw. It was big, glowing and goofy, and stretched ear to ear. “Does that mean I’m worth the risk too?”

“I thought I made that pretty clear,” Ethan teased and pulled him back down. Jason went along with another quick peck or two but pulled back again, much to Ethan’s annoyance.

The grin was still there, but so was a familiar evil glint he recognized from hours with both Grace siblings. “I can’t believe you were jealous of Percy.”

Of course, Ethan had to fall for this asshole. Not that he was complaining.


End file.
